Sup smashboards. Here's the reason why I'm such a bitter *******. Have fun.

[Rubyiris]

Link to original post: [drupal=4410]Sup smashboards. Here's the reason why I'm such a bitter *******. Have fun.[/drupal]



Many people have asked constantly, why do I care so much? The simple answer: Because competitive gaming, and more specifically, super smash bros melee is the only thing in life that brings me true joy, true happiness, and the only thing that comes close to giving me a sense of belonging. The long, more detailed answer: Read on~

I have literally gone my entire life being ostracized by everyone for the most absolute ****ing arbitrary bull**** reasons ever. Kids in my neighborhood? A combination of jealousy, and the fact that I had long hair. Elementary school? My hair. Middle School? I was a minority, had long hair, and had a very flamboyant nature. Didn't help that I was naive and didn't know I was acting gay. I was 12 and sexuality was the last thing on my list. I actually had to be withdrawn from my first 6th grade school because of how biggoted they were versus my hair. They literally thought that I was a problem child just because my hair was nearly as long as I was tall. The next school I went into was a majority black/mexican school a little further south of utterback near the AFB. During that period of time I was literally beaten on a DAILY basis due to the fact that I was white, had long hair, was honest, naive, and flamboyant. 7th and 8th grade was a repeat of elementary school, only add in violence and theft. High school, the staff discriminated against me because of my hair, and the students gave me **** for my flamboyant attitude, as well as my love for nerdy ****. For those who didn't know about my first experiences with smashboards on my original account, I was flamed and belittled on my first few posts. I posted a critique thread of a series of vids vs TemplarPsi and immediately people ragged on me because I wasn't that good at the time. The first online community I was every REALLY dedicated to was the yugioh forum duelistgroundz. Though I was SIGNIFICANTLY better than at least 90% of the forums population, I was constantly ridiculed because of some controversial views I had about deck types, certain cards, and various strategies, despite the fact that I had been playing longer, and was actually better than them, because I was an unknown, and my opinion differed from the general populace, I was automatically wrong, the which is the reason why I have been hated since I was a toddler, and up until recent history I have always tried to be the better man, but what did it get me? Constant ridicule, daily beatings, breaks throughout my body, mental health issues, a feeling of non-belonging, and the saddest, fakest social circle you can possibly imagine. I don't know who I can even consider a true friend anymore. Even the people who have helped me out in the past, half the time it seems they can't even be ***** to give me a simple hello half the time.

So to the people who say I shouldn't care, or at least as much as I do: Shut the **** up, seriously. It's obvious that none of you have experienced the level of alienation I have. Smash is the closest thing I have ever had to a sense of belonging, and it's the whole reason why I care as much as I do, the reason why I try as hard as I do. Sure, I'm smart and I have talents, but they're in fields that honestly don't interest me, and don't bring me joy. I think that it's ****ing stupid that the thing that brings true joy to me heart; competitive gaming, is one of the things I'm just not talented at. I may work my *** off as much as or more as the top professionals, but I lack certain talents required to break through to be the best, and it's heart breaking knowing that I will never be the best at the things I truly care about.

I don't expect anyone to give two ****s, to read through it, or if they did, actually understand what's written. The biggest reason why I'm even writing it is because it's a stress reliever, and maybe, just maybe, someone will give a ****, because lord knows I need help right now.

 

[Lord Chair]

tl;dr but if you have long hair and people ***** why do you care lol

edit: join some punk/anarch community and find your soulmates or watch existential films 24/7 BAM you found that what youve been looking for all your life

thank me later

 

[Angbad]

Why not just cut your hair? >.<

 

[Lord Chair]

why WOULD he

 

[Life]

Donate it to a kid with leukemia?

 

[Thino]

well can't blame you for taking melee seriously , after taking so much **** but...

after all that time you should tell yourself about how stupid they were for discriminating because of your long hair, every single year of school u did

try to think about it

 

[Teran]

I was a very high achiever and an oddball at school, but I was pretty popular, it all comes down to how you carry yourself I guess.

I mean even now I'm gay, have highlighted hair, pierced ears, a pierced navel, but all my friends are typical boyish straight guys so heh, I guess there's more to it than just what people see, even if it does take them aback (my appearance does for sure :D)

Whatever though, I guess in England people are a little less prone to have such a big deal with stuff like long hair.

But hey it's all behind you right? I dunno man doctors ****ed **** up and corroded my heart walls but I dealt with it because it's kinda pointless to dwell, as cliché as it is, ruminating just causes an endless cycle of bitterness.

 

[Falconv1.0]

This is funny to me, seeing how I've been an outcast just about all my life, and yet I don't I've used as an excuse for flipping my **** like this.

Chill the ffffuuuuuuuuu- out man.

 

[Rubyiris]

I cut my hair several times throughout my life, and it actually never made a difference, people just found other reasons to **** on me for who I was. I figured, if people are just going to insult me anyways, why should I bother trying to conform?

Anyways, I went short again earlier last year and donated it to locks of love.

Also, since you guys are singling out the hair thing, that was just one of the many catalysts for why people disliked me, all of which were really dumb reasons. I was never negative, pretentious, negative, anything, yet because I was different, people **** on me throughout my entire life. I don't understand why that isn't justification for being ****ed up later in life. It's like you guys didn't even read the whole thing, just read through a portion or two and missed out on the entire picture.

The reason why I don't move on is because it's still happening to me to this very day, and frankly I'm tired of trying to be the better man since it has never done me any good.

 

[Teran]

The reason why it's not a justification for being ****ed up later in life is that it just perpetuates the cycle.

People are ****s to you, and because of that you decide to let it all rage out on people as a response. It's understandable, but ultimately if you're going to then go on to be an ***hole to everyone, what they're going to take from that is that people are ***holes, and so they'll feel it's the better course of action to be an ***hole to someone else, and so it goes on.

I could go on and give my own life story but I think I'll just say that mirroring the exact behaviour you resent is hypocritical and silly and doesn't actually really yield much satisfaction. Of course I'm speaking from personal experience and that obviously means nothing because OMG MY LIFE WAS SO EASY.

Pretty sure that's going to be the assumption but whatever **** you guys I have alcohol and cigarettes.

 

[Lythium]

I would party with Teran, just saying.

Life is what you make it.

 

[Falconv1.0]

Life is what you make it.

To an extent, sure. It's more like "life is what your brain is hardwired to make of it" 95% of the ****ing time, just saying.

 

[Teran]

I play the lottery twice a week so my life will be made of money.

 

[Lythium]

To an extent, sure. It's more like "life is what your brain is hardwired to make of it" 95% of the ****ing time, just saying.

I can accept that. :3c

 

[§witch]

To an extent, sure. It's more like "life is what your brain is hardwired to make of it" 95% of the ****ing time, just saying.

That's an irrelevant distinction because it doesn't matter either way.

 

[Rubyiris]

I like Falconv1.0's version of what life is, lol.

If being an blunt, tactless ******* isn't going to help my cause, but trying to be the better man just gets me **** on, what SHOULD I do instead?

 

[§witch]

Link to original post: [drupal=4410]Sup smashboards. Here's the reason why I'm such a bitter *******. Have fun.[/drupal]my hair was nearly as long as I was tall

What...I thought making fun of you for having long hair was weird at first, but that makes sense. Seriously, that has to be the least practical thing ever.

I have a hard time believing that everyone hates you for absolutely no reason. People might be stupid, but there never isn't a reason for something.

 

[Falconv1.0]

Be yourself, pick your friends wisely, aim to be succeed at whatever the **** makes you money, and, you know, swim in that money. Or be like me and Teran and be a total ****in' gangsta *** n****.

 

[Firus]

I have to second what Teran's saying entirely, but I think you're missing something here. There's a large gap between your current attitude and "being the better man". What Teran's saying (or at least, what I take him to be saying and what I would advise) is not "being the better man". By being bitter and hateful and angry about everything because of how you've been treated you're only making it worse for yourself. If you don't like how people are treating you the best way to handle it is to not let them ruin and control your life, and no matter how much you say you're going to be your own person, if your entire life is spent being bitter and angry about how people act towards you that's just as much controlling your life as it would be if you conformed.

I spent a good, long time being angry at society because of the way things work and because of what is and isn't acceptable, and it did me absolutely no good. When I instead resolved to just blow them off and do whatever I was going to do, that's when I stopped being ****ing miserable.

It may sound cliche and stupid, and from what I can gather you'll probably reject it anyway because you'd rather remain bitter (I know what that's like, stupid as it seems, to be bitter and miserable and try and find flaws in solutions because for some reason you want to stay bitter and miserable), but that's my advice to you. Take it or leave it, I don't care, just telling you my take on things.

 

[Falconv1.0]

Or you could just my avatar 24/7, and really, are you gonna listen to Firus?

 

[Rubyiris]

What...I thought making fun of you for having long hair was weird at first, but that makes sense. Seriously, that has to be the least practical thing ever.

I have a hard time believing that everyone hates you for absolutely no reason. People might be stupid, but there never isn't a reason for something.

No-reason is factually wrong, but I'm sure you get the idea. Basically, a huge portion of the hate I've gotten has been garnered for reasons that SHOULDN'T. Up until recently I've always been an extremely respectable, kind person who wouldn't wish ill on anyone. Teachers were biggoted against me for my long hard, or dyed hair. People hated on me because I was white. People hated on me because I acted flamboyant and awkward before homosexuality became more accepted. Online communities hated on me because of my differing opinions, even if I was actually better at the game, or smarter than them as a person, the list goes on.

Smashboards is a bit of a mixed boat. Some people were *******s to me in the past just because I was bad in 06. Some people hated me for the robotic as-a-matter-of-fact way of posting. Some people hated my immaturity from 2 and 3 years ago. Now people hate me because I'm a tactless *******.

@Firus: Nah, I feel what you have to say. I'm bitter because in the past, trying to treat people the way I wanted to be treated didn't work, and neither did attempting to conform. This blog post is a combination of writing just to handle the stress, and trying to find a solution to my problems. In all honesty I would love to find some wayI to move on past all the past hate and abuse I've dealt with, as well as achieve some sort of zen balance between being highly critical, but still being a respectable person. I don't want to change my critical, as a matter of fact way of thinking and presenting my thoughts, but I also want to be liked enough to feel some sort of community belonging.

 

[frotaz37]

People hated on me because I was white.

There's a reason this happens here in the USA, and it's not good to hold onto bitterness or anger in regards to such things. Such feelings among people can often lead to more racism, which only really leads to throwing rocks at the glass house that is race relations in this country.

All you can do is be as respectful as possible to all people and realize that a good deal of the hate you receive for your skin color is only directed at you on the surface, and at its roots has nothing to do with you personally.

However, I should mention that sometimes white people act in ways that are offensive to minorities without even realizing it, and while I don't know you or anything about your personality or experiences, I would recommend checking yourself thoroughly before writing off any hate you are receiving as a non-personal sentiment.

Yeah

 

[Thino]

No-reason is factually wrong, but I'm sure you get the idea. Basically, a huge portion of the hate I've gotten has been garnered for reasons that SHOULDN'T. Up until recently I've always been an extremely respectable, kind person who wouldn't wish ill on anyone. Teachers were biggoted against me for my long hard, or dyed hair. People hated on me because I was white. People hated on me because I acted flamboyant and awkward before homosexuality became more accepted. Online communities hated on me because of my differing opinions, even if I was actually better at the game, or smarter than them as a person, the list goes on.

Smashboards is a bit of a mixed boat. Some people were *******s to me in the past just because I was bad in 06. Some people hated me for the robotic as-a-matter-of-fact way of posting. Some people hated my immaturity from 2 and 3 years ago. Now people hate me because I'm a tactless *******.

@Firus: Nah, I feel what you have to say. I'm bitter because in the past, trying to treat people the way I wanted to be treated didn't work, and neither did attempting to conform. This blog post is a combination of writing just to handle the stress, and trying to find a solution to my problems. In all honesty I would love to find some wayI to move on past all the past hate and abuse I've dealt with, as well as achieve some sort of zen balance between being highly critical, but still being a respectable person. I don't want to change my critical, as a matter of fact way of thinking and presenting my thoughts, but I also want to be liked enough to feel some sort of community belonging.

the fact that all that happened to you and is STILL happening shouldnt change anything to you being conscious that people were back then , and are still hating on you for stupid reasons.

not saying you should look down on them, but at least telling yourself theyre stupid , IRL or here on smashboards.

as for your own attitude and if you should fix it or stay the bitter person that you are , I may not know you much , maybe a lil bit from some anime threads in media metropolis , but in general I'm part of the people that don't care when I see people acting like ***** , smart ***** so I never thought of you as somebody annoying or worth being hated on

cuz lol hating on the internet

but I realize , from what you're experiencing in your life it may just not be as easy

my advice would be to actually TRY and act nice to people, IRL or here, because yea its part of getting accepted in a community , even with everything you're experiencing IRL or some of the haters you have in here

 

[Teran]

I think Rubyiris just needs to hang out with me for a week then he'll be alright.

 

[Thino]

yea he just need to find someone that is not fake with him , that's all it will take

 

[Kewkky]

People only **** with others because they get a rise out of them. Believe me, if you played along with them or ignored them when they first started nothing would've happened. Now it's too late, since it's become something of a custom for them to make fun of you.

Still, you should just keep reminding yourself how, once you're out of high school, you'll probably never see them again. College is pretty much a whole new life, and you can start out from scratch there.

 

[Rubyiris]

There's a reason this happens here in the USA, and it's not good to hold onto bitterness or anger in regards to such things. Such feelings among people can often lead to more racism, which only really leads to throwing rocks at the glass house that is race relations in this country.

All you can do is be as respectful as possible to all people and realize that a good deal of the hate you receive for your skin color is only directed at you on the surface, and at its roots has nothing to do with you personally.

However, I should mention that sometimes white people act in ways that are offensive to minorities without even realizing it, and while I don't know you or anything about your personality or experiences, I would recommend checking yourself thoroughly before writing off any hate you are receiving as a non-personal sentiment.

Yeah

I was white in two schools where 95% of the populace was mexican/hispanic, 3% was black, and 2% was white/other. >_>

That and I was an awkward, naive child at the time, so that didn't help my case. Ironically I think being a polite person at the time probably actually got me more hate than respect. This was back in 2000, if anyone remembers how stuff was back then.

@Kewkky: I've been out of HS for years, but the bullying followed me onto online communities, and the Melee and Melty Blood communities where I live for various reasons. The vocational school I'm going to right now isn't bad, but I'm basically just disassociating myself from everybody outside of unavoidable contact, so it's pretty lonely, which makes me wonder which I really hate more? The bullying or the loneliness? Also, I'm 21, going on 22, lol.

@Thino: I've got about 6 other people in my life who aren't fake with me, and I really hold those people close to my heart. What really bothers me like I've mentioned before is that lack of belonging. I REALLY want to be a part of some community for a variety of reasons.

 

[Omnicron's Baklava Enterprises]

I sometimes wonder if I was a social outcast in earlier years.

But I guess it only happened in 5th Grade, as I was surrounded by smelly, poor, inbred little children who were incredibly jelly of someone who had been to places they could only dream of.
6th-7th Grade was just me stuck in my own world, playing WoW and other video games all day errday. I didn't even care that I had no friends.

Spoiler

It was GLORIOUS, actually.

But then I moved on to 8th, 9th, then 10th Grade and realised that, although having friends is good

Spoiler

-ish

, they bring their share of problems and only made me realise how flawed other people are.
I'm flawed too but.
Damn.
Other people are just ******** sometimes.

I have no real advice for you except maybe start being a little less polite.
In 8th Grade I was weird and only somewhat nice, and I didn't have many friends, even though my school consisted of 80 kids. In 9th and onto 10th, I just ended up being more popular because I had the ability to be the most cruel person in the entire school.
Again, that school had 200 kids, not very many. I'm moving to a public school this year, 1700 kids, so I'd love to find out what it's like...

 

[Everlasting Laughter]

It really doesn't matter what happens just how you deceide to veiw it. I believe that nothing really matters/God but if I give something value than it changes it so it does matter. Everyone's life sucks on one end, but mere existing can be the most wonderful thing if you choose to.

Enjoy your choossaid the guy who smiled before, during, and after the pain.

 

[El Nino]

Ruby: One question you might want to ask yourself is how comfortable are you with being you. No matter what community you join, no matter what workplace you end up in, someone will always try to jump on you for whatever reason. It's how you handle it that determines whether you will fit in or not. Bullies exist everywhere, and they're good at picking out people who lack self-confidence. It's evident in the way you carry yourself.

 

[Rubyiris]

I have this awkward combination of comfortability with myself and self-loathing. I'm comfortable with my hobbies, sexuality, personanality, etc, but at the same time I'm uncomfortable with my appearance, but lack the confidence and motivation ito do what needs to be done about it.

I have a fair amount of self-confidence, but that's only recently in my life that I've been as such. I used to be my own worst bully for years, but when you have people you look up to saying "hey man you're really good, **** the haters" you'd have to be crazy if you don't gain at least some level of self confidence.

I do have to admit that I lack the social skills necessary to handle myself in those situations.

 

[Zankoku]

If the only way you gain confidence in yourself is self-validation through others' words then you're paying a little too much attention to yourself.

I tried to elaborate on this but I couldn't form a good sentence for it.

 

[Rubyiris]

what should I be paying attention to?

 

[Lord Chair]

yourself

ooooh

ankoku youre not making a lot of sense, you'd say that in the current situation he pays too much attention others rather than himself

 

[The Nameless Wanderer]

Actually ignore this I got ninja'd lol.

 

[El Nino]

I do have to admit that I lack the social skills necessary to handle myself in those situations.

The only way I know to learn social skills is to put yourself in social situations. Don't do nothing crazy, but see if you can handle a few conversations with your classmates or the people you live with. Or get a job where you can ease yourself into customer service. I've had a couple friends with serious social anxiety who took years to get comfortable around other people. It sounds dumb, but just getting used to social situations helps a lot. Won't solve everything, but it helps.

 

[Rubyiris]

If that's all it took I wouldn't be socially awkward =/

I'm not a social reject, there are just certain situations I don't know how to handle myself properly in.

 

[¯\_S.(ツ).L.I.D._/¯]

Be yourself, pick your friends wisely, aim to be succeed at whatever the **** makes you money, and, you know, swim in that money. Or be like me and Teran and be a total ****in' gangsta *** n****.

ay somebody say *****?

But on a serious note, I think the premise of this blog is pretty dumb. You're basically telling people your life story and then telling them to shut the **** up because THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU BEEN THROUGH. That's not gonna help your case.

 

[Rubyiris]

That isn't the premise of the blog but what ever floats your boat.

 

[¯\_S.(ツ).L.I.D._/¯]

Regardless, it's a large part of the blog.