Real Money Auction House Man
Real Money Auction House Man is an original character based on the Real Money Auction House added in Diablo 3. You see, Blizzard got this brilliant idea that you could sell weapons for real money because they weren't already rolling in cash from World of Warcraft.
That and it eliminates the weapons black market. Anyway, who said we couldn't just translate this to Brawl, anyway? In his appearence, Real Money Auction House Man(RMAHM) looks like a generic person, whatever you view that being.
STATS
Movement Speed- 30
Aerial Speed- 30
Weight- 10
Fall Speed- 10
Size- 6
RMAHM doesn't move like a normal character. He flies around like Super Sonic, with even tighter controls. He doesn't have aerials either, because he can use his regular attacks just fine in the air. His weight is just for show though, he doesn't actually take any knockback... most of the time. You see, everything RMAHM does has a cost, in real life money. As such, the game is hooked up to your bank account if you select him. Don't ask how we do this, it's pretty confidential stuff. It costs $4 a second for him to move at full Super Sonic speeds, though if you're more gentle with the controller you may not have to use that much money. In addition, when he would take knockback, he instead drains money from your bank account based on how much knockback he would've taken. Just so you know, this money is largely sent to Blizzard Headquarters, with 30% going to a charity to get education for Plorf.
STANDARDS
Neutral Attack
RMAHM takes out a remote and presses a button, shocking everyone else on screen and dealing them 10% per second as long as you hold A. Nobody can move during this time, but this drains $3 per second from your bank account. This has no lag on either end by the way, so feel free to use as much as you can pay for.
Dash Attack
RMAHM goes into warp speed, dealing 30% and knockback that KOs at 50% to anyone who comes in contact with him, and now he moves twice as fast as Super Sonic. In addition, he loops through blast zones, so now there is literally no potential danger of suiciding. This does cost $10 per second though so use wisely.
Forward Tilt
RMAHM pulls out a sword the length of Giga Bowser and slams it forwards, dealing 38% and knockback that KOs around 20%. This attack is really damn fast, but it takes $15 per use, so if you whiff it can be rather... costly.
Up Tilt
RMAHM pulls out
Diablo and holds him over his head, being able to throw Diablo as though he were a small item. Foes, however cannot pick up Diablo at all. You can throw Diablo to deal 40% and knockback that KOs at 45%, after which he sticks around and actively pursues foes, using Giga Bowser's moveset. Diablo costs $25 to make and $5 per second for continued service. You can make him disappear by pressing the Up Tilt again.
Down Tilt
Have you gone and read Robo Link MKIII? If you haven't, WHY? If you have, you'll understand what this move does. You see, when you use this move, the Sex Bot from the moveset spawns onstage, but instead of giving you that ridiculous sword when he dies, he just hands it to you, and you get to use it as a weapon. It costs $4 a swing though, and $20 for delivery. In addition, Sex Bot will fight alongside you at a cost of $3 per second and can be dismissed with another input of this move.
SMASHES
Forward Smash
RMAHM man snaps his fingers, causing Mewtwo(the DM and JOE set) to spawn right in front of him, and use his final smash. You're completely immune to it, and afterwards Mewtwo will fight alongside you until you press the input again. Charging this input will spawn an additional Mewtwo for each second of charge, each using their Final Smashes in succession. This has a pretty steep cost, between $30-$80 and $8 per Mewtwo per second. But really, you have 3 Mewtwos on your side. How do you lose?
Up Smash
RMAHM throws a Cheeseburger up into the air, which deals 24%-33% and knockback that KOs at 75%-20%. The Cheeseburger flies up off the top of the screen, after which we hear a
familiar voice yell "CHEEEEEEEEEESEBURGEEEEEEEEEEEEER" and suddenly MasterWarlord appears holding the Cheeseburger. He proceeds to crash into the stage, destroying it completely. The stage will respawn after 10 seconds, so you'll probably take off a few stocks with this. It costs a whopping $200 though, so be careful with this move. You wouldn't want to waste it on Baron or Hoppip or something.
Down Smash
RMAHM uses Emidius' Up Special. This costs $40.
GRABS
RMAHM's grab is absurdly fast, and has an invisible hitbox that extends half the length of Final Destination. It's sort of like Snake's Up Tilt, only slightly shorter ranged. When he grabs the foe, he pulls out a betting Jar with the words "Pay me $20 and I will eat this loser." You can press A to do just that, RMAHM eats the poor sap (taking out a stock) and pay out $20. The grab itself also costs $10, so don't throw it out carelessly. Also, you don't have any throws because why would you need them with a pummel like that?
SPECIALS
Neutral Special: Summon Valozarg
RMAHM snaps his fingers and a VALOZARG spawns on the stage, costing you $12 per second. You can spawn as many Valozargs as you want this way, making this move absurdly potent if you want it to be. The problem is that you can't actually dismiss them, but meh who cares. Spend AWAY
Side Special: Barge
RMAHM pulls out a barge as show above from out of nowhere. The Barge is the size of Final Destination, and he swings it like a sword, dealing 50% and knockback that KOs at 2%. This isn't as fast as the Forward Tilt and costs the same amount of money, but it doesn't require as much sheer cash to rack up the damage. So maybe if you aren't actually trying to win, you might wanna use this attack instead.
Up Special: Stock Up
RMAHM gains an additional stock with no lag whatsoever. Doing this costs $50, but there are times when this will come in handy. Totally. You really do need those extra stocks, just like Plorf needs that education. Speaking of Plorf...
Down Special: Plorf
RMAHM waves his hand, and the nearest opponent turns into Plorf. I believe this speaks for itself really. Costs $50.
FINAL SMASH
ROAR OF THE BANK ACCOUNT
Upon using his final smash, the match will end with RMAHM as the winner. But at what cost? Well, as a matter of fact, it's your entire bank account. You're whole bank account is emptied to use this attack, but don't worry it's not all bad. Why? Because the foe's bank accounts are all completely emptied into yours. And you WON right, and isn't that what life is all about?