Worst Best Jokes Thread

[Yokai]

Basically, post the best jokes you have.

Disclaimer: Racism, Sexism, Any other ism (such as jism) in this thread is not to be taken seriously and is intended only for hilarity.Protip: generalisations are funny. In keeping that in mind,

Whats the difference between my mum and a park bench?

Park bench can support a family.

"Dracula walks into a bar, he wanders up to the bar tender, Bill, and askes in his romanian accent 'May I please have a mug of boiling water?'. Bill respondes with a simple 'sure thing' and walks out the back of the bar to put the kettle on. Midway through pouring the water, Bill starts to wonder why on earth dracula, a vampire, would want to have water? as dracula usually only drinks blood.

Bill returns to dracula and says 'whats with the boiling water today?', dracula smiles at this, and reaches into his pocket. He pulls out a long string, and then a tampon. The tampon had been used and was still covered in blood. Dracula turns to bill and says 'Im making tea'.

 

[Timic83]

A bird walks into a shop. The bird says "Do you have any fruit?". The shopkeeper says no. The bird walks out, and comes back in. The bird says "Do you have any fruit?". The shopkeeper says no. The bird walks out, and comes back in. The bird says "Do you have any fruit?". The shopkeeper says "If you ask me that one more time, I'm going to nail you to the wall!"

The bird walks out, and comes back in. The bird says "Do you have any nails?". The shopkeeper says no. The bird walks out, and comes back in. The bird says "Do you have any fruit?"

 

[xXArrowXx]

firstly ew.

secondly
what does a golf ball and a car have in common?
tiger woods can drive both 400 feet.

thirdly
why was rove live was cancelled?
cause making this joke was better than it.

so many lame jokes -,- so little time and effort needed

 

[Yokai]

Whats the difference between santa and tiger woods?

Santa stopped at 3 Ho's.

 

[Melancholy]

A bear walks into a bar and says "I'll have a beer and

...

...

a packet of peanuts."

And the bartender says, "Why the big pause?"

 

[Muzga]

why do moon rocks taste better then earth rocks?
Because theyre meatyor

What did one pedophile say to another pedophile while they were at the beach?
Youre in my son

What's a prisoners favourite punctuation mark?
a full stop because it marks the end of his sentence.

 

[Alzi]

Four gay guys walk into a pub. And there is only one stool so they flip it over and sit on it.

 

[unreon]

Melancholy you read that joke from Reader's Digest didn't you?

 

[C~Dog]

What did one pedophile say to another pedophile while they were at the beach?
Youre in my son.

Oh...oh god....

 

[Technodeath]

A seal walks into a club *duh dun tish*

 

[Redact]

why did the monkey fall out of the tree

IT WAS DEAD

why did the second monkey fall out of the tree

IT WAS STAPLED TO THE FIRST ONE

why did the third monkey fall out of the tree

PEER PRESSURE

 

[tedeth]

If I may take a bit of stupidity from my good friend Luke:

What do you call it when you run into "The Wave cafe"?

Wave Dashing.

Ha ha ha.

Hoo hoo hoo.

Fu fu fu fu.

Ugh...

 

[SummonerAU]

Three guys walk into a bar. It hurt.

 

[Scabe]

If I may take a bit of stupidity from my good friend Luke:

What do you call it when you run into "The Wave cafe"?

Wave Dashing.

Ha ha ha.

Hoo hoo hoo.

Fu fu fu fu.

Ugh...

Yeah most of Luke's jokes should be quoted in here.

 

[Melancholy]

Melancholy you read that joke from Reader's Digest didn't you?

...no

But seriously man Readers Digest has some good jokes.

 

[xXArrowXx]

a dyslexic person walks into a bra...

 

[Technodeath]

Why did sally fall off of her bike?

because she was a goldfish

Why couldnt the pilot fly the plane?

because he was a loaf of bread.

 

[MTGod]

because he was a loaf of bread.

That reminds me: what are Helga's favourite shoes??? Loafers...

What would a squirrel collect if he had a yeast infection??? Doughnuts

 

[luke_atyeo]

If I may take a bit of stupidity from my good friend Luke:

What do you call it when you run into "The Wave cafe"?

Wave Dashing.

Ha ha ha.

Hoo hoo hoo.

Fu fu fu fu.

Ugh...

we were at san diego and saw a place called the wave cafe, so I said, hey guys if we DASH in there, would that be considered wave dashing. epic.

why did the monkey fall out of the tree

IT WAS DEAD

why did the second monkey fall out of the tree

IT WAS STAPLED TO THE FIRST ONE

why did the third monkey fall out of the tree

PEER PRESSURE

lol I laughed, good old redact

Three guys walk into a bar. It hurt.

I think you're mixing up these 2 jokes

a man walked into a bar, ouch!

3 men walked into a bar, you think one of them would have ducked.

Yeah most of Luke's jokes should be quoted in here.

you love it, I was born for this thread



anyways you guys are all posting lame jokes, not worst jokes, its gotta be something REALLY REALLY bad, like this one for example



there was a guy called phil, and he was a champion long distance swimmer, he used to practice all the time and got really good at going long distances.

one day he was thinking what to do with his life, he wanted something exciting, some big achievment, so he though 'what can I do that no one else has done before, what am I good at?' he pondered on it for a while and decided he wanted to swim further than anyone had ever swam before, he told his family about it and they suggested he try swimming from one country to another. he thought and this and decided to do one better, he wanted to swim around the whole world. so he trained and trained and built up some hype, got the media involved and all that.

So it came to the day when he left on his journey around the world, friends family and various onlookers saw him off from the port and off he went. he swam for days and days, through hot water, cold water, various aquatic life, he had alot of time to think about many of lifes deep mysterys and wonders, he saw many amazing things on his journeys, some times he felt confident, other times he wasnt sure if he could make it or not, but still he pressed on and on often encouraged by passers by on boats who had heard of his feat.

He gathered attention the world over, people tracked him by sattelite, news helicopters got footage of him, all sorts of people tried to cash in on his publicity and claimed he was swimming for various reasons, but phil didnt care about any of that, he just wanted to swim and prove to himself what he was capable of, so on he went, on and on through tropical regions and cold regions.

finally after many months his journey was reaching its end, he thought of all the people he missed and how much they'd be proud of him, he thought of what he'd do after he'd finished his around the world swim, he was very tired but he'd toughened up and carryed on right to the end.

as he swam back into the port he saw an amazing crowd waiting for him on his return, friends, family, distant relatives, all sorts of people were there, and as he sawm back into the port a ship started coming in, he didnt see it at first and people began to get a bit nervous.
He swam all the way back upto the dock he set off from, but the ship came into the same dock and it started crushing him against the dock wall, people panicked but he just calmy told them all "its allright, I've endured many hardships"


and that my friends, is how you tell a horrible joke

 

[Sieg]

That was pretty bad. Like, I didn't even laugh. I actually felt quite sorry for him.

What a brave man. Manly tears were SHED!

 

[Splice]

I have hax drawing skills. Be amazed by my HILARIOUS Brawl Sitcom starring GaW. My terrible joke owns yours luke, yours is long and drawn out but mine wastes lots of effort that could have been used on something real good, making it terribad joke.

Spoiler

The reason Awesome Face GaW doesnt have proper eyes is because it made him look like an old man when i did some practice drawings.

e-Cookie if you can realise what brawl stage its set on.

 

[luke_atyeo]

lol, the whole point of mine is that its long and drawn out and wastes your time just for this ****ty terrabad punchline that isnt even funny.

also is that on delphino?

 

[Sieg]

Huge nose is huge.

Is it Pirate Ship?

 

[Splice]

Yes, Luke it is Delfino. Man out of all people, it had to be you who got the e-Cookie. You've already won several internets imo.

lol sieg i cant draw in proportion, thus why i really shouldnt draw comics of all things.

But it's still good RIGHT GUYS?

 

[Sieg]

It's pretty good lol.

 

[Melancholy]

Splice you should post that comic in the G&W boards.

If you don't I will.

 

[Splice]

Oh yeah good idea.

 

[luke_atyeo]

I liked it

 

[l3oOkeR]

How do you stop a ****** from drowning?
Take your foot off the back of its head!

What do you call 50,000 dead ******s at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!

How do you get a ****** out of a tree?
Cut the rope!

What do you call a ****** on top of a church?
Holly ****!

What do ****** kids get for Christmas?
Your bike!

Whats the difference between a dead dog in the middle of the road and a dead ******?
The dog has skid marks infront of it!

What do you call a ****** in a tree?
An avocado!

What did the Alabama serif say when he found a dead ****** with 15 bullet holes in him?
Worst case of suicide he has ever seen!

What do you call a ****** in a ferrari?
Jaffa!

Why do ******s stink?
So blind people can hate them too!

erm.... not to be taken serious right?

 

[Technodeath]

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

i love racist jokes :D :D

 

[C~Dog]

What do you call a ****** in a ferrari?
Jaffa!

"Thief" would also have been accepted.