Being In Love/Advice

[Chaco]

I agree with most of it, except for the part about avoiding pretty people. I don't know where that whole thing started, and the converse, that non-pretty people are nicer is even more absurd.

I've never liked an ugly chick, and I say that without shame. I think my wife is beautiful, and I don't mean in the hokey "beautiful soul" way. I mean that I think she's gorgeous, and I would have never talked to her if I didn't find her physically attractive, no matter how amazing her personality is. Ugly people make good friends, but that's about it.

Everyone throws around the phrase "Looks aren't everything" so much that it has lost all meaning. It doesn't mean unattractive people make better partners, it means that good looks do not necessarily make up for other deficiencies, like a poor personality. The opposite is true as well: a great personality won't change the fact that you're ugly, if you are.

Great looks and a great personality are not mutually exclusive. Go for the complete package in a partner. Liking pretty people does not make you shallow.

This is ****ing epic, this is exactly how I feel to.

 

[Cherry64]

Wow, I agree with Halaster 100%
And Jam as well, once again.

Honestly most of the girls i talk to, is because they peak my physical interest. do you devilmaycry go talk to random ugly fat chicks becasue you think they may have a good personality?
yes it's shallow but that's how we are. people may not go for super attractive people but they aren't going for the very bottom of the pile.

EDIT: LOL @ Chaco's response. but he's just one more person I agree with

 

[Nelo Vergil]

I don't think people go into relationships with people they consider "ugly." A lot of it is that people differ over what "beauty" is. It isn't objective. I doubt that anyone would marry or go into a relationship with someone they felt was ugly. But someone I might think is ugly, another may not, and the opposite is true as well.

Obviously, Love isn't looks alone. But I doubt the relationship would become a "Love relationship" if the looks and the personality weren't there.

Ill admit it is harder to start relationships with an "ugly" person, I myself have a pretty good looking gal, but I didnt even know her looks for 2 weeks after we 1st dated, we connected through only personalities, and even if she was ugly, with how she makes me feel and how we relate, Id still happily be with her. If 2 people make each other feel that special happy, why would looks ever matter.

EDIT: Im not saying all Ugly people have great personalities, just like not all hotties are shallow idiots, but if you get the chance to connect with someone you really like, why should looks matter.

 

[Halaster]

Ill admit it is harder to start relationships with an "ugly" person, I myself have a pretty good looking gal, but I didnt even know her looks for 2 weeks after we 1st dated, we connected through only personalities, and even if she was ugly, with how she makes me feel and how we relate, Id still happily be with her. If 2 people make each other feel that special happy, why would looks ever matter.

How'd you not know her looks when you first dated?

Anyways...

If so you're a better man than me. I mean... I'd try not to let looks get in the way if I found the connection as strong as you describe it. But I feel like it would change the dynamic of the relationship whether I wanted it to or not. In an ideal world it shouldn't matter, however it would take a really strong connection to keep the relationship stable. I'm not gonna rule out the possibility, but it certainly isn't a norm by any means. Those would be incredibly rare occurrences.

 

[Cherry64]

How'd you not know her looks when you first dated?

Anyways...

If so you're a better man than me. I mean... I'd try not to let looks get in the way if I found the connection as strong as you describe it. But I feel like it would change the dynamic of the relationship whether I wanted it to or not. In an ideal world it shouldn't matter, however it would take a really strong connection to keep the relationship stable. I'm not gonna rule out the possibility, but it certainly isn't a norm by any means. And those would be incredibly rare occurrences.

My great uncle Married entirely because he liked being with that person. They never had sex once, they both didn't really want to. so they jsut stayed together because they liked being with the other person. It didn't matter what they looked like ( they weren't bad looking people either though).

 

[Nelo Vergil]

How'd you not know her looks when you first dated?

Anyways...

If so you're a better man than me. I mean... I'd try not to let looks get in the way if I found the connection as strong as you describe it. But I feel like it would change the dynamic of the relationship whether I wanted it to or not. In an ideal world it shouldn't matter, however it would take a really strong connection to keep the relationship stable. I'm not gonna rule out the possibility, but it certainly isn't a norm by any means. And those would be incredibly rare occurrences.

Haha, I suppose your right, it can work sure...but I suppose everyone wants prettier than ugly, both guys and girls, we are animals after all, and animals prefer the ideal mate for looks, as well for the looks of ur children.

No wonder Dr.Zoidberg will always be single =/

 

[Heartz♥]

Whoa, hey hey. I never even gone to the topic of "ugly". I was more on either being average, cute, or hot. lol

The reason I avoided the word "ugly" is because we all have our tastes in the face. One person may appear ugly to one, and cute to the other.

@Jam: When I said "avoid the pretty people" I was talking on a more popularity level, like vanity girls or "I'm so fly" playboys. My bf Morris isn't ugly, but he isnt Morris Chestnut. rofl.

 

[El Nino]

Well, I'm pretty hideous, and I get no love. So that makes sense.

I think the main thing is that regardless of whether or not someone else finds your partner attractive, YOU have to find that person attractive in order for the relationship to work. The physical aspects of a relationship matter a lot. Otherwise, it'd be more like an extremely close, platonic friendship.

Then again...

My great uncle Married entirely because he liked being with that person. They never had sex once, they both didn't really want to. so they jsut stayed together because they liked being with the other person. It didn't matter what they looked like ( they weren't bad looking people either though).

Some exceptions exist? Maybe.

 

[JonaDiaper]

like im not gonna lie i think if your a good looking guy, your not gonna wanna have a not so good looking girl, just because you want her to be presentable...like you wanna be able to show her off and stuff lol

when someone asks you, who are you dating? you can pull out your phone real quick and be like this beauty right here =P

to me its 50looks/50personality. in that order, meaning if you would have to be pretty for me to want to be your boyfriend.

 

[Teran]

to me its 50looks/50personality. in that order, meaning if you would have to be pretty for me to want to be your boyfriend.

Thank you.

It seems you also live on Planet Reality.

 

[MoblinMan]

I'm not sure what you're asking. Are you saying that you have to think you're in love before you realize that you're actually not?

I don't know. :D I'll just leave now.

 

[Cherry64]

Well, I'm pretty hideous, and I get no love. So that makes sense.

I think the main thing is that regardless of whether or not someone else finds your partner attractive, YOU have to find that person attractive in order for the relationship to work. The physical aspects of a relationship matter a lot. Otherwise, it'd be more like an extremely close, platonic friendship.

Then again...



Some exceptions exist? Maybe.

They do yes. Exceptions always exist, they are just rare

 

[JonaDiaper]

Thank you.

It seems you also live on Planet Reality.

lol i dont mean to be like mean or anything but i just dont see how someone can say

"i fell in love with his/her personality" and the person is ugly..

im like oookkk your a nut..

can anyone explain wat goes in a person's mind that thinks like this? its pretty crazy

 

[Firus]

You're not crazy for dating someone who's not "OMGHOT". If you are, I suppose I'm guilty as charged. My ex-girlfriend was rather overweight, to say the least...but I dated her because she constantly made me laugh. I enjoyed spending time with her. When you spend your life with someone, would you rather spend your life staring or talking? I don't know about you, but I'd like to talk. If I loved my girlfriend/wife, I would be perfectly happy to show off pictures of her. I'm not going to be embarrassed of how "ugly" she is.

Now, I will say that I found her pretty in her own way. No one else probably found her pretty in the slightest, but I did. You cannot ignore the physical aspect completely. But I wouldn't say it comes first. Not necessarily.

 

[Chaco]

Okay, well I'm not sure if I'm going with Jam's advice anymore. I talked out the whole thing last night for quite a long time and I'm at a loss again.

 

[LordoftheMorning]

I say mind over matter. You can look at a person and think "Hey, she's really hot", but that's only half of it. I don't go crazy over that sort of thing.

I theorize that when you you get to know someone, and you really like who they are, your image of them improves. Meaning if I think a girl is an amazing and sweet person, she will probably look more attractive to me than to someone who doesn't know who she is.

Sort of a cognitive psychologist's answer, I suppose. Your level of attraction to a person is influenced by their personality and whether or not it compliments yours. Your perception is altered to the point where she(or he for girls in the room) will look more attractive to you if you like her(his) personality

So in short: Their personality influences your perception, which determines their beauty in your eye's.

Btw guys, I got Claire's phone number! She said "of course!" in an encouraging way, and she told me that she would be around during the first half of summer break. The way she said it makes me think she was implying we should get together and do something! I'm so happy!

I also qualified for freaking nationals with my comedy act thing. Life is great.

 

[El Nino]

@LordoftheMorning: Well, congratulations. Sounds like she's really into you. Never a bad thing.

@Chaco: The timing is still horrendous because she's already in a relationship, and even if it ended real soon, you'd still be the rebound. Weigh the negatives: You getting shot down again versus you putting up with what you're experiencing right now. Don't worry about the upside because it's the upside.

Or, flip a coin? That always helps me. If it lands one way, but you have to flip it again because you don't like it, I guess you have your answer.

Sorry, that's all I got right now.

 

[abit_rusty]

So in short: Their personality influences your perception, which determines their beauty in your eyes..

This, this, and more of this.

And congrats LordoftheMorning.

off topic: omg gaiz lookit my post count >.>...need to make a worthy post...

 

[Cherry64]

@LordoftheMorning: Well, congratulations. Sounds like she's really into you. Never a bad thing.

@Chaco: The timing is still horrendous because she's already in a relationship, and even if it ended real soon, you'd still be the rebound. Weigh the negatives: You getting shot down again versus you putting up with what you're experiencing right now. Don't worry about the upside because it's the upside.

Or, flip a coin? That always helps me. If it lands one way, but you have to flip it again because you don't like it, I guess you have your answer.

Sorry, that's all I got right now.

I actually thought I was the only one that did this haha. I flip coins for everything that has two variable sand I clearly cannot decide.
I call it the masn way of decision making.

P.S. Congrats LordoftheMorning life seems to be going your way

 

[P.C. Jona]

wow lordofthemorning

see i told you to get those digits man, thats the first step. the next thing you need to do is actually spend some time with her, ask her to a movie bro, or maybe a theme park or something like that, something fun, so you can liike show her who you are you feel me?

and wow nationals is a big thing man, good luck bro.

oh this is my new account lol

 

[Azua]

wow lordofthemorning

see i told you to get those digits man, thats the first step. the next thing you need to do is actually spend some time with her, ask her to a movie bro, or maybe a theme park or something like that, something fun, so you can liike show her who you are you feel me?

and wow nationals is a big thing man, good luck bro.

oh this is my new account lol

You're not allowed to have alts.
Pick one.

 

[P.C. Jona]

yea i told scar that if he needed to, to ban the jonadiaper one, i guess he hasnt gotten it yet.

do it if you gotta

 

[Azua]

Aig ht.

 

[P.C. Jona]

mad mean son lol

 

[Azua]

Policy, yo.
If i let you have one, people are gonna baaaaawww about it.


Edit:
I'm an admin, people talk to me about stuff

 

[P.C. Jona]

yea i feel you but your all like

choose or i choose >:[

i was like dam that was fast...stalker lol

 

[P.C. Jona]

i found something that anyone that is truly in love would appreciate
its a movie called
how will we love
its on youtube and its about an hour and 20 minutes, but if your really in love and can relate to this then the time will fly by like its nothing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqAEfBMlJoc i hope you guys will watch this

 

[P.C. Jona]

well for those that didnt know, i made this thread, if you really think im sexist and whatever lol
just check the thread out... this i think has been the most popular blog since forever..idk

 

[Crystallion]

Sorry, haven't been here for a long time now, but I've been lurking around all the time, so...

Jona, I don't mean to flame, but since you wouldn't care anyway: WTF?
You get defensive because people call you sexist, but you don't even care since all you did was mess around with people out of pure amusement to see how they would react to you?

Not only is that a **** move, but makes you look like one of those neglected teenagers.

Seriously, pull that **** again and I report you. So freakin' ridiculous.

Spoiler

btw, lol, internet, serious business!

EDIT: Btw, my love life's not too bad at the moment. Could be better though, my bf's not one who cuddles very much ;P

 

[Firus]

well for those that didnt know, i made this thread, if you really think im sexist and whatever lol
just check the thread out... this i think has been the most popular blog since forever..idk

So what?

If you're not sexist, then show it by not making stupid remarks about how you "know" women. You don't, I assure you.

Also, not a bright move trying to bring the discussion into this thread if it's "the most popular blog since forever". The last one got locked. All you're doing is saying "Hey, bring the discussion from the now-locked thread into this one!"

One more thing; how exactly does this thread prove you're not sexist...?

(And, just to add, I didn't think you were sexist, I just thought you were stupid.)

 

[P.C. Jona]

So what?

If you're not sexist, then show it by not making stupid remarks about how you "know" women. You don't, I assure you.

Also, not a bright move trying to bring the discussion into this thread if it's "the most popular blog since forever". The last one got locked. All you're doing is saying "Hey, bring the discussion from the now-locked thread into this one!"

One more thing; how exactly does this thread prove you're not sexist...?

(And, just to add, I didn't think you were sexist, I just thought you were stupid.)

1 the other thread got locked after i posted here
2 i know my woman atleast, very well, and when i say i knew women i kinda meant like how to pick them up, how to get them to trust you, how to get to their heart, stuff like that. that stuff is easy to figure out once your in a long relationship, and its also unnecessary once your in a long one that you dont wanna get out of.
3 if i was sexist i would write about how deeply in love i am. i would say i have a woman that cooks for me and thats it

ya

 

[Teran]

Please guys, don't let that f***ing nonsense migrate to this thread. =\

 

[P.C. Jona]

but yea so has anyone watched the video i posted before?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqAEfBMlJoc

its really good

 

[Jam Stunna]

It's already been stated by others, but yeah, if ANY part of the makeup thread continues in this thread, it will be locked as well.

 

[Cherry64]

It's already been stated by others, but yeah, if ANY part of the makeup thread continues in this thread, it will be locked as well.

Good stuff.
That thread was ********, easily one of THE most ******** threads I've ever read on here.

 

[Shadow Moth]

Age is usually a fairly accurate measure of experience. I mean, you can only experience so many things in so many years.

How can you love someone when you're barely five years removed from "Eww girls are yucky!", you've (presumably) never spent a substantial amount of time with a girl in an unsupervised environment, you've never had sex, you've never had to deal with a relationship that's under pressure (and I don't mean, "Oh man, my mom doesn't want you calling the house"), and you don't even have to be responsible for your OWN well-being, much less someone else's?

Don't take this as a put down, because it's not meant to be, but alot of you guys are still kids, both physically and mentally. There is a certain level of responsibility that even comes with the feeling of love, and most of you guys are still nowhere near that threshold.

I was reading through this and I couldn't resist this post. First of all, not all that many kids that I knew ever really went through the "girls are gross" phase. I know I certainly didn't and I did have friends back then. I first experienced love in fifth grade. I'm pretty **** sure it was love because I still think about her now even though it's been nearly five years since I last saw her (fifth graders couldn't get AIM back then unfortunately).

I believe love is an ability more than anything else otherwise it would be impossible to "fall in love". Love is not dependent on how your body or brain reacts to a certain person, it is a representation of every different emotion you feel when you're with that person. That's why each person's ability to love s different.

 

[Proverbs]

^Also, what in the world does sex have to do with love? [In response to Jam, of course] I understand it's part of it, but you can easily fall in love with someone prior to having sex. That's just nonsense if you can't. Holding hands, hugging, kissing, and having sex are all expressions of love--or are meant to be, anyway. Some people resort to them because they want to feel loved--but obviously having the action without the love means nothing. So I really don't think whether or not you're a virgin determines whether or not you're in love. I'm not going to have sex until I'm married, and I don't regret that decision at all.

The rest I kind of agree with. A lot of people claim "love" when they just have butterflies. Love is putting yourself out there for the person when you have no guarantee of how they're going to respond, but you do it anyway. It's continuing to act in a loving way (and not obsessive, mind you) even when chances that they'll respond favorably are slim. Love isn't that you feel fuzzy inside around some girl and so does she. It's when you realize you've married the woman and have spent 15 years with her and find your relationship dulling that you still push on and make sacrifices to keep your relationship going.

In James chapter 2 James speaks about faith and deeds, saying that faith without deeds is dead. An example he uses is that if you see your brother without clothes, home, or daily food and say to him "Go, I wish you well. Keep warm and well fed" but does nothing about his physical needs, what good does it do him?

I would likewise say that love without deeds is dead. If you claim to love someone, or have the most mind-blowingly amazing feeling in your tummy around them, but do not show your love by action--what do you prove? That you are either indifferent to them or hate them. Love is an action, not a feeling. People forget that. That's why divorce is so common these days. "The feeling's gone" and so it's best they split up, right? Forgive me for side-stepping political correctness, but that's ********.

The reason why they're looking for that fresh new relationship with someone else is because they've neglected a relationship with God--where they're supposed to get their real support from to begin with. Once they find out their lover isn't God, they search for another one and get stuck in the infatuation phase again, and ditch that one too when they see that he/she isn't God and this cycle continues.

Real love is when you don't just love the person in spite of their faults, but for them. Because when they're doing their best to get over those faults to better your relationship, that's where the noble side of love comes in. The things that come naturally to them are just as worth being highly esteemed as their hair color. Think about it, if it's natural, why is that praiseworthy or noble? However, when they work against their nature and through their faults for you, that's when real love is shown, and that's what you love them for. That's what makes you keep pushing after 30 years of marriage. Not that she was 'hot' in her younger days, or that you two got along nicely. Because, like it or not, people grow old and stop looking so 'hot'. And likewise, when you live with someone, you get sick of them pretty fast.

You see their true character when they really put in the effort to change the difficult things for you. That's what love is. If you're doing that for someone, that shows love--regardless of what type, it's love. Love that comes easy means nothing. Love that continues under extreme stress and self-sacrifice with no promise of anything in return (and indeed, continues when you don't feel like it)--that's love of real value. That love has stood the test of fire. And unfortunately, age has nothing to do with this. There are people who are 80 years old who still haven't figured it out. Maturity doesn't necessarily come with age, some people are just as immature as they were thirty years ago. That's why divorce happens.

 

[Shadow Moth]

^Also, what in the world does sex have to do with love? [In response to Jam, of course] I understand it's part of it, but you can easily fall in love with someone prior to having sex. That's just nonsense if you can't. Holding hands, hugging, kissing, and having sex are all expressions of love--or are meant to be, anyway. Some people resort to them because they want to feel loved--but obviously having the action without the love means nothing. So I really don't think whether or not you're a virgin determines whether or not you're in love. I'm not going to have sex until I'm married, and I don't regret that decision at all.

The rest I kind of agree with. A lot of people claim "love" when they just have butterflies. Love is putting yourself out there for the person when you have no guarantee of how they're going to respond, but you do it anyway. It's continuing to act in a loving way (and not obsessive, mind you) even when chances that they'll respond favorably are slim. Love isn't that you feel fuzzy inside around some girl and so does she. It's when you realize you've married the woman and have spent 15 years with her and find your relationship dulling that you still push on and make sacrifices to keep your relationship going.

I kinda feel these two paragraphs contradict each other and yet I agree with both of them. However sometimes (especially for shy people) your love for a person is so strong that you don't want to risk putting it out there only to have it rejected.

Forgive me for side-stepping political correctness, but that's ********.

I've watched too much anime not to laugh my *ss off at this. XD
"Sidestepping" in particular made me think of Yuichi (from Kanon 2006) repeatedly sidestepping a charging Ayu. Even more so, it made me think of Jin (from Kannagi- Crazy Shrine Maidens) sidestepping Nagi in one episode.

Real love is when you don't just love the person in spite of their faults, but for them.

Simple, but deep. I've thought of this myself but to take it a step further I would say that it's not just liking them for their faults but helping them get through them as re-act (grammer?) of love in response to their act of trying to overcome their faults.

You see their true character when they really put in the effort to change the difficult things for you. That's what love is. If you're doing that for someone, that shows love--regardless of what type, it's love. Love that comes easy means nothing. Love that continues under extreme stress and self-sacrifice with no promise of anything in return (and indeed, continues when you don't feel like it)--that's love of real value. That love has stood the test of fire. And unfortunately, age has nothing to do with this. There are people who are 80 years old who still haven't figured it out. Maturity doesn't necessarily come with age, some people are just as immature as they were thirty years ago. That's why divorce happens.

*Agrees while nodding his head understandingly*

 

[Jam Stunna]

I was reading through this and I couldn't resist this post. First of all, not all that many kids that I knew ever really went through the "girls are gross" phase. I know I certainly didn't and I did have friends back then. I first experienced love in fifth grade. I'm pretty **** sure it was love because I still think about her now even though it's been nearly five years since I last saw her (fifth graders couldn't get AIM back then unfortunately).

I believe love is an ability more than anything else otherwise it would be impossible to "fall in love". Love is not dependent on how your body or brain reacts to a certain person, it is a representation of every different emotion you feel when you're with that person. That's why each person's ability to love s different.

I'm going to go on the record here and say that a fifth grader is literally incapable of loving someone besides their family members. A 10-year old does not possess the physical, mental or emotional maturity to love romantically.

Like Proverbs said, love is not just a feeling, it's action. I said this to someone else, and I still haven't received a satisfactory answer: how can you be willing to do anything for someone else when you don't have to do anything for yourself?

^Also, what in the world does sex have to do with love? [In response to Jam, of course] I understand it's part of it, but you can easily fall in love with someone prior to having sex. That's just nonsense if you can't. Holding hands, hugging, kissing, and having sex are all expressions of love--or are meant to be, anyway. Some people resort to them because they want to feel loved--but obviously having the action without the love means nothing. So I really don't think whether or not you're a virgin determines whether or not you're in love. I'm not going to have sex until I'm married, and I don't regret that decision at all.

Everything else I can agree with except this. I'm not going to try and explain this, because honestly, it can't be explained. Sex, and its connection to love, is something that can't be understood until you've experienced it.

You've made the decision to wait until marriage, and that's great. Basically, I'm just cautioning you against making claims like the one I bolded, because you don't know what you're talking about.

 

[P.C. Jona]

I'm going to go on the record here and say that a fifth grader is literally incapable of loving someone besides their family members. A 10-year old does not possess the physical, mental or emotional maturity to love romantically.

Like Proverbs said, love is not just a feeling, it's action. I said this to someone else, and I still haven't received a satisfactory answer: how can you be willing to do anything for someone else when you don't have to do anything for yourself?



Everything else I can agree with except this. I'm not going to try and explain this, because honestly, it can't be explained. Sex, and its connection to love, is something that can't be understood until you've experienced it.

You've made the decision to wait until marriage, and that's great. Basically, I'm just cautioning you against making claims like the one I bolded, because you don't know what you're talking about.

do something for someone else when you dont have to do anything for yourself?

you have to be able to love yourself and be happy with who you are to be able to love someone else. thats probably the only requirement. the way you say it is like you cant fall in love in highschool because you dont have a job, you dont have a car or something.
none of that is necessary for falling in love and loving someone. even tho later on youll need it, it doesnt matter, that stuff comes with time. that doesnt mean you shouldnt, or cant fall in love, thats non sense.

and sex to love someone im kinda in between on that. i know you can love before you have sex, but then after sex the love is stronger, its a deeper kind of love.