Hence lies a compilation of what I believe to be the most adequate/accurate explanations as to why we all main Ganondorf. THIS IS FOR YOU, MY BROTHERS IN GANON!
We main Ganon because we don't need a cumbersomespiked shell to deflect heavy artillery fire and/or gamma bursts.
We main Ganon because a Falcon Punch against Ganon's diamond-plated stomach is like firing blanks at a neutron star.
We main Ganon because if we wanted to molest people with bananas, we would just drop our britches and gyrate.
We main Ganon because if we wanted to ingest massive oblong objects like DK, we'd main another character and fight Ganon whilst he lacked pants.
We main Ganon because it only takes one grab for Ganon to put Falco in a pot of boiling water.
We main Ganon because being a Fox means you cannot fornicate with all the beautiful Gerudo women.
We main Ganon because two dimensions cannot possibly encompass the girth of our collective manhood.
We main Ganon because we do not need to form awkward relationships with dwarven sherpas to bring forth cataclysms.
We main Ganon because having friends to fight for means less people to deny basic human rights from and kill.
We main Ganon because when we sing, it puts people to sleep--for good.
We main Ganon because if we needed a big-*** hammer and stupid-looking toadies to fling at the enemy, we'd just kill Thor and steal his ****.
We main Ganon because if we wanted to make use of a big ol' *****, we'd just bearhug you.
We main Ganon because it doesn't really matter how much courage a yellow triangle gave you if you're being used as an accordion after being thunderstomped.
We main Ganon because we don't have to get our ***** whipped before we start destroying ****.
We main Ganon because we already have a stick to beat people to death with.
We main Ganon because Ganon's presence within an approximately one-universe radius of Luigi makes him defecate so heavily that his air game is relegated to flinging his own feces.
We main Ganon because we already unclog pipes when we bend people over and ***-**** them.
We main Ganon because he has a mighty phallus of epic proportions versus the little Vienna sausage Marth calls a *****.
We main Ganon because if we needed a tiny little sword and stupid voice, we'd just rip off Marth's vocal chords and weenie.
We main Ganon because if we wanted to be mute and psychic we'd just rip your ears off and kill you. Not hard to predict you then.
We main Ganon because after the match, we already float above them and throw our vegetables at their face.
We main Ganon because we prefer to manifest cosmic storms via our beards and ejaculate rather than the equivalent of running on a carpet then tapping someone.
We main Ganon because if a whistle is going to be blown, it's going to be ours.
We main Ganon because when we split things in two to attack with them, we prefer to hear the satisfying crunch of bone to accompany it. Also because we don't enjoy the intimate company of men.
We main Ganon because if we need a turtle, dragon and plant to fight for us, we'd take a dump, jack off in it and let the resulting botanical terror do the work.
We main Ganon because he can disassemble R.O.B. and transmogrify him into a colonoscopy snake to use on himself.
We main Ganon because if we needed a protective suit, we'd just tape Satan's cadaver to our anterior and rush in.
We main Ganon because if we felt the urge to roleplay as the opposite sex, well, we'd be **** out of luck because there's no hiding a monster like that.
We main Ganon because grenades leave pulp. You can't **** pulp.
We main Ganon because, while we may be black, we have ****load more to be arrogant about than a pair of pointy Nikes.
We main Ganon because if we needed a way to keep people 50 feet away, we'd just need to look at some hot Gerudo chick.
We main Ganon because when we flatulate, we freeze the opponent to death by burning out the sun.
We main Ganon because if we wanted to shock and deter people with big bright pink orbs, we'd just utilt.
We main Ganon because when we eat people, we poop them out into hell.
We main Ganon because if we needed to throw easy-to-dodge red **** at people, we'd just rip their hearts out and throw it at them.
We main Ganon because it's a hell of lot less awkward to kill someone when they're not fapping to you.
We main Ganon because we don't need a cumbersomespiked shell to deflect heavy artillery fire and/or gamma bursts.
We main Ganon because a Falcon Punch against Ganon's diamond-plated stomach is like firing blanks at a neutron star.
We main Ganon because if we wanted to molest people with bananas, we would just drop our britches and gyrate.
We main Ganon because if we wanted to ingest massive oblong objects like DK, we'd main another character and fight Ganon whilst he lacked pants.
We main Ganon because it only takes one grab for Ganon to put Falco in a pot of boiling water.
We main Ganon because being a Fox means you cannot fornicate with all the beautiful Gerudo women.
We main Ganon because two dimensions cannot possibly encompass the girth of our collective manhood.
We main Ganon because we do not need to form awkward relationships with dwarven sherpas to bring forth cataclysms.
We main Ganon because having friends to fight for means less people to deny basic human rights from and kill.
We main Ganon because when we sing, it puts people to sleep--for good.
We main Ganon because if we needed a big-*** hammer and stupid-looking toadies to fling at the enemy, we'd just kill Thor and steal his ****.
We main Ganon because if we wanted to make use of a big ol' *****, we'd just bearhug you.
We main Ganon because it doesn't really matter how much courage a yellow triangle gave you if you're being used as an accordion after being thunderstomped.
We main Ganon because we don't have to get our ***** whipped before we start destroying ****.
We main Ganon because we already have a stick to beat people to death with.
We main Ganon because Ganon's presence within an approximately one-universe radius of Luigi makes him defecate so heavily that his air game is relegated to flinging his own feces.
We main Ganon because we already unclog pipes when we bend people over and ***-**** them.
We main Ganon because he has a mighty phallus of epic proportions versus the little Vienna sausage Marth calls a *****.
We main Ganon because if we needed a tiny little sword and stupid voice, we'd just rip off Marth's vocal chords and weenie.
We main Ganon because if we wanted to be mute and psychic we'd just rip your ears off and kill you. Not hard to predict you then.
We main Ganon because after the match, we already float above them and throw our vegetables at their face.
We main Ganon because we prefer to manifest cosmic storms via our beards and ejaculate rather than the equivalent of running on a carpet then tapping someone.
We main Ganon because if a whistle is going to be blown, it's going to be ours.
We main Ganon because when we split things in two to attack with them, we prefer to hear the satisfying crunch of bone to accompany it. Also because we don't enjoy the intimate company of men.
We main Ganon because if we need a turtle, dragon and plant to fight for us, we'd take a dump, jack off in it and let the resulting botanical terror do the work.
We main Ganon because he can disassemble R.O.B. and transmogrify him into a colonoscopy snake to use on himself.
We main Ganon because if we needed a protective suit, we'd just tape Satan's cadaver to our anterior and rush in.
We main Ganon because if we felt the urge to roleplay as the opposite sex, well, we'd be **** out of luck because there's no hiding a monster like that.
We main Ganon because grenades leave pulp. You can't **** pulp.
We main Ganon because, while we may be black, we have ****load more to be arrogant about than a pair of pointy Nikes.
We main Ganon because if we needed a way to keep people 50 feet away, we'd just need to look at some hot Gerudo chick.
We main Ganon because when we flatulate, we freeze the opponent to death by burning out the sun.
We main Ganon because if we wanted to shock and deter people with big bright pink orbs, we'd just utilt.
We main Ganon because when we eat people, we poop them out into hell.
We main Ganon because if we needed to throw easy-to-dodge red **** at people, we'd just rip their hearts out and throw it at them.
We main Ganon because it's a hell of lot less awkward to kill someone when they're not fapping to you.
Not all of us are that silly. x)