The ads for Struggling on NintendoLife are genuinely making me a little queasy - I have a high gross out tolerance and I'd have no problem with it on the side of an article, but maybe that's not the best game to give a giant banner ad...
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Wario Wario Wario
Smash Legend From Cheese Wheels of Doom
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I never got the significance to Waluigi being made to be a tennis partner. Most Mario characters were created for really insignificant reasons - Luigi was a palette swap they just so happened to give a name as opposed to "Mario (II)"; Yoshi was pretty much just a power-up, and Diddy was even less significant: a life bar.
If Nintendo need a tennis partner for Pauline, Stanley would be the best candidate. Cranky could work too, but that'd raise a lot of questions that benefit nobody to answer - except Kotaku since they'd get a lot of clicks.
Pimp my ride.
I'm sure there was a Donkey Kong game where Funky had an invisible surf board, but I can't find it no matter how hard I try.
Legalise the Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated custom stage for competitive play
I wouldn't be opposed to Fall Guy in Smash.
Doomguy probably has the award for "most names for a single video game character in a single region" - like, there's Doomguy, Doom Marine, Doom Slayer, and just Slayer.
The most unnecessary video game in history is probably Twisted Metal: Small Brawl. It's a game with a genius idea on paper, make a kid-friendly version of the T-rated Twisted Metal featuring toy cars - but the thing is: Small Brawl was ALSO rated T, therefore eliminating any need for it to exist in the first place.
LJN, Blast, Outright Games, the spirit of terrible shovelware never goes - and there's something strangely comforting in that.
If Angry Birds was made today the enemies would be green crows.
Just because a game can have a story mode, doesn't mean it should have a story mode. World of Light is the best proof of this you can get.
When they made Chicken Run, they gave all the chickens neck-wear as to hide the seams in their metal skeletons.
I guess that makes it the first Western hen tie movie.
Me: "No Straight Roads has the ugliest character designs I've ever seen!"
Also me: Gawks over Motherboard from Cyberchase as "character design goals"
The Sonic spirit choices really confuse me. Why don't Classic, Rookie and Zavok have spirits? Why isn't Tails a Legend class? Why doesn't Gamma enhance to a Flicky spirit? If Gamma has a spirit why can't Tikal?
Imagine people in 10 years trying to understand all the fan art they find on Google Images of Incineroar beating up the Grinch.
Since Matt Groening draws Itchy and Scratchy in the same style as The Simpsons themselves, does that mean that Itchy and Scratchy is just a series of televised snuff films, not cartoons?
If Donkey Kong was a donkey, would he be called Gorilla A-actually, I'm not sure if I can say that with SmashBoards' profanity filter.
Normalise run buttons in 3D platformers.
What if Crash got in Smash, and got the Ike treatment for his alts?
It seems the trick to putting a memorable Pokemon newcomer in Smash is to choose one literally nobody cares about. Everyone loves Jigglypuff and Incineroar in Smash, but nobody talks about Greninja and Lucario, who are fan favourites within the Pokemon fandom. You know what Henry Ford didn't say, but his impostor still had a point about "If I had asked people what they wanted, they would've said faster horses." - or in this case they would've said Gardevoir.
If the Game Boy NSO leak is true, this could be the way Mole Mania becomes recognised as the Nintendo classic it is.
I can dream, can't I?
Yoshi is Mabowser.
I'm starting to get a reputation around here as "the Space Invaders guy", which is a title I'll happily accept. Sure, I'd prefer to be "the Muddy Mole guy" or "the Jill Dozer guy", but "the Space Invaders guy" is still a very honourable title.
Google "Peppa Pig antagonist"
I knew those FE reps were up to something
Finale by Madeon, to me, is the 2010s equivalent to Take on Me for the 80s or Can't Touch This for the 90s, it's the one song everyone will think of when they think "2010s".
Either that or I played way too much PlayStation All-Stars growing up.
I seriously hope there aren't too many Switch Pro exclusive games... I really don't want to be forced to play in... urgh, 4K...
if Rayman gets in Smash I really hope they use the Origins/Legends design. I love how expressive it is. That being said, I think we can all agree they shouldn't use the PS1 design.
Biker Wario being default is actually a genius choice from a game design perspective. Giving him a costume highly differentiated from Mario's as his default plants in a new player's head things like "this guy isn't Mario", "this guy isn't trying to be Mario" and overall "don't play this guy like you would Mario."
Mario having no nipples actually makes perfect sense - babies are delivered by stork in the Mario universe, and male nipples only exist in the real world because they're formed before an embryo's sex is decided.
I'd say Ultimate has the worst new stages. I like Spiral Mountain, KoF, Yggdrasil and Spring Stadium - but Garreg is quite possibly the most boring stage in Smash history, Pleateu just feels wrong to play on, New Donk isn't a bad stage but really generic and over-reliant on its music gimmick, Drac is ruined by walls, and Meme Toes is just plain ugly.
Wii U had the best new stages IMO - Umbra Clock Tower, Pac-Land, Duck Hunt, Wuhu Island, Skyloft, Kalos, so many great stages!
I think Nintendo's glitch policy is born out of some sort of embarrassment, as if they want to appear super professional. If they were more like Sega or Activision with their IPs we would've seen MissingNo merchandise long by now.
Oh my god, the reboots are getting worse and worse. We do not need edgy adult Powerpuff Girls.
I've been getting recommended a YouTube channel called "MrMrPizza".
Can you imagine having so few ambitions in life that you choose to rip off MrMrMangoHead?
80s kids: "Modern kids' shows are nothing but overly political propaganda!"
also 80s kids:
Polybius speedrun - Hallucinations% in 1:23:02
Even though it's intended entirely sarcastically, "consume product and get excited for next product" is unironically good advice. Don't get worked up about the finer details, just enjoy what you enjoy and don't enjoy what you don't.
Obviously you should speak up if you don't like an element of a game, but you shouldn't let something small impact your enjoyment of a title, and you absolutely shouldn't get mad if a game you don't like sells or reviews well.
If Sonic is indeed light speed, then Green Hill Zone must be a pretty barren place. Imagine how many miles a normal person would take to get to just the little platform at the beginning with the monitor on it.
I'd say the strangest omissions stage wise are Bowser's Castle and Gyromite. BC is basically the Waluigi of stages, it's not really needed but the roster just feels incomplete without it, while Gyromite is more the second Sonic rep of stages in that nobody really knows, or at the very least nobody can justify, why it isn't there already. -
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