Acceptable Johns: Oxymorons Abound

[Overclassed]

This might seem a bit off-the-wall...

My friends and I spend a lot of time playing smash, and over the past year or so we've gone through every John on the map.

"I'm tired."

"My feet hurt."

"The sun's in my eyes."

"I'm hungry."

"You're Falco/DDD/Ganon (xD)."


We all agree, however, on one universally acceptable John.

COLD HANDS. Have you ever tried to grip a controller with numbly cold hands? **** sucks.

Any johns you and your cohorts find acceptable? :O

 

[Project D]

no...but I reckon I can think some up and what CAN happen for example:
"hang on...HANG ON!!! *attempts to pause* I need go go take a *bleep* in the bathroom!"
*plays till end of match and run off...*
Few moments later
*flushing sound*

 

[Spade1]

"I was outplayed."

sounds like an acceptable john to me.

 

[Gates]

I think climbing a mountain the day before is a legit John.

But seriously, the only legit Johns are for not being able to make a tourney because of work/hw/family events. Everything else is BS.

 

[Frown]

"You are better than me."

 

[choknater]

Cold hands and Frown's john are both legit.

 

[Sosuke]

Acceptable johns are still johns lolz >_>
it doesn't matter


Don't be playing if you can't handle it.

 

[Jaedrik]

One of my circles acceptable john's is 'an equal level person using my same character could beat you with your character... jerk...' A pro-tier John when my friends beat me (with Yelly-McYellerson when I'm Marusu)...

Another one: I just couldn't recover, sakurai didn't give me enough encouragement.

Another one: (after losing) *throws controller across room, which pulls the wii off the base, which it hits the ground, before it hits the ground, the controller hits dash and my character trips as the wii shuts down by itself*... SAKURAIIIIII!

Other than that, nothing short Sudden Combustion.

 

[Megapants]

"Tripping is cool."

 

[¯\_S.(ツ).L.I.D._/¯]

The best john is "It's against my religious principles to partake in the act of winning."

 

[Overclassed]

Hahaha.

I think the religion one is my favorite.

Also, I just realized i misspelled 'Oxymoron" in the title.

Oops.

 

[MrsSaturnandWatch]

''My hair is in the way''
lolwut

 

[Da-D-Mon-109]

:flame:
I know of two, both of which seem to be perfectly acceptable (although the first usually starts a fight, depsite being acceptable).

1)YOU ONLY WON BECAUSE YOU USED METAKNIGHT! (I always punch the first person who says that to my friends).

2)YOU ONLY WON BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU WERE DOING TO ME DURING THE MATCH (Personal John whenever a girl uses her body to fight instead of her hands, which ends up making me die very quickly, very easily, and is an uncounterable action. Seriously, GIRLS, DON'T WEAR TANKTOPS AND SPEND THE GAME SITTING IN THE OTHER COMPEDITOR'S LAP, BRUSHING YOUR BODY AGAINST HIS! IT'S NOT FAIR! IT'S VERY DISTRACTING AND MAKES IT HARD TO FOCUS! ;.; )
:flame:

 

[bobson]

Seriously, GIRLS, DON'T WEAR TANKTOPS AND SPEND THE GAME SITTING IN THE OTHER COMPEDITOR'S LAP, BRUSHING YOUR BODY AGAINST HIS! IT'S NOT FAIR! IT'S VERY DISTRACTING AND MAKES IT HARD TO FOCUS! ;.;

Oh man I have to try this

 

[¯\_S.(ツ).L.I.D._/¯]

Hahaha.

I think the religion one is my favorite.

Also, I just realized i misspelled 'Oxymoron" in the title.

Oops.

You can just edit it, by clicking "Edit" and then after that "Go Advanced" and then fixing it.

 

[Chis]

"Tripping cost me the match"

2)YOU ONLY WON BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU WERE DOING TO ME DURING THE MATCH (Personal John whenever a girl uses her body to fight instead of her hands, which ends up making me die very quickly, very easily, and is an uncounterable action. Seriously, GIRLS, DON'T WEAR TANKTOPS AND SPEND THE GAME SITTING IN THE OTHER COMPEDITOR'S LAP, BRUSHING YOUR BODY AGAINST HIS! IT'S NOT FAIR! IT'S VERY DISTRACTING AND MAKES IT HARD TO FOCUS! ;.; )[/COLOR]
:flame:

lol

 

[Recoil]

"Wifi......"

 

[sasook]

^was wondering when that one would come up. Most legit one right there, IMO.

 

[hichez50]

The only acceptable john I have ever heard was that "I suicided". It true and can't be proven wrong.

 

[SexTornado]

I barfd

Very distracting.

 

[sMexy-Blu]

"A hot chick passed nearby"

LOL

Best john ever.

 

[Moozle]

:flame:

2)YOU ONLY WON BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU WERE DOING TO ME DURING THE MATCH (Personal John whenever a girl uses her body to fight instead of her hands, which ends up making me die very quickly, very easily, and is an uncounterable action. Seriously, GIRLS, DON'T WEAR TANKTOPS AND SPEND THE GAME SITTING IN THE OTHER COMPEDITOR'S LAP, BRUSHING YOUR BODY AGAINST HIS! IT'S NOT FAIR! IT'S VERY DISTRACTING AND MAKES IT HARD TO FOCUS! ;.; )
:flame:

Are you complaining about #2 lol?

 

[Black Hole CO]

I wish more of my losses were like that. most of them stem with my younger brother beating me with the spare wiimote

 

[Collective of Bears]

Are you complaining about #2 lol?

Indeed. I believe I speak for most males here when I say I'd rather get a lapdance from a hot chick than win a mere game.

 

[kr3wman]

2)YOU ONLY WON BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU WERE DOING TO ME DURING THE MATCH (Personal John whenever a girl uses her body to fight instead of her hands, which ends up making me die very quickly, very easily, and is an uncounterable action. Seriously, GIRLS, DON'T WEAR TANKTOPS AND SPEND THE GAME SITTING IN THE OTHER COMPEDITOR'S LAP, BRUSHING YOUR BODY AGAINST HIS! IT'S NOT FAIR! IT'S VERY DISTRACTING AND MAKES IT HARD TO FOCUS! ;.; )

You should restructure your priorities in life.

 

[Iwan]

"your sister is super f*****g hot* johns are acceptable to me and a majority of my friends. One of them.....has a sister that's.......so f*****g hot........

like whoa.

So it's totally not our fault when we lose when she's around.

^ acceptable.

 

[Tennet]

I forgot who it was but they were ranting about johns, cold hands was one of them...

 

[Ich Bin Awesome]

All johns are acceptable.

 

[Mota]

COLD HANDS. Have you ever tried to grip a controller with numbly cold hands? **** sucks.

This couldnt be anymore true. It applies to all consoles though. Your hands are just so numb they react slower, I literally couldnt juggle in Tekken, miss the timing for everything.

 

[Afropony]

I think OverSwarm was angry at Bowyer one time because Bowyer kept making up heaps of Johns, he said that it was Bowyer's fault that he had cold hands and that he should have been wearing gloves before hand to make sure that his hands are warm.

 

[DtJ Hilt]

I think OverSwarm was angry at Bowyer one time because Bowyer kept making up heaps of Johns, he said that it was Bowyer's fault that he had cold hands and that he should have been wearing gloves before hand to make sure that his hands are warm.

Or you could run your hands under warm water before the match. Regardless, if you fail to prevent a problem before it becomes a bigger problem, it's no one's fault but your own.

 

[Zhamy]

"You only won because your hot little sister's virginity was on the line."

 

[SKnickers03]

"You only won because your hot little sister's virginity was on the line."

lol...thats amazing

 

[Lemon?]

Cold hands and tripping johns are acceptable... But all those "hot girl" johns or whatever are only acceptable if youre a horny 14 year old kid, which most of you are so I guess its ok You'll learn to have some self control when youre older

There's also another acceptable john in my opinion: "Im really really high and I thought I was playing your character." Im not making that one up xD

 

[Ochobobo]

I live in Florida, so I don't think I've ever played with cold hands... Unless I've just been holding a drink or something similar, in which case I'd try to wipe my hands off before playing. lol

 

[Da-D-Mon-109]

Are you complaining about #2 lol?

:flame:
I never said I disliked losing the match for that reason.. I just dislike when people pick on me that I lost.... and that is a very legitament reason for why I lost... God, I remember playing at a Pool Party... 'nuff said.
:flame:

 

[Punishment Divine]

Cold hand johns suck so bad omg.

Trash talk johns are pretty legit too

Oh and Ski Ball Johns

 

[Adetque]

Either:

"trip..."
or
"stage killed me/saved my opponent..." (only if it was the stage and not your opponent throwing you into a stage hazard)

only acceptable johns imo

Tbh, if your hands are cold you could have paused the game or said so before the game started.

 

[choknater]

I've had so many bad experiences with cold hands..

 

[:034:]

Acceptable johns:

"My hands are cold."
"My controller was on fire."
"I don't have any hands."
"It was Wi-Fi."
"My girlfriend called me."
"I'm playing with my feet."