Being social, and trying to make, and keep friendships.

[Alberto1866]

Everyone has there own levels of friendship and trust, We can't force ourselves to make friends, if we want one we'll make one it may not be who we expect but they will still be our friend. Ruby just has to find that right type of people there may not be many but there has to be some. Ruby still has friends it's not like he doesnt have any, Ruby just be patient you'll come across people who will be your friends.

 

[Sunnysunny]

I really want a golden toilet but I'm in no rush, I disagree with that notion.

How badly do you want that golden toilet though?

Bad enough to make blogs about it?

 

[Rubyiris]

What you guys consider friends is what I consider a casual acquaintance, which might change things. People who I BS around with and talk to occasionally on friendly terms aren't people I consider "friends."

under that premise, I'm trying to turn these casual connections in to lasting friendships.

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[satowolf]

So you want a girlfriend? o__o

 

[Rubyiris]

I could probably spend all day reading vietgeek posts.

Az smashers don't really hate me, but we aren't really friends. We don't have many similarities outside of smash, so we never end up hangout out just to enjoy each others company.

My ultimate goal is meeting new, interesting people whom would enjoy my company for the sake of the company.

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[¯\_S.(ツ).L.I.D._/¯]

why do you need similarities other than smash go play with them that counts as hanging out

why do you look for a way out of every situation in which you could possibly make friends i dont get it

 

[VietGeek]

oh

so you're vietgeek the second

or rather i'm rubyiris the second

explains a lot probably

well the people you BS with are what most ppl consider friends

to nurture it you gotta hang with them through thick and thin

like do things

may seem like you guys are just having a shallow friendship

but if it grows correctly

you'll get a chaos chao

wait

i mean you'll get a lasting friendship by committing to an acquaintance

we guys do that by just sharing and doing common interests/hobbies

and talking just comes naturally (or not at all; this is sorta where how you define friends affects whether or not you take this friendship route anywhere cuz western guys typically don't like talking about FEELINGS unless it's feeling people up)

so yeah just hang out with them, show more active interest and all those things

but mmkay ruby-chan-san, seems like you got an idea of what you want to do

time to grind up those option selects and bring home the money

obv

 

[Rubyiris]

Like I said earlier, our only common interest is smash, and we don't really enjoy eachothers company outside of smash.

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[satowolf]

Then move away.

With that said...

-flies away with jetpack-

 

[Jim Morrison]

Then move away.

With that said...

-flies away with jetpack-

Seconding this, humans aren't even supposed to live in the desert, get out of AZ.

 

[VietGeek]

well ruby, like i said, most guys relate by common activities. keep playing with them and eventually you guys will eat together, then you guys talk more about smash, then more about general life, goals, dreams, aspirations, etc.

YEAH RUBYIRIS GET YO *** TO GEORGIA AND LET'S PLAY SOME MELTY BLOOD AND PLAY THE "WHO'S GOT THE BIGGEST INTROVERT STREAK" GAME

ARIZONA VS 'NAM VS GEORGIA VS THE WORLD

let's gooooooooooooooo~

obv

 

[Rubyiris]

So you want a girlfriend? o__o

I want a boyfriend, but one thing at a time.

If the az smashers and I enjoyed each others company, just smashing would probably be more enjoyable, but it really grates on everyone after a while.

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[ndayday]

Do you have any friends atm? Not trying to sound mean with that.
Also, what do you do during the day if you don't mind me asking.

 

[Teran]

How badly do you want that golden toilet though?

Bad enough to make blogs about it?

I wouldn't say that's a measure of legitimate desire, making a blog.

Wat?

 

[Grizzlpaw]

Hmmm, reading this blog opens a lot of old wounds. I know exactly how you feel mate. It's kinda like theres an invisible screen dividing you from the rest of the world, and no matter how hard you try, you just cant figure out how to vreak that barrier.

It also sounds like your inner inhibitions are holding you back. Like, you see a group if people/aquaintances having fun and acting wierd, and you think "oh man that looks fun" but then something stops you from opening the flood gates and just letting loose with your personality.

I'd keep going but. Ya know. Smartphone types so slow...

------

Honestly man, It's not going to happen overnight. I say this from experience. Making the transition from Hermit/anti-social/ect. Isn't easy. It takes time and practice just like everything else.

Start off small. Find someone you'd like to talk to and just say "Hi" Strike up friendly conversation as usual. Then start asking the other person about themselves, their intrests, hobbies, fears, ect. You may find you have something in common.

Believe me, hard as it is to open the flood gates that first time, once you do you won't want to stop. We humans were mades to desire each other. We NEED each ofther to stay mentally healthy. Complete isolation is one of the worst punishments you can force on a person. So naturallt, once you let loose and open up you'll feel much of that inner turmoil begin to unwind.

PM me sometime if you like. The best I can do is try to understand you from my perspective. Perhaps after I learn more we can both help each other out

 

[Rubyiris]

We've eaten together tons of times, but usually its me making isolated comments during the meals, but it's usually them talking about things that I don't have a lot of relation to.

I want to move away from Arizona, but I have a career opportunity here, and my major is at the university :'(

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[deepseadiva]

Posting to suscribe.

I'll have a bit to say when I get to a computer I think, since I'm seeing we might be in very similar places Ruby.

Very good posts in here, though not all of it I agree with.

I wanna say that recognizing that your lacking something in your life, and by deciding that you want to change, you've already begun your transformation. That's commendable.

 

[Rubyiris]

Most, if not all of the advice in this thread is good. Not all of it can be applied to my situation. some of it has been applied, but wasn't effective.

There may be other reasons why it's difficult for me to make lasting connections. It's just a matter of finding out exactly what and working on things one problem at a time.

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[flyinfilipino]

The best advice I can give is to not take yourself so seriously. You need to be able to put yourself aside for a moment and genuinely feel something for the people you want to have relationships with. Once you can do that, you've made a big first step.

 

[Falconv1.0]

Nothing about what Ruby has said or done is commendable, Meno. Only by ridiculously low standards could it ever be called such a thing.

 

[Luigitoilet]

Posting to suscribe.

I'll have a bit to say when I get to a computer I think, since I'm seeing we might be in very similar places Ruby.

Very good posts in here, though not all of it I agree with.

I wanna say that recognizing that your lacking something in your life, and by deciding that you want to change, you've already begun your transformation. That's commendable.

That's a very generous description of Ruby's attitude in this thread, which is actually more akin to "I want my situation in life to change but I don't want to make any effort to make changes or improvements in myself"

 

[Rubyiris]

LT, if I didn't want to make the effort to change myself, why would I have:

A. Attended trade school
B. Dieted since last September
C. Came out about my gender identity
D. Actively seek advice on various issues, such as how to comfortably transition, be more sociable, etc.

Think about that.

Furthermore, what is wrong with my attitude? I've been polite to everyone not named Teran, even if I didn't use their advice. So I'm pessimistic, and I can be difficult aand stubborn? Oh well, everyone has their problems, and I'm trying with all of my heart to overcome them.


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[flyinfilipino]

I mean, if you're really gonna take some of the good advice on here seriously, then I'd step away from this thread for a while (and I mean a while, things aren't going to change overnight just because you read some posts), see if it actually works, then come back and either report your progress or your failures, and then we can all go from there.

 

[Elyssa Xey Hexen]

I'm trying to build friendships. I can count the number of friends I have on one hand, and most of them don't live in the state as I do. That eliminates the ability to go to things with friends.

My biggest problem is a combination of my own dislike for most things that are considered the social norm, and peoples disinterest, or ignorance with my hobbies, so it's difficult to keep engaged/engage someone.

I'll just skip reading all the stuff in this thread.

50 cents
Friendship is sort of vague. As I ranted about once before, some people will say you are friends even if you are only say each other and exchanged like two sentences of dialogue for a couple months in a class. After that you never see each other again. That's a real friendship alright, not.

As a philosophy, I'd really only consider someone a friend once we started hanging out beyond the place we actually met. If I meet someone at work and only work, that's not really a friendship. But anyway, I'd say getting friendships built up is about keeping the initiative going. Bring up stuff yourself, offer to do things, keep it fair, don't leech, compromise, don't be a douche, etc. If you have your own problem with people, then you sort of need to change yourself or just keep looking for people you can get along with.

 

[Holder of the Heel]

LT, if I didn't want to make the effort to change myself, why would I have:

A. Attended trade school
B. Dieted since last September
C. Came out about my gender identity
D. Actively seek advice on various issues, such as how to comfortably transition, be more sociable, etc.

Examples A-C indicate changes, or more specifically attempts to better yourself objectively. However, they really have nothing to do with the social realm, now does it? Things don't correlate like that, when a person is susceptible to some forms of change, it does not mean that in all things in there life they are willing to change, especially when it is a different manner of change, which I hinted at the start. Altering your social behavior, while not only a different subject entirely, is undeniably vastly different than "coming out of the closet" with your gender identity, dieting, and educating yourself; hopefully those things are obvious enough without me explaining why. Which brings me to D, which only mentions you communicating your problems, not that you are going to be amiable to suggestions. Unfortunately, you can certainly have the former without the latter.

 

[samizdat]

Ruby, a quick word of advice and I'm out of here.

First of all, don't listen to all these people saying 'you're beyond help' or telling you (more like shouting at you) to heed their advice. They're saying that first and foremost to validate their own personalities (notice how they're all commending each other for giving such good, such noble advice, to the point that the content of that advice becomes literally unimportant to them, and that this thread becomes a somewhat frightful vehicle for their egos?). Secondly, and if I were to guess I would say not intentionally, they're doing it to keep you down. These are the hallmarks of bad advice. But there are things you can learn from this:

A) The things they are saying are born of fundamental ignorance. They were asked to give advice, and either they can't grasp how what they're saying is received by the one who asked them for it, or they can grasp it, and they are imbeciles, because there is nothing more pointless than purposefully giving bad advice--it would not only not benefit you as the advice seeker, but would also constitute a complete waste of time for the advice giver. I'm going to give these people the benefit of the doubt and assume that they are simply ignorant, and not imbeciles.

B) That almost choral voice you hear them shouting in, claiming that 'you aren't worth the time', is actually of an intimately related nature to the voice inside your own head that has fallen into the habit of telling you more or less the same thing. In other words, that is not YOUR voice, but rather a voice of delusion, which all humans are familiar with. The fact that you can identify these people's apparent desire to 'make you listen' for its tactical resemblance to how your own thoughts operate in times of mental stress should send a flag waving in your head.

C) This delusional voice cannot be fought head-on, for the reason that the very impulse to 'fight oneself' is precisely where it is drawn to intervene into assuming control of your mental faculties.

As for some strategies related to C), I have a few that work for me if I find I'm about to enter (or find I am already in) stress mode. The first is to visualize that my person doesn't actually 'mean' anything. I usually do this when I'm in a big crowd of people. When you do this, you will see, say if you're dancing and someone is looking at you, how people will try to 'size you up' even when you give absolutely zero importance to your own presence. Don't fling this pointless nosiness in their face, rather, absorb it with understanding, and let yourself sink further into your dance or whatever it is that gives you release. Second, if I ever feel I am acting purely out of habit around someone, nine times out of ten it will be accompanied by a certain fear, usually the fear of making eye contact or of saying something out of line, and when I realize it, I will purposely address precisely the thing that I feel averse to doing. In other words, I face those fears when I see that that's what they are: fears. Nine times out of ten, I'll crack through that habitual way of holding myself in another's presence, and I will find I am ready to engage more honestly with them. Here I make a point to show them: I am ready to engage creatively, because honestly, they probably won't be aware of it the instant it occurs in your mind, and besides, they are probably busy dealing in their own heads with their own habitual tendencies and concerns over appearance.

Alright, that's all I've got to say. Good luck on your journey through life, may you always keep sight of that part of you that 'deals not in words, trafficks not with dreams, and is untouched by time, by joys, by adversities.'

 

[samizdat]

dub post .....

 

[Rubyiris]

My best friend is visiting from new York. We're going to go to some trans-friendly clubs/bars and I'm going to try my hand at being social, and being social whilst presenting. Probably in the next week or so.

I'm pretty excited, and nervous.

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[Pachinkosam]

you are more annoying than rubyiris

This post is like the best obv.

 

[keero16]

Something I did when I went to college and had no friends was wear shirts of the things I like (in my case, video games). Sure enough, people came to me, complementing me on my shirt, and a conversation started from there. Eventually I found myself spending too much time with my friends.

But I've noticed that people generally do not want to approach someone who gives off the vibe of "Oh I'm so lonely." Try to not think of how lonely you are, and instead concentrate on the tasks you have to do for that day, or maybe think about the upcoming new product you can't wait to get. Just try not to look desperate.

 

[Mini Mic]

As Teran said you're clearly not interested in anyone's advice, you're only after attention. Good news! You're getting it. Have you been tested for personality disorders because you seem to show quite a few characteristics of someone with borderline personality disorder. You should be because there's clearly something wrong with you beyond the help of our advice.

If by some freak chance you don't actually suffer from some for of mental illness then here's some more advice (for what little it's worth): give up trying to make friends. You're 22, if you haven't made friends yet maybe it's because you don't have what it takes? Wouldn't it be easier to just stop wasting your time now and accept that you would rather be unhappy than happy because you're too lazy to actually give people a chance? Your problems are not unique, you are not special, you just wish you were.

Ordinarily I would feel really bad for saying something like this to somebody but you've made it abundantly clear that you choose to ignore anything you don't already think so screw it, there it is.

 

[DtJ Composer]

I came here to say how proud of Smash Wimp I am.

He is so grown up :']

 

[Pachinkosam]

Who's that pokemon its composer.

 

[Teran]

Yeah knock it off with the random silliness.

 

[#HBC | Ryker]

So does that mean I can go back to making fun of Rubyiris?

 

[Teran]

No that would be mean spirited.

 

[Azua]

no jovial jabs!