*sigh*
My mother thinks I don't love her is mulling over sending me to a group home for mentally handicapped people because I'm upset she RSVP'd me without asking my permission first to a wedding of someone who's probably a second cousin or something that I've seen like three times in my life and never talked to any of said times, surrounded by her emotionally distant family the vast majority of I have had an equal or lesser amount of contact with, and sugarcoated by staying at a hotel and then visiting a zoo I've been to several times in the past. . .before immediately driving to go visit the OTHER side of my family for Father's Day, which I in turn object to because the wedding alone would emotionally tax me hard enough that I'd immediately just want to crawl home. And she didn't even want to go to the wedding in the first place until she got the idea to take me along and "make a vacation of it."
Her argument is that it would be embarrassing if I didn't come and that she just wants me to spend some time with her instead of being isolated all the time, the former of which I highly doubt since again I hardly know anyone there and none of the people I do know actually care to visit me on their own initiative unless stopping by where I live is a "side trip" while they're doing something they deem more important, and the latter of which I understand and empathize with but really, really doesn't erase all the various concerns I have with this situation. When I brought up that she should explain to people that the reason I backed out was because she RSVP'd her (adult age) daughter without asking, she reacted horrified and said that would be embarrassing. But she literally cannot comprehend how I could possibly be embarrassed at that fact in the privacy of home because apparently the fact that I have some very not adult circumstances going on somehow forfeits my ability to be upset at not being treated like an adult.
She argued with me for like an hour and then went to bed upset and disappointed in me while blaming me for the lack of sleep she's going to get for some church women's group thing she's going to tomorrow morning.
I. . .am I wrong here? I know she wants to spend time with me and I tend to back out of things a whole lot, but part of my problem is that what constitutes "spending time" for her and for me are completely different. I feel like watching TV together is just two people off in their own bubble that just happen to be next to each other, that card games make my presence feel super incidental and you could swap me out with literally anyone because it's half random anyway, and I especially especially don't feel involved with the weddings of distant relatives because it's two hours of sitting around quietly while people you don't know profess their love that has a 50/50 shot of not crashing and burning followed by three hours of sitting at long tables with tablecloths alongside people you don't know while they have conversations about their personal lives you can't possibly contribute to.
I want to have long conversations with her, but they always end in some kind of argument or disagreement (incidentally this situation came up not long after a long conversation itself, which itself had some minor disagreements and comments about how I'm a terrible person for being too stubborn and mean about how librul I am), I want to have outings that DON'T have the baggage of entirely revolving around either people other than us that we mostly don't even know or just going out to buy necessities, I want to play multiplayer video games with her but it hurts her eyes and she doesn't particularly care beside desperately trying to spend time with me anyway, which again I understand and legitimately feel bad about but it's just
Sometimes I just feel alone when I'm in the same room as a person and it just feels easier to not be.