Being In Love/Advice

[Red the Ghost]

Somebody else with problems. Yay!

I've never been in any kind of relationship, but I've felt love, even if it has only amounted to a crush.
Sure, I've been let down, and I've had the same cynical thoughts as others have.
I'm no nihilist, though - I know how important love is.

Thing is, I'm lonely as hell. Not only do I have a complete absence of a love life, I also have a mediocre social life. Gaming has always been part of my life, since I played Mario with my mum at a very young age, but... it has always seemed to be an escape from something. I've never been content with my life, and the feeling has strengthened as I've gotten older (I'm 16 now, if that's important). I've longer for a more interesting life, bu have never really gotten anywhere. Of course, until recently (the last couple of years), I was shy as hell, so I lacked the courage to meet people and change my life.
Of course, now, though I have no problems talking to people, I find myself in the same situation I've always been in. Although I hang out with 'gamer friends' occasionally (Melee and all that), when I'm by myself, I still have feelings of social discontent and loneliness. I've been on the Internet a lot the last few years, to escape those feelings (and I appreciate the lack of superficiality). All the time I'm online, I feel as though my life should be different.

Part of my problem is my total lack of self-esteem. I basically don't like anything about myself -- not my appearance, personality, or my current life. I know that it is entirely illogical, and I've tried improving in this area, but so far, I haven't made much progress.
I also basically feel that, outside of my family, there is nobody that gives a **** about me. I have friends, but I believe even those I hold close wouldn't care much if I wasn't there.
You can imagine how this affects my love life. I feel that if the saying "one must love themselves before they can love any other" is true, then I'm totally ****ed.
I'm not going to go into any reasons why I dislike myself - I'm not into the whole self-pity thing, and I find my own issues cliché and ridiculous.
However, that obviously doesn't help my situation. I'm not stupid enough to commit suicide -- I've experienced death, and I know how it would affect my family, and despite my current issues, I'm not quite ready to give up on life yet.

So... yeah -- if you read this, thanks. I can't really tl;dr it.

 

[Redson]

First impressions suck guys. They really do.

I never was a very emotional kid. I was quiet, kept to myself, but outgoing towards my friends. I very rarely showed any sad emotions or any exuberant ones for that matter. My friends called me a Robot because I veered away from relationships, trying to avoid possible complications in my life that would divert me from living a "Normal" lifestyle. I made average-above average grades and lived contently with just my friends.

I switched my schools two years ago, much to my own remorse. I stayed in contact with my friends, and hung out with them periodically due to the fact that my school was in the same city as my old one. I could still seem them, albeit rarely. It was a rough school, a magnet school. Still is. I find myself still having trouble in it. (11th grade now. Junior. Class of '10.) I had to abandon my laziness content lifestyle to actually put forth effort in passing. It annoyed me. I didn't have many friends at this school. There were people that tended to veer away from me due to my appearances (I'm not THAT bad looking, but if you're not attractive, you won't find love in the world.) I eventually found a group of friends I could settle on. Huzzah, I fit in somewhere.

It was a group of two, a small gamer group. Me and two other guys got together and played DS or Gameboy, or whatever, every lunch shift we had. We would joke about things and all that jazz; it was fun. But it was rather short lived. A girl came into my friend's life and began hanging around with us, simply to be around him. It was nauseating how in love she was with him, simply because he talked to her one day and she had no friends. This, I couldn't understand. She had so many interesting stories to tell, and she had a good personality, despite the manic depressive disorder.

After a few months of hanging around, they began dating. Joy, they finally started up. After that, my friend started to grow more distant from us. The term "Bro's before Ho's" didn't apply much in this situation. She even started to be mildly *****y towards us, moreso than her usual joking manner. Unfortunately for me, I had developed unwanted feelings for her in the time she had spent in our presence.

After a week of them dating, problems appeared almost instantly. He was more of a gamer than I, which I thought to be impossible. In a time where she was suicidal, she was abandoned by her boyfriend so that he could go play Ragnarok Online. Sad. The only reason I was there was because the Gmod RP server I was on went down for the night. I was bored, so I struck up a conversation with her on MSN, where she vented everything to me. I stayed up until three o'clock AM comforting her, and eventually convinced her to not kill herself in a morbid way by confessing my feelings to her.

We grew steadily closer after that. She remained with her boyfriend, despite his apathetic behaviour towards her. She was dependant on him, and it was slightly annoying to see how much contact they had with eachother throughout the day. He apologized and continued his whipping spree, never letting her go. Her love for him was immense, borderline obsessive. Nien, scratch that. It was a pure obsession, driving her to the point of insanity. Unfortunately, my obsession did not cease, as it should have. In times when he would abandon her, she would come to me for relief. After a long period, she eventually told me, "I love you, but I love him more."

They both changed schools later. Going to a private boarding school, her only going to follow him. It annoyed me that she could be so obsessive. I periodically hurled my fists into walls to vent my rage and agony. I could never stop thinking about her; I was enthralled and I hated it. I cursed my "Newfound" emotions continuously, unable to get her out of my mind. Unfortunately, she became cruel after a time of being at the boarding school. She slowly began to be influenced by her boyfriend, who was, quite frankly, an ******* at times. Things only went downhill from there.

She continuously shunned me, no longer came to me for relief. At times, she used the wretched excuse that "She was a horrible person." That dark excuse that everyone uses to weasle their way out of a commitment, blaming it on their own lack of "give-a-shi*" I still loved her, and could never stop thinking about her. I remained faithful to her until she went beyond anything I expected.

I'll be honest. I was whipped. I would have done anything to make her happy, I was that sad of an individual. She even used me to cheat on her boyfriend once, to make him jealous. He hated me for it. (Nothing really bad happened...Not like you guys are thinking.) My old friends congragulated me on having found love at last, but I was annoyed at them. Love wasn't the pleasant emotion everyone described; it hurt. It drove me to insanity more and more every day. The periodic game nights, where I would play Melee with my two closest friends from my old school, began to simply make my problems worse, as one of my friends was, and is, so overtrusting of love that he would continuously try to force me to keep trying. I listened foolishly to his advice, and kept trying to support her and her horrible ways.

But she was lost. Long ago, and I learned it the hard way. Both her, and her boyfriend, once one of my greatest friends, were sadistic devils, meaning only to cause me pain so that they could laugh. She one day told me her boyfriend had done terrible things to her, and abused her. I should have been tipped off by the non-chalant way she described it, but I was blinded, and immediately reported the incident in concern for her saftey. She was shown the report later, and she laughed at me for believing her. Both her and her boyfriend continuously double teamed me, telling me things like "We were never your friends" her telling me that she never actually loved me, it was just so easy to mess with my desperate mind.

I was told "We have what it takes to survive in this world. Someone like you should just die, because you're useless."

My impressions about love were correct before I even began to fall in love. It adds needless complication to people's lives, and tears normal men to shreds. Love is a false hope in finding someone for you. It is a fleeting feeling that dissapates in time, turining people who were once close into nothing more than friends. My parents? I don't think they really love eachother anymore. I think it's more of a feeling of aquaintences. They just speak to eachother and live with eachother now, nothing more. There is no feeling.

I hope someone can prove me wrong about love. Present me with a worse sob story than mine, then tell me you found love shortly after. I doubt it can happen, because it's impossible. Love isn't a happy thing. It's a terrible sad thing.


Sorry for the long-o story.

 

[Red the Ghost]

Yeah I wonder...where do you draw the line between what's love and what isn't?

I think I've "fallen in love" with someone once or twice. Well, there was one person which lasted for about 2 years. I'm pretty convinced that was love. The one before that lasted for about 1 year. It could have been, it's possible, but it was probably to a lesser extent than the 2-year situation.

Still, I kind of wonder...maybe when you truly experience love, you'll be able to decided where to draw the line, and maybe you'll figure out that all those times you thought you were in love, it was really something else.

I'm still convinced that I've been in love, but only because I haven't felt anything stronger that could disprove it.

Though I may not have a ton of experience, I believe people have a misconception about the emotion. Love doesn't have to be forever - it most likely isn't going to be. Sometimes the love between two people fades, and when they realize this, they move on. It's not wrong, to lose love for somebody - it's just how it works sometimes.
I'm willing to bet that, during those relationships, you probably felt that you were entirely in love. Did you have to be wrong, just because you lost the feeling?

@ Redson

That's... really sad, dude. It really got to me.
I'm really sorry you had to deal with something like that. We don't have total control over our feelings, and you (from what you posted) fell for the worst person.
I feel like an ***, trying to give advice when I don't have much input, but I believe you can't let that first impression totally ruin your perception, no matter how horrible it was.
Don't ever let any one tell you that you should die. Your life is worth something, no matter how many more there are in the world, y'know?

...and that's the thing. As said before in the thread, love can be either a very good thing or a very bad thing. Just because you got the raw end doesn't mean the other side doesn't exist.
I'm pretty sure you still think about love, even if your mind tells you how illogical it is.

 

[ZeroFox]

Though I may not have a ton of experience, I believe people have a misconception about the emotion. Love doesn't have to be forever - it most likely isn't going to be. Sometimes the love between two people fades, and when they realize this, they move on. It's not wrong, to lose love for somebody - it's just how it works sometimes.
I'm willing to bet that, during those relationships, you probably felt that you were entirely in love. Did you have to be wrong, just because you lost the feeling?

Well it wasn't really a relationship with the other person. Just a feeling that I had for them at the time. I thought it was love. I'm pretty convinced that it was. But all I'm saying is that I guess I can't be sure until I truly experience it, which may have already happened, or may not happen until the future. Or may never happen at all. I don't really know to be honest.

 

[Red the Ghost]

Ah, okay. More of a crush?

 

[ZeroFox]

Ah, okay. More of a crush?

Well, a pretty big one at that. I mean I've had smaller crushes in the past, in a "oh yeah she's pretty cute and a nice girl too" kind of way. But the other two times, I really really liked the person, which is why I might think it was love. I literally thought about them everyday, and wanted nothing more than to be with them and hold them in my arms I guess. It was certainly a stronger feeling than I've had in terms of how I felt towards other girls. It also ended up resulting in more heartbreak to be honest. I never really tried to ask them out for some reason, I guess I was scared, so a lot of time was spent wishing but not actually having it come true.

 

[Delta_BP26]

I knew somebody would say it. I know it wasn't a crush, because, well, I've had a crush approximately a zillion times and the way I felt didn't even compare to those crushes. Either way, I know that I have a long way to go; I know it's probably some BS rumor chain letter thing, but they say the average person gets married the 7th time he falls in love. 5 more heartbreaks to go. Also, if it wasn't love (TBH I was never sure myself but I'm almost sure it was) then it was damm close.

Also, people my age work like that, but I'm not really anything like those kids. I see myself as more mature than the people I hang out with. I make a lot of observations people wouldn't care to make. But that's just me. As for the stereotypical teenager, they suck and think that love is the want to **** someone. Sad that the kids at the other 2 local middle schools (I'm in some smart school, since the 1st grade, maybe to blame for my maturity) are like that.

 

[Jam Stunna]

Love requires a level of maturity that simply can't exist at the age of 13. It also requires knowledge of self, the other individual and even the world we live in, because popular culture has a way of shoving love down our throats so much that we think that every time we feel butterflies at the sight of someone else, it's love.

Most teenagers are incapable of the depths of understanding that are necessary before one can truly determine whether or not they are actually in love. Puberty and hormones are too strong for clear thinking on the matter.

When you get down to it, love isn't what you feel for someone, it's what you think of someone. If you don't know what that means, then you haven't been in love.

 

[ZeroFox]

I knew somebody would say it. I know it wasn't a crush, because, well, I've had a crush approximately a zillion times and the way I felt didn't even compare to those crushes. Either way, I know that I have a long way to go; I know it's probably some BS rumor chin letter thing, but they say the average person gets married the 7th time he falls in love. 5 more heartbreaks to go. Also, if it wasn't love (TBH I was never sure myself but I'm almost sure it was) then it was damm close.

Also, people my age work like that, but I'm not really anything like those kids. I see myself as more mature than the people I hang out with. I make a lot of observations people wouldn't care to make. But that's just me. As for the stereotypical teenager, they suck and think that love is the want to **** someone. Sad that the kids at the other 2 local middle schools (I'm in some smart school, since the 1st grade, maybe to blame for my maturity) are like that.

Yeah definitely. If it wasn't in fact love, then it was certainly very close. 7th time huh? That seems like a long time...

I mean aside from those 2 times that seemed really close to being considered "love," I think that there were...4 other girls that I had pretty big crushes on from the time I was in high school til now (2nd year of college). Those crushes lasted a shorter time than the other 2, but they were crushes and they were pretty major. They also did result in some heartbreak, but probably not to the extent that the other 2 did.

I don't know if they would be considered as love though. I mean if the other 2 situations weren't love, I doubt the 4 other crushes would be either.

I definitely don't think that love is the want to **** someone. Everytime I've liked a girl, be it love or just a big crush, sex with them isn't really on my mind. I rather just be in a relationship with them, and be in their company. That's all I really wanted I guess.

I am afraid of falling in love again though. I might be sounding like a total *****, but I don't like the heartbreak associated with it. And so far, that's all I've been experiencing. Mainly because I don't have the ***** to ask a girl out, or to try to pursue something that I want. In my situation, I like a girl, and I'm pretty good friends with them, but I just can't get myself to try to take it to the next level. Too scared. Plus it's hard...I have no problem talking with and hanging out with my other female friends, but when you actually like someone, it's tough to talk to them...

 

[Colenstien]

Love. One of those things that just cant be a one way street. I think love can be a horrible thing when you feel it, but not the other.

I met a girl in about the 7th grade. I had a crush on her but we didnt hang out or anything. In fact Id say I annoyed her (she told me this frequently). In the 8th grade the crush was still there (and I was just as annoying) and still she didnt really give anything. 9th grade: I started to be less annoying (or at least I didnt get told "Cole leave, youre annoying me" as many times). By tenth grade first day she actually came and sat with me in class. I still had the tiny crush like I'd had for the longest time. Then I met another girl, and low and behold, I got a crush on her (which I found out just recently she liked me back yet we never expressed it in time for something to actually happen) and little by little my crush started going away and me and my first crush just started being friends. Then this summer happened. I started it off endlessly thinking about my missed chances with Crush #2. I got a job as an LIT at a camp, and crush #1 worked there too. We were spending more time then ever around each other and she started acting way different. She actually liked ME now (of course I didnt know this). Then when my three weeks were up we said goodbye and I went home for what I thought was the summer ( at this time I still wasnt back to a crush on her). But then I got the call. I would be going back for the entire summer. So I go back and after about two weeks it comes back. This time stronger then ever. Actual love. We were so much alike. And by the end of the summer I finally get the courage up to ask her the question: "Do you like me the way I like you?". Her answer: No. Crushed. Flattened. I was out of it. So summer ends and I go back to school. She sits next to me in class again and we are now "just friends" more then ever. Yet, I want more. She knows it and I feel pain every time I have to see her. Jealousy whenever some guy comes and hits on her. And love for the one who will never love me back.

 

[ZeroFox]

[...] I feel pain every time I have to see her. Jealousy whenever some guy comes and hits on her. And love for the one who will never love me back.

Yeah I kinda get how you feel man.

 

[Daedatheus]

Most teenagers are incapable of the depths of understanding that are necessary before one can truly determine whether or not they are actually in love. Puberty and hormones are too strong for clear thinking on the matter.

THANK YOU for posting this. A big fat LOL goes out to the teenagers trying to give advice to everyone on here, especially the married couples.

You do have to "master" yourself before you can fit with another so well. Many people don't even do this and still consider themselves in love and even get married.

 

[ZeroFox]

THANK YOU for posting this. A big fat LOL goes out to the teenagers trying to give advice to everyone on here, especially the married couples.

You do have to "master" yourself before you can fit with another so well. Many people don't even do this and still consider themselves in love and even get married.

Well I'm in my 20s =P

But the "love" (or something close) occurred in my teenage years. One reason I'm reluctant to say for certain that it was love is because I was a teenager at the time, and I think at that point you're too immature.

 

[Redson]

Love is subjective. It's different for everyone, I suppose. There is a certain time when you are too immature to fully understand even the concept of love, but the rate at which people fall is different for everyone. Some unfortunate sould experience it in their younger years, such as 12-13. Others that are just as unfortunate will experience it for the first time in their thirties. While age certainly does play a large role in love, I think one should not judge their impressions solely on that.

 

[Jam Stunna]

Age is usually a fairly accurate measure of experience. I mean, you can only experience so many things in so many years.

How can you love someone when you're barely five years removed from "Eww girls are yucky!", you've (presumably) never spent a substantial amount of time with a girl in an unsupervised environment, you've never had sex, you've never had to deal with a relationship that's under pressure (and I don't mean, "Oh man, my mom doesn't want you calling the house"), and you don't even have to be responsible for your OWN well-being, much less someone else's?

Don't take this as a put down, because it's not meant to be, but alot of you guys are still kids, both physically and mentally. There is a certain level of responsibility that even comes with the feeling of love, and most of you guys are still nowhere near that threshold.

 

[Redson]

For me, it was the willingness to do anything, and give up anything, for one person. It was the feeling that I would die if she wasn't around me anymore. It's something that could have been taken as desperation instead of love. Age is a fairly accurate measure, yes, but it doesn't change the fact that some people can still fall in a younger age.

I personally never went through a "Eww girls are yucky" stage in my life. This may be because I was shunned repeatedly by my peers, and was a social outcast. I honestly didn't really care for anyone, friends, girlfriends, male or female. But as I stated, everyone experiences things differently, and I do agree with you on the age factor.

It must have something to do with the lives people lead as they mature. Life Experience=/=Maturity. Everyone's maturity is different, despite their own age.

 

[Jam Stunna]

But that's kind of my point. As a teenager, you barely have to do "anything" for yourself. How can you be prepared to do "anything" for someone else?

 

[ZeroFox]

For me, it was the willingness to do anything, and give up anything, for one person. It was the feeling that I would die if she wasn't around me anymore. It's something that could have been taken as desperation instead of love. Age is a fairly accurate measure, yes, but it doesn't change the fact that some people can still fall in a younger age.

I personally never went through a "Eww girls are yucky" stage in my life. This may be because I was shunned repeatedly by my peers, and was a social outcast. I honestly didn't really care for anyone, friends, girlfriends, male or female. But as I stated, everyone experiences things differently, and I do agree with you on the age factor.

It must have something to do with the lives people lead as they mature. Life Experience=/=Maturity. Everyone's maturity is different, despite their own age.

Well I would say that overall, younger people are more immature. But it is very possible to have a much younger person be more mature than a much older person.

I don't think I ever went through a girls are icky stage either. In fact, I had female friends ever since kindergarten. I actually had a tiny tiny crush on one of the girls too at that point in time. But I think the first time I experienced a strong emotional feeling towards another girl was around when I was about 15 years old. Maybe I was too young, maybe not. All I know is what I felt for her. And only I can really define if it's love or not.

I'm just waiting for the future, to see if I experience an even stronger feeling for another person. Only then can I look back and decided whether that experience at age 15, or the countless ones that followed, were love or not.

 

[Blackadder]

I approve of Jam's post -- he's said it all better than I could've done.

*nodnods*

 

[JonaDiaper]

to the guy that lol'd at me trying to give advice

lol, cuz ive been giving advice to people for a year now

even married couples

what does my age matter? if i can get someone to think

and change their mind or point of view what does it really matter?

send me someone with a love problem and i assure you if theyre sad

i can make them happy, or at least make them feel better.

oh on the age thing. my girlfriend is 2 years younger then me. i met her when she was

12 and i was 14. its been 2 years since that. ive been going out with her for a year.

now to say that a young person cant know what love is just isnt true. maybe a young guy

cant be in love. like you know 14 and under but girls are way more mature.

and im sure of that. when i was her age i was ********. like seriously i was an immature

baby. i still kinda am tho. but the point is love can exist at a young age. it may be a 1 in a billion

chance that it happens but it happened to me.

love is not a bad thing. it hurts sometimes yea but i mean i can be the greatest thing ever.

you can go to sleep crying cuz you cant have the one you love

or you can go to sleep with a smile cuz you just told you girl iloveyou and she said it back.

someone try to prove me wrong.

the story of how i started out with my girl can prove anything wrong.

 

[Binx]

When you get down to it, love isn't what you feel for someone, it's what you think of someone. If you don't know what that means, then you haven't been in love.

Like I said I know now that I've never been in love, but I am pretty sure I know what you mean, although there is a feeling there too, but the second part of what you said is what separates a crush from love, you feel butterflies, but also on a mental level you respect and admire that person, is that about right jam?

 

[Delta_BP26]

When you get down to it, love isn't what you feel for someone, it's what you think of someone. If you don't know what that means, then you haven't been in love.

...You know, that's exactly what I tell my friends when I talk to my friends about girls their 'in love" with.

 

[ZeroFox]

Like I said I know now that I've never been in love, but I am pretty sure I know what you mean, although there is a feeling there too, but the second part of what you said is what separates a crush from love, you feel butterflies, but also on a mental level you respect and admire that person, is that about right jam?

I'd safely say that I've experienced that a few times in my life.

 

[Jam Stunna]

Like I said I know now that I've never been in love, but I am pretty sure I know what you mean, although there is a feeling there too, but the second part of what you said is what separates a crush from love, you feel butterflies, but also on a mental level you respect and admire that person, is that about right jam?

Kind of. Everything I've read so far focuses on the warm, fuzzy feelings associated with love, but there's some hard choices that need to be made too. Sooner or later, you're going to find yourself arguing at 3:00 AM, and the only feeling you're going to have is anger. That's when you have to ask yourself, "Is this worth it?"

Love has to be able to survive the gauntlet, and in those hard times, the only thing that can keep you going is the mental commitment you've made to your significant other. If it's all about feelings, then you're doomed, because feelings can change.

The basic point I'm trying to make is that you can't call it love until you've tested it. The stresses that teenagers face may feel like the worst thing in the world, but believe me, you haven't seen anything yet. I thought I knew what love was when I was 16 too, but those feelings would have never survived some of the things I've experienced in the meantime.

 

[TechnoMonster]

Techno's two cents on how to get and stay in love.

Step 1)
Find and meet women.
The first step to falling in love is to meet a few girls. The one major mistake of guys is that they are afraid to face rejection, and therefore don't talk to women much. Though we may have different reasons, we all have some anxiety when we meet new people, particularly when they are pretty and we are interested in their opinion of us.

You can overcome this just by walking around the mall and introducing yourself to random women. You don't have to talk to them for more than three seconds. Just walk up and say "Hey, I have a question, what did you have for breakfast? ... <answer> ... Thank you." Be yourself and be comfortable.

-

After that, involve yourself in activities where you can meet women in a casual setting. Study groups, team projects at the office, after school activities, etc. Even places as stereotypical as the Gym are good. Your goal is to avoid meeting women at clubs, parties and bars. Trust me, women at bars are suspicious of everything you say to them, and most women at the club are hoes (that's not even a joke or a stereotype; women at the club are either out to dance and have fun with their friends or bone someone goodlooking after a lot of drinking).

Casual settings are best because it gives you something to talk about. In this way you can actually have a human interaction with women and have a topic of conversation with them. Nobody is going to tool you for free drinks or give you the cold shoulder if you are working on a term paper together.

--

Chapter 2: Date?
First dates with randoms are always awkward. This is why we meet women in casual settings and talk about things other than ****ing her sideways or why your ex-girlfriend split your heart in two or what kind of drink she has etc; all these subjects are very tired, lead to horrible jokes, and on the whole make you seem like a cheeseball.

Once you are comfortable with a girl you'll have an idea of things she's interested in. It's best to ask girls out to things they want to go to, for obvious reasons.

As far as the asking out part, if you get down on one knee or make any attempt to steal a girl's heart while asking her out on a first date, I will stab you with a pen. Consider a game of chess. It is possible to check the opponent's King within three or four moves, by moving the your King's pawn and moving your Queen twice. Doing so will simply get your Queen pwned and you will have essentially lost the game barring some extreme generosity.

The best way is to be comfortably talking to the girl during whatever casual thinger you are doing, and during the conversation, if she shows an interest back (asking questions about you, jumping on top of a subject that you really enjoy and going on about it, etc), ask her out.

There are a few solid do's and don'ts.

Don't scare the girl. Don't drool. Don't tell her you're interested in her (this makes you look like a knob). Don't ask her to anything that's traditionally romantic, not even a rerun of the Count of Monte Cristo on your busted couch. If she says no due to plans, don't offer a raincheck. If she says no thanks, don't argue, just continue with the conversation. If she says "uhhh... no." re-evaluate what your criteria for "her taking an interest in you" is because she is confused about how you could even consider this. If you weird out every girl you meet you will die a virgin.

Good First Date ideas:

• Short afternoon comedy show
• Lunch
• Immediate lunch ("Are you hungry? Lets get some Taco Bell." You can tell her it was the first date later)
• Mutually agreed to be awesome TV show (not too late at night)
• State fair

Bad First Date Ideas; don't ask her to...

• anything that ends after 8pm
• to a romantic dinner
• to anything lasting more than an hour
• or to anything expensive.

This reduces both pressure and fear of going on dates with potential weirdos. As far as restaurants go, if you haven't eaten there in a month, don't go there on a first date. Also as a footnote, don't tell her you'll buy, but you can offer to pay at the whatever.

If you are comfortable with women and can talk to them, then you are romantic. If you are made of flowers, suits, and corny lines, then you are corny.

For second/third/fourth dates, if she enjoyed the first, you can invite her to a movie or dinner and a movie and go with what you feel comfortable with. Try to see her in between the dates at parties or class or something and say hi, and don't get weird or nervous. Open up talking about something else. Most good relationships don't need to be talked about. If you're scared to go for kisses and that sort of thing it's probably because you're both not at that level yet. Why would you kiss someone out of the blue if you've never hugged or held hands before? Get started breaking the physical barrier with gestures of friendship, and never try to jump straight into the romance until its comfortable.

*A good kiss test after a date or three is to go for a kiss on the cheek after a hug. Sometimes they'll go for the real thing :o if not you still win.

--

No Relationship Johns

Be honest ALL of the time. Do not play stupid pick-up games with real women. This is both stupid and cause for fighting and breakups. If you have problems be straightforward about them. If you want to sleep with her best friend, tell her a secret; "I want to bone the hell out of your bff." Get it off your chest. Make a joke about it if you want. A lot of people are afraid to jinx their relationship with some kind of bad voodoo and will avoid topics of conversation that they are not proud of. The only bad voodoo is you being so uncomfortable with yourself that you're wriggling in your chair and can't talk.

If you're interested in a woman, you should be interested in them and what they do. Ask about their family, what their friends are doing tonight. If you have a subject that you want to talk about, open it by asking how they feel about it; "How do you feel about Obama?" If you just open up with "Obama is going to burn down the white house and ruin America," then you come off as conceited.

Remember to be honest when asked for/giving your opinion. "That sounds boring," "Your friend needs to stop being a bama," "Here is some gum, your breath is horrible. Now lets make out." These are all legitimate responses (from an honest person, but not from a person who plays games with people all the time).

Remember, honesty is the basis of trust, which is the basis of friendship and intimacy. Romance, compassion, and sexual attraction will follow if you are really compatible and strive to make each other's lives more enjoyable. In the meantime, go meet women, talk to them, don't scare them, and be you.

 

[LuigiKing]

Haha, I've noticed a lot of hopeless nerds/gamers in this topic. Then again it is smashboards...

To all of you, what I have to say is this. Don't give up with women, really. I'm the biggest nerd of my entire pack of friends, by a long shot. To the point where the only thing I was known for in high school was having funny geek shirts. I had never even been on a date right up until graduation. Anyway, to make a super long story painfully short... I ended up asking my high school crush out 2 days after graduation because I had nothing left to lose, and it turned out she would have said yes had I manned up a year beforehand. Don't worry if you don't have a girlfriend or anything like that, its just stupid to dwell on that kind of stuff. Something will turn up, no matter how nerdy/awkward with women you are. Sometimes you'll even get a hot/smart one like me ^_^

I still can't believe I'm even posting here. =p

 

[Binx]

@ Jam - I'm 23 and I'm divorced LOL, I am pretty sure I've learned the difference between a crush and love haha. I just figured thats what you meant because I think that's what was missing between my wife and my longest girlfriend was a strong level of respect or admiration. When I got married part of the reason I was attracted to her is because she put of a confident and driven persona, but after a little while when she couldn't keep up that fraudulent air, I learned that we really didn't have anything, to be fair I should never have married her in the first place and we definitely rushed it. I just figured if you are happily married maybe thats the insight you had. As far as toughing it out through rough parts I don't think that's love persay, I would describe it as commitment, what makes the commitment worth it is love, love isn't directly a commitment, although marriage is (stupid me lols)

 

[♡ⓛⓞⓥⓔ♡]

Love is not a feeling, it's the most extreme, the most unconditional unselfishness there can be.

*points to the cross*

 

[ZeroFox]

No Relationship Johns

Be honest ALL of the time. Do not play stupid pick-up games with real women. This is both stupid and cause for fighting and breakups. If you have problems be straightforward about them. If you want to sleep with her best friend, tell her a secret; "I want to bone the hell out of your bff." Get it off your chest. Make a joke about it if you want. A lot of people are afraid to jinx their relationship with some kind of bad voodoo and will avoid topics of conversation that they are not proud of. The only bad voodoo is you being so uncomfortable with yourself that you're wriggling in your chair and can't talk.

If you're interested in a woman, you should be interested in them and what they do. Ask about their family, what their friends are doing tonight. If you have a subject that you want to talk about, open it by asking how they feel about it; "How do you feel about Obama?" If you just open up with "Obama is going to burn down the white house and ruin America," then you come off as conceited.

Remember to be honest when asked for/giving your opinion. "That sounds boring," "Your friend needs to stop being a bama," "Here is some gum, your breath is horrible. Now lets make out." These are all legitimate responses (from an honest person, but not from a person who plays games with people all the time).

Remember, honesty is the basis of trust, which is the basis of friendship and intimacy. Romance, compassion, and sexual attraction will follow if you are really compatible and strive to make each other's lives more enjoyable. In the meantime, go meet women, talk to them, don't scare them, and be you.

LOL. Relationship johns.

"She broke up with me because the sun was in my eyes =/"

 

[Jam Stunna]

Yeah Binx, I wasn't really directing that at you because I know you're alot older than most of the people in this thread, and I know you have a pretty good idea of what you're talking about. It's more for the people who don't know what they're talking about but think they do.

I'm sorry about your divorce, but it brings up an important point that that I'm sure you can espouse upon. Sometimes feelings lie. I think what you said about respect and admiration is absolutely true, and sometimes we just make mistakes. You hope that the mistakes don't lead to legal proceedings, but that happens sometimes.

Once again Binx, that's not directed at you, you've obviously been through the hardest of knocks. There's another Nana out there for you, though!

 

[abit_rusty]

"I love you" is probably one of the most overused phrases in the English language. Right between "Hello" and "No Johns"....

But seriously, in the society of this day and age, love is a feeling, oftentimes a passing one. In relationships, love may start off as a feeling, but it won't stay that way. In a romantic relationship, this is what starts the fire in us. It's amazing, yes, like being on a roller coaster with all the ups and downs and excitement. But, you can't be on a roller coaster too long without getting sick. And so the infatuation may start wearing off, when you feel the love is "dying".

This is where people should realize that love isn't a feeling, it's a choice. When the infatuation wears off, we are left to build the relationship. The love is still there, but it will only die if we don't choose to work at it, if we don't communicate and let other things interfere. At it's heart, love is an act of our will, and by seeing it simply as a feeling we'll find relationship after relationship going wrong and ending.

 

[StoleUrCar]

"I love you" is probably one of the most overused phrases in the English language. Right between "Hello" and "No Johns"....

But seriously, in the society of this day and age, love is a feeling, oftentimes a passing one. In relationships, love may start off as a feeling, but it won't stay that way. In a romantic relationship, this is what starts the fire in us. It's amazing, yes, like being on a roller coaster with all the ups and downs and excitement. But, you can't be on a roller coaster too long without getting sick. And so the infatuation may start wearing off, when you feel the love is "dying".

This is where people should realize that love isn't a feeling, it's a choice. When the infatuation wears off, we are left to build the relationship. The love is still there, but it will only die if we don't choose to work at it, if we don't communicate and let other things interfere. At it's heart, love is an act of our will, and by seeing it simply as a feeling we'll find relationship after relationship going wrong and ending.

:O

This.

------

 

[LieutenantSerg]

Love is like a box of chocolates you never know witch one your gonna get.

 

[Justblaze647]

Love is like a box of chocolates you never know witch one your gonna get.

I think you meant "which"

 

[LieutenantSerg]

You are correct

 

[JonaDiaper]

lol i love how this thread pwned all the other ones so quickly

but back on topic

love doesnt have to be a box of chocolates

if you know the person well enough before you start dating/going out

then you should know exactly what your getting into.

or you can just jump into it like i did, im perfectly fine as you can probably tell.

love is always worth a risk, always worth that chance.

like Shakespeare said,

it is better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all.

i think its true. but love is worth different things to different people.

to me its a very valuable thing, its more then an emotion or feeling,

its a life changing, experience. its truly amazing.

but to other people its worthless and pitiful.

its up to you to make whatever you want out of it.

 

[ZeroFox]

if you know the person well enough before you start dating/going out

then you should know exactly what your getting into.

It may not be love per se, but I think sometimes I can tell when I'm going to start liking someone in the near future.

It's just a weird feeling I get. I might not have a thing for them at the current moment, but I'll realize that I might very soon. It it happens eventually.

 

[Blooqkazoo]

Wow, Zerofox. You are a hopeless romantic.
Me, I'm in denial.

 

[ZeroFox]

Wow, Zerofox. You are a hopeless romantic.
Me, I'm in denial.

Hahah, I've been called that a lot recently. On these boards, in real life...

 

[Blooqkazoo]

You see, I like this girl but I can't ****ing tell if she likes me or not.
She looks at me sometimes but maybe I'm really observant and optimistic. Or I'm that awesome. Hahahahahahahahaha
Haaaa[sighs]
She doesn't like me does she?