Zigsta
Disney Film Director
Link to original post: [drupal=4061]Taking a break[/drupal]
I've been torn for about three weeks or so. I haven't told anyone because that's just not my style: I don't like burdening others with my problems. There's too many problems in the world--mine are no big deal, and I can take care of nearly all of them by myself.
My problem was this: I've been looking forward to WHOBO 3 since Xyro first put up the thread many months ago. It was gonna be my biggest tournament to date, and likely the last major tournament I could attend before moving out to Hollywood to work. I knew this was my big shot to become more well-known as a Bowser main. It would also be the stage for my MM rematch with Xyro, who utterly thrashed me 3-1, including on Brinstar, who everyone knows is my favorite CP. All the plans were set for WHOBO, and I was excited as all get-out.
Then came amazing news. My short animated screenplay "Grizzly" was announced as a finalist in the International Family Film Festival. It would be one of two scripts in the category to be performed by professional actors in front of a live audience, including producers and directors looking for the next big thing. And if the screenwriters attended the festival, there would even be a Q and A conducted following the live reading. This is the biggest film festival I've ever been accepted to, and I wasn't just accepted--I was one of the best. The only catch was it was March 20...one of the same days as WHOBO 3.
When my parents first told me they'd fly me out to Hollywood to partake in the film festival, I hesitated. They're really not fans of my playing Smash. They say it doesn't do anything worthwhile for both me and my career, so I never bring it up with them. I really wish I could, but I know it's a sore subject, so I keep it to myself. When I told them I had been wanting to go to this huge Smash national, I could tell they were severely disappointed in me. I felt terrible and selfish.
Just a few nights ago, I for some reason felt inclined to look up how old my competition in the festival is. Much to my surprise, they're 60! And they've been doing this for a while. I looked up the ages of the rest of my competition, and they were all at LEAST 40 years old, making me the youngest finalist in the competition by around 20 years. At that moment, I suddenly wanted to go to IFF over WHOBO. If I won, it would prove to me how talented I am as a writer. And it would without a doubt be the proudest moment of my life thus far. But at the same time, I really wanted to go to WHOBO. I didn't want to back out when I had been looking forward to this for so long.
Then came Pik-A-Nik. First round I played Paw, who's knocked me out of 4 straight tournaments. I get a lot of grief for always losing to him, but I struggle with the ZSS MU. I lost again, this time in game 3 in a very close set.
After getting knocked out early and placing a garbage 17/25, I qualified for Redemption. When I played my first match, I knew something wasn't right. I wasn't playing my best for some reason. It was probably because I was disappointed with my usual trash results. I lost to a Diddy/Toon Link, and my confidence took another hit. I started thinking of WHOBO and how if I keep playing like this, I won't make it out of pools again this year, and people will assume I'm just a crappy player who plays a trash character. When I saw I had to play a D3 next round, I knew I would get knocked out. Mentally I was drained, and I really didn't feel like playing safe/gay. So I got abused, as predicted.
After I lost, I was frustrated. I tried not to show it, but I probably did. I looked up at one of my fellow Austinites and said, "I'm not going to WHOBO." He was shocked. I then stepped outside and called my dad to see if it was too late to get plane tickets for IFF. He was really excited at first, but then he asked me if I wasn't having fun at the tournament. I told him I'm just tired of losing to characters who easily beat mine when I know I'm a better player than my opponent. It sounds cocky, I told him, but I can't help it if the only character I find fun in this game is trash. I told him if I got utterly demolished like this at a small 30 man tournament, the odds were against me at a large national. With my luck, I'd get stuck in a pool with ridiculous MUs, get *****, and then regret my decision the entire weekend.
After I called my dad, I called my roommate from my summer in LA to see if I could crash at his place. He said yes, in a heartbeat. Kevin and I clicked from the get-go last summer. We were two guys on a mission: To conquer Hollywood and to take it for ourselves. And we were both known in the UTLA program as the guys. People came up to me who I didn't even know and said, "When I saw Toy Story 3, I thought of you the entire time." Never before had I felt like such a success. Thanks to that summer, I knew Hollywood was what I was born to do. I was made for this business.
Last summer somehow was also huge for my skills as a Brawl player. I only went to one SoCal tournament, played with Fiction once, and played with typh twice. After playing typh, I realize PT's not my natural character. I just played him enough to be pretty good with him. But Bowser was a natural fit for me. So I decided to drop PT for good when I got back to Austin. And when I did return to both Austin and Brawl, I found my Bowser to play far better than it ever did before. I like to think my sky-high confidence I gained from living and succeeding in Hollywood for the summer radicalized and rejuvenated my playstyle.
So with all of that in mind, I decided to not only go to IFF over WHOBO, but to completely take a break from Brawl for a month. I've recently been putting far too much pressure on myself as a player. Every tournament I enter, I think about how I need to prove myself as a Bowser main. And everytime I get subpar placing, I tell myself the world will deem me a scrub, and I get increasingly bitter. I also know time is against me, with less than two semesters left before I graduate. Again, I'm a pretty good actor, and I don't like bogging other peoples' day down with my little problems, so I never told anyone how frustrated I was.
I honestly was this close to flat-out quitting Brawl forever after Pik-A-Nik. I thought to myself, "If I know I'm so good at screenwriting, why the hell am I continuously playing a game I prove to be mediocre at at best?" So I challenged my good buddy Nike, a Marth main from San Antonio, to a MM. He's my favorite player to play, and I'm confident in the Marth MU. If anyone could revive my passion for Brawl, I knew Nike was the one person who could do it. After an intense set, including a game 3 where I NEARLY pulled a KingKong and Koopacided Nike 3 times in a row, I decided I wouldn't drop Brawl for good. I had way too much fun in that set.
So I'm getting longwinded here, but that's why I'm not going to WHOBO and why I'm taking a month-long break from Brawl. I won't even be on SWF much, if at all. I'm going to remind myself why I should be thankful for my life. I'm writing a screenplay right now, which has been getting amazing reviews thus far. I'm learning animation and am looking forward to finally possessing the skills to go with my writing talents. And I'm dating a girl for the first time in nearly five years now. I've got a lot of things going right for me right now.
So now I'd like to throw out some individual shoutouts:
-Austin, SA, and MO players--I'm sorry to drop you guys on such short notice. I really feel bad for bailing, considering I was going to be a driver. MO players, I was really looking forward to meeting you and to seeing Hylian and JoWii again for the first time since they moved.
-DMG--I was really looking forward to teaming with one of our state's best doubles partners in LT. I'm sorry for ditching you. Team with Poltergust and win LT.
-Bowser mains--I'm sorry for bringing back nothing but crap results. You all deserve better.
-Nike--Thank you fro reminding me how Brawl is actually fun.
-Espy--Thank you for telling me about how you work so hard to play Sonic. Even though he's not your natural playstyle, you stick to him because he's your favorite character. I won't forget that.
-Xyro--I'm sorry for constantly ditching your tournaments last minute. You are my number one priority when I return to Brawl. Words can't describe how much you embarrassed me in our first MM. I never admitted it to anyone, but I was humiliated. I promise you I'll play completely different than I did last time. I'm coming for you harder than any single match I've ever trained for.
To anyone who's read this entire thing, I sincerely thank you. If you'd like to reach me, I probably won't be on SWF often, but you can catch me on Facebook, Skype, AIM (if I'm ever on, which is usually practically never), or my phone if you have my number.
See you guys in a month.
I've been torn for about three weeks or so. I haven't told anyone because that's just not my style: I don't like burdening others with my problems. There's too many problems in the world--mine are no big deal, and I can take care of nearly all of them by myself.
My problem was this: I've been looking forward to WHOBO 3 since Xyro first put up the thread many months ago. It was gonna be my biggest tournament to date, and likely the last major tournament I could attend before moving out to Hollywood to work. I knew this was my big shot to become more well-known as a Bowser main. It would also be the stage for my MM rematch with Xyro, who utterly thrashed me 3-1, including on Brinstar, who everyone knows is my favorite CP. All the plans were set for WHOBO, and I was excited as all get-out.
Then came amazing news. My short animated screenplay "Grizzly" was announced as a finalist in the International Family Film Festival. It would be one of two scripts in the category to be performed by professional actors in front of a live audience, including producers and directors looking for the next big thing. And if the screenwriters attended the festival, there would even be a Q and A conducted following the live reading. This is the biggest film festival I've ever been accepted to, and I wasn't just accepted--I was one of the best. The only catch was it was March 20...one of the same days as WHOBO 3.
When my parents first told me they'd fly me out to Hollywood to partake in the film festival, I hesitated. They're really not fans of my playing Smash. They say it doesn't do anything worthwhile for both me and my career, so I never bring it up with them. I really wish I could, but I know it's a sore subject, so I keep it to myself. When I told them I had been wanting to go to this huge Smash national, I could tell they were severely disappointed in me. I felt terrible and selfish.
Just a few nights ago, I for some reason felt inclined to look up how old my competition in the festival is. Much to my surprise, they're 60! And they've been doing this for a while. I looked up the ages of the rest of my competition, and they were all at LEAST 40 years old, making me the youngest finalist in the competition by around 20 years. At that moment, I suddenly wanted to go to IFF over WHOBO. If I won, it would prove to me how talented I am as a writer. And it would without a doubt be the proudest moment of my life thus far. But at the same time, I really wanted to go to WHOBO. I didn't want to back out when I had been looking forward to this for so long.
Then came Pik-A-Nik. First round I played Paw, who's knocked me out of 4 straight tournaments. I get a lot of grief for always losing to him, but I struggle with the ZSS MU. I lost again, this time in game 3 in a very close set.
After getting knocked out early and placing a garbage 17/25, I qualified for Redemption. When I played my first match, I knew something wasn't right. I wasn't playing my best for some reason. It was probably because I was disappointed with my usual trash results. I lost to a Diddy/Toon Link, and my confidence took another hit. I started thinking of WHOBO and how if I keep playing like this, I won't make it out of pools again this year, and people will assume I'm just a crappy player who plays a trash character. When I saw I had to play a D3 next round, I knew I would get knocked out. Mentally I was drained, and I really didn't feel like playing safe/gay. So I got abused, as predicted.
After I lost, I was frustrated. I tried not to show it, but I probably did. I looked up at one of my fellow Austinites and said, "I'm not going to WHOBO." He was shocked. I then stepped outside and called my dad to see if it was too late to get plane tickets for IFF. He was really excited at first, but then he asked me if I wasn't having fun at the tournament. I told him I'm just tired of losing to characters who easily beat mine when I know I'm a better player than my opponent. It sounds cocky, I told him, but I can't help it if the only character I find fun in this game is trash. I told him if I got utterly demolished like this at a small 30 man tournament, the odds were against me at a large national. With my luck, I'd get stuck in a pool with ridiculous MUs, get *****, and then regret my decision the entire weekend.
After I called my dad, I called my roommate from my summer in LA to see if I could crash at his place. He said yes, in a heartbeat. Kevin and I clicked from the get-go last summer. We were two guys on a mission: To conquer Hollywood and to take it for ourselves. And we were both known in the UTLA program as the guys. People came up to me who I didn't even know and said, "When I saw Toy Story 3, I thought of you the entire time." Never before had I felt like such a success. Thanks to that summer, I knew Hollywood was what I was born to do. I was made for this business.
Last summer somehow was also huge for my skills as a Brawl player. I only went to one SoCal tournament, played with Fiction once, and played with typh twice. After playing typh, I realize PT's not my natural character. I just played him enough to be pretty good with him. But Bowser was a natural fit for me. So I decided to drop PT for good when I got back to Austin. And when I did return to both Austin and Brawl, I found my Bowser to play far better than it ever did before. I like to think my sky-high confidence I gained from living and succeeding in Hollywood for the summer radicalized and rejuvenated my playstyle.
So with all of that in mind, I decided to not only go to IFF over WHOBO, but to completely take a break from Brawl for a month. I've recently been putting far too much pressure on myself as a player. Every tournament I enter, I think about how I need to prove myself as a Bowser main. And everytime I get subpar placing, I tell myself the world will deem me a scrub, and I get increasingly bitter. I also know time is against me, with less than two semesters left before I graduate. Again, I'm a pretty good actor, and I don't like bogging other peoples' day down with my little problems, so I never told anyone how frustrated I was.
I honestly was this close to flat-out quitting Brawl forever after Pik-A-Nik. I thought to myself, "If I know I'm so good at screenwriting, why the hell am I continuously playing a game I prove to be mediocre at at best?" So I challenged my good buddy Nike, a Marth main from San Antonio, to a MM. He's my favorite player to play, and I'm confident in the Marth MU. If anyone could revive my passion for Brawl, I knew Nike was the one person who could do it. After an intense set, including a game 3 where I NEARLY pulled a KingKong and Koopacided Nike 3 times in a row, I decided I wouldn't drop Brawl for good. I had way too much fun in that set.
So I'm getting longwinded here, but that's why I'm not going to WHOBO and why I'm taking a month-long break from Brawl. I won't even be on SWF much, if at all. I'm going to remind myself why I should be thankful for my life. I'm writing a screenplay right now, which has been getting amazing reviews thus far. I'm learning animation and am looking forward to finally possessing the skills to go with my writing talents. And I'm dating a girl for the first time in nearly five years now. I've got a lot of things going right for me right now.
So now I'd like to throw out some individual shoutouts:
-Austin, SA, and MO players--I'm sorry to drop you guys on such short notice. I really feel bad for bailing, considering I was going to be a driver. MO players, I was really looking forward to meeting you and to seeing Hylian and JoWii again for the first time since they moved.
-DMG--I was really looking forward to teaming with one of our state's best doubles partners in LT. I'm sorry for ditching you. Team with Poltergust and win LT.
-Bowser mains--I'm sorry for bringing back nothing but crap results. You all deserve better.
-Nike--Thank you fro reminding me how Brawl is actually fun.
-Espy--Thank you for telling me about how you work so hard to play Sonic. Even though he's not your natural playstyle, you stick to him because he's your favorite character. I won't forget that.
-Xyro--I'm sorry for constantly ditching your tournaments last minute. You are my number one priority when I return to Brawl. Words can't describe how much you embarrassed me in our first MM. I never admitted it to anyone, but I was humiliated. I promise you I'll play completely different than I did last time. I'm coming for you harder than any single match I've ever trained for.
To anyone who's read this entire thing, I sincerely thank you. If you'd like to reach me, I probably won't be on SWF often, but you can catch me on Facebook, Skype, AIM (if I'm ever on, which is usually practically never), or my phone if you have my number.
See you guys in a month.
