Greater Toronto Area Thread - The other other other other other other other other Pokemon Thread

KirbyKaze

Smash Legend
Joined
Nov 18, 2007
Messages
17,679
Location
Spiral Mountain
Hello Toronto,

I've been in this community for a long time. I've met a lot of my closest friends here. And on the whole I think despite the tough times and rough patches, I feel we've managed to cooperatively work together to find a better solution when issues have come up. There is a matter that needs to be addressed. That I need addressed.

You've probably noticed I act stranger than normal around Ryan. And you've likely heard rumours in varying shapes, sizes, and intensities. I am here to clear the air. All of it.

Before I begin I'd like to first state that I am not proud of myself for my behaviour in this. And I am sorry for any discomfort that you may feel as a result of this. When this first surfaced, years ago, I decided that sweeping this matter under the rug was the best course of action because I did not want to strain the existing relationships and part of me truly believed that Ryan and I could work through our issues on our own. Upon reflection, I realize that I was horribly misguided in this decision so because as the situation has escalated the danger has grown beyond my control and you (the community) have been put into an awkward position. So I am sorry for this. And this is why I come to you - something I should have done a long time ago. Because I forgot, in spite of the underlying competitive spirit, we are ultimately a family. We look for and take care of one another.

So I come before you seeking aid. Because I need your help. Ryan still does not understand the gravity of what he has done to me. He illustrates this fact through his impositions into my life. He uses the community, who is unaware of our situation, as a conduit to do this. It has resulted in my absence at times because it is incredibly straining to me to experience this, due to the volatile nature of the conflicts. But I do not want to abandon my favourite game nor do I feel that he should have to either. This is why I need your support because the only way Ryan can continue to be part of this community and that I can comfortably return to it is by the community hearing out story and understanding my predicament.

We're a family. I know you won't let me down on something this important. And again, I cannot apologize enough for hiding this but I didn't want to burden anyone with this. Please trust that my heart was and continues to rest in the right place, even if my head was in left field. But I am doing what's right now.

To begin...

Ryan and I were in a intimate relationship. During this relationship, Ryan struck me six times on five separate instances (which occurred within the last four years). On this most recent instance (which occurred during the summer), he not only struck twice (he attacked and struck me again, again after the initial incident) but he also did so in front of another player (who I have decided shall remain anonymous at his discretion).

Due to my family's pressure on me to press charges (for domestic abuse), there is photographic evidence that illustrates the bruising and injury done to my neck. On this most recent incident, during the first attack I was tackled to the floor and choked by him while he threatened to kill me. When I did not submit or wither to his rage, he relented briefly and it appeared he had calmed. But then he attacked a second time wherein he hit me to the ground, choked me, and punched me in the stomach. To my horror, when he left my home, he confirmed to my inquiring neighbours that they did in fact hear domestic violence and told them what he'd done.

Could you imagine how I felt at that moment when he was almost proud of how he's battered me? Can you understand the position I am now in, every time I go to A&C? And finally, can you see that I had everything one would need to successfully file for charges and have him arrested?

But I didn't. Because in spite of what everyone else told me, I did not think that would help Ryan or give me the satisfaction to move past this.

It was my hope that, after Ryan and I discussed this incident and its implications, the gravity of this situation would temper Ryan's decisions towards myself and others. I had hoped that he would recognize that he has crossed the line repeatedly because physical abuse is wrong. I'd also hoped he'd recognize the awkward position I am in when we are together and give me some consideration in this regard.

Clearly, as shown by events as recent as STYC4, he does not understand any of this. He forced himself into the car I was returning home in with Windrose. Having been informed about our situation, Windrose tried to dissuade Ryan but was pressured into allowing Ryan to return home with us rather than by bus (which he had a ticket). I do not blame Windrose for his actions because he only been informed of these events during that weekend. His efforts to dissuade Ryan in such a precarious position, though they failed, illustrates a sensitivity towards my position which I am thankful for. But more importantly it makes it very to me that (1) this information needs to be publicly known so people can take the time to decide how they want to handle this matter and (2) so nobody is thrust into the position that Windrose was in where the secrecy of the information compromises one's inability to deny Ryan's imposition without revealing the truth. It is unfair for me and even less fair to Windrose (and anyone else in the community) to be put in this position at all, so I am making this public to prevent something like this from happening again. The secrecy of the abuse is what empowers Ryan because he knows he use the familial aspect of the community to get what he wants.

So this is where all of you come in. Because now I have done what I can (and should have done a long time ago). I have made it perfectly clear to Ryan in our last communication that we have no friendship any longer but that I do not want to unnecessarily strain the community. I also informed him that I did not want to compromise the professional integrity of the tournament environment by evicting him (through a restraining order) provided he understood that in exchange I wanted a certain distance respected. But he has been disregarding this and using the secrecy of the subject to accomplish this. This stops now.

Please understand I am not asking anyone to take a formal side in this matter because that is unfair. So I am not asking for anybody to stop being friends with Ryan nor I am not asking for him to banned from tournaments. All I want is a small consideration. I want to be able to be an active member of this community and competition just like him. But I need your help. Please do not be the excuse he uses to impose his presence on me like he did with Windrose. Understand that this is stressful and while I believe I can work through this, do not give him the chance to compromise my recovery. The professional integrity of the tournament bracket, seeding, and so forth should not change after this post. But the communal aspect has to be sensitive and supportive to my situation because I've been hurt very badly by one of our own. Don't make me sit in the same car as him for a long drive home.

By removing the secrecy of this event, I imagine Ryan's efforts in this respect should stop. But I've been wrong before. And I implore you, if a situation like STYC4 confronts you, to simply show me the same consideration I would show any of you.

My goal is not to divide or destroy the community. I just want to keep being a part of it. And I've done all I can from here; the rest is up to you. I know you won't let me down. You never do!

Sincerely, KirbyKaze
 
Joined
Sep 17, 2012
Messages
53
Location
Ann Arbor, MI
I'm nobody on these forums, but I'm sorry this happened to you. I don't know either of you at all, though I've met both of you, but I want to say you don't have to apologize for anything. I hope Ryan eventually moves toward being less of a piece of ****, for your sake, his sake, and the sake of this community. It sounds cliche, but you're a brave person for letting people know about this and for dealing with it.
 

Linkshot

Smash Hero
Joined
Aug 25, 2008
Messages
5,235
Location
613 Smash
3DS FC
3179-6968-6499
NNID
Chispshot
tbh as soon as I heard he choked anybody, I wanted him banned from the scene. To know he put all of this upon you (and, personally, that I was potentially in a position to witness and distract him at STYC4) is absolutely intolerable. Not even a fraction of the actions he imposed upon you is tolerated in our local community, though I will admit we may have taken intolerance a step too far by mocking his actions through team tags in friendlies.

KK, you're one of the chillest guys in the scene, so I definitely want you to feel safe anywhere, and I'm pretty sure it's safe to say that many others have your back, too.

All I want out of the Smash community is a friendly, welcoming environment, and anybody that threatens it should be discouraged until they reform.
 

gandlebot

Smash Rookie
Joined
Jun 29, 2010
Messages
2
Hey guys. I never post, but I have met both guys and do know them a little bit.

I just want to add one thing… Obviously David's the victim here and the most important thing we can do is help him deal with this, recover, get back into the community.

…but if we're up to it, Ryan probably needs help too. I don't know the situation, but it's too easy to call him a piece of s*** and be done with it. I mean, what he did is unacceptable and criminal… and that's the most important fact… but… I don't know… I guess I'd need to hear from Ryan himself.
 

KrIsP!

Smash Champion
Joined
Oct 8, 2007
Messages
2,599
Location
Toronto, Ontario
I know both of you, not that well I suppose since you two have known eachothers for years before I started coming out. I don't really know what to say; however, now that it's out there maybe you two can work through it, in public if that makes it easier. Do you feel like coming to AnC more is something you want to do David? You should if you want to, only way it won't be awkward is if you two talked about it yourselves. Hopefully it being out there helps you two do that cause to be honest...i dunno what the **** anymore.
 

Linkshot

Smash Hero
Joined
Aug 25, 2008
Messages
5,235
Location
613 Smash
3DS FC
3179-6968-6499
NNID
Chispshot
…but if we're up to it, Ryan probably needs help too. I don't know the situation, but it's too easy to call him a piece of s*** and be done with it. I mean, what he did is unacceptable and criminal… and that's the most important fact… but… I don't know… I guess I'd need to hear from Ryan himself.

Agreed that he needs help, but the first step to make that all possible is for him to want help, and if he doesn't, then we have to accept that he won't change. The second step is to get somebody properly equipped to handle somebody so volatile.
 

BathSalts

Smash Rookie
Joined
Aug 27, 2012
Messages
9
Woah Kage calm your tittays

And KK you've always been a shining light to us ontario scrubs, hope you outing this problem helps you on your personal journey!
Too often we think of these distant awesome players as "that awesome sheik" or "that technical-*** fox" but forget they're people too.
GL!
 

Ranmaru

Smash Legend
Premium
Joined
Feb 10, 2008
Messages
10,434
Switch FC
SW-0654 7794 0698
Thanks for sharing this man. Definitely want you back in the scene, and with a piece of mind.
 

FalseFalco

Smash Master
Joined
Jan 1, 2005
Messages
3,324
Location
Edmonton
I came here to say:

1. Big ups for getting things in the open, this is the best move you can make and you've done it so professionally (just like yo sheik bro). I don't have very much experience with abuse but I hear about it from an alarming amount of people around me and there is ALWAYS a recurring pattern of the abused keeping quiet and thinking it will solve itself for a variety of reasons.

2. It's easy to burn the witch in a situation like this but depending on how someone is raised and conditioned they may not understand the consequences of their actions. For me, if someone understands what they're doing is wrong and they DGAF then they're dead to me. From the short time I've spent with him I didn't get the impression Ryan is this kind of person.

Good luck y'all and remember we're all gonna die :)
 

SmashCentralOfficial

Voice of SmashCentralOfficial
Joined
Nov 13, 2008
Messages
984
Location
Toronto
I have no clue how react to this. When I first starting coming out with Desh way back when Ryan and David quickly became really close friends.

Nowadays, I'd say I'm more closer to Ryan but that's only because David has stopped coming out as often. I hope neither of you feel any negativity towards me for wanting to have a neutral stance on this at the moment. It is definitely not indifference or a lack of care for you (David), I'm just not exactly sure how to think/deal with this information.

I hope to see you again soon!
 

_fRee_

Smash Rookie
Joined
Sep 28, 2013
Messages
2
Just wanted to put in my two cents as someone with no personal involvement in any of this and encourage others to not witch-hunt/harass unknown for this incident. Not that he doesn't deserve it but I just can't see that doing any good for him or for David - it would probably just make things more hectic/complicated for him.
 
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