Who Smashes for Earth?

[Planet Piss]

Suppose that, tomorrow, a roving band of extra-terrestrials finds our meager planet, and discovers that we are an advanced civilization. Naturally, they challenge us to NTSC Melee crews. They are willing to abide by our current rules and regulations, and have ten smashers of their own. If we win, they say, they will agree to erase Brawl from existence (or whatever other Smash-related gift we choose). If we lose, however, they will use our puny earthling bodies as receptacles for their intergalactic semen. They allow us to use their teleportation pods to summon all of our most talented players. The question is clear. Who will represent Earth in the most important event in human history? Which of our best smashers will fight in the 2011 universe crews?

 

[Jonas]

I knew this topic would be made some day.

Let's get the obvious ones out of the way first:

Cactuar
Mango
Armada
Mew2King

Oh and they should do with Brawl what the Vogons did with the Earth in 'Mostly Harmless': Erase it from every alternate universe and timeline to make it have never existed and never exist ever.

 

[boomrested]

Well that BoomRested guy...he's got a pretty good puff. Just kidding haha this thread is hilarious, I'd say Mango, Armada, M2K, Hbox, PP, AXE (they'll respect him for going pikachu), and some other guys I guess.

 

[Nike.]

Mention intergalactic semen to Isai and he'll 10v1 them for us and save the planet.

 

[Planet Piss]

Well that BoomRested guy...he's got a pretty good puff. Just kidding haha this thread is hilarious, I'd say Mango, Armada, M2K, PP, AXE (they'll respect him for going pikachu), and some other guys I guess.

I heard one of their best players is a DK main.

 

[Strife]

I knew this topic would be made some day.

Let's get the obvious ones out of the way first:

Cactuar
Mango
Armada
Mew2King

Oh and they should do with Brawl what the Vogons did with the Earth in 'Mostly Harmless': Erase it from every alternate universe and timeline to make it have never existed and never exist ever.

Cactuar shouldn't be on that list, also add Dr. Peepee and Hungrybox.

 

[boomrested]

I heard one of their best players is a DK main.

Oh we're in trouble then. I would like to use the teleportation pods however.

 

[DerfMidWest]

that list needs more Falcon, its common knowledge that extra terrestrial beings have a weakness for golden nipples and electric appendages.

 

[Biglard]

If we had Mango to play the aliens, he could SD 4 times just to troll he whole mankind.

 

[Battlecow]

With a year or so to practice in I'd very much advocate pulling out one or two of the old schoolers and seeing what they could do at the end of it. 10v10, you say?

I'd go:

PP as captain
Mango
Armada
M2K (crew wizard)
Hawngreebawks (even if he couldn't beat them, his style would probably convince them not to astrally inseminate him on the grounds that he would enjoy it)
Amsah
Wobbles (Aliens are all about wobbling, it wouldn't be banned)
Isai (he could do it, not even joking)
Kage (you know the warrior spirit would come in useful in a cosmically significant tourney)
Jman

Great OP by the way, I laughed.

And is it weird that I've considered this question (or similar ones, at least) in the past?

 

[Mr Postman]

Hax

10Haxs

 

[Lovage]

imma just put in fly and wobbles with 20 stocks each

aliens, like the east coast, don't know **** about ice climbers

(ZINGGGGGG LOL)

 

[boomrested]

What kind of smash related gift could we choose?

 

[Dr Peepee]

lmfao lmfao lovage


I've thought about this a lot actually


I always wonder if the aliens would have sick reaction times or would be able to trick us by understanding how we work too well or they innovated some weird character like Luigi and we don't know what to do lol.


I would play the most hardcore Falco ever to defend the earth LOL.


If need be we train Daigo to use Marth to win it all(just made this up but think of the hype LOOOLLL street fighter spacing too good).

 

[prog]

lmfao lmfao lovage


I've thought about this a lot actually


I always wonder if the aliens would have sick reaction times or would be able to trick us by understanding how we work too well or they innovated some weird character like Luigi and we don't know what to do lol.


I would play the most hardcore Falco ever to defend the earth LOL.


If need be we train Daigo to use Marth to win it all(just made this up but think of the hype LOOOLLL street fighter spacing too good).

We know what happened when J Wong played fox...

 

[Strong Badam]

I heard one of their best players is a DK main.

LOL
Put in Mew2King

 

[Thanos828]

Hawngreebawks (even if he couldn't beat them, his style would probably convince them not to astrally inseminate him on the grounds that he would enjoy it)

Lmaoooo oh wow

I'd think the aliens probably have innovated the game into some next level territory and Fox mains are "last century's talk" and ****.

 

[Captain Smuckers]

Have Dark from Chile train with Mango for a year so he's actually good at the game then give him 40 stocks. I assume aliens would have ridiculous techskill or something and the only human we have capable of keeping up would be dark

 

[DanteFox]

ken
mango
m2k
armada
kdj
wobbles
isai
dr. pp
shiz
silentspectre

 

[Walt]

I find your lack of s2j disturbing.

 

[Excision]

PP
Armada
Mango
M2K (Captain)
Taj (Alien's aint seen none of dat mewtwo)
JeffSpectre
Wobbles
Fly
Hbox
NeighborhoodP

 

[trunks6262]

You are all forgetting one VERY IMPORTANT thing.

The space animals...they are not going to fight their own kind.

 

[Anth0ny]

mango would body them free

 

[Pi]

mango would choke
ike would smash for earth

 

[-Philip Coast Philip-]

And is it weird that I've considered this question (or similar ones, at least) in the past?

"Who would I send to space so I'm not intergalactically inseminated"?

Spoiler

don't worry i've wondered that too i think we'll be fine

 

[Stratford]

God that OP gets me so ****in hype...

what with the learning that there's extra-terrestrial life and the high stakes melee and the intergalactic semen receptacles and the most important event in human history.

Armada
Mang0
Dr. PP
Mew2King
HBox
Axe
Hax
Jman
PC Chris
Amsah

 

[Divinokage]

**** that I would destroy these fools away from the Earth!

 

[Beat!]

Armada
Mango
PP
Hbox
M2K
Amsah
Wobbles
Fly
Hax
Jman

GG

Axe is **** and all, but he seems to have this tradition of performing poorly in crews.

 

[kevo]

It will be awesome, like a combination between the movies Independence Day and Armageddon, with Michael Bay directing it. It's 2014 and Melee dies off because two years ago Sakurai went and personally smashed every CRT TV in existance. Now aliens invade. The US military is unable to fend off the alien invaders and the head of the government hides in Area 51. The President turns to Dr.Peepee and tells him, "Kevin, the world is your hands. Get hype" and he presses a button under his desk and the floor flips over and reveals a pristine Melee setup.

Peepee then sets off on an arduous journey to track down the best Melee players from his era and get everyone back into shape in time for the epic showdown that will decide the fate of humanity. He travels to Arizona and finds Axe (played by Will Smith) and begins assembling his crew. It's not as easy as it seems: Hungrybox (Javier Bardem) owns a sugar plantation in Florida, Mew2King (Rainn Wilson) is a national celebrity spokesperson for Snapple, and Mango is nowhere to be seen. Can this ragtag bunch really save the Earth? Find out THIS SUMMER IN A THEATER NEAR YOU.


Wobbles
FlyAmanita
Hungrybox
Mango????????????????????????
Axe
M2K
Amsah
S2J
Armada
Dr.Peepee

The strategy is to gay the aliens' stocks away with rampant Wobbling and resting before the Mango hammer comes down and finishes them off. Crew experts like M2K will then clean up. Armada and Peepee are an insurance policy.

[COLLAPSE="spoilers"]In the movie, the heroes find out that Mango (now living using the assumed name Scorpion Master) has trolled humanity and is fighting in the aliens' side of the crew battle. PB&J is selected to take his spot on Earth's crew. After a long and hard battle with touching, dramatic moments and our heroes adapting to the aliens' crazy metagame of Game&Watch, Luigi, Yoshi, and frame perfect Foxes, the final battle comes down to Peepee vs. Mango, 4 stocks each. Falco dittos. [/COLLAPSE]

 

[JOE!]

If brawl never existed, we would have never known of it thus never wanted it to have been eradicated...



****ing paradoxes man

 

[Divinokage]

Well if Brawl never existed Melee could have died. Another possible future.. and it was looking that way at that time.

 

[Jonas]

Cactuar shouldn't be on that list

Are you ****ing serious?

**** that I would destroy these fools away from the Earth!

No offense Kage, but you shouldn't be allowed in this crew. This is too serious for your Warrior-nonsense.

 

[Planet Piss]

Javier Bardem as Hbox

Holy damn I laughed. That's perfect. I also consequently pictured Hbox in No Country for Old Men.

Good **** everyone; this thread is thoroughly entertaining.

Also, does anyone know how CJ has been performing recently? Most of the lists I've seen include mostly American players, but does anyone know of any talented players from lesser-known communities?

 

[Supreme Dirt]

omg this topic is hilarious.

 

[Dr Peepee]

It will be awesome, like a combination between the movies Independence Day and Armageddon, with Michael Bay directing it. It's 2014 and Melee dies off because two years ago Sakurai went and personally smashed every CRT TV in existance. Now aliens invade. The US military is unable to fend off the alien invaders and the head of the government hides in Area 51. The President turns to Dr.Peepee and tells him, "Kevin, the world is your hands. Get hype" and he presses a button under his desk and the floor flips over and reveals a pristine Melee setup.

Peepee then sets off on an arduous journey to track down the best Melee players from his era and get everyone back into shape in time for the epic showdown that will decide the fate of humanity. He travels to Arizona and finds Axe (played by Will Smith) and begins assembling his crew. It's not as easy as it seems: Hungrybox (Javier Bardem) owns a sugar plantation in Florida, Mew2King (Rainn Wilson) is a national celebrity spokesperson for Snapple, and Mango is nowhere to be seen. Can this ragtag bunch really save the Earth? Find out THIS SUMMER IN A THEATER NEAR YOU.


Wobbles
FlyAmanita
Hungrybox
Mango????????????????????????
Axe
M2K
Amsah
S2J
Armada
Dr.Peepee

The strategy is to gay the aliens' stocks away with rampant Wobbling and resting before the Mango hammer comes down and finishes them off. Crew experts like M2K will then clean up. Armada and Peepee are an insurance policy.

[COLLAPSE="spoilers"]In the movie, the heroes find out that Mango (now living using the assumed name Scorpion Master) has trolled humanity and is fighting in the aliens' side of the crew battle. PB&J is selected to take his spot on Earth's crew. After a long and hard battle with touching, dramatic moments and our heroes adapting to the aliens' crazy metagame of Game&Watch, Luigi, Yoshi, and frame perfect Foxes, the final battle comes down to Peepee vs. Mango, 4 stocks each. Falco dittos. [/COLLAPSE]

god tier post OMFG LOOOOOOOOOL

will smith as axe SLAYS me for some reason XDD

 

[Pi]

"Kevin, the world is in your hands, stack it up"

 

[Beat!]

^I think we may have found the movie's signature quote.

 

[Jonas]

god tier post OMFG LOOOOOOOOOL

will smith as axe SLAYS me for some reason XDD

Yes it's perfect. Got a good lol from reading that ^__^

 

[Cactuar]

Stack it up.

 

[azianraven]

I lost it so hard to this thread. Kevo, I don't know you, but I would love to help you make this movie a reality