JesiahTEG
Smash Master
Spend 15-20 minutes and read my article. I promise you will never miss a Smash tournament again.
Hello fellow smashers. Although I love you guys to death, there are a few kinks in the Smash community that need to be worked out before we become the greatest video game community ever. This article will tackle one of those problems for you. But first, allow me to save some of you some time.
This article is for you if you genuinely want to attend Smash tournaments, but something always seems to come up. I say genuinely because many people say they want to attend, but really they could be just as happy sitting at home with a bottle of lube and a brand new premium membership to *******. And if that's you, I completely respect that. Although I don't have the premium membership, I've heard nothing but good things. But, if you are this person, then this article is not for you.
Everyone is good at something. At least one thing. Although I've been blessed by the gods in various aspects of my life, my main superpower is the ability to skip out on every responsibility I need to. Ever.
I first took an interest in the art of what I call "Doing whatever the **** I want" in 5th grade, when my friend was sick from school and wanted to hang out. Since then, some of my accomplishments include but are not limited to:
*Going into school in 8th grade an hour late every day to finish my morning cartoons
*Skipping half of 11th grade, and 3/4 of 12th grade (Days attended vs Days in school year)
*Leaving my job @ Wegmans when I was 16 with no notice, and coming back 3 months later and still having my job
*Most recently, taking at least one day off from work every week, sometimes two, and then taking 2 months off for a Smash trip across the country
What's most impressive about the last one is, I just found out my entire program just got shut down because everyone got fired for not performing. I left on good terms.
But this thread isn't about me. No, it's about you, the Smashers. It's about everyone that has gone to work, or a wedding, or sat at home to write an essay while all of your friends were out creating memories that they would never forget.
Lastly, before I begin, I want to dedicate this article to 2 people. Zhenkai who I've never met before because he's never been to a tournament even though he's known about every one of them, and PikaPika! who has skipped work on countless occasions for Smash, but alas was fired from his job after the 8th or 9th time. He was at an advanced level, but not a pro level. One thing's for sure though, he wasn't no *****.
Let's begin.
The Rules
There are a set of rules one must follow in order to successfully do whatever the **** they want.
1. - You can't be a *****
This is the #1 rule. If you're a ***** then quit reading right now because this article won't help you. What do I mean by *****? Someone who's afraid to say what they want in class because they're afraid people will think they're weird or stupid. Someone who is afraid if they're a minute late to a meeting everyone is going to hate them. That's the kind of person I'm talking about. Just don't be a ***** and you can pull this off, I promise.
2. - Never lie to your friends
You will have to lie sometimes if you want to be able to attend every Smash tournament and have a good time with your friends. Sorry, but it's the price of victory. Rule #2 is basically saying, don't become a liar. Just lie when you need to, and never to anyone you actually care about.
3. - Get good at what you do
This rule is not absolutely necessary by any means, but it makes everything 10x easier if you're an A student, or if your job sees you as very valuable. In fact, if you're good at what you do this is the easiest thing in the world.
4. - No Johns
Anyone can do this no matter the circumstances. If you're going to read this entire article, then you can never post in a tourney thread saying, " I can't go to this tournament because of this." Instead, you must not post at all or post saying, "I can't go to the tournament cuz I'm a *****."
Obviously if your sister got hit by a car then that's a different story. Use common sense people.
Be in good standing
Whether you are a student or a full time employee, just get in good standing with your teachers or bosses. It makes things so much easier. In fact, being in good standing works to your advantage so much, it creates what I call the "Reverse Effect."
Most people think that if they skip work/school then when they come back everyone will be mad at them. This might be true for people who aren't in good standing, but for the people that are, skipping work/school actually makes it easier. An example is if you skip because "your car broke down." If your teachers like you a lot and you have good grades, they'll give you an extension on any homework or papers you have as long as you act sad. Sometimes they even offer the extension without you having to ask! If you're at work and you use that excuse, with a simple follow up of, "I can't even drive myself to school now. I have no idea what I'm going to do," while you're calling in, when you come back everyone will be sympathetic and understand that you're having a rough time, sometimes even becoming less strict on you.
In short, just be in good standing because it will make everything easier.
Excuses and how they work
Your main tools in escaping this chamber of depression known as responsibilities will come in the form of excuses. There are 5 levels of excuses.
Level 1 - Excuses used if you're going to be late anywhere from 15 mins to an hour, or you want to leave 15 mins to an hour early.
-My car is not starting this morning, I'm waiting for a friend to come jump me. I'll be 15 minutes late, a half hour at most because he has to wake up and drive all the way over here.
-Ugh, I'm so sorry I'm running a little late this morning, I didn't lock my door and my roomates turned off my alarm clock as a joke.
-Wow, I got pulled over on my way to work for speeding because I woke up late. (This also causes sympathy which is a bonus)
-I woke up with an incredibly high fever, I'm very dizzy. I'm still going to come in, but I'm going to the doctor's first. I'll be about an hour late.
Level 2 - Excuses anywhere from a half day to a full day missed. These are the most common excuses and usually the easiest to get away with.
-Can't make it in today, I'm very sick, I'm dizzy and fever and blah blah. Basic middle school ****, however, still very effective. Sometimes the best way to get out of something is to stick with the basics.
-I'm sorry I can't make it in today, my car just broke down. I'm going to see if I can't have my friend who is a mechanic come take a look at it today.
Level 3 - Level 3 excuses really are just extended versions of level 2 excuses. They are have the advantage of having a level 2 excuse already laid down as the foundation though, making them very believable. I'm not going to list examples for these, as these are just the same as level 2 excuses, but extended for more than one day. You can get away with these because normally when something of level 2 excuse status occurs, it has an effect for more than one day. Who gets so sick they can't go to work, but then it's completely gone the next day? That's just unrealistic.
Level 4 - Level 4 excuses are the golden excuses that can get you out of anything. But, you don't use level 4 excuses unless you must. Usually these are spontaneous sudden tragedies that you had no way of predicting or stopping.
-Death in the immediate family
-Death in the extended family
-Car has been totaled and you were in the accident
Level 4 excuses also have the benefit of you not needing to call in immediately. It's actually more believable sometimes if you wait until later on during the day/night or even the next day to tell them, as you were just "such an emotional wreck you didn't even think about it."
Level 5 - Level 5 are masterpiece excuses. The only problem with these is that they have to be setup and although they are extremely powerful, if you're not experienced you risk slipping up and getting caught. I'll explain these later.
Things to know about Level 1
Although they are the first level of excuses, ironically enough they should not be used very often. I actually recommend saving them for times when the excuses are true. Being late a lot puts you in bad standing, making everything harder. And really, using an excuse just to have an extra 15 minutes to an hour isn't even that big of a deal. I mean, do it if you REALLY want to sleep in or something, maybe once a month once every two months, but if you can just avoid level 1 excuses altogether.
Unless...
You are planning a level 1 and 2 merge. Although level 1 excuses are useless on their own, they are beautiful for setting up a solid level 2 excuse. Allow me to explain.
Merges
You can merge any excuses from level 1 up until level 4 in sequential order. So, you can merge a level 1 and 2, level 3 and 4, but you can't merge level 1 with 4. It just won't make sense. Merging adds the advantage of making it more believable. Let's take a look at a level 1 and 2 merge.
You call into work @ 7:50 AM when your shift starts at 8. You act very frustrated and tell your boss your car is not starting, and you are going to call your friend to come jump start it for you. You'll be in anywhere from 15 minutes to a half hour late.
Merge to level 2
8:30 rolls around and you call your boss again, telling him your friend didn't pick up and you've called everyone to come jump start your car but there is no one available. One of your roomates (Who doesn't drive or have a car otherwise your boss will tell you to have them bring you in) took a look and said it needs to be taken to a shop to be looked at. You're going to call and have it towed, but you're not going to be able to make it into work today.
The level 2 excuse is much more believable with the setup from the level 1 excuse. In fact, I recommend only using level 2 excuses with a merge from level 1, and vice versa, only using level 1 excuses if they're real or if they are going to be used for a merge to level 2.
A classic trap I use is a level 1 --> 2 --> 3 merge. Here's how it goes.
Call in before work and say you're going to the doctors and you will be about an hour late.
Merge to level 2
An hour later you call in telling your boss that it was worse than you thought, and you're not going to be able to come in today as the doctor wants you to rest.
Merge to level 3
The next day, you call in saying you're still sick and you won't be able to make it in today either. You're willing to stay late or come in early or pick up extra shifts to make it up though, but today you can barely move.
The reason I say this is a trap is because once you merge to level 2, you have the choice of either merging to level 3 and taking another day off, or going into work and acting sick. Either way you have to act sick the day after to make it believable. So, if you stay out of work it's believable, and if you come in when you're sick, it shows dedication and they might treat you better for that day. The chances of that happening are higher if you are in good standing.
Sweet Talking
Sweet Talking is a skill that may or may not be necessary to know depending on your situation. Sweet Talking is basically used in case they ask questions or want some sort of proof for something. Like if you "go to the doctor's" and they want a note, or if you "take your car to the shop" and they want a receipt or something. Now you can fake the note or the receipt pretty easily but I think that's too much trouble. Sweet Talking is just beating around the bush, telling them your doctor doesn't do notes but you can have him call even though he's pretty busy. If they ask for a receipt from the shop just say you forgot, etc.
The thing is, I can't give a lot of information on this because jobs NEVER ask questions anymore, besides if I'm doing better or anything. You only need to sweet talk if you're not in good standing. If you're in good standing remember, doing whatever the **** you want actually makes the job easier. Don't let the above paragraph scare you, if you do everything right your job won't give a **** about making you prove that you were actually sick, or you actually got pulled over.
Even if you are the middle, not in good standing or bad standing, but just kinda there...They won't ask questions because it takes too much effort and getting proof is a hassle. The only way they'll ask for proof or questions is if you're in bad standing and they're looking for an excuse to write you up or fire you. That should never happen so don't be a little girl and get scared.
Level 5
Level 5 excuses. I shouldn't even call them excuses really, and I've only used one of them although it was absolutely brilliant. A level 5 excuse is not something that can only be used once. It's something that you setup so that you can skip pretty much whenever you want. Too good to be true, huh? Nope, let me explain the Level 5 excuse I used at my previous job. (Which I may go back to when I get home, who knows)
First off I set this up at the interview after they hired me and asked if there's anything else they need to know. I briefly mentioned that my mom was sick and sometimes has to visit the hospital. But, it's not a big deal. You don't make it seem like you're going to be missing work, that's just ********. You mention it and frame it like it's not a big deal, but you're just telling them JUST IN CASE of the rare chance something serious happens with my mom, but it hasn't so far so it shouldn't be a problem.
The seed is planted. You have the job, and here's what you have to do to make this work. The first 2 months you have to have impressed your bosses a lot, and stand out as a reliable worker who has never been late and always performs well. If you haven't been there for 2 months but you need to skip for some reason, don't worry. The 2 months isn't a requirement, but it's just a good general amount of time to build your reputation there. You can get away with it even a month in if you can tell that your bosses like you as a person.
Anyways, at that point what you're going to want to do is come back from lunch break, or in the middle of it, and tell your bosses that you received a call saying your mom was just rushed into the hospital and she's in critical condition. Don't even say you're sorry, it makes it seem like you're thinking about it too much. Because what if your mom really was rushed to the hospital, you wouldn't be thinking about apologizing. You don't want to call in your first time using your level 5 masterpiece. You want it to happen during the day as an emergency. Much more believable that way.
Then, as long as you're performing well when you're at work, you can pretty much use the excuse once a week or once every two weeks. I even used mine twice a week sometimes. The beauty of a level 5 is, no one will ask questions because it's such a serious deal, you'll get offended. Who wants proof that your mom is dying in the hospital? If they do ask, politely pull them aside and say, "Listen Jim. Not even worker to worker, but just person to person. My mom is dying. I'm not going to get a note from my doctor. If you want to write me up or fire me, fine. I hope you don't, but that's your call."
Miscallaneous
It might be easier for me since my whole family is dead including my brother and my dad, so lying about someone else dying isn't that big of a deal. Also, although my mom ****ed up a lot when raising me, she's pretty cool now and is on standby in case she has to talk to my work herself. She's got my back. It's not necessary because they've never asked to talk with her, but I mean do whatever you can to foolproof your level 5.
A question you might have is, what happens if you use a brilliant level 4 or level 5 and you get away with it, but then it really does happen?! You've already used it once, what now? Well, actually this has happened to me recently right before I left. I used my level 5 since I got hired in December, and before I left my mom did go into the hospital and was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver, a leak in her esophagus and hepatitis c. It's not a big deal because if they ask for proof now, you can actually get it. The more you use an excuse the more likely they will want proof, so if it actually happens after you've used it as an excuse you have nothing to worry about.
Disadvantages
If you're constantly using excuses like I do, it might be hard to reach a management position. When the higher ups at my work would have meetings they would always talk about making me management, but never did because of attendance. It doesn't matter to me because I made more money on the sales floor anyways, but I guess if some of you really want that much more responsibility it might be a problem LOL
Some of you (Probably a lot of you) won't find humor or the lighthearted side of things in my methods, but A.) You don't have to go as far as level 4 or 5's, in fact I don't expect anyone to use a level 5 to be honest, and B.) I also had the harshest childhood ever so very little bothers me.
Also, even though I wrote an entire guide, to actually attend Smash tournaments you're only going to need to use one of these, or maybe two, so just be smart about it and if you have any questions ask.
This is also dedicated to John "The Reaper" Lander IV, my skipping partner throughout all of 11th and 12th grade, who is now out of college and has what they call, " A real job." I wouldn't have become a master of this art without you.
And remember, HONESTY to everyone that is not your superior at work or school. This is ONLY to get out of responsibilities.
Hello fellow smashers. Although I love you guys to death, there are a few kinks in the Smash community that need to be worked out before we become the greatest video game community ever. This article will tackle one of those problems for you. But first, allow me to save some of you some time.
This article is for you if you genuinely want to attend Smash tournaments, but something always seems to come up. I say genuinely because many people say they want to attend, but really they could be just as happy sitting at home with a bottle of lube and a brand new premium membership to *******. And if that's you, I completely respect that. Although I don't have the premium membership, I've heard nothing but good things. But, if you are this person, then this article is not for you.
Everyone is good at something. At least one thing. Although I've been blessed by the gods in various aspects of my life, my main superpower is the ability to skip out on every responsibility I need to. Ever.
I first took an interest in the art of what I call "Doing whatever the **** I want" in 5th grade, when my friend was sick from school and wanted to hang out. Since then, some of my accomplishments include but are not limited to:
*Going into school in 8th grade an hour late every day to finish my morning cartoons
*Skipping half of 11th grade, and 3/4 of 12th grade (Days attended vs Days in school year)
*Leaving my job @ Wegmans when I was 16 with no notice, and coming back 3 months later and still having my job
*Most recently, taking at least one day off from work every week, sometimes two, and then taking 2 months off for a Smash trip across the country
What's most impressive about the last one is, I just found out my entire program just got shut down because everyone got fired for not performing. I left on good terms.
But this thread isn't about me. No, it's about you, the Smashers. It's about everyone that has gone to work, or a wedding, or sat at home to write an essay while all of your friends were out creating memories that they would never forget.
Lastly, before I begin, I want to dedicate this article to 2 people. Zhenkai who I've never met before because he's never been to a tournament even though he's known about every one of them, and PikaPika! who has skipped work on countless occasions for Smash, but alas was fired from his job after the 8th or 9th time. He was at an advanced level, but not a pro level. One thing's for sure though, he wasn't no *****.
Let's begin.
The Rules
There are a set of rules one must follow in order to successfully do whatever the **** they want.
1. - You can't be a *****
This is the #1 rule. If you're a ***** then quit reading right now because this article won't help you. What do I mean by *****? Someone who's afraid to say what they want in class because they're afraid people will think they're weird or stupid. Someone who is afraid if they're a minute late to a meeting everyone is going to hate them. That's the kind of person I'm talking about. Just don't be a ***** and you can pull this off, I promise.
2. - Never lie to your friends
You will have to lie sometimes if you want to be able to attend every Smash tournament and have a good time with your friends. Sorry, but it's the price of victory. Rule #2 is basically saying, don't become a liar. Just lie when you need to, and never to anyone you actually care about.
3. - Get good at what you do
This rule is not absolutely necessary by any means, but it makes everything 10x easier if you're an A student, or if your job sees you as very valuable. In fact, if you're good at what you do this is the easiest thing in the world.
4. - No Johns
Anyone can do this no matter the circumstances. If you're going to read this entire article, then you can never post in a tourney thread saying, " I can't go to this tournament because of this." Instead, you must not post at all or post saying, "I can't go to the tournament cuz I'm a *****."
Obviously if your sister got hit by a car then that's a different story. Use common sense people.
Be in good standing
Whether you are a student or a full time employee, just get in good standing with your teachers or bosses. It makes things so much easier. In fact, being in good standing works to your advantage so much, it creates what I call the "Reverse Effect."
Most people think that if they skip work/school then when they come back everyone will be mad at them. This might be true for people who aren't in good standing, but for the people that are, skipping work/school actually makes it easier. An example is if you skip because "your car broke down." If your teachers like you a lot and you have good grades, they'll give you an extension on any homework or papers you have as long as you act sad. Sometimes they even offer the extension without you having to ask! If you're at work and you use that excuse, with a simple follow up of, "I can't even drive myself to school now. I have no idea what I'm going to do," while you're calling in, when you come back everyone will be sympathetic and understand that you're having a rough time, sometimes even becoming less strict on you.
In short, just be in good standing because it will make everything easier.
Excuses and how they work
Your main tools in escaping this chamber of depression known as responsibilities will come in the form of excuses. There are 5 levels of excuses.
Level 1 - Excuses used if you're going to be late anywhere from 15 mins to an hour, or you want to leave 15 mins to an hour early.
-My car is not starting this morning, I'm waiting for a friend to come jump me. I'll be 15 minutes late, a half hour at most because he has to wake up and drive all the way over here.
-Ugh, I'm so sorry I'm running a little late this morning, I didn't lock my door and my roomates turned off my alarm clock as a joke.
-Wow, I got pulled over on my way to work for speeding because I woke up late. (This also causes sympathy which is a bonus)
-I woke up with an incredibly high fever, I'm very dizzy. I'm still going to come in, but I'm going to the doctor's first. I'll be about an hour late.
Level 2 - Excuses anywhere from a half day to a full day missed. These are the most common excuses and usually the easiest to get away with.
-Can't make it in today, I'm very sick, I'm dizzy and fever and blah blah. Basic middle school ****, however, still very effective. Sometimes the best way to get out of something is to stick with the basics.
-I'm sorry I can't make it in today, my car just broke down. I'm going to see if I can't have my friend who is a mechanic come take a look at it today.
Level 3 - Level 3 excuses really are just extended versions of level 2 excuses. They are have the advantage of having a level 2 excuse already laid down as the foundation though, making them very believable. I'm not going to list examples for these, as these are just the same as level 2 excuses, but extended for more than one day. You can get away with these because normally when something of level 2 excuse status occurs, it has an effect for more than one day. Who gets so sick they can't go to work, but then it's completely gone the next day? That's just unrealistic.
Level 4 - Level 4 excuses are the golden excuses that can get you out of anything. But, you don't use level 4 excuses unless you must. Usually these are spontaneous sudden tragedies that you had no way of predicting or stopping.
-Death in the immediate family
-Death in the extended family
-Car has been totaled and you were in the accident
Level 4 excuses also have the benefit of you not needing to call in immediately. It's actually more believable sometimes if you wait until later on during the day/night or even the next day to tell them, as you were just "such an emotional wreck you didn't even think about it."
Level 5 - Level 5 are masterpiece excuses. The only problem with these is that they have to be setup and although they are extremely powerful, if you're not experienced you risk slipping up and getting caught. I'll explain these later.
Things to know about Level 1
Although they are the first level of excuses, ironically enough they should not be used very often. I actually recommend saving them for times when the excuses are true. Being late a lot puts you in bad standing, making everything harder. And really, using an excuse just to have an extra 15 minutes to an hour isn't even that big of a deal. I mean, do it if you REALLY want to sleep in or something, maybe once a month once every two months, but if you can just avoid level 1 excuses altogether.
Unless...
You are planning a level 1 and 2 merge. Although level 1 excuses are useless on their own, they are beautiful for setting up a solid level 2 excuse. Allow me to explain.
Merges
You can merge any excuses from level 1 up until level 4 in sequential order. So, you can merge a level 1 and 2, level 3 and 4, but you can't merge level 1 with 4. It just won't make sense. Merging adds the advantage of making it more believable. Let's take a look at a level 1 and 2 merge.
You call into work @ 7:50 AM when your shift starts at 8. You act very frustrated and tell your boss your car is not starting, and you are going to call your friend to come jump start it for you. You'll be in anywhere from 15 minutes to a half hour late.
Merge to level 2
8:30 rolls around and you call your boss again, telling him your friend didn't pick up and you've called everyone to come jump start your car but there is no one available. One of your roomates (Who doesn't drive or have a car otherwise your boss will tell you to have them bring you in) took a look and said it needs to be taken to a shop to be looked at. You're going to call and have it towed, but you're not going to be able to make it into work today.
The level 2 excuse is much more believable with the setup from the level 1 excuse. In fact, I recommend only using level 2 excuses with a merge from level 1, and vice versa, only using level 1 excuses if they're real or if they are going to be used for a merge to level 2.
A classic trap I use is a level 1 --> 2 --> 3 merge. Here's how it goes.
Call in before work and say you're going to the doctors and you will be about an hour late.
Merge to level 2
An hour later you call in telling your boss that it was worse than you thought, and you're not going to be able to come in today as the doctor wants you to rest.
Merge to level 3
The next day, you call in saying you're still sick and you won't be able to make it in today either. You're willing to stay late or come in early or pick up extra shifts to make it up though, but today you can barely move.
The reason I say this is a trap is because once you merge to level 2, you have the choice of either merging to level 3 and taking another day off, or going into work and acting sick. Either way you have to act sick the day after to make it believable. So, if you stay out of work it's believable, and if you come in when you're sick, it shows dedication and they might treat you better for that day. The chances of that happening are higher if you are in good standing.
Sweet Talking
Sweet Talking is a skill that may or may not be necessary to know depending on your situation. Sweet Talking is basically used in case they ask questions or want some sort of proof for something. Like if you "go to the doctor's" and they want a note, or if you "take your car to the shop" and they want a receipt or something. Now you can fake the note or the receipt pretty easily but I think that's too much trouble. Sweet Talking is just beating around the bush, telling them your doctor doesn't do notes but you can have him call even though he's pretty busy. If they ask for a receipt from the shop just say you forgot, etc.
The thing is, I can't give a lot of information on this because jobs NEVER ask questions anymore, besides if I'm doing better or anything. You only need to sweet talk if you're not in good standing. If you're in good standing remember, doing whatever the **** you want actually makes the job easier. Don't let the above paragraph scare you, if you do everything right your job won't give a **** about making you prove that you were actually sick, or you actually got pulled over.
Even if you are the middle, not in good standing or bad standing, but just kinda there...They won't ask questions because it takes too much effort and getting proof is a hassle. The only way they'll ask for proof or questions is if you're in bad standing and they're looking for an excuse to write you up or fire you. That should never happen so don't be a little girl and get scared.
Level 5
Level 5 excuses. I shouldn't even call them excuses really, and I've only used one of them although it was absolutely brilliant. A level 5 excuse is not something that can only be used once. It's something that you setup so that you can skip pretty much whenever you want. Too good to be true, huh? Nope, let me explain the Level 5 excuse I used at my previous job. (Which I may go back to when I get home, who knows)
First off I set this up at the interview after they hired me and asked if there's anything else they need to know. I briefly mentioned that my mom was sick and sometimes has to visit the hospital. But, it's not a big deal. You don't make it seem like you're going to be missing work, that's just ********. You mention it and frame it like it's not a big deal, but you're just telling them JUST IN CASE of the rare chance something serious happens with my mom, but it hasn't so far so it shouldn't be a problem.
The seed is planted. You have the job, and here's what you have to do to make this work. The first 2 months you have to have impressed your bosses a lot, and stand out as a reliable worker who has never been late and always performs well. If you haven't been there for 2 months but you need to skip for some reason, don't worry. The 2 months isn't a requirement, but it's just a good general amount of time to build your reputation there. You can get away with it even a month in if you can tell that your bosses like you as a person.
Anyways, at that point what you're going to want to do is come back from lunch break, or in the middle of it, and tell your bosses that you received a call saying your mom was just rushed into the hospital and she's in critical condition. Don't even say you're sorry, it makes it seem like you're thinking about it too much. Because what if your mom really was rushed to the hospital, you wouldn't be thinking about apologizing. You don't want to call in your first time using your level 5 masterpiece. You want it to happen during the day as an emergency. Much more believable that way.
Then, as long as you're performing well when you're at work, you can pretty much use the excuse once a week or once every two weeks. I even used mine twice a week sometimes. The beauty of a level 5 is, no one will ask questions because it's such a serious deal, you'll get offended. Who wants proof that your mom is dying in the hospital? If they do ask, politely pull them aside and say, "Listen Jim. Not even worker to worker, but just person to person. My mom is dying. I'm not going to get a note from my doctor. If you want to write me up or fire me, fine. I hope you don't, but that's your call."
Miscallaneous
It might be easier for me since my whole family is dead including my brother and my dad, so lying about someone else dying isn't that big of a deal. Also, although my mom ****ed up a lot when raising me, she's pretty cool now and is on standby in case she has to talk to my work herself. She's got my back. It's not necessary because they've never asked to talk with her, but I mean do whatever you can to foolproof your level 5.
A question you might have is, what happens if you use a brilliant level 4 or level 5 and you get away with it, but then it really does happen?! You've already used it once, what now? Well, actually this has happened to me recently right before I left. I used my level 5 since I got hired in December, and before I left my mom did go into the hospital and was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver, a leak in her esophagus and hepatitis c. It's not a big deal because if they ask for proof now, you can actually get it. The more you use an excuse the more likely they will want proof, so if it actually happens after you've used it as an excuse you have nothing to worry about.
Disadvantages
If you're constantly using excuses like I do, it might be hard to reach a management position. When the higher ups at my work would have meetings they would always talk about making me management, but never did because of attendance. It doesn't matter to me because I made more money on the sales floor anyways, but I guess if some of you really want that much more responsibility it might be a problem LOL
Some of you (Probably a lot of you) won't find humor or the lighthearted side of things in my methods, but A.) You don't have to go as far as level 4 or 5's, in fact I don't expect anyone to use a level 5 to be honest, and B.) I also had the harshest childhood ever so very little bothers me.
Also, even though I wrote an entire guide, to actually attend Smash tournaments you're only going to need to use one of these, or maybe two, so just be smart about it and if you have any questions ask.
This is also dedicated to John "The Reaper" Lander IV, my skipping partner throughout all of 11th and 12th grade, who is now out of college and has what they call, " A real job." I wouldn't have become a master of this art without you.
And remember, HONESTY to everyone that is not your superior at work or school. This is ONLY to get out of responsibilities.
