Being In Love/Advice

[IC3R]

Two people with confidence issues locked together by sex? Haha, good luck with that one.

Bow chicka bow wow~

[/relationship]

 

[Super_Sonic8677]

He is the kind of guy with littel self confidence and likes being in a relationship because it makes him feel worthy and he wanted to get laid. Easiest way to get laid is a relationship. That's what he chose and it worked, but only after a few tries. He's sensative and emotional and when he isn't in a relationship feels unworthy.

He was dating this girl named Sadie and met a friend of hers that brought her friends along to a play date type thing. that's where he met his now Fiancee Becky. He dated Sadie for another 4 months even though they did not see each other or really talk to each other for the last three months because Sadie didn't want to be in the relationship anymore and didn't know how to tell him. He has no backbone whatsoever so he stayed in it hoping it would get better.

two weeks after they broke up Ben rebounded with Becky and they dated ever since. it's now been almost a year since they got together but the relationship is total garbage. He has to answer her at her beck and call or else she's get upset/mad. It's how she is, she is really fragile and doesn't trust people very much. They both lost their virginity to each other so that ties them together, and because of that event Becky did not want to lose him when she went away to school. So Ben proposed.

Sorry about mixing tenses around, it's how I write which makes what I write incredibly confusing unless you've read Aldous Huxley religiously.

Ok the names, the situation and such really freaked me out XD
(I don't really want to explain why though...)
now that I'm over that lets see...

As far as your situation goes. Are they still in the relationship just because of sex and guilt? A relatonship like that will never work. In the end they'll hate each other for putting them in this position and themselves for allowing it.

Other than they need to seriously look at why their together,and if they even should be, I don't really know how to help you there.

 

[Cherry64]

Two people with confidence issues locked together by sex? Haha, good luck with that one.

Seriously lol. I'm trying to make them see the light. and I know ben, ben is similar to me, he will want to "**** it up" a bit later on. he should not marry the first girl he has sex with. that should be a rule

 

[Cherry64]

Ok the names, the situation and such really freaked me out XD
(I don't really want to explain why though...)
now that I'm over that lets see...

As far as your situation goes. Are they still in the relationship just because of sex and guilt? A relatonship like that will never work. In the end they'll hate each other for putting them in this position and themselves for allowing it.

Other than they need to seriously look at why their together,and if they even should be, I don't really know how to help you there.

I pulled the names out of a different list of people I know lol.
Uhh yeah, Ignorance is blisss even if they were to ***** the relationship peopel tend to be bias about things the like. these two think the love each other so much so, that they want to marry each other. even if I told them to ***** why they were together they'd probably say because they love each other and want to be together the rest of their lives.
then I'd ask them when they realized that they wanted to be together for the rest of their lives, and "Ben" would say "When I proposed to her" and I would chime in, "After 5 months?".

They are in such denial that it's impossible for them to see sense of it. the only time "Ben" Was speakign rashly was when Becky wanted to break up with him because he didn't finish their Call with I Love you" she thought something was up and that he didn't love her anymore. And HE apologized. See what I mean the no abkc bone thing.

I could get some more stories of things she's done and he's claimed the blame lol but that's by request only. and if Jam will allow it.

EDIT: sorry for double post

 

[LordoftheMorning]

Fawk no one cares about me.

@abit_rusty:

Are you asking if my act is on youtube? No it's not, but maybe if I could get someone to videotape it, I could.

 

[IC3R]

he should not marry the first girl he has sex with. that should be a rule

IMO, no one should be having sex before they are married anyways~


BTW, I got my girlfriend back

 

[Jam Stunna]

IMO, no one should be having sex before they are married anyways~


BTW, I got my girlfriend back

Congratulations, but for your sake, I really hope you don't follow through on that "abstinence until marriage" thing.

 

[IC3R]

Why's that?

I'm not going to give myself to someone I don't think I'll be able to stick with later on. And I'd probably wait a while after marriage to have sex, but that depends on how the mate feels about it, too.

I have this reasoning for the "abstinence until marriage" thing, and I happen to know some people who know the consequences of failing to do so.


For example: I was chatting with my old friend (the one who kinda disappeared and came back) on Facebook, and she was telling me she felt an empty spot in her heart. I asked her why; she said that some part of her was missing, and nothing she did could get it back. I then asked her when she starting feeling like this, so she thought a moment and said it was a few days after her 17th birthday (she had lost her virginity that day), when she broke up with her boyfriend at the time; she acquired a new boyfriend shortly after (the overpossessive abusive one), and they had done the deed a few weeks into the relationship. It was then that she took his virginity; so now, she owned a part of him, but she wants nothing to do with him. She's stuck with a part of that douchebag forever...even though she is no longer with him~

--My friend said she felt an empty spot, and told me what happened over the years we hadn't seen each other, revealing to me just about everything. Despite the time lapse, we are still pretty close. I'm pretty sure of the reason why she feels empty, she's missing a part of her soul. I know it sounds crazy, but I just have a strong feeling that is the reason. My friend told me to save myself for someone special, and not to make the same mistake she did~


Another example would be my parents, but I won't go into serious detail:
They were together, and it wasn't working;
They had sex, and later on had me;
It still wasn't working;
They do it again, and have my brother;
Still not working;
My mom cheats on my dad;
She has another son thanks to the guy who is currently my stepfather;
My parents get divorced;
My mom regrets a lot of things she did, especially the cheating;
My dad got over it, and realized many things. One in particular: my stepfather took a problem off of my dad's hands.

...and it goes on...

So yeah, I think I have reason enough to hold out until I'm married, though I had already made the decision to long ago. You may not think it a problem to screw before saying "I do", but everyone has his or her own standpoint, and this is mine~

 

[abit_rusty]

Good stuff IC3, much respect.

 

[Jam Stunna]

Why's that?

I'm not going to give myself to someone I don't think I'll be able to stick with later on. And I'd probably wait a while after marriage to have sex, but that depends on how the mate feels about it, too.

I have this reasoning for the "abstinence until marriage" thing, and I happen to know some people who know the consequences of failing to do so.


For example: I was chatting with my old friend (the one who kinda disappeared and came back) on Facebook, and she was telling me she felt an empty spot in her heart. I asked her why; she said that some part of her was missing, and nothing she did could get it back. I then asked her when she starting feeling like this, so she thought a moment and said it was a few days after her 17th birthday (she had lost her virginity that day), when she broke up with her boyfriend at the time; she acquired a new boyfriend shortly after (the overpossessive abusive one), and they had done the deed a few weeks into the relationship. It was then that she took his virginity; so now, she owned a part of him, but she wants nothing to do with him. She's stuck with a part of that douchebag forever...even though she is no longer with him~

--My friend said she felt an empty spot, and told me what happened over the years we hadn't seen each other, revealing to me just about everything. Despite the time lapse, we are still pretty close. I'm pretty sure of the reason why she feels empty, she's missing a part of her soul. I know it sounds crazy, but I just have a strong feeling that is the reason. My friend told me to save myself for someone special, and not to make the same mistake she did~


Another example would be my parents, but I won't go into serious detail:
They were together, and it wasn't working;
They had sex, and later on had me;
It still wasn't working;
They do it again, and have my brother;
Still not working;
My mom cheats on my dad;
She has another son thanks to the guy who is currently my stepfather;
My parents get divorced;
My mom regrets a lot of things she did, especially the cheating;
My dad got over it, and realized many things. One in particular: my stepfather took a problem off of my dad's hands.

...and it goes on...

So yeah, I think I have reason enough to hold out until I'm married, though I had already made the decision to long ago. You may not think it a problem to screw before saying "I do", but everyone has his or her own standpoint, and this is mine~

Sex is a part of an adult relationship. Trying to find a wife without testing your sexual compatibility is ignoring a critical component of what is necessary in a healthy, long-lasting marriage. If you don't find out that you hate having sex with your wife until after you're married, that's a big problem.

I'm not saying go out and sleep with 20 different women. What I am saying is that you have to be realistic about the role that sex plays in marriage. Would you marry a girl you've never talked to? Or seen? Sex is on the same basic level as those things, especially when you're committing to doing it with the same person for the rest of your life. You'd be walking into a marriage with blinders on, and you won't be able to see the potential problems that await you.

In the end, you can't make a well-informed decision about something you know nothing about. Everything you think you know about sex is wrong, because you've never done it. And the unfortunate thing about sex is that the only way to learn about it is to do it, and there's no going back once you cross that line. Even still, the regret of not entering a marriage as a virgin is comparatively small to the regret you'll feel if you and your wife share a cold bed.

As for the problems you listed...that's just part of life. Sex is a high-risk, high-reward choice, and sometimes people make mistakes. You just have to get over it and move on with your life. By remaining a virgin, you're eliminating most of those risks (STD and pregnancy, which are huge concerns). But when you think you've found the woman that you want to marry, it's in your best interests to make sure that everything in your relationship works.

 

[IC3R]

Okay, I believe I have and idea of where you're coming from. I agree that sex is an important part of a long-lasting relationship; the physical part is just as important as the emotional part. (Luckily, they can enhance each other, as well!)

I probably come across as childish with my decision to remain abstinent for a time--the decision based on the testimonies of others--but I have a feeling that the physical part of whatever relationship I'm in should be no problem for me; I seem to have a natural sensual "groove", despite my limited experience. But yeah, if turns out the lady doesn't like my "groove", that could be an issue. (Though I have some evidence that says she kinda likes it, but we won't go into that, hehehe~)

 

[Jam Stunna]

Yeah, there are ways to test compatibility without intercourse, that's true. As long as you feel comfortable with that person in every sense, that's all I was suggesting in my incredibly long-winded way.

 

[IC3R]

lol

I know how it is to be long-winded, I had to delete a buff of fluff that I typed out, because it was just superfluous information...

You and I are both there

 

[JonaDiaper]

its hard to wait until you get married...

when your with the right person and you get on the subject, it just happens...

as long as your sure about the person your gonna give yourself to, thats all the matters

 

[IC3R]

I understand, Jona, but sometimes one's feelings change.

For instance: my best friend's older sister was actually engaged before she had sex; she knew that she was going to stay with him forever, and thus gave herself up to him. Today, she's not with him...
(God, I do that too much~)


I know that when someone gets in the mood, it's hard to prevent it from happening, but this is why I've established an enormous amount of sensual self-control. I've basically trained myself to realize when the mood is getting dangerously deep, so that I don't mess something good up. I've pretty much learned when and when not to be in my "groove"...

It's hard to wait, believe me. There is a time and place for everything, and I have a strong sense of when and where the deed should be done. It's not here, and it's not now...So I simply roll with the waves as time goes by...

 

[Teran]

After the crazy abortion/condom splitting/general contraceptive failure incidents my friends have had, I'm always very wary to say the least about sex.

The main problem would be the fact that if a contraceptive does fail, I don't think I'd go for an abortion, and the last thing I'd want is to bring a child into the world that I'm 100% not ready to provide the necessary support for.

Hence, I use Pentagon style security with my contraceptives, and try to avoid it altogether.

I suppose abstinence shouldn't be a thing for life, but something that should be maintained for a certain age, purely for the consequences that follow. My friend got his girlfriend to have an abortion at the age of 15 when problems occurred, however, since that's not something I'd contemplate doing, sex is something I've tried very hard to avoid for this portion of my life.

Sex is for responsible people, a category I don't fall under. Doesn't mean you can't have other types of fun though, and you can still ascertain sexual compatibility with someone without full on action.

........Hmmmmm... am I a mormon?

 

[link64e]

Good for you IC3R. There is nothing wrong with waiting. I think more people should wait, maybe not until marriage, but at least until the right person comes along.

Jam also makes a good point as well. You need to be sexual compatible with the person your with, if you're looking for long term. If one person really enjoys sex and the other can go for a good 4 months without, then THAT could really be a problem.

Personally, before someone gets married, the couple should live together for about a year. Loving someone and living with them are two totally different things.

 

[IC3R]

Amen, bruddah~

 

[Jam Stunna]

Loving someone and living with them are two totally different things.

I just think that everyone should read this again, because he's 150% right.

And I agree with Teran17. If you're not ready for the responsibility that sex entails, don't do it. Abstinence is the only 100% sure way to avoid pregnancy.

 

[link64e]

Sex is for responsible people, a category I don't fall under. Doesn't mean you can't have other types of fun though, and you can still ascertain sexual compatibility with someone without full on action.

........Hmmmmm... am I a mormon?

Posting that just shows that you're more responsible than most people out there

 

[The Cunning Weasel]

I agree. It can wait. In the long run, it's how people look at it. This thread is interesting.

 

[IC3R]

Oddly enough, now his/her avatar is a nun xD

 

[demodemo]

lol its not as innocent as it may seem

 

[Jam Stunna]

lol Its Not As Innocent As It May Seem

IT'S A TRAP!

 

[El Nino]

IT'S A TRAP!

I love Bridget.

 

[Cherry64]

woah-ness. This got a heck of a lot mroe interesting as I took my two day leave. I re read the last page and its' entirely about sex. Kudos to you people.

Teran your way more mature if you can admit it. you of all people should know that admitting is the first step to.. something...? :S I forget the rest but admitting is good.

Laughed at the part on last page about going into a relationship with blinders on. that does not sound like a fun relationship to be in. Thus Ia gree with it. But I do respect everyone out there that willingly will decide to wait till marriage. I just think it's a bad idea for those reasons. and more.

 

[Teran]

lol its not as innocent as it may seem

Oh Lord no of course not.

BUT! You can't get boys pregnant, especially if they don't exist.

Go go Bridget.

 

[abit_rusty]

Oh Lord no of course not.

BUT! You can't get boys pregnant, especially if they don't exist.

Go go Bridget.

oh hey I remember my friend (who plays Guilty Gear) telling me something about bridget...lol.

 

[Teran]

oh hey I remember my friend (who plays Guilty Gear) telling me something about bridget...lol.

Lol yes Bridget.

Discussing his internet fandom is not suitable for this site....

 

[Jam Stunna]

Lol yes Bridget.

Discussing his internet fandom is not suitable for this site....

I have half a mind to lock this thread for even mentioning Bridget

 

[Teran]

I have half a mind to lock this thread for even mentioning Bridget

You should only lock this place if I mention something beginning with 4...

o_o

 

[IC3R]

That's Bridget?

I could've sworn that was Rosette from Chrono Crusade

 

[link64e]

Bridget: See Internet Rule #34

 

[abit_rusty]

Soo lets get back on topic shall we...before things get awkward...

I'm interested in what was said a couple of pages ago, namely..
"Being in love with someone is completely different from being able to live with them."

So I'm guessing the reasoning behind this is that regardless of how much it seems you may be in love with someone, your tolerance for them does is not truly tested until you live with them and have to learn to live with their daily habits, be it good or bad.

But then I thought that learning to love someone means looking past such imperfections and whatnot. Is that too naiive?

 

[link64e]

Soo lets get back on topic shall we...before things get awkward...

I'm interested in what was said a couple of pages ago, namely..
"Being in love with someone is completely different from being able to live with them."

So I'm guessing the reasoning behind this is that regardless of how much it seems you may be in love with someone, your tolerance for them does is not truly tested until you live with them and have to learn to live with their daily habits, be it good or bad.

But then I thought that learning to love someone means looking past such imperfections and whatnot. Is that too naiive?

Yes and No. Sometimes a relationship is fine with two people JUST because they live in separate places. If one person is extremely neat and the other is a slob, its obvious that the relationship might not survive

My Aunt and Uncle have been married for about 20 years. But their relationship was starting to suffer about 5 years ago. The just stayed married till my cousin left for college. Anyways, they divorced last year. When I asked my Aunt what happened, she said "I love him, but I just can't live with him.

If you do move in with your significant other, the most important thing to remember is to give each other SPACE.

I've been living with my boyfriend for 3 years now. When we first moved in together, it was a one bedroom apartment, he didn't have a car and I had recently lost mine. It was pretty rough on our relationship. Until my lease was up, then we moved into a 2 bedroom apartment so we could have separate rooms.

It was a life saver. If we ever just needed to be alone, we could go our separate ways. It was the smartest decision I had ever made. And it cotinued to be that way, till I got a job and moved away to Gainesville.

Seriously, if you plan on living together, spend the extra $100s , get a two bedroom and keep your relationship alive.

After that wall of text, love can conquer little imperfections in your relationship, but sometimes it can't conquer everything. It's not naiive to think that love can but sometimes you have to be smart about it.

 

[Jam Stunna]

To add to link64e's post, everyone is different. My wife and I have always shared a room, in fact we've only not slept in the same bed once since June 2006. link64e's situation works for her, and ours works for us.

The point is that living together is a major thing, and it requires that you approach it seriously and maturely. You can't think that "love will conquer all"; you have to work to find a solution that will work for both people, because as link64e demonstrated, you can't spend your life with someone if you can't live with them.

 

[LordoftheMorning]

Man..... my first and only relationship isn't going anywhere. At first, I thought I was in love, and maybe I was, but now I think I was just amazed to have a girl kissing me. Real love I'm willing to bet isn't so transient. 6-8 months later I'm still in the same relationship, but now I feel used. My girlfriend is so blunt and insensitive. We never talk about anything important, and she's always condescending me. It's not an equal relationship, and I really think I should break up with her. I'm just scared of hurting her. The way she acts toward me doesn't really reflect a feeling of love, but I just can't be sure. I don't believe in having sex before marriage, but all the same I feel like she's just using me. Idk... Just wanted to post something to vent.

That and I just realized how broken Snake is.

So guys, I "broke up" with my old girlfriend. And by "broke up" I mean "fell apart". My lack of enthusiasm for our relationship must have communicated itself to her, and we just sort of stopped talking. I haven't spoken to her for several months now. I'm just fine with that, though. Looking back, I don't recall being very interested in her from the get-go. She asked me to go with her to prom, and I just sort of agreed. I dunno. Learned some lessons since then, though. 1. Don't go out with a girl you're not interested in. 2. A purely physical relationship is useless. 3. Snake is still hella broken but I know the matchup now.

I started going to debate/speech tournaments this year. One of my best events is called Humorous Interpretation, in which I perform a 10 minute comedy skit with no props and only myself acting out every character. Here's a great example of what it is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjR97oeBor4
Part two:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2F5j5pLXKs&feature=related
The script I chose is essentially a whole bunch of male-bias dating humor called "The Official Mens Guide to Successful First Dates and the Fruitful and Happy Lives That Will Naturally Follow" (sounds kinda cliche but I've worked with it and won two medals and a 1st-place trophy this year. I do most of it in a British, John Cleese-like accent. It's fun.). It's kind of sexist, I guess, but most people know it's just for fun.

So at the first tournament I ever went to, there was a girl competitor in my round who did an act called "Politically Correct Bed-Time Stories", which ironically, is equally sarcastic yet totally opposite to my own act. Anyways, I really enjoyed talking to her. She's a great person, and she hugged me when she found out I didn't get into the finals. We've been talking every tournament (There's been some 7-10). I found out her name is Claire, which is INSANE for me because this makes the 3rd Claire I've had a serious romantic interest in. I'm all smiles around her, and she seems to be the same. She's a person who builds me up, rather than put me down like my old girlfriend used to. That's means a lot to me.

I'd love to ask her out, but she goes to a different high school than I do. She's also a Senior, and I'm a Junior, and I have no idea where she'll be next year. There are only two tournaments left, District and State, so that'll be my last chances to talk to her. I really don't know what to do. I can't drive yet, she might go off to college, I'm still sort of a chicken, and she might very well have a boyfriend. I thought maybe I should offer to give her my email address if she wants to keep in touch... good idea? Idk, HALP! Thx to anyone who read my novel.

Hey guys, I could use some advice for this and I didn't get much input. What should I say to her? Should I bring up the subject of phone numbers/email addresses up casually, or actually tell her that I like her when I do so? Also, I just won 3rd place at the State Tournament! I'd like to vent my extreme happiness.

 

[JonaDiaper]

Hey guys, I could use some advice for this and I didn't get much input. What should I say to her? Should I bring up the subject of phone numbers/email addresses up casually, or actually tell her that I like her when I do so? Also, I just won 3rd place at the State Tournament! I'd like to vent my extreme happiness.

ask her for her number bro..tell her you think shes really nice to talk to and you'd like to talk to her more if thats alright with her boyfriend..if she says she doesnt have one say you just assumed so because shes really pretty or something..and work from there, worry about the school stuff later.. one step at a time bro...

 

[Jam Stunna]

Just ask her. What's the big deal? Who cares where she'll be next year, there's plenty of time between now and then.

 

[Cherry64]

ask her for her number bro..tell her you think shes really nice to talk to and you'd like to talk to her more if thats alright with her boyfriend..if she says she doesnt have one say you just assumed so because shes really pretty or something..and work from there, worry about the school stuff later.. one step at a time bro...

Lol don't go for the cheexssy lines. but Defs ask her for the number. Depending on what you do for fun, ask her out to something that you like doing. just like if she's a party girl (Wouldn't touch those if i were you...) don't invite her to a party jsut because you knwo she likes to party, do it because you think it's fun too.

Ahem, Get her number first and work from there but heed those words. if you pretend your something your not for a girl your just asking for trouble right then and there.
this has no relation to you what so ever but it's free advice