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[NSW] Hunter Valley Smash - Back in business!

Zero

Zero

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RED ALERT! The attempt for a free venue for tournaments has begun. I've written a draft of a formal letter I intend on submitting to my school and when combined with hopefully little mediation, will result on a free venue that will maximise the prize pot of the tournament. So with no further ado:

I write to you not only as a student of this school, but as a representative of the New South Wales Smash Brothers Community. We aim to gather likeminded individuals to participate in video game tournaments, centric around the Super Smash Brothers series. Due to a lack of a dedicated, cost-effective venue, the Hunter Valley Smash community has been unable to initiate. As the majority of the community exists and stays in Sydney, in order to stimulate the travel, we require a venue to hold tournaments and other events in. A study of the local area has revealed that the vast majority of ideal venues are either unavailable or financially infeasible.

I humbly request for the use of a room, strictly on weekends, is rendered available for the purpose of hosting these events, ideally bimonthly tournaments attracting a number of around twenty people. I understand the concerns that you may have about allowing unknown people into an unmediated environment. Other members of our community have hosted events in the University of Sydney and the University of New South Wales, among other community venues, reaching attendances of up to fifty people. I am fully confident that all individuals attending are of trustworthy composure. In the three years of the scene’s existence, not one destructive incident has occurred at an event.

You may wonder why I propose such a request to the school, when so many other venues exist in the local area. In my study of the area, I discovered that the vast majority of community venues require a steep deposit and a hefty rental fee per hour, with $15 per hour being the local average. To a small community, use of these venues is self-destructive as the community relies on the prize money of tournaments to attract attendance. As well as the financial infeasibility, my study reveals that the majority of community venues are located far away from public transport hubs. As many attending individuals are commuting with Sydney with a modest amount of gear, a venue near a train station is ideal. A large group of people also requires food and as our venue is in close proximity to the Maitland Mall, within a few minutes’ walk, it fits all three of the criteria for the ideal venue for our events.

As a Year 12 student of All Saint College Saint Mary’s Campus, I take great pride in my school and all of the opportunities that have been made available through the dedication of the teaching and logistic staff. I am confident that allowing such a request to pass through will resonate a sound message through the community, especially those that are directly affected, the Smash Community, and will demonstrate the nature of the school to support its students in every endeavour that they decide to undertake. As a representative and participant in the Smash Community, I, and many others would appreciate the grand gesture of offering your facilities for our use during specific weekends.
Click to expand...
Please criticise and comment all you like, all sensible and logical ideas will be taken into consideration.
 
Gords

Gords

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Messages
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great work and initiative Zero.

the only concern is I have is in the second paragraph as highlighted below

I humbly request for the use of a room, strictly on weekends, is rendered available for the purpose of hosting these events, ideally bimonthly tournaments attracting a number of around twenty people.
Click to expand...
I assume you mean twice a month you plan to host these events. However the word "bimonthly' may cause them confussion or give them the impression you may mean to say "every 2 months".
can I suggest you change the sentence to say:


"I humbly request for the use of a room, strictly on weekends, is rendered available for the purpose of hosting these events, ideally twice a month attracting a number of around twenty people."

If i am mistaken and you do mean to "every 2 months", then you could structure the sentence as follows:

"I humbly request for the use of a room, strictly on weekends, is rendered available for the purpose of hosting these events, ideally every two months attracting a number of around twenty people."
 
EverAlert

EverAlert

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Nitpicking time! I already discussed this with Andrew on IRC, but he wants me to post it here to "gather interest" or some weird thing like that, so here goes... :3

I write to you not only as a student of this school, but as a representative of the NSW Super Smash Bros. Community. We aim to gather like-minded individuals to participate in competitive video game events, centric around the Super Smash Bros. series. Due to a lack of a dedicated, cost-effective venue, the Hunter Valley region of the Super Smash Bros. Community has been unable to initiate. As the majority of the community exists in Sydney, in order to stimulate the travel, we require a venue to hold tournaments and other events in. A study of the local area has revealed that the vast majority of ideal venues are either unavailable or financially infeasible.

I humbly request for the use of a room, strictly on weekends, is rendered available for the purpose of hosting these events, ideally bimonthly tournaments attracting a number of around twenty-five people. I understand the concerns that you may have about allowing unknown people into an unmediated environment. Other members of our community have hosted events at the University of Technology Sydney and the University of New South Wales, among other community venues, reaching attendances of up to fifty people. I am fully confident that all individuals attending are of trustworthy composure. In the three years of the scene’s existence, not one destructive incident has occurred at an event.

You may wonder why I propose such a request to the school, when so many other venues exist in the local area. In my study of the area, I discovered that the vast majority of community venues require a steep deposit and a hefty rental fee per hour, with $15 per hour being the local average. To a small community, use of these venues is self-destructive as the community relies on the prize money of tournaments to attract attendance. As well as the financial infeasibility, my study reveals that the majority of community venues are located far away from public transport hubs. As many attending individuals are commuting from Sydney with a modest amount of equipment, such as televisions, a venue near a train station is ideal. A large group of people also requires food and as our venue is in close proximity to the Maitland Mall, within a few minutes’ walk, it fits all three of the criteria for the ideal venue for our events.

As a Year 12 student of All Saint College Saint Mary’s Campus, I take great pride in my school and all of the opportunities that have been made available through the dedication of the teaching and logistics staff. I am confident that allowing such a request to pass through will resonate a sound message throughout the community, especially those that are directly affected, the Super Smash Bros. Community, and will demonstrate the nature of the school to support its students in every endeavour that they decide to undertake. As a representative and participant in the Super Smash Bros. Community, I, and many others, would appreciate the grand gesture of offering your facilities for our use during specific weekends.
Click to expand...
Major changes underlined. Summary:

-Corrected a few details.
-Made the reference to the community more consistent (Super Smash Bros. Community, extend Bros. to Brothers if you feel it more appropriate).
-Changed the average attendance to 25 (IMO even a 5 person difference is significant for us)
-Gave an example of equipment (TVs)
-General clean-up with better wording and stuff.

Yeah.

I also brought up what Gords said but Andrew said Bimonthlies = twice a month = wording's fine.
 
Gords

Gords

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Messages
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e_alert said:
I also brought up what Gords said but Andrew said Bimonthlies = twice a month = wording's fine.
Click to expand...
hang on, but if bimonthlies mean 'twice a month' then how come when we say biweeklies we mean 'every 2 weeks'?
 
Gords

Gords

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I still think my way of putting it clears all confusion, as now i am confused:confused:

EDIT: of great you cant even see the ??? on top of this :confused: smileys head, some great design that was
 
EverAlert

EverAlert

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http://www.google.com.au/search?q=d...avclient-ff&ie=UTF-8&rlz=1B3GGGL_enAU247AU247

First definition: semimonthly: twice a month; "salaries are paid semimonthly"

Although the overall list seems to indicate it can mean either or.

To be honest, even though it means both, its primary meaning is twice a month; if anything, the person being approached with this should pick up on the double meaning and ask for clarification, which is a chance for Andrew to show that he knows what he's doing/talking about. An added bonus is that "bimonthly" sounds a bit more professional than "twice a month."

Soooo... yeah. That's what I think, anyway.
 
S.D

S.D

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Feb 25, 2008
Messages
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Sleeping in a submarine
I write to you not only as a student of this school, but as a representative of the New South Wales Smash Brothers Community. Maybe some info/background on the community in general? We aim to gather likeminded individuals to participate in video game tournaments, centric around the Super Smash Brothers series. Due to a lack of a dedicated, cost-effective venue, the Hunter Valley Smash community has been unable to initiate. As the majority of the community exists and stays in Sydney, in order to stimulate the (remove) travel, we require a venue to hold tournaments and other events in (remove). A study of the local area has revealed that the vast majority of ideal venues are either unavailable or financially infeasible.

I humbly request that (changed) the use of a room, strictly on weekends, is rendered available for the purpose of hosting these events, ideally bimonthly tournaments attracting an estimated turnout (changed) of twenty people. I understand the concerns that you may have about allowing unknown people into an unmediated environment. Other members of our community have hosted events in the University of Sydney and the University of New South Wales, among other community venues, reaching attendances of up to fifty people. I am fully confident that all individuals attending are of trustworthy composure. In the three years of the scene’s existence, not one destructive incident has occurred at an event.

You may wonder why I propose such a request to the school, when so many other venues exist in the local area. In my study of the area, I discovered that the vast majority of community venues require a steep deposit and a hefty rental fee per hour, with $15 per hour being the local average. To a small community, use of these venues is self-destructive as the community relies on the prize money of tournaments to attract attendance. As well as the financial infeasibility, my study reveals that the majority of community venues are located far away from public transport hubs. As many attending individuals are commuting with Sydney with a modest amount of gear, a venue near a train station is ideal. A large group of people also requires food and as our venue is in close proximity to the Maitland Mall, within a few minutes’ walk, it fits all three of the criteria for the ideal venue for our events.

As a Year 12 student of All Saint College Saint Mary’s Campus, I take great pride in my school and all of the opportunities that have been made available through the dedication of the teaching and logistic staff. I am confident that allowing such a request to pass through will resonate a sound message through the community, especially those that are directly affected, the Smash Community, and will demonstrate the nature of the school to support its students in every endeavour that they decide to undertake. As a representative and participant in the Smash Community, I, and many others would appreciate the grand gesture of offering your facilities for our use during specific weekends.

Can we offer them anything in return?

Also it might be an idea to contact Teddy/Shaya to possibly get some kind of letter of recommendation from the venues we have used previously, stating that behaviour was exemplary and the venues were unharmed etc.

It's late I might check through again but it all seems pretty good.
 
SummonerAU

SummonerAU

Smash Lord
Joined
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Messages
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.
ANTI JIGGS TRAINING?

IF YOU HIT HER SHE CRYS. DO YOU WANT HER TO CRY TIM??!?

10caps
 
SummonerAU

SummonerAU

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.
Hunter Valley is being boring!

I heard Mario is lighting fires in Victoria then putting them out with his F.L.U.D.D. Not cool.
 
S.D

S.D

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It's often volunteer firefighters who start fires so they can put them out save lives and be heroes.

Some people are just ****ed in the head.
 
Dedu

Dedu

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です
haha that's funny SD

in other news Arsonists are the real volunteer firefighters... :p
 
Dedu

Dedu

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です
haha how do they manage to start fires without being caught redhanded by some random? :p
 
Jazz77vivi

Jazz77vivi

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Feb 5, 2009
Messages
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All out attack!!!
hmm... its raining pretty heavy here in Maitland... maybe it will flood again? lol

That would be both cool and bad.

But anyway, I'm Jazz77vivi (better known as J-Rum, but that name was taken.
I main Peach, Falco and Toon Link mostly in Brawl, and use Jiggs, Pkmn Trainer, Luigi and Zelda occassionaly
 
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