I just don't ****ing get it

[Jim Morrison]

Link to original post: [drupal=3589]I just don't ****ing get it[/drupal]



I had dinner with my family half an hour ago and my mom was a bit meh because I was raiding and I came HALF A MINUTE after she called us down for dinner (had to finish a loot quick, quit after that).
My brother didn't hear her, she had his music loud, so I had to call him.
Then she starts talking with us and tells us she feels like she's just there to cook and nothing else. She says she doesn't expect us to always talk to her but she's "missing something". She's a single mother by the way.

After that she leaves, crying and my bro and me were like :/.

But I don't ****ing get it. What does she expect from me? I know she expectations, and I'll gladly try to fill those expectations but I don't know what the **** she wants from me.
Maybe she wants us to come to her again whenever we have a problem. I'm 16 and a half, my brother is 20, my mother is on her own, thus doesn't really have anyone, because me and my brother are just teenagers. We can't talk to her about her interests in politics and hell I know, my brother is moving out really soon and we're just behind our computers when we're at home. I don't really know what she expects.

Has anyone else expierenced this? How is your life at home? Are you like me, just being behind your computer when you're not doing something with friends?

What does a 52 year old mother expect from her two teenage sons?

 

[Apollo$]

It's really hard for me to talk to my parents....

 

[Jim Morrison]

I know right, that's the thing. When you're a teenager you start detaching from your parents. You want to let go, but you just can't survive on your own physically, so they're there to keep you alive (cook, buy stuff, etc), but mentally you really want to just let go of them as parents and just as other people.

 

[Browny]

Yeah I used to get this a bit.

I gotta ask... what happens after you have dinner normally. Like did you eat it as fast as possible and go back to your room? If so, thats a cause, at least from my experiences.

 

[ndayday]

^

I usually try to stick around after dinner and talk. It doesn't even have to be serious, I always just joke around and tell stories since she works away from the house for days at a time. I try to make her feel like making dinner was worth it and that I appreciate it.

She gives me that line sometimes too. Replace crying with raging.

 

[Wrath`]

I have a great relationship with my single mom, we talk and even watch some TV together (I am 18 starting college this month).

You should try and find something you could do with her, she probably feels a bit isolated from you guys and just wants to make sure you never forget what she did for you as a mother when you leave and go make families and stuff.

 

[AlphaZealot]

I hope you thank her for dinner at least.

 

[Jim Morrison]

I gotta ask... what happens after you have dinner normally. Like did you eat it as fast as possible and go back to your room? If so, thats a cause, at least from my experiences.

Its dinner, clean the table, watch tv together with dessert, continue watching if it's fun or else we scram.

You should try and find something you could do with her, she probably feels a bit isolated from you guys and just wants to make sure you never forget what she did for you as a mother when you leave and go make families and stuff.

But I don't get it, what does she wants me to do with her? I watch movies with her regularly.

I hope you thank her for dinner at least.

Oooobv, it's always "mmm tastes great mom, how do you do it?" even if it doesn't taste good.

 

[SuperBowser]

What does she expect? Probably more than watching her only two sons ignore her everyday because they'd rather play on their computer. She spends her whole life caring for you and your brother, you should meet some of her demands too. Even if you think they're unreasonable. That's family.

You don't have to stop using your computer but maybe do a few extra things you wouldn't normally. She'll notice and she'll be happy. Maybe play a board game with your mum every now and then. Go with her sometimes when she does grocery shopping. Ask her to teach you to cook a few things. Buy her something.

Things like that.

 

[Ballistics]

Why don't you move your console out into the living room and talk to her while you raid?

 

[Jim Morrison]

I do those things. I help her with cooking, I help her put food on the table, I shopping with her.

I knew blog was a bad idea because all it does is provide people with an oppurtunity to demonize me as an ungrateful little ******* who's never willing to do anything for his mother.

You really don't know what it's like here at home. It's not ****ty, I love my mother and help her out, and would love for her to feel appreciated, but I have no clue what to do for her after all that I already do.

And what the hell does that mean, ignore her because they'd rather play on the computer? Where do you get any idea that I ignore my mother? You're just saying **** like that to make me look like a **** and lecturing me like that.

TBH, I think she was a bit upset because she had to make dinner early because she had to go to the gym after it, I came half a minute later than planned and my brother didn't hear her.

Man, this is like the millionth time she played that guilt **** on me, because I now see that it's not like I don't do **** with her. She just completely blanks it out at moments like that and only sees us being *******s being on our computer all day and not wanting to come for dinner because we're busy playing a game.

EDIT: Ballistics, man, I can't fap in the living room so that's a bad idea.

 

[Ballistics]

LoL good point, my mom is kind of in the same boat, she just recently found out that my dad was having an affair with his boss for 10 years and it really hurt her alot. They are trying to work things out but she seems alot more lonely now. My relationship with her has changed alot as a result of it though. She's more of a friend than my mom now because she needs some friends. That would be my advice is to do things with her that you would do with your friends, movies are good but they aren't really engaging. I recently started smoking grass with mom whom I thought would never ever touch it. I think we get lost in thinking that our parents are some other worldly beings but they are people just like you and me.

The most important thing to do is to really ask her how she is doing and feeling each day, and to change your personality where you really genuinely want to know.

 

[#HBC | Gorf]

I lmao'd at the end of your post Santo.

But me personally, I can't help you out much. I don't have much of a relationship with my mom. And even though it sounds like I'm just a kid complaining, it's her fault. But I have similar feelings with my dad, if that makes a difference. He feels we don't talk too much as a family.

My advise, dude, is to try to limit yourself on the computer or video games. Try spending more time with your parents. It sucks sometimes, but it always ends up being fun (mostly).

EDIT: BALLISTICS YOU SMOKE WITH YOUR MOM?! I told my parents and they almost killed me!

 

[Jim Morrison]

It's not so much parents as just my mother. My father doesn't live here but when I do come over, he's fine with me just watching TV, watching a movie, playing Risk sometimes and doing shopping. But my mother expects more, and I don't know what it is.

Also, wtf, smoke grass with your mom? Too engaging IMO. Also, I can't be friends with 50-year-olds because they just don't do/like the same **** as me.

 

[UberMario]

How often do you and your brother talk with your mother? You'd be surprised how much just talking for a few minutes a couple times a day will do, you and your bro don't have to do it at the same time, just make it so you look like you really care about your mother is doing, since it sounds like she feels she's being ignored (which may or may not be the case, being that I don't know). Though if you are doing stuff like shopping, and cooking with her, I don't know why she would feel that way, perhaps she's curious what is going on in your life?

 

[Glöwworm]

i don't think your brother is a teenager if you say he's 20 lol

 

[*JuriHan*]

Your mother needs to understand that your at the age, (even your brother) when it's normal to be distancing yourself from the family. It's unhealthy if you continue to cling to her. You mentioned she is a single mother, and this is probably the biggest reason with her being emotional. She is probably lonely and depressed, it's not easy being a single parent, especially single mom. It's sad. Does she intend to get re-married? Does she have any friends? It's not good to be alone in this world...

 

[Jim Morrison]

My mother was never married, but there is a particular guy she likes now. Have only met him once, looks like the kind of guy that wouldnt want me to play on my computer all day, but idc, im 16, ill be gone latter on.

 

[RATED]

LoL good point, my mom is kind of in the same boat, she just recently found out that my dad was having an affair with his boss for 10 years and it really hurt her alot. They are trying to work things out but she seems alot more lonely now. My relationship with her has changed alot as a result of it though. She's more of a friend than my mom now because she needs some friends. That would be my advice is to do things with her that you would do with your friends, movies are good but they aren't really engaging. I recently started smoking grass with mom whom I thought would never ever touch it. I think we get lost in thinking that our parents are some other worldly beings but they are people just like you and me.

The most important thing to do is to really ask her how she is doing and feeling each day, and to change your personality where you really genuinely want to know.

wow even smoking together too good.

-----------------------

OP, just talk to your mom a little bit things like stories that happened with some friends at a weekend and things like that, ask what she's doing(even if its obvious at the moment) or something like that.

my mom and I are pretty close, we even fight for the food at the table, she even ask me things like "when is your next tourney or how you been doing at tourneys or if I am at tourney she tells me : how are you doing by the moment?" my mom works in home doing clothes with machines and things like that so that I go to the place she work and distract her a bit from work and start pissing her off by throwing stuff at her or by playing videogames in front of her and she asking things about it and stuff.

I am about to turn 21 and finish my bachellor prolly next year.

yet I am very independent at home, I wash all clothes, help with the chores and even cook some rice.

 

[Oracle]

Your mom probably feels like you ignore her because you spend so much time on your computer. Maybe just spend a little time trying to do stuff with her/for her, like treating her out to dinner one night, strike up a conversation randomly, take her to see a movie etc. She'll really appreciate it

 

[Fatmanonice]

I'd simply ask your mom what's wrong because second guessing can tend to make things worse. Also, if you can manage to calmly listen to her through a long sob story or piss fit then that will mean a lot to her as it will show that you at least somewhat care about how she is feeling.

 

[El Nino]

I think it's a combination of your brother about to move out and you growing up. What she's feeling doesn't seem unusual for a parent in that stage of her life. It probably feels like her role as a mother is about done, and if that's the case it'd be normal to feel frustrated. Most people will work it out on their own. All you can do is try to be supportive. Try to talk to her if she has an outburst; just don't take things too personally if she's just talking out of anger though. She might blame you for some things you can't help. Kids grow up; it's inevitable.

She could have also been upset about something else and just snapped at that moment at you.

It also may seem stupid, but for some people getting a pet or something helps. I've seen this more than once. But yeah, support her and hopefully she'll work it out on her own. Try to keep in mind that when you guys move out it's probably going to be a big life-changing moment for her.

 

[Shorts]

You just gotta remember it has to be hard for her, she isnt 25 anymore and she still probably wants to find that special someone i mean she might just be frustrated! Whens the last time she has dated someone? And I hate to bring this stupid card up but.... Theirs always the big M. If its not that, hey remember we all lash out sometimes when were angryy about one thing and take it out on the ones we love. Be patient, and dont stop hanging out with her and do things with her as much as you can. "raid" Later!

EDIT: Ballistics, man, I can't fap in the living room so that's a bad idea.

Oh, hasnt the internet taught you anything!? You can fap EVERYWHERE!

 

[Cherry64]

EDIT: Ballistics, man, I can't fap in the living room so that's a bad idea.

Pure Poetry my man.

 

[REL38]

Simply talking about each other's day, listening and continuing the conversation sure does a bit
Heck, I listened to my sister rant on about her dance practice for 20 minutes while driving us home and I really felt like I connected with her with some of my advice

Same deal when my mom tells me about her day at work for half an hour
I don't detest it, but rather enjoy it

Creating that sense of trust and love in a family


Showing affection is never bad either
You're never too old to hug your parents and give them a kiss on the cheek

 

[Delta-cod]

Well, as a child of a single mother, I'll try and add my $.02

What I recommend is you spend more time with her that's not over meals or anything. Those things are "mandatory" in a sense and don't really show much. If you like a TV show, see if she likes it too and watch it together when its on. I do this with my mother all the time and it helps build a bond. My brother, on the other hand, doesn't really do this as much, and the relationship between them is a bit more shaky. Conversations with them tend to get heated a lot.

Another thing to do is just go talk to her. I'm assuming she works, so when she gets home, greet her and have a conversation for a while. About casual stuff. That helps a lot too. Ask if she needs help with anything, chores to be done, etc. It's stressful to be a single parent, so any help will make her feel a LOT better.

 

[SuperBowser]

And what the hell does that mean, ignore her because they'd rather play on the computer? Where do you get any idea that I ignore my mother? You're just saying **** like that to make me look like a **** and lecturing me like that.

Hey, sorry I was wrong. Didn't mean to offend you. But it's not like your first post gave any indication you do any of these things. You yourself said you and your brother are just behind computers when you are home. Perhaps your mum just wants you to spend more time on something that involves her than you currently do. Maybe she was mad about something else that day. Just ask

Parents make unreasonable demands sometimes. Unless they are actually ridiculous, try and meet them. That's what family is for. I know half the things my mum does or wants me to do are crazy (my whole family is crazy) but I just do them. If it makes her happy, then whatever. It also means when I do say ''no'', she understands.

 

[TheOriginalSmasher]

Assuming your referring to WoW, what dropped? which boss?

..... curious,
<---80 druid and rogue

 

[Jim Morrison]

Lmao, I've only played for a while, was on my only level 80 pala, was in ToC25, won a trophy of the crusade but people were like "dont give it to him hes leaving" but i won it cause I fought the fight and deserved my prize. Then I sold it to a raid member for 700g so I was content.

Yea, I'd love to meet her demands, but I can't see them. I don't know what it is

Oh well, today she's been normal again, think she was just a bit upset yesterday.

 

[Professor :3]

crawling in my skin these wounds they will not heal etc etc

 

[Jim Morrison]

You should write a poem, bro.

 

[Sucumbio]

Oooobv, it's always "mmm tastes great mom, how do you do it?" even if it doesn't taste good.

He said "thank," not patronize. Parents are strange creatures, they remember holding you in their hands as babies, wiping your *** as toddlers, wiping your tears as children, and wiping that smirk off your face as you enter adolescence. Now your older brother is moving out, and during the only quality time she may have to share with you and him, you're busy playing on the computer or with friends. Of course she's emotional about it, it's difficult to deal with the seclusion of being alone with people in the same house as you. It's like being stuck in giant glass jar in the middle of a shopping mall. Instead of asking us what you should do about it, think hard about the situation and do what comes naturally. Remember back to a time when you'd "nerd' out with your mom. Play a board game, or some cards... dominoes? Anything. Take her to a movie, take a walk in the park, do some yard work, take her grocery shopping, the list should be fairly endless I would think. If its her conclusion that her only function in life has become to serve you meals, well, technically that is one facet of her responsibility as a parent and until you're 18. But she would not say this unless she felt you were ungrateful, and perhaps even undeserving. So to rectify this view of you, which I'm sure you don't want her thinking that of you, you would do well to remind her just how important she is to you. If she were suddenly gone, for instance, how badly you'd miss her, this sort of thing. I wish you the best in this, I personally ended up thousands of miles away from my home and family because we just couldn't get along living even in the same state let alone under the same roof.