Alright, so I've basically never been courted before by anyone, male or female. So on Thursday a couple weeks ago, I'm on my way to an intermural basketball game, and I realize I'm tired of being forever alone. I'm at the bus stop and I see a moderately attractive looking dude. I size him up, and I feel like we're prolly in the same league. So the bus comes, and I sit down next to him. 30 seconds later I get his attention and say: "hey, you're not a bad lookin' guy. Just throwin' that out there." Keep in mind two things. 1.) I've never done anything like this before. 2.) I have no way to know if he's gay.
Anyway he turns away and I turn away, thinking to myself, 'welp, it didn't work, but at least I didn't get in trouble.' 3 minutes later, dude slips me a piece of paper with his name and phone number. Yeah, I'm pretty good at this game, apparently. I get off the bus, win my basketball game, and go home. Friday morning I spend a couple hours talking to him, making sure he's clean and all that. My roommate remarks that he's seen his profile on adam4adam . com (I've never been, but you can guess.) Saturday I go over and pay him a surprise visit. I call him up when I get there and he tells me he'll be home in a few minutes. This is where things take a turn for the worse. He gets out of his car, and in the thickest, gayest accent I've literally ever heard in my life, "hi, I'm tho glad your here." My eyes widen. He leads me into his room, and the walls are painted pink. There's pictures of skinny women all over the walls, which he drew himself. I see whiskey, cigarettes, and a bong. The bed is pink. Perhaps it is pertinent to mention again at this point... I like dudes. He turns on the radio, and Nicki Menaj begins howling at whatever. He flips on the TV using the same remote and BET starts playing BET stuff. At this point I'm completely turned off, but I didn't come all this way for nothing, and lord knows I tried. I think the kicker was when I made out with him and noticed his pink, glittery fingernails. I suggested wrestling, since nothing else was going anywhere, and once I put him in a headlock for 10 seconds before realizing that he had no way to signal his submission, I went home. I walked for 4 miles to get back home and still smelled like perfume when I got there.
This is all true, and it was a fantastic experience, in the most literal sense of the word.
