Rubyiris
Smash Hero
Link to original post: [drupal=4410]Sup smashboards. Here's the reason why I'm such a bitter *******. Have fun.[/drupal]
Many people have asked constantly, why do I care so much? The simple answer: Because competitive gaming, and more specifically, super smash bros melee is the only thing in life that brings me true joy, true happiness, and the only thing that comes close to giving me a sense of belonging. The long, more detailed answer: Read on~
I have literally gone my entire life being ostracized by everyone for the most absolute ****ing arbitrary bull**** reasons ever. Kids in my neighborhood? A combination of jealousy, and the fact that I had long hair. Elementary school? My hair. Middle School? I was a minority, had long hair, and had a very flamboyant nature. Didn't help that I was naive and didn't know I was acting gay. I was 12 and sexuality was the last thing on my list. I actually had to be withdrawn from my first 6th grade school because of how biggoted they were versus my hair. They literally thought that I was a problem child just because my hair was nearly as long as I was tall. The next school I went into was a majority black/mexican school a little further south of utterback near the AFB. During that period of time I was literally beaten on a DAILY basis due to the fact that I was white, had long hair, was honest, naive, and flamboyant. 7th and 8th grade was a repeat of elementary school, only add in violence and theft. High school, the staff discriminated against me because of my hair, and the students gave me **** for my flamboyant attitude, as well as my love for nerdy ****. For those who didn't know about my first experiences with smashboards on my original account, I was flamed and belittled on my first few posts. I posted a critique thread of a series of vids vs TemplarPsi and immediately people ragged on me because I wasn't that good at the time. The first online community I was every REALLY dedicated to was the yugioh forum duelistgroundz. Though I was SIGNIFICANTLY better than at least 90% of the forums population, I was constantly ridiculed because of some controversial views I had about deck types, certain cards, and various strategies, despite the fact that I had been playing longer, and was actually better than them, because I was an unknown, and my opinion differed from the general populace, I was automatically wrong, the which is the reason why I have been hated since I was a toddler, and up until recent history I have always tried to be the better man, but what did it get me? Constant ridicule, daily beatings, breaks throughout my body, mental health issues, a feeling of non-belonging, and the saddest, fakest social circle you can possibly imagine. I don't know who I can even consider a true friend anymore. Even the people who have helped me out in the past, half the time it seems they can't even be ***** to give me a simple hello half the time.
So to the people who say I shouldn't care, or at least as much as I do: Shut the **** up, seriously. It's obvious that none of you have experienced the level of alienation I have. Smash is the closest thing I have ever had to a sense of belonging, and it's the whole reason why I care as much as I do, the reason why I try as hard as I do. Sure, I'm smart and I have talents, but they're in fields that honestly don't interest me, and don't bring me joy. I think that it's ****ing stupid that the thing that brings true joy to me heart; competitive gaming, is one of the things I'm just not talented at. I may work my *** off as much as or more as the top professionals, but I lack certain talents required to break through to be the best, and it's heart breaking knowing that I will never be the best at the things I truly care about.
I don't expect anyone to give two ****s, to read through it, or if they did, actually understand what's written. The biggest reason why I'm even writing it is because it's a stress reliever, and maybe, just maybe, someone will give a ****, because lord knows I need help right now.
Many people have asked constantly, why do I care so much? The simple answer: Because competitive gaming, and more specifically, super smash bros melee is the only thing in life that brings me true joy, true happiness, and the only thing that comes close to giving me a sense of belonging. The long, more detailed answer: Read on~
I have literally gone my entire life being ostracized by everyone for the most absolute ****ing arbitrary bull**** reasons ever. Kids in my neighborhood? A combination of jealousy, and the fact that I had long hair. Elementary school? My hair. Middle School? I was a minority, had long hair, and had a very flamboyant nature. Didn't help that I was naive and didn't know I was acting gay. I was 12 and sexuality was the last thing on my list. I actually had to be withdrawn from my first 6th grade school because of how biggoted they were versus my hair. They literally thought that I was a problem child just because my hair was nearly as long as I was tall. The next school I went into was a majority black/mexican school a little further south of utterback near the AFB. During that period of time I was literally beaten on a DAILY basis due to the fact that I was white, had long hair, was honest, naive, and flamboyant. 7th and 8th grade was a repeat of elementary school, only add in violence and theft. High school, the staff discriminated against me because of my hair, and the students gave me **** for my flamboyant attitude, as well as my love for nerdy ****. For those who didn't know about my first experiences with smashboards on my original account, I was flamed and belittled on my first few posts. I posted a critique thread of a series of vids vs TemplarPsi and immediately people ragged on me because I wasn't that good at the time. The first online community I was every REALLY dedicated to was the yugioh forum duelistgroundz. Though I was SIGNIFICANTLY better than at least 90% of the forums population, I was constantly ridiculed because of some controversial views I had about deck types, certain cards, and various strategies, despite the fact that I had been playing longer, and was actually better than them, because I was an unknown, and my opinion differed from the general populace, I was automatically wrong, the which is the reason why I have been hated since I was a toddler, and up until recent history I have always tried to be the better man, but what did it get me? Constant ridicule, daily beatings, breaks throughout my body, mental health issues, a feeling of non-belonging, and the saddest, fakest social circle you can possibly imagine. I don't know who I can even consider a true friend anymore. Even the people who have helped me out in the past, half the time it seems they can't even be ***** to give me a simple hello half the time.
So to the people who say I shouldn't care, or at least as much as I do: Shut the **** up, seriously. It's obvious that none of you have experienced the level of alienation I have. Smash is the closest thing I have ever had to a sense of belonging, and it's the whole reason why I care as much as I do, the reason why I try as hard as I do. Sure, I'm smart and I have talents, but they're in fields that honestly don't interest me, and don't bring me joy. I think that it's ****ing stupid that the thing that brings true joy to me heart; competitive gaming, is one of the things I'm just not talented at. I may work my *** off as much as or more as the top professionals, but I lack certain talents required to break through to be the best, and it's heart breaking knowing that I will never be the best at the things I truly care about.
I don't expect anyone to give two ****s, to read through it, or if they did, actually understand what's written. The biggest reason why I'm even writing it is because it's a stress reliever, and maybe, just maybe, someone will give a ****, because lord knows I need help right now.