Best Friends

[hemlock]

Sorry, I had gotten ninja'd by 5 hours.

Anyways, is there any way to become best friends with someone, or does it just happen? I'm curious, because I don't have any best friends, and I'm wondering if I'm doing something wrong.

Edit - Never mind, what was I thinking when I asked that, haha. I think it just happens. I need to find better people, lol.

Actually, I don't think you were too far off with your original statement. There are definitely ways to become friends with someone, and then you'll have to see if the "best" potential is there. I think some things that are important ingredients for friendship

trust
honesty
making time for each other
putting yourself out there and letting someone get to know you

 

[MASAHIROx]

my best friend has changed sooo much now that he lives with his girlfriend...

 

[PD4FR]

my best friend has changed sooo much now that he lives with his girlfriend...

I don't like it how people change for their boyfriend/girlfriend. In my opinion, I don't think you should change at all, he/she should like you for who you are.

 

[Merkuri]

I don't like it how people change for their boyfriend/girlfriend. In my opinion, I don't think you should change at all, he/she should like you for who you are.

Sometimes they don't try to change for their BF/GF. It just happens.

I really wish Moon of the Strawberries would post her response to my question in this thread. I think it's an important part of best friendships and it's something people should know.

 

[PD4FR]

Sometimes they don't try to change for their BF/GF. It just happens.

I really wish Moon of the Strawberries would post her response to my question in this thread. I think it's an important part of best friendships and it's something people should know.

I overlooked that when I posted my message; in that situation, where the boyfriend/girlfriend changes the other, unintentionally, of course, for the better and not just to make them compatible, it is fine with me. However, if someone changes purposely for another, I usually don't approve of it. Do keep in mind that I'm not talking about changing from a frowned upon personality to a more acceptable one, but from one acceptable personality to the next.

 

[-Pliskin-]

 

[Mota]

**** yea Pliskin ARF that's just mad cute

If my dog hadn't just died, I'd say I wanted one of those breeds as a pet.

 

[Rici]

Omg, Pliskin found a way to duplicate himself.


WHO"S A GOOD BOY??!!!!!

 

[MASAHIROx]

beautiful dogs...omg i want one on my lap right now.

 

[Merkuri]

People. Please stop discussing the dogs.

 

[Mota]

putting yourself out there and letting someone get to know you

This right here is my problem.

I can hang with people, laugh and have fun, but never connect on any level beyond that. The few times when I have "put myself out there" I usually end up feeling crappy

 

[MASAHIROx]

i feel like best friends kind of sniff each other out.
they don't just pop up out of nowhere usually.

I first knew with my best friend that we had a connection was when he was down to go to a party with me. It was my older brothers party and i knew he wouldn't know anybody but he was still down to go just to party with me. He ended up not going but that right there showed that he liked me for me. After that he would get pissed anytime i would chill with my regular friends and act jealous. I never thought we would end up being so close so i never tried to chill with him. But he showed me that he liked me so it made my job easy lol. It was all pretty golden after that. We have never fought. not once.

But yea keep sticking yr neck out kind of like what my best friend did to me.

Some people REALLY appreciate it because they are soooo not used to getting any sort of positive attention. I fell for it.

I also think breaking the touch barrier is a biggie. I just feel awkward around someone if im not comfortable touching knees, feet, elbows, hands whatever. and not giving a ****.

 

[July]

I feel like with best friends its definitely a matter of breaking barriers, like getting to the point where you can talk to them about anything, as well as establishing that you are there for them as a friend. Always. I know that with my best friends, I've gotten to a point where I know I can talk to them without being afraid they will judge me, but that they will still be honest with me about the situation. And we've gotten to that point, where we can put down our guard, by going out of our way to know each other better. For one person it was being the friend who finally asked them about something important to them that they had never gotten to talk about.

In another case, my best friend found me...by some instinct they knew that I could help with a situation, that I would understand, and since then we've been close. I to ruin it...well lying, ignoring your friend or taking their kindness for granted can often do it. But to maintain friendships communication is key. Also things like trying new things/their interests (like your friend's favorite video game) and inside jokes and stuff help too : )

 

[Merkuri]

i feel like best friends kind of sniff each other out.
they don't just pop up out of nowhere usually.

I first knew with my best friend that we had a connection was when he was down to go to a party with me. It was my older brothers party and i knew he wouldn't know anybody but he was still down to go just to party with me. He ended up not going but that right there showed that he liked me for me. After that he would get pissed anytime i would chill with my regular friends and act jealous. I never thought we would end up being so close so i never tried to chill with him. But he showed me that he liked me so it made my job easy lol. It was all pretty golden after that. We have never fought. not once.

But yea keep sticking yr neck out kind of like what my best friend did to me.

Some people REALLY appreciate it because they are soooo not used to getting any sort of positive attention. I fell for it.

I also think breaking the touch barrier is a biggie. I just feel awkward around someone if im not comfortable touching knees, feet, elbows, hands whatever. and not giving a ****.

I think this is true somewhat. When I meet someone who I think I could get really close to, I try to learn more about them, and see how compatible we'd be. However I find that all my closest friends got close with me naturally, it happened without me trying.

There has never been a point or an event that made me suddenly realized they ere my best friends, we simply became closer and closer until it was just kind of obvious. I'm sure it's different for anyone, but I see that whenever I try to make a best friend out of someone or even try to become much closer to someone it doesn't actually happen. I think it's hard to be best friends with someone unless you run in the same circles or are neighbors, it's just more likely to form friendships with people you see more often and not necessarily the people you like the most.

And as for people not used to getting positive attention, I find that they either eventually get it else where, or by nature of who they are they don't get it at all, ie: they are reserved or not very sociable( and yeah I'm thinking of specific people when I say this)

But to maintain friendships communication is key. Also things like trying new things/their interests (like your friend's favorite video game) and inside jokes and stuff help too : )

I have to strongly disagree with this. If we're talking about regular friends then fine, but I think once someone is your best friend then you don't have to make any special efforts to keep them. If for some reason you guys don't speak for weeks or more(this shouldn't happen to best friends imo, because in order to become friends with someone you likely run in the same circles because you would have needed to see them regularly in order to develop the friendship in the first place) then I suppose you could making the efforts to hang out wouldn't hurt, but I don't think the lack of speaking to them would be damaging to the friendship unless it's for months, and hell if for some reason you took haven't spoken to each for months then you'd have to question weather or not you were best friends in the first place(this may seem contradictory but it's not)

I also don't think you need to try their interests or inside jokes to keep them. You should do that because you're genuinely interested in their interests and not because you don't want to lose them. Basically I'm saying best friendships don't break because of a lack of something, they break because something damaging happened.

 

[Rici]

i feel like best friends kind of sniff each other out.

You mean like Pliskin does?

 

[July]

I have to strongly disagree with this. If we're talking about regular friends then fine, but I think once someone is your best friend then you don't have to make any special efforts to keep them. If for some reason you guys don't speak for weeks or more(this shouldn't happen to best friends imo, because in order to become friends with someone you likely run in the same circles because you would have needed to see them regularly in order to develop the friendship in the first place) then I suppose you could making the efforts to hang out wouldn't hurt, but I don't think the lack of speaking to them would be damaging to the friendship unless it's for months, and hell if for some reason you took haven't spoken to each for months then you'd have to question weather or not you were best friends in the first place(this may seem contradictory but it's not)

I also don't think you need to try their interests or inside jokes to keep them. You should do that because you're genuinely interested in their interests and not because you don't want to lose them. Basically I'm saying best friendships don't break because of a lack of something, they break because something damaging happened.

True, but I don't think communicating with them is a special effort. I'm specifically referring to a situation where you go to college far away from your best friend. Then communication, things like texting and calling each other every now and then, are immensely important. And making sure that your friends know that even as situations change (like moving, having a boyfriend or girlfriend, etc), don't change the ability for you to communicate with each other. And I'm saying all this from experience; I've gone through a lot of effort to keep communicating with my friends at home while I'm at college, and I had to reassure my best friend when I started dating that it was okay for him to still text me as much as he did (he said he didn't want to be a hindrance).

And the second part was just something I've personally found helps, doesn't prevent a friendship from breaking but it's something I've found I do for my best friends to show them I trust them (like rock-climbing) and their interests matter to me.

 

[Pikaville]

I HATE it when people get a BF/GF and then completely change.

After that they just start hanging out with each other all the time and never come out with you anymore.

Then even when they do come out, the spend the whole night talking to each other.

Why can you just be the same as you were before?

Isn't that the reason you started liking each other in the 1st place?

 

[Mota]

^true
A close friend who've I've known for more then half my life got a gf. We barely talk or hang now

Reminds me of this video, Can a girl and boy be just friends or even best friends?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAEs6lOkb-Y

 

[Merkuri]

I HATE it when people get a BF/GF and then completely change.

After that they just start hanging out with each other all the time and never come out with you anymore.

Then even when they do come out, the spend the whole night talking to each other.

Why can you just be the same as you were before?

Isn't that the reason you started liking each other in the 1st place?

In a case like this often times your friend doesn't change that much, he/she simply cares about you a lot less and cares about their bf/gf a lot more.

Granted that stills sucks and it's pretty awful on your friend's part. But don't mistake your own frustration and envy as some kind of evil metamorphosis on your friend's part.

^true
A close friend who've I've known for more then half my life got a gf. We barely talk or hang now

Reminds me of this video, Can a girl and boy be just friends or even best friends?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAEs6lOkb-Y

More often that not it doesn't work out but a guy and girl can totally be friends, even best friends. This often happens when both or at least one is already in a relationship, because the idea of developing a relationship with the other doesn't appear to be an option.

Edit: I just watched the entirety of that video, and while all my best friends have always been female(it'd be kinda cool if I could change that >_<) when our friendship started they were either not in a relationship and never got into a relationship or they were in a relationship and remained in a relationship. I imagine it would be different it one of my single best friends suddenly got a boyfriend.

 

[Pikaville]

In a case like this often times your friend doesn't change that much, he/she simply cares about you a lot less and cares about their bf/gf a lot more.

Granted that stills sucks and it's pretty awful on your friend's part. But don't mistake your own frustration and envy as some kind of evil metamorphosis on your friend's part.

Oh believe me, it's only happened to 3-4 or my friends, 1 of which we actually had an intervention with(I lived with him and it actually went extremely well)and the changes can be huge.

I'm not a jealous person in any way, I mean it really sucks that they want to spend less time with us and more time with them yeah, but I'd never call it envy(frustration yes)

Like when you hear your friend laughing a different way to the way he usually does, refusing to smoke some spliff or going home early from a party because he wants to go shopping with his GF tomorrow, it's just weird to see them act differently.

 

[Merkuri]

Oh believe me, it's only happened to 3-4 or my friends, 1 of which we actually had an intervention with(I lived with him and it actually went extremely well)and the changes can be huge.

I'm not a jealous person in any way, I mean it really sucks that they want to spend less time with us and more time with them yeah, but I'd never call it envy(frustration yes)

Like when you hear your friend laughing a different way to the way he usually does, refusing to smoke some spliff or going home early from a party because he wants to go shopping with his GF tomorrow, it's just weird to see them act differently.

Sorry if my post gave the impression that I was implying you were jealous.

I was just trying to point out than when things start to go bad with your best friend people typically project exaggerated negative characteristics to that person's character. Like him wanting to leave a party early, it's not so much that his character has changed so much as his priorities have changed. When you're losing your best friend far more often than not you don't look at the situation objectively.

 

[3747373796432]

I don't really have anyone I can call a best friend, never did. But anyway, with friendship in general I'm the type of guy who takes his time to get to know everyone, its rare for me when I seemingly hit things off instantly with someone. I don't really like it when people try to force it, or they're talking to you just to end the awkward silence, to look sociable and cool in front of their peers, or because it's their job if they're a teacher or something. But for almost every person I've met I can remember something nice they've done for me, even if it's something little like a smile, thank you, or a hello, which can make my day as long as it seems sincere, especially when from cute girls .

I'm kind of unfortunate in that sense because I'm all over the place, I've moved atleast four times and gone through two schools, the first one I entered freshman year being homeschooled before that, the second one I entered this year as a Junior, even though my social skills are better (I'm still kind of awkward around people sometimes, I was super awkward Freshman year) I still haven't made that many friends, I'm doing alot better than I was as a Freshman though.

 

[MacNCheese.]

Well, my best friend is a girl i know so because i have not sexual appeal to her, it has even came to the point where i don't feel right when were not close. Our class went to an overnight camp, boys had to sleep in the same cabin , but we felt so akward so far away from each other that we she came in and we slept in the
same bed she said she was cold, so i put my arm around her . I only have one friend thats a boy who plays smash, and he seems to be hating me 'cuz i spend more time with Sydney(her name)

 

[nicenice]

Sydney??? her name? nice name.

 

[Rici]

one of my colleagues has a little boy and his name is Sydney as well.


I think it's definitely cool both ways.

 

[Merkuri]

Well, my best friend is a girl i know so because i have not sexual appeal to her, it has even came to the point where i don't feel right when were not close. Our class went to an overnight camp, boys had to sleep in the same cabin , but we felt so akward so far away from each other that we she came in and we slept in the
same bed she said she was cold, so i put my arm around her . I only have one friend thats a boy who plays smash, and he seems to be hating me 'cuz i spend more time with Sydney(her name)

I had a best friend and our friendship was similar to what you described, I think it was the best friendship I ever had. It was actually because she and I decided to stop speaking to each other why I created this thread. I was looking for closure(found it, thanks everyone ) I'm happy for you man since I know how awesome having that kind of friendship.

Also people stop talking about the name Sydney.

 

[Merkuri]

So I think I'm starting to develop a best friendship again. Really she is perfect: young, black(me too), smart, funny, witty, logical, etc. The only problem before was I couldn't decide if I wanted her as a friend or something more, but really after getting to know her she's not the type to sleep with you so I'd much rather have her as a best friend than try to develop a sexless relationship with her.
Anyways it's been a while since I've had a best friend so I'm excited about this. I think it'll work it out, I just have to quit trying to seduce her.

 

[Jim Morrison]

As a strong, young african american male, I must say I approve.

 

[MacNCheese.]

Kool

Spoiler

I'm black, partially

 

[Lythium]

OP is so defensive. Doesn't like Pliskin or people named Sydney.

My boyfriend is my best friend.

I consider most of my friends to be transient. People come and go, and so do friends. It happens.

 

[Merkuri]

OP is so defensive. Doesn't like Pliskin or people named Sydney.

My boyfriend is my best friend.

I consider most of my friends to be transient. People come and go, and so do friends. It happens.

When people saying OP then usually mean the opening post, my opening post was nothig like that so I don't get your meaning.

Try not to be offended but girls always feel as if their boyfriend is their best friend, I doubt you're being objective.

 

[Lythium]

You are the OP. Never mind, it was a joke.

Also, no offense taken, but nice generalization. Way to be objective.

 

[Merkuri]

You are the OP. Never mind, it was a joke.

Also, no offense taken, but nice generalization. Way to be objective.

I think my generalization was objective.

Also I think it's just a bad idea to have your lover and your best friend be one and the same. Who do you talk to the stuff you can't tell your lover about? Hell I don't even think you can be best friends with your lover.

 

[Lythium]

Generalizations are rarely objective, but let's just let that pass.

I don't see how that's a bad idea because it's not an issue. There's nothing that I can't tell him, and he probably knows more about me than anyone else. Likewise for him.

/shrug

 

[Dodongo]

Compatibility is the main consideration when choosing friends and lovers. I don't see how he can argue any point otherwise.

It's pretty normal for your lover to be your best friend, unless you have a shallow relationship.

 

[Merkuri]

Generalizations are rarely objective, but let's just let that pass.

I don't see how that's a bad idea because it's not an issue. There's nothing that I can't tell him, and he probably knows more about me than anyone else. Likewise for him.

/shrug

You're adorable. How old are you? It's a bad idea because when there is a problem with your lover there is also a problem with your best friend. I'd bet there are stuff you can't tell him, but I'd need to know your age before I can make an argument for it.

I think generalizations are always objective because it's not about a particular person, but instead about a group. I'm just having hard time seeing what outside influences could distort a sensible person's generalization.

 

[Lythium]

Oh, I see. You think I'm a relentlessly naive tweenager.

I'm 23. I've been with my boyfriend for over three years. We live together.

How's that argument coming along?

 

[X1-12]

green name pretty much always = 20+ (ish)

 

[Dragoon Fighter]

green name pretty much always = 20+ (ish)

Just curious...are you completely serious? Can you really tell that much from people based on there name color? I mean aside from what they do on the world smash forums? Because I have to say the generally speaking generalizations are bad and I am skeptical with out empirical data .

Seriously can you back up with what you say with data? That would be inserting with data.

 

[Lythium]

Every BRoomer (dark green name + Grimer postbit) is at least 18.

Though I'm pretty sure most of us are in our twenties.

If I remember correctly.