I'll cover what Chis did not cover.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_bob0G1DcD4&fmt=18
:22 I notice you like to grab a lot... this isn't bad a long as you can land it, but it's best not to leave yourself open this... especially with Kirby and his WTFOMGBBQNOOBPWNCOPTORDOWNSENDAID FSmash, or whatever he has that is fast and would probably be a better choice for racking up damage.
:26 No Pawnching like this either, especially @ low percentages where Kirby can die faster than most normal characters.
:45 Good thing you weren't @ a higher percentage or that combo would've killed you if a swallowcide didn't. Try and pick up on how often the opponent wants to do this and punish them.
:52 Please avoid rolling as Sonic, it's just so much slower compared to whatever else he can do, considering that he can run FD in 5/60ths of a second short of one whole second, and a rollodge takes... at the least 1/2 that amount, which is ~.5 seconds usually lost. It mgiht have more frames I don't know, but you get the picture.
Your reaction for some reason seems delayed, a fine example would be :35. Maybe you just haven't completly achieved a
full grasp on Sonic... I'm sure if that were Espy he would've probably DDPed for some serious mind-******... but then again not everybody (myself included) have mastered this kind of stuff, let alone even know what it is. I guess I'll let this slide but for the future go with what you know will work, not what might (I know this sounds stupid when playing Sonic is like a risk, but there are some you will have to turn down, to get around.*)
1:25 no FSmashing when he's respawning!
1:35 Kirby is pretty d*** hard to hit with SHFF Uairs.
1:50 No FSmashing there!
1:55 Love the side-taunt, but in this case where Kirby could've hit you with a Hammer and should've, it's best not to taunt.
2:06 No FSmashing right there!
2:15 DIing up would've saved you.
2:11 right there would've been a good time to use DSmash since he was trapped at the edge. Yes I realize this is before 2:15, learn about my time-traveling.
2:27 FSmash woulddn't have gotten you punished and FTilt would've been better to punish with.
I think you mgiht also have a bit of a problem aiming Bair. Sure you hit a couple of times with it, but other times you aimed too low and instead of getting the kick out you you just fell onto your groin pelvic area.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVAIEy7FKA0&fmt=18
:07 Talk about a delayed reaction. :/
:08 I'll let this slide sort of since in real-time and in real situations maybe this wouldn't have entered your mind but grabbing would've been great, or a tilt ( I discourage use of UTilt however but right there it would've worked. ) .
:30 No FSmashing there!
:49 Whiffed Bair and FSmash make me sadface.
:53 Don't know why you ran away, another quick attack would've been fine right there.
:58
1:04 All that running around and random FSmash make me one sad panda.
1:08 So does the lack of grabs that would've worked here.
1:24 Should've thrown in a couple of pummels there but okay, just glad you got a grab in.
1:42 Same thing.
1:44 Yet again, but a Spindash works... somewhat.
1:48 we do have to take into consideration how terrible his grab range is though.
2:05 HA is bad and I should feel bad because I would've done the same thing. :X
2:12 again up with the mindless runnin'.
2:50 One or Two pummels would've been nice.
3:09 Ouh...
3:45 One pummel was okay... HA is still bad.
5:09 <- Does not approve of the double FSmashin'.
5:58 One pummel is okay I guess...
6:08 I liked the first one better...
6:24 Yeah that's the way!
-
End Critique.
I cant. Theres no one whatsoever that I can play Brawl with offline, they either have a Wii but dont have brawl or they have brawl but they dont play to get better like what Im attempting to do. Online is my only practice. 
