I was thinking of just giving up here. Im mentally damage in terms of competition to function well. And trying to be someone I'm not. Since brawls release all I wanted to do was do what Mike G did in melee.
Back then she was seen as a **** character. No one was really doing damage with her. Just was just seen as a trash character with one broken move that people just baited and punish. Then he came out of no where and change the whole game of her. To where he was giving the title "Father of Peach" Or "Creator of Peach" And he did so many epic things at around his time.
Thats what I wanted to do with this game. Show everyone that This character is better then what people see her as. Change her game and do damage. But at this point, I may not be able to do that. Im not as smart as Mike G was nor as creative.
But I been thinking as to why all this is happening. All this started when I came out of my three month retirement in 2009 of december. I was rusty, and I just could get back to my usual self. from there I stood the same. and could not do much for myself. even till this day. I have shame and evny.
I have shame how I went from a peach hero to one of the loweiest rank peach players when it comes to results. pretty much anyone beating me with lil to no problem. Then other peach players coming in and out classing me like nothing. To a point I am time and time again put compared to the others and put down. And can't even defend myself with my skills and what I know about this character and game.
But I did not wanna admit it. I did not wanna admit something like that when even after all this time, people for some reason see me as a top Peach. And I could not understand how when results talk. I thought it was just fanboys I gained over the years. But even top players who I hardly talk too or played. To a point it came from random people.
I tend to feel bad alot going into a match and losing. really to someone I know I can take out but never do. While other Peach players were being talked up about to no end, my name still came up as a vertain to this game since I statred this game on release. Put I still felt shame and later eny kicked in. How I just can't play and the rest do, doing great in tournies while I am here failing time and time again. Cause I noticed in melee and my early years of brawl, I had nerves, but it was never this bad. and if anything, it was mostly fustration. which can be dealt with. even top level players get ticked here and there. but this is something different.
I believe thats what created this strong anxiety. jealous of the rest and shame on myself. I have only felt eveny upon 2 people in this game. One was Mike G and the other was Edreese at one point when I wanted to be better. But soon after, I had no problem being second place compared to him. Bit not it seems to be everyone. Also the back talk and comments I get these days.
This seems to stur up the mental problem where the chance to prove something becomes hard or harder than usual. and if I fail, more shame, embarrassement and comments will come my way. and make me feel worst. I always been the type of man to do and say what I want, which is why I post here or anywhere despite what one will think of my post. even if I get ganged up and made fun of. that would never stop me from saying what I feel inside. But something like this, seems I do care, ruined pride and strive for success. Most would think Im just a washed up 24 year old player that needs to back it up like the rest of the 08/09 Peach players. But I honestly Feel I can do something with this characters others have not done to the extreme to do. Which seems to be my reason to keep trying.
This is my final verdict on why this is happening. But I just can't stop this anxiety from happening. And as long as this is here, I can't function well and give easy wins that I could avoid dishing out and take the match. I just don't know what to do anymore and I obviously can't fight this alone as much as i tried.
