Wario Wario Wario

Wario Wario Wario · Sep 2, 2020

These are both official screenshots.

Look, I'm not trying to kinkshame, that'd be super hypocritical of me, I'm into weirder stuff, but this is really not how you promote a video game.

Wario Wario Wario · Sep 2, 2020

Imagine you're a literal goddess, respected across the land - you get invited to a prestigious fighting tournament, where you are allowed to use your powerful abilities to their fullest extent.

Then you get yeeted into submission by a pre-pubescent spider monkey in a gamer hat.

Wario Wario Wario · Sep 2, 2020

One of the most powerful, beautiful anthems of victory I've heard in my life is the opening theme song to a failed Thomas the Tank Engine spin-off that was cancelled after 13 episodes

Wario Wario Wario · Sep 1, 2020

Wario Wario Wario · Sep 1, 2020

I wish modern games consoles had the same type of box art unification as the SNES

Wario Wario Wario · Sep 1, 2020

the only feasible ways to bring back the National Dex would be either a VERY long development time, or (to a lesser extent) sprites, preferably both.

Wario Wario Wario · Sep 1, 2020

Mario Kart 9 should follow the CTR:NF model - frequent free updates backed by optional, non-intrusive MTX. Also, CTR brought back a lot of obscure characters (Yaya Panda, Rilla Roo, e.t.c.) and MK could really benefit from something similar, given how well it worked for them already with Birdo and Daisy in Tennis 64.

Wario Wario Wario · Sep 1, 2020

I can't believe the 90s Nicktoons are dead and they're selling their corpses as food.

Wario Wario Wario · Sep 1, 2020

One of my most wanted 3rd parties for Smash is PaRappa the Rapper - but a problem with him in the realm of Smash is that he's a character who openly opposes violence, as opposed to say, Isabelle, who is just a character who doesn't engage in violence. I think a good solution to make him seem more in-character would be to make him the only character who acknowledges Smash as a sport (outside of victory screen claps at least) - his eyes would never go angry, his taunts wouldn't be taunting as much as him expressing admiration at his opponent's skills, and on his victory screen he'd gives his foes words of encouragement (while still doing a victory dance of course).

Wario Wario Wario · Sep 1, 2020

I hope the popularity of Fall Guys encourages more companies to make foot racing platformers. I just want Rayman M 2.

Wario Wario Wario · Sep 1, 2020

Is it just me or are items really drawn to lava on custom stages?

Wario Wario Wario · Sep 1, 2020

Crash 4 redesigns IMO:

Improvement:
Coco (this one comes rather close, she's cuter in N. Sane, but About Time is a lot more expressive)
Dingodile (absolutely the biggest upgrade, body positivity icon.)
N. Tropy (it's just the N. Sane design but more expressive)

Downgrade:
Crash (don't like the fur, or lack thereof)
Cortex (eww, round head...)
N. Gin (the biggest downgrade of them all, I usually prefer more expressive designs, but having a ride range of expressions just doesn't fit Gin.)

Wario Wario Wario · Sep 1, 2020

I find the term "politically incorrect" absolutely hilarious because, considering the separate definitions of the words "politically" and "incorrect", if you call yourself PI you're basically just saying you're objectively wrong.

Wario Wario Wario · Aug 31, 2020

If something came out in 1999, it's less from the 90s and more from... the 90, singular.

Wario Wario Wario · Aug 31, 2020

SmashWiki lists Roy as a semi-clone and Doc as a full clone.

SmashWiki is run by idiots.

I say this as a long-time SmashWiki contributor.

Wario Wario Wario · Aug 31, 2020

I think the one potential Smash character I'm the most mixed on is Tetromino - it's simultaneously a great and terrible idea. It deserves the slot no doubt, but whether it should have the slot is a different story.

Wario Wario Wario · Aug 31, 2020

Sometimes I randomly think about that one Mario 3D Land level where you can just jump over the whole thing.

Wario Wario Wario · Aug 30, 2020

OK, let's settle this once and for all: which super-powered animal team 80s cartoon had the best theme song? I can't decide between Avenger Penguins and Street Sharks

Wario Wario Wario · Aug 30, 2020

Rise of the TMNT was a victim caught in the crossfire of unnecessary Thundercats Roar and TTG hate, change my mind.

Seriously though, comedy reboots are not the enemy, this is:

Wario Wario Wario · Aug 30, 2020

The Crash 4 redesigns are growing on me, but I still prefer the N. Sane Trilogy designs. Anything's better than tattoo'd Crash and square Coco though.

Wario Wario Wario · Aug 30, 2020

I love this ad because it begins off genuinely serious and harrowing, then it's like "nah, it wasn't her mother or anything, it was just Crash Bandicoot. Don't pirate our games" - but like, the ad's score makes it seem like it's a big twist, and it's worse that Lara Croft died than what you were expecting.

Wario Wario Wario · Aug 30, 2020

This fake box art from 2008 predicted modern day memes

In all honesty though, modern memes are basically the same as a child coming up with video game ideas.

Wario Wario Wario · Aug 30, 2020

Nintendo needs to make Nintenhamsters for sole purpose of getting a hamster cage as a Smash stage. There is no thing more perfectly fit for a platform fighter stage.

Wario Wario Wario · Aug 30, 2020

When playing retro games with save states, extra lives are good because funny number goes kaching.

Wario Wario Wario · Aug 30, 2020

If Alex Kidd DX could start off as a fangame and get licensed as an official, paid product, then surely they could do the same for Sonic Studio. That game's quality and understanding of the source material matches even Mania.

Wario Wario Wario · Aug 30, 2020

The Kencineroar trailer is strange - a martial artist fights a boxer, then a wrestler comes in uninvited? what rules are they playing by?

Wario Wario Wario · Aug 30, 2020

NES emulation on Wii had such an unnerving vibe to it.

Wario Wario Wario · Aug 30, 2020

I'd love to have Coin Mode and Single Button Mode back.

Sorry Bonus Mode.

Wario Wario Wario · Aug 30, 2020

When I was growing up I always thought the Rayman 2 box art looked way too dramatic

Then I discovered what it looks like in the US.

Jesus Christ graphic designers, it's just Rayman, not a god damn Lord of the Rings X Matrix crossover.

Wario Wario Wario · Aug 30, 2020

You know how KFC opened a gaming Twitch channel? I had a dream where KFC opened a bank, and my parents were forcing me to start my debit card with KFC.

Wario Wario Wario · Aug 30, 2020

The Poison Mushroom could easily be changed to the Mini-Mushroom and made into a power-up instead of a power-down.

Wario Wario Wario · Aug 30, 2020

The Sans costume makes a decent outfit for a Kumatora Mii.

Wario Wario Wario · Aug 30, 2020

Funky Kong is a weird case when it comes to Smash because you could extremely easily work out an original moveset for him with surface level knowledge alone, but he just makes more sense as an echo fighter.

Wario Wario Wario · Aug 29, 2020

The ads for Struggling on NintendoLife are genuinely making me a little queasy - I have a high gross out tolerance and I'd have no problem with it on the side of an article, but maybe that's not the best game to give a giant banner ad...

Wario Wario Wario · Aug 29, 2020

I never got the significance to Waluigi being made to be a tennis partner. Most Mario characters were created for really insignificant reasons - Luigi was a palette swap they just so happened to give a name as opposed to "Mario (II)"; Yoshi was pretty much just a power-up, and Diddy was even less significant: a life bar.

Wario Wario Wario · Aug 29, 2020

If Nintendo need a tennis partner for Pauline, Stanley would be the best candidate. Cranky could work too, but that'd raise a lot of questions that benefit nobody to answer - except Kotaku since they'd get a lot of clicks.

Wario Wario Wario · Aug 29, 2020

Pimp my ride.

Wario Wario Wario · Aug 29, 2020

I'm sure there was a Donkey Kong game where Funky had an invisible surf board, but I can't find it no matter how hard I try.

Wario Wario Wario · Aug 29, 2020

Legalise the Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated custom stage for competitive play

Wario Wario Wario · Aug 29, 2020

I wouldn't be opposed to Fall Guy in Smash.

Wario Wario Wario

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