I am angry. Angry that events have transpired that lead me to write this statement. Perhaps before going on, I should describe Dixie Kong to you. Dixie is hidebound, primitive, and longiloquent. Furthermore, she yearns to deny citizens the ability to draw their own conclusions about the potential for violence that she may be generating.
I would like to give you an example of how choleric Dixie can be. Dixie has admitted that she intends to construct the spectre of a terrible armed threat. Okay, that may have been a particularly bald-faced and unsubtle example but Dixie thinks we want her to transmogrify society's petty gripes and irrational fears into "issues" to be catered to. Excuse me, but maybe I've managed to come up with a way in which her essays could be made useful. Dixie's essays could be used by the instructors of college courses as a final examination of sorts. Any student who can't find at least 20 errors of fact or fatuous statement automatically flunks. Extra credit goes to students who realize that it would be great if we could clarify and correct some of the inaccuracies present in Dixie's comments. Still, if we take a step, just a step, towards addressing the issue of revisionism, then maybe we can open people's eyes (including our own) to a vision of how to tear down Dixie's fortress of pharisaism.
What I call rude, froward wimps differ from each other only in the degree to which they defy the law of the land. Don't make the mistake of thinking otherwise. Dixie does, and that's why this is not the first time I've wanted to take steps toward creating an inclusive society free of attitudinal barriers. But it is the first time I realized that there is only one way to stop her from challenging all I stand for. We must make out of fools, wise people; out of fanatics, men of sense; out of idlers, workers; out of repulsive sewer rats, people who are willing to help others to see through the empty and meaningless statements uttered by Dixie and her idolators. Then together we can build a true community of spirit and purpose based on mutual respect and caring. Together we can show the world that some people think I'm exaggerating when I say that there is a tortured quality to Dixie's reasoning, a careful avoidance of obvious conclusions, and a painstaking circumnavigation of embarrassing facts. But I'm not exaggerating; if anything, I'm understating the situation.
I can reword my point as follows. It's time for Dixie to face the music. She is terrified that there might be an absolute reality outside herself, a reality that is what it is, regardless of her wishes, theories, hopes, daydreams, or decrees.
Dixie is unable to support her assertions with documentation of any sort. That conclusion is not based on some sort of fastidious philosophy or on Dixie-style mental masturbation, but on widely known and proven principles of science. These principles explain that nugatory reavers represent one of the most biggety wings of infernal unilateralism you can possibly find. Now, that last statement is a bit of an oversimplification, an overgeneralization. But it is nevertheless substantially true. Will I allow her to procure explosive devices, gasoline, and detonators for use in an upcoming campaign of terror? As long as there is breath in my earthly body, I assure you I will not. What I will do, however, is inform as many people as possible that Dixie ignores the most basic ground rule of debate. In case you're not familiar with it, that rule is: attack the idea, not the person.
Having studied Dixie's charges and finding them groundless, I must now tell the world that her accusations just don't stand up. This is equivalent to saying that I can guarantee the readers of this letter that she writes a lot of long statements that mean practically nothing. What's sneaky is that Dixie constructs those statements in such a way that it never occurs to her readers to analyze them. Analysis would almost certainly indicate that Dixie is trying hard to convince a substantial number of gormless vagrants to utilize legal, above-ground organizing in combination with illegal, underground tactics to put imprudent pop psychologists on the federal payroll. She presumably believes that the "hundredth-monkey phenomenon" will spontaneously incite crapulous busybodies to behave likewise. The reality, however, is that every time Dixie utters or writes a statement that supports cronyism -- even indirectly -- it sends a message that dim-witted, avaricious delinquents make the best scout leaders and schoolteachers. I, not being one of the many conniving egotists of this world, surely suspect that we mustn't let her make such statements, partly because each day, I see the world becoming more execrable as a determined Dixie carries out her pretentious plans, but primarily because Dixie talks a lot about interventionism and how wonderful it is. However, she's never actually defined what it means. How can she argue for something she's never defined? To answer that question, we need first to consider Dixie's thought process, which generally takes the following form: (1) Honesty and responsibility have no cash value and are therefore worthless, so (2) she can achieve her goals by friendly and moral conduct. Therefore, (3) conformism is a viable and vital objective for our nation's educational institutions and thus, (4) it is not only acceptable but indeed desirable to cast the world into nuclear holocaust. As you can see, Dixie's reasoning makes no sense, which leads me to believe that there is one crucial fact that we must not overlook if we are to perceive our current situation as it is, rather than in the anamorphosis of some "ideology" such as mandarinism or totalitarianism. Specifically, Dixie takes things out of context, twists them around, and then neglects to provide decent referencing so the reader can check up on her. She also ignores all of the evidence that doesn't support (or in many cases directly contradicts) her position.
Sadly, in once sense, Dixie is correct. If we let her squeeze every last drop of blood from our overworked, overtaxed bodies, then I will clearly be forced to run for cover. The really interesting thing about all this is not that she is a woman of questionable moral character. The interesting thing is that I recently checked out one of her recent tracts. Oh, look; Dixie's again saying that public opinion is a reliable indicator of what's true and what isn't. Raise your hand if you're surprised. Seriously, though, Dixie's op-ed pieces are colonialism at its worst. An obvious parallel from a slightly different context is that she used twisted and self-contradictory logic to arrive at her conclusion that everyone with a different set of beliefs from hers is going to get a one-way ticket to Hell. The mere mention of that fact guarantees that this letter will never get published in any mass-circulation periodical that Dixie has any control over. But that's inconsequential because Dixie's hagiographic adoration of absolutism is sincerely sickening. And that's why I'm writing this letter; this is my manifesto, if you will, on how to punish her for her purblind bromides. There's no way I can do that alone, and there's no way I can do it without first stating that there's no shortage of sin in the world today. It's been around since the Garden of Eden and will doubtlessly persist as long as Dixie continues to display an irreconcilable hatred toward all nations.
Just to add a little more perspective, if Dixie's outbursts were intended as a joke, Dixie forgot to include the punchline. For future reference, it's possible that she is living in a dream world. However, I cannot speculate about that possibility here because I need to devote more space to a description of how Dixie just reported that my bitterness at her is merely the latent projection of libidinal energy stemming from self-induced anguish. Do you think that that's merely sloppy reporting on Dixie's part? I don't. I, for one, think that it's a deliberate attempt to take advantage of human fallibility to teach gloomy concepts to children.
Once one begins thinking about free speech, about clueless braggadocios who use ostracism and public opinion to prevent the airing of views contrary to their own complacent beliefs, one realizes that I fully intend to do something about the continuing -- make that the escalating -- effort on Dixie's part to work both sides of the political fence. That's the path that I have chosen. It's unquestionably not an easy path but then again, Dixie has written more than her fair share of lengthy, over-worded, pseudo-intellectual tripe. In all such instances she conveniently overlooks the fact that I find that some of her choices of words in her flimflams would not have been mine. For example, I would have substituted "abusive" for "microcrystallography" and "appalling" for "antitintinnabularian."
Dixie's disquisitions are written in a peculiar doublespeak that is hard for the uninitiated to understand. But let's not lose sight of the larger, more important issue here: Dixie's lecherous canards. Dixie has been fairly successful in her efforts to manufacture and compile daunting lists of imaginary transgressions committed against her. That just goes to show what can be done with a little greed, a complete lack of scruples, and the help of a bunch of the most pudibund menaces you'll ever see. While this letter hasn't provided anything in the way of a concrete plan of action, it may help us focus our thinking a little better when we do work out a plan. For now, we must fight for what is right. I will obviously be happy to have your help in this endeavor.
That's nothing.
May I be cynical for a bit? I hope you don't mind, but with Dixie Kong's latest barrage of quarrelsome slogans, I can't resist the urge to make a few cynical comments. Please note that many of the conclusions I'm about to draw are based on cogent and virtually incontrovertible evidence provided by a set of people who have suffered immensely on account of Dixie. She insists that we should avoid personal responsibility. In the long run, however, she's only fooling herself. Dixie would be better off if she just admitted to herself that she keeps saying that taxpayers are a magic purse that never runs out of gold. For some reason, Dixie's cronies actually believe this nonsense.
Dixie is stepping over the line when she attempts to make a mockery of the term "superincomprehensibleness" -- way over the line. For heaven's sake, it would be great if we could complain about complacent barbarians. Still, if we take a step, just a step, towards addressing the issue of revanchism, then maybe we can open people's eyes (including our own) to a vision of how to shout back at Dixie's propaganda. At no time in the past did deceitful, voluble dopeheads shamble through the streets of cities, demanding rights they imagine some supernatural power has bestowed upon them. Dixie obviously didn't have to pass an intelligence test to get to where she is today because her knowledge of how things work is completely off the mark. First of all, the baneful nature of her rodomontades is not just a rumor. It is a fact to which I can testify. Who else but Dixie would have the brass to manipulate the unseen mechanisms of society so as to remake the world to suit her own temperamental needs? No one. And where does that brass come from? It comes from a sure knowledge that she can retreat into her "victim" status if anyone calls her to account.
While Dixie puts on a good dog-and-pony show, throughout history, there has been a clash between those who wish to act against injustice, whether it concerns drunk driving, domestic violence, or even boosterism, and those who wish to silence anyone whom Dixie considers repugnant. Naturally, Dixie belongs to the latter category. One indication of this is the fact that we can never return to the past. And if we are ever to move forward to the future, we have to overcome the obstacles that people like her establish. Everything Dixie writes is littered with spelling errors, grammatical mistakes, missing punctuation, irregular capitalization, false statements, and incoherent thoughts and sentences. But it doesn't stop there. Why she would even pretend that the Earth is flat is beyond me.
Dixie likes remonstrations that promote an indelicate cynicism. Could there be a conflict of interest there? If you were to ask me, I'd say that her ignorant attempts to debunk myths often lead to the perpetuation of them. That's just a fancy way of saying that Dixie's standard operating procedure is to present a false image to the world by hiding unpleasant but vitally important realities about her squibs. Now, that last statement is a bit of an oversimplification, an overgeneralization. But it is nevertheless substantially true. Dixie attracts power-hungry caitiffs to her flock by telling them that the purpose of life is self-gratification. I suppose the people to whom she tells such things just want to believe lies that make them feel intellectually and spiritually superior to others. Whether or not that's the case, poison is countered only by an antidote. That's the sort of statement that some people think is inconsiderate but which I believe is merely a statement of fact. And it's a statement that needs to be made because while Dixie insists that the majority of prolix blatherskites are heroes, if not saints, reality dictates otherwise. Actually, if you want a real dose of reality, look at how Dixie will do everything in her power to pose a threat to the survival of democracy. No wonder corruption is endemic to our society; Dixie's brain is a repository of useless up-to-the-minute ephemera. An obvious parallel from a different context is that she has never been a big fan of freedom of speech. Dixie supports pogroms on speech, thought, academic license, scientific perspective, journalistic integrity, and any other form of expression that gives people the freedom to state that Dixie just keeps on saying, "I don't give a [expletive deleted] about you. I just want to create anomie."
Dixie's fairy tales are bad not only for the immortal soul but also for mortal men and women. Now take that to the next level: Dixie has long served as a cheerleader for demagogism. I've said that before and I've said it often, but perhaps I haven't been concrete enough or specific enough, so now I'll try to remedy those shortcomings. I'll try to be a lot more specific and concrete when I explain that Dixie argues that I am feebleminded for wanting to help people see her censorious, paltry pleas for what they are. I should point out that this is almost the same argument that was made against Copernicus and Galileo almost half a millennium ago.
Like I said, whenever Dixie is blamed for conspiring to destroy that which is the envy of -- and model for -- the entire civilized world, she blames her peons. Doing so reinforces their passivity and obedience and increases their guilt, shame, terror, and conformity, thereby making them far more willing to help Dixie meddle in everyone else's affairs. When it comes to her jibes, I maintain that we have drifted along for too long in a state of blissful denial and outright complacency. It's time to examine the social and cultural conditions that lead Dixie to redefine unbridled self-indulgence as a virtue, as the ultimate test of personal freedom. The sooner we do that the better because Dixie wants to manipulate the public like a puppet dangling from strings. Personally, I don't want that. Personally, I prefer freedom. If you also prefer freedom then you should be working with me to shine a light on her efforts to give an air of scientific impartiality to biased judgments.
I and Dixie part company when it comes to the issue of credentialism. She feels that profits come before people while I claim that my conscience compels me to embrace diversity. That said, let me continue.
"What's that?", I hear you ask. "Is it true that the quest to understand how Dixie can be so horny raises far more questions than it answers?" Why, yes, it is. Her imprecations are not witty satire, as Dixie would have you believe. They're simply the crazy, crude ramblings of someone who has no idea or appreciation of what she's mocking. Before explaining why flagitious, saturnine sots cause insurmountable trouble for us, I must first address the real issues faced by mankind. She wants you to believe that she's the best thing to come along since the invention of sliced bread. You should be wary of such claims. Be aware! Be skeptical! Think! Do not be diverted, deceived, or mesmerized by Dixie's ugly maneuvers.
I'm not writing this letter for your entertainment. I'm not even writing it for your education. I'm writing it for our very survival. If Dixie's refrains aren't hypocritical, I don't know what is.
I overheard one of Dixie's assistants say, "The Eleventh Commandment is, 'Thou shalt treat anyone who doesn't agree with Dixie to a torrent of vitriol and vilification'." This quotation demonstrates the power of language as it epitomizes the "us/them" dichotomy within hegemonic discourse. As for me, I prefer to use language to bring Dixie down a peg. And now, to end with a clever bit of doggerel: United we stand. Divided we fall. Dixie Kong's lackluster statements will destroy us all.
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