The Unhappy Thread

[Rizen]

I have complex PTSD from taking care of my grandpa who had Parkensin's disease when he was dying, picking him up off the floor, taking him to the hospital... Then my uncle died of a scezure, then I had to take care of my grandma who had lewy bodies disease when she was dying, my other uncle died of cancer, my mom has fibromyalgia and got a bed sore that became genggrenous with necrotizing bactera so I took her to the hospital and she had to get a catheder and recover in a rehab center for months while I watched her cat, but she got better. Now she has stage 4 cancer. And my turtle'sstill not eating. At least I know there is no god.

 

[RedmanSSBM]

I keep trying to enter Melee tournaments and I just can't seem to not get depressed when entering stuff anymore. It's like a constant plague that haunts me. It feels like a trap for me because I have this sense of obligation towards the game, but if I'm being honest I would love to just completely drop ever competing in this game ever again. Or probably any game really. I've convinced myself time and time again that I am not mentally suited for competition in video games so why do I keep trying to enter them? In hopes that I might do decent? I haven't enjoyed myself entering a tournament in months. Getting depression from losing in Melee tournaments has been happening to me for over 5 years now and I really just want it to stop. There are only 2 things in life I know make me depressed. Losing in Melee tournaments and failed relationships. Any other negative feelings I have end up going towards anger, which at least only lasts for an hour or so most of the time. This most recent bout of depression started last night at around 7:40pm and it has not let up yet. I hate every second of this because it's the most demotivating thing. I just wanna go home from work right now and just sleep/do nothing. I have to wait this depression out for me to feel normal again.

And it's from entering a ****ing video game tournament. What a stupid thing to get depressed over. I put way too much self worth into competing in video games to where it isn't mentally healthy for me. But I feel like I can't stop cause it's like a drug and I just want to get that high of winning again.

 

[TDRR]

I keep trying to enter Melee tournaments and I just can't seem to not get depressed when entering stuff anymore. It's like a constant plague that haunts me. It feels like a trap for me because I have this sense of obligation towards the game, but if I'm being honest I would love to just completely drop ever competing in this game ever again. Or probably any game really. I've convinced myself time and time again that I am not mentally suited for competition in video games so why do I keep trying to enter them? In hopes that I might do decent? I haven't enjoyed myself entering a tournament in months. Getting depression from losing in Melee tournaments has been happening to me for over 5 years now and I really just want it to stop. There are only 2 things in life I know make me depressed. Losing in Melee tournaments and failed relationships. Any other negative feelings I have end up going towards anger, which at least only lasts for an hour or so most of the time. This most recent bout of depression started last night at around 7:40pm and it has not let up yet. I hate every second of this because it's the most demotivating thing. I just wanna go home from work right now and just sleep/do nothing. I have to wait this depression out for me to feel normal again.

And it's from entering a ****ing video game tournament. What a stupid thing to get depressed over. I put way too much self worth into competing in video games to where it isn't mentally healthy for me. But I feel like I can't stop cause it's like a drug and I just want to get that high of winning again.

Then just don't play the game competitively? Play the game to have fun, and if you don't have fun entering tournaments, then don't enter tournaments. Play the game at home, try some mods, like 20XX, SD Remix, Melee XT (okay i should stop self-advertising) or whatever mod you like to play.

Or to break the monotony, try other games that are more relaxing, like anything on the Mario series, some Rougelike (bRouge is the one i recommend), everything here or Doom (There's heaps of mods for it and you can play it online with up to 64 players simultaneously!)

 

[Rizen]

My turtle still hasn't eaten and we're just not getting very much in her by holding her upside down and dropping protein drink in her beak. We're going to call the vet tommorrow about forcably opening her mouth and maybe injections. I've had her 25 years; I can't lose my turtle too.

 

[Strong Badam]

I keep trying to enter Melee tournaments and I just can't seem to not get depressed when entering stuff anymore. It's like a constant plague that haunts me. It feels like a trap for me because I have this sense of obligation towards the game, but if I'm being honest I would love to just completely drop ever competing in this game ever again. Or probably any game really. I've convinced myself time and time again that I am not mentally suited for competition in video games so why do I keep trying to enter them? In hopes that I might do decent? I haven't enjoyed myself entering a tournament in months. Getting depression from losing in Melee tournaments has been happening to me for over 5 years now and I really just want it to stop. There are only 2 things in life I know make me depressed. Losing in Melee tournaments and failed relationships. Any other negative feelings I have end up going towards anger, which at least only lasts for an hour or so most of the time. This most recent bout of depression started last night at around 7:40pm and it has not let up yet. I hate every second of this because it's the most demotivating thing. I just wanna go home from work right now and just sleep/do nothing. I have to wait this depression out for me to feel normal again.

And it's from entering a ****ing video game tournament. What a stupid thing to get depressed over. I put way too much self worth into competing in video games to where it isn't mentally healthy for me. But I feel like I can't stop cause it's like a drug and I just want to get that high of winning again.

I think you should totally take a break at least. I'm not sure if my experiences will help you, but I definitely went through many depressive episodes throughout my Melee/PM career. I would frequently tell myself that if I just performed well at an event I would feel better. To no one's surprise, I'd place top 8 or even top 3 at nationals and still feel a failure for not placing 1st. Or if I managed to take first at a regional, the next time I didn't I had also somehow failed. It's quite the never-ending chase and applies to most endeavors, like a career. "If I just got that promotion, I'd be happy...!"

Some important points that will help make anyone happy:
1. Being able to influence/temper your own emotional reactions to things. This is really difficult and something I still struggle with, but a key portion of most modern schools of thoughts regarding happiness.
2. When or if the above doesn't work for something, avoiding activities that cause you distress or harm. In your case, it seems you should be taking a pass on competing in Melee. If losing or performing just okay at the game doesn't bring you joy, it's probably time to call it quits. The concept of having to "earn" fun or joy, and otherwise being distressed, is not for most people.

Feel free to hit me up about this kind of thing, I am perhaps uniquely qualified to offer insight here. Or maybe I sound like a preachy jerk. I'm hoping I don't.

 

[RedmanSSBM]

I think you should totally take a break at least. I'm not sure if my experiences will help you, but I definitely went through many depressive episodes throughout my Melee/PM career. I would frequently tell myself that if I just performed well at an event I would feel better. To no one's surprise, I'd place top 8 or even top 3 at nationals and still feel a failure for not placing 1st. Or if I managed to take first at a regional, the next time I didn't I had also somehow failed. It's quite the never-ending chase and applies to most endeavors, like a career. "If I just got that promotion, I'd be happy...!"

Some important points that will help make anyone happy:
1. Being able to influence/temper your own emotional reactions to things. This is really difficult and something I still struggle with, but a key portion of most modern schools of thoughts regarding happiness.
2. When or if the above doesn't work for something, avoiding activities that cause you distress or harm. In your case, it seems you should be taking a pass on competing in Melee. If losing or performing just okay at the game doesn't bring you joy, it's probably time to call it quits. The concept of having to "earn" fun or joy, and otherwise being distressed, is not for most people.

Feel free to hit me up about this kind of thing, I am perhaps uniquely qualified to offer insight here. Or maybe I sound like a preachy jerk. I'm hoping I don't.

I definitely agree that even if I were to actually get good at the game, if my mentality still has these high standards and I don't find the joy out of competing, then I would have the same thoughts as you when placing Top 8 but wanting to win the tournament. It's a weird internal struggle for me honestly because I hate having depressive episodes, but I love the feeling of wanting to try something new and different in terms of a mental approach to the game. When I originally wrote in this thread, it was while I was in the middle of a depressive episode. Everything looks bleak when I experience it and it certainly makes me think very negatively.

And then there is the feeling that I have right now while I'm typing and I am feeling refreshed and sober from a depressive episode. I've put more thought into about a different mindset I could try out in Melee because watching videos of other top players and trying to figure out how they approach things gets me really thinking about the game and it can feel fresh to me. It's the reason why I still want to play the game today. I've gotten myself so involved and I do have an actual love for the game and learning all of its intricacies. I think my biggest flaw is not having patience with myself and putting too much emphasis on self worth.

I will admit however, if I don't get any new ideas I want to try out for Melee, I end up just taking a break from it and only returning when I get some new idea or something I want to try. I'm pretty motivated by my intrinsic motivators (long or short term) and I think that simplifies my choices so I don't have to overthink everything. When I originally wrote my post in this thread, it was after entering a tournament that I wasn't even sure I wanted to actually enter in the first place. I wasn't going in with a real focus or a real goal or a real motivation for myself. I didn't have a plan. I was just telling myself "do it for the sake of doing it" because that was what I was taught as far as entering tournaments in Melee. The more tournaments I enter the better, no matter how I feel. But I'm starting to believe that doesn't work for me if I want to get some sort of enjoyment or validation from the game.

My current plan of action for entering tournaments is I will not enter a tournament unless I have a specific gameplan or mindset that I want to test out. If I do that, then there is natural motivation for me to compete and I don't get caught up in the feels afterwards whether I win or lose. After thinking of some personal examples, this seems to be consistent. Learning to trust my own instincts I think will help me a lot in the long run. Does this mean I'll only enter tournaments once every few months? It's possible. And I have no problem with that. If I believe it's for the best, then it's what I will do.

One last thing I will mention is I have started to get up early in the morning so that I can meditate for 30 minutes to get the day started. I realize now that it would be beneficial for me almost immediately, as well as in the long run. I want to see how much of an effect this will have on me after an extended period of time, so I will be tracking it on a calendar to make sure I do it daily. Thanks again for your response and looking out for me. I'll PM you in the future if need be.

 

[Rizen]

Today I worked out a system where I hold my turtle's head so she can't retreat in her shell, pry her beak open with a butter knife while my mom uses a syringe to squirt protein drink in her mouth. We got a lot more in her today but will have to do this daily until she eats on her own. She's become skin and bones inside her shell.

edit we made the turtle a little environment with a heated rock and gave her an earthworm like the vet said. but she's still not eatting the ****ing worm. what more can we do?!!!!!!

Edit, Thurs
After days of force feeding her my turtle finally ate a worm on her own! We got enough vitimins in her to get her eating again, yay!

 

[Rizen]

My turtle died. We did every god da,mn thing we could, we got her a warming rock, put worms out everyday but in the end it didn't matter, she just wouldn'yt eat.

 

[Deleted member]

My parents claim that I spend too much time on the internet or with videogame consoles... Even thought those things are literally the only thing where I still hope about finding a place on this messed and despicable world.

In real life I’ve just been for years the source of everyone’s jokes: my hyperactivity, my personal tastes, my voice, the way I move or look, my clothes, any kind of action or move I make... people just enjoy mocking me for as much stuff as possible. All because I’m not as successful at life, cute, brave, intelligent or sociable as my cousins. I’m literally their freaking shadow, and it sucks even more when my cousins are sad about this too but they literally can’t do anything about it since the rest of the world is that obsessed about taking every single bit of joy I have.
And when I find something that does make me smile, there’s always someone who quickly comes in to shove in my face how wrong it is to be happy about that (my parents getting mad and furious for me about my excitement after Nintendo’s E3 this year for example. This one since “it’s just games and nothing of real value).

I just have lived as a shadow since I was born... I don’t find myself worth of anyone’s time since I’m used to see the rest of the world kicking my ass at everything. I feel pointless.

 

[Michael the Spikester]

I posted this on the social thread on the Ultimate section but felt I needed to post it here too.

I've gone through an emotional crisis since yesterday just breaking down crying even at work and realize I can be emotionally unstable when it comes to dogs because today involved around my dad's dog Sophie but I'm better now since we're finding ways to get her to behave more better then ever.

I'm just going through lots lately. Life problems and such and so I vent out all that so called immature and repetitive stuff I kept doing a while back. Its no excuse though really. I'm 27 and even an decade after I still keep on doing this kind of **** posting when I should had long ago. As said I'm trying to make amends for everything I've done and all I can do is take one step at a time to better myself not just for you guys but myself as well. I know I'm repeating this but just want to remind you all I'm slowly becoming the better and more respectful person I'm hopefully becoming in all of your eyes. Fine not to believe me because I understand but I really am...

 

[TDRR]

In real life I’ve just been for years the source of everyone’s jokes: my hyperactivity, my personal tastes, my voice, the way I move or look, my clothes, any kind of action or move I make... people just enjoy mocking me for as much stuff as possible. All because I’m not as successful at life, cute, brave, intelligent or sociable as my cousins. I’m literally their freaking shadow, and it sucks even more when my cousins are sad about this too but they literally can’t do anything about it since the rest of the world is that obsessed about taking every single bit of joy I have.
And when I find something that does make me smile, there’s always someone who quickly comes in to shove in my face how wrong it is to be happy about that (my parents getting mad and furious for me about my excitement after Nintendo’s E3 this year for example. This one since “it’s just games and nothing of real value).

I just have lived as a shadow since I was born... I don’t find myself worth of anyone’s time since I’m used to see the rest of the world kicking my *** at everything. I feel pointless.

Dude, learn to ignore them. Many years ago i finished 7th grade and realized that if i kept worrying about what people said about me, i would be a very depressed person. Learn to meet the nice people, like maybe getting one of your books a cover of something you like and someone with similar interests will likely come about and talk to you. I once started drawing something in class (Can't even remember what though ) and a person asked me "Hey isn't that [INSERT THAT CHARACTER I CAN'T REMEMBER RIGHT NOW HERE]? I like that!" and we started talking about that and to this day he's one of my close friends.

No one's perfect, you may not be as cute, brave, intelligent or sociable as your cousins or whatever else people have made you think until now, but you are someone, with his/her own personality, and interests. I don't know how old are you but chances are you will get over it, all of this feeling down is just a phase. At least for me it was, now it's over and life isn't bad at all, it started at like 9 years old and it ended at 13 years old so while that was quite some time for me,v it really wasn't forever.

Sorry if some of the wording was weird, but English isn't my native language and i can sound a bit strange when talking about certain things i haven't learned much about yet in terms of language.

 

[PsychoIncarnate]

I really wish I was just a normal guy sometimes. It's not like anyone cares about the things that make me different.

 

[Rizen]

I'm POed because there's this meetup I like but the organizer's real flaky and he keeps canceling the day meetups are supposed to happen. This is the third time. Finally I just left the group. What sucks is it's hard to meet people my age with my interests.

Then I was going to take my mom shopping instead but she is real tired and needed to sleep all day (she has stage 4 cancer). So I ended up hanging around my apartment watching youtube like always.

 

[boysilver400]

I feel lost, hopeless, and wasted in life.

I’ve been wanting to go to tournaments for a while now but I don’t know who the hell to main in Ultimate. Is my best character by far but he’s a hot mess. I get wrecked and hard punished with and all the time. i Sd too much with , my Is garbage And are too hard for me to use, I’ve been trying but I fear it won’t last long because of how much execution he requires. I’ve been having this character cris and I’ve been going back and forth on who I main, co-main and secondary but I’ve yet to make a final decision and that’s what’s keeping me from going to tournaments. So instead, I’m here wasting my time ragequitting and getting tilted at online randos.

I have other hobbies too. I’m writing a story that I post on the fan fiction website and I haven’t been making much progress. On top of that it doesn’t get much reviews so I sometimes feel like I’m wasting time since no one in my discord( it’s kind of a fandom) really cares.

If anyone cares(judging by how dead this thread is, I doubt it, here it is: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13042635/1/Total-Pokemon-Airport-Tropolis-Reboot


There was also that trash season of Big Brother that I watched for the first few weeks, quit after Cliff won Battleback over more deserving players, and continued to check for updates on Twitter and watched as the season stayed ****. Now, Nicole, the most deserving wholesome houseguest in a house full of trash human beings is being denied the win. Over some pompous douchebag that cheated on slip and treated some of the people there like trash. It feels like My whole summer was robbed

I’m also s senior in high school. Which means I need to plan for college. I don’t really know for sure what career I wanna do but I have a few ideas in mind. But the bigger problem is that I don’t know what college I want to go to yet either. I’m also worried about possible student debt and my mom isn’t helping by egging me on and trying to get me to make a decision quickly.

And now...I’m sitting here feeling depressed for seemingly no reason. I always feel like this when I’m in school...probably because I have to wake up too early and once I get home I feel like I don’t have time to do anything. I gets to the point where I have to make a decision on what I want to do for the rest of the day...that is, if I don’t have homework. I feel like no matter what I choose, I’m always making the wrong decision. If I play smash, I’ll just get mercilessly clobbered and rage and feel like a failure. If i try to write, I’ll just waste time and get nothing done and feel like a failure. If I do neither of those thing and just sit on my phone and watch YouTube videos...then I’ll actually feel happy because I’m entertained...but I still wasted my time.

There’s nothing bad going on In my life, I’m just a stupid edgy angsts teenager no one should care about. I needed to rant this...

 

[Reila]

i am actually fairly happy these days thank you

 

[Sonnerr]

A lot of things have been going on in my life... a lot of nothing. Beside losing my job and my living situation, I feel as if I am on the brink of losing my girl too. I know it's as simple as getting my **** together, but it just feels so heavy. Everything feels so out of reach. And honestly, I drown out my days with Smash. It seems to be the only thing that takes my mind off of things. Even though I know that I should just face the reality I made.

I feel like I should be trying harder...

 

[Rizen]

Nights are the worst, I get feelings of dread every night. i'm on a lot of pills, I mean a LOT of pills. nothing seems to help. and my life's only going to get worse when my mother dies

 

[TDRR]

So, uh, in the worst way possible i installed Xubuntu despite the fact i was completely satisfied with Windows and Puppy Linux and forgot to make sure Xubuntu did NOT install any bootloader, so it did and proceeded to kill every OS in my computer and then killed itself so i sat there with a PC that didn't do absolutely anything at all.

Now, 2 weeks later i have Puppy Linux installed BUT i have extremely bad internet connection so i can't download WINE to run Windows programs and so i'm sitting only having Doom 2 to play with and a crappy web browser because i can't even update that thanks to my horrible internet connection. And i had just started something i really was happy to work in.

So yeah if you have the curiosity to install Ubuntu or a direct derivative (like Xubuntu or Lubuntu) and don't want to lose anything at all, then please stop right there and install Puppy Linux if you really want some Linux on your PC because there's no way of getting Xubuntu without killing everything else and you will end up having to reinstall EVERY, SINGLE, THING again.

 

[Rizen]

My mom and I share a car and i told her i had a meetup tonight at 6 but she was late and made me miss it. it only had 3 people signed up and was my first time so the'll definitely notice my absence. now i have to sound like an idiot apologizing and make a bad first impression even though it was in no way my fault. god damnit.

also youtube's screwing up.

 

[RealPokeFan11]

All I feel inside of me right now is boiling blood and burning rage, and it's all thanks to my **** ****ing ***** of an alcoholic stepmother. I feel like I've been losing my sanity and inner peace because of her. I can't take it anymore. I'm at my absolute wits end with her. She's also extremely entitled to the point of spitting and screaming "I wAnT a snAAAAAAAAACK!!!" like a ****ing autistic 5 year old first thing when my father got home from work. She prioritizes vodka over my father and I and barely even tries to quit. I'm gonna try and calm down and listen to meditation or Pitbull music or some ****... but that jobless ***** seriously needs rehab.

I've been also debating on posting to r/entitledparents, but I'd rather use it for a potential Karen encounter than to rant about my stepmother. I watch the YouTube videos and hang on there to read the funnier stories after all, so I'd rather not depress/piss off people. I just needed to vent. Feeling a little better now.

 

[Rizen]

(This thread needs more activity)

My mom gets this meals on wheels program where she gets food delivered to her house because she has cancer. They require a cooler to be outside but people keep stealing them. She had a plastic one first and it got stolen so she got a crappy cardboard then Styrofoam cooler but they got stolen too. People suck. She might have to cancel the service and she does not eat well on her own. She does things like eat salami and ritz crackers.

 

[Deleted member]

My sister's a piece of trash. We literally can't be in the same room without her throwing a jab my way.

I do something for my mom an insult. Try to compliment her an insult. She is such a toxic and horrible person I just stopped caring, we were never close and we we dispise each other. But honestly it"a better that way. She does do. nice things and if my mom asks her to do something she will.

But she's just the definition of garbage in every way. A conceited, selfish, child in the body of an adult.

I wish her well but I'm glad I cut ties with my family except for some people who are worth it. She will never be one of them though.

 

[Sari]

Everywhere I go, I see people my age (early 20's) doing great things with their lives like creating games, making animations, etc. It's nice to see the type of things they come up with, but at the same time it all makes me feel worthless.

It's hard to exactly describe this feeling I have right now, but it's like watching all the popular kids you went to school with grow up and do amazing things while you're just sitting on the sidelines. I haven't felt this depressed in a long time and I don't know what to do about it.

 

[dezeray112]

So I went and watched my screening of Onward (which is a very good film) today in the United Kingdom and there is one thing that happened during my screening which really made me very unhappy and uncomfortable.

Whilst me and my sister were in our seats during our screening, there were two teenage girls right behind us and they began to make jokes right behind our backs by using the coronavirus which really hurts us as we are of Chinese origin. I just wish that these teenagers would educate themselves on how to respect others and not to use the coronavirus as a platform to pick or bully Chinese people including myself.

I get that the coronavirus situation is getting very serious, but what we should do is work together to prevent it from spreading, not use it as a reason to offend others.

 

[Michael the Spikester]

Some things I need to off my chest out since yesterday.

I'm just feeling empty and upset given the horrible things I said yesterday on the Social thread due to the combination of peer pressure and irrationalness of what's been happening right now with the world. That and always saying I'll stop being repetitive yet I keep doing it which might be related to my autism. As a result I feel by this keep happening everyone is gonna start losing my respect (JDC, fellow Godzilla fan like myself especially who got fed up and insisted everyone should just block me and made me feel I should just leave the site for good if that's what would make everyone better but then decided to come back as running away from it isn't the best solution). Thing is everyone including myself are going through stressful times so we can't let this get to all of us, myself included. I'm gonna keep trying and that's all I can do.

I'm also still peeved off at Boulderness, whom I've lost some respect towards to who went as far as to say I cared more about movies then my own damn family. I maybe passionate about movies but come on man, that was uncalled for. I know I shouldn't live in the past as they say and move forward but this really broke my spirit a bit.

 

[RealPokeFan11]

Some things I need to off my chest out since yesterday.

I'm just feeling empty and upset given the horrible things I said yesterday on the Social thread due to the combination of peer pressure and irrationalness of what's been happening right now with the world. That and always saying I'll stop being repetitive yet I keep doing it which might be related to my autism. As a result I feel by this keep happening everyone is gonna start losing my respect (JDC, fellow Godzilla fan like myself especially who got fed up and insisted everyone should just block me and made me feel I should just leave the site for good if that's what would make everyone better but then decided to come back as running away from it isn't the best solution). Thing is everyone including myself are going through stressful times so we can't let this get to all of us, myself included. I'm gonna keep trying and that's all I can do.

I'm also still peeved off at Boulderness, whom I've lost some respect towards to who went as far as to say I cared more about movies then my own damn family. I maybe passionate about movies but come on man, that was uncalled for. I know I shouldn't live in the past as they say and move forward but this really broke my spirit a bit.

I think it's best to stay away from the Social Thread entirely, as that place is a complete dumpster fire that often brings out the worst in everyone. There's nothing wrong about being passionate about the things you really enjoy.

 

[Michael the Spikester]

I think it's best to stay away from the Social Thread entirely, as that place is a complete dumpster fire that often brings out the worst in everyone. There's nothing wrong about being passionate about the things you really enjoy.

Wait and see. Given what's happening right now everyone seems to be on edge myself included.

Plus its kinda hard not to as there's people who posts there that I like and enjoy talking to them.

Wait and see I guess.

Edit: Decided I'm given everything that is happening I'm going to take some time off here. I'll be back whenever you guys know it.

 

[PsychoIncarnate]

My cat of 20 years is being put down today.

 

[Deleted member]

I have goals and stuff I want to complete but something’s always setting me back it’s small things I want to do or get done but something always pops up to get in the way. I feel so helpless because I wish I could get more done do the things I need to get done I completely understand when something happens things you want to do don’t always work out.

Just wish I could do more to complete my goals instead of feeling like I’m completely hopeless at getting them done.

 

[CrusherMania1592]

I have to get this off my chest.

Since Black Lives Matters movement sparked worldwide, I've been analyzing myself daily and discovering things that I never thought I'd be doing in my life. Yes, I've been disgusted with myself over the last several years not being aware that I was spreading a toxic environment both on the boards and irl. Takes me a step back and want to redeem myself here after seeing all the baggage that's been carried.

First of all, to anyone who I offended or made snark comments to, my sincere apologizes. I'm aware that I've done more harm than good through those specific years and towards specific users. After reading through some of the comments I've made, I came to realized that I was just being a straight up asshole with no sensitivity whatsoever. It sucks because it's part of the past that I have to accept about myself and want to make it a better future.

I am aware that my words may mean nothing to some of you, and I fully understand that. I'd like to redeem myself and have open and honest conversations. Can tag me, PM me, etc. What I'd like to see (and everyone on the same page) is our Smashboard community able to have open and honest conversations that we can understand the future. Actions prove louder than words and I'd like to keep my action going to continue being a positive person in and out of Smashboards.


Crusher

 

[RealPokeFan11]

I have to get this off my chest.

Since Black Lives Matters movement sparked worldwide, I've been analyzing myself daily and discovering things that I never thought I'd be doing in my life. Yes, I've been disgusted with myself over the last several years not being aware that I was spreading a toxic environment both on the boards and irl. Takes me a step back and want to redeem myself here after seeing all the baggage that's been carried.

First of all, to anyone who I offended or made snark comments to, my sincere apologizes. I'm aware that I've done more harm than good through those specific years and towards specific users. After reading through some of the comments I've made, I came to realized that I was just being a straight up asshole with no sensitivity whatsoever. It sucks because it's part of the past that I have to accept about myself and want to make it a better future.

I am aware that my words may mean nothing to some of you, and I fully understand that. I'd like to redeem myself and have open and honest conversations. Can tag me, PM me, etc. What I'd like to see (and everyone on the same page) is our Smashboard community able to have open and honest conversations that we can understand the future. Actions prove louder than words and I'd like to keep my action going to continue being a positive person in and out of Smashboards.


Crusher

I felt like I've done the same thing tbh. I used to be a major asshole IRL and on the boards as well, and since the virus spread, I've been trying to better myself as a human being, and I've been putting morals and other people's thoughts into consideration first before anything else. I've also had some minor changes in overall political opinion.

Also a quick and positive update on my previous situation: My stepmother went to rehab a few weeks after my previous post here, and she has since been alcohol free. She said they taught her how to truly live life without drinking. She's doing a lot better now, and life has been less stressful overall.


Extremely late edit: well **** everything I just said in the last paragraph

 

[Rizen]

My upstairs neighbor passed away; I just found out. I didn't know her too well but we would talk for a few minutes over the railing when I'd get home. I knew she had health issues but it's the kind of thing where you think they'll always be there then one day they're not.

 

[RealPokeFan11]

We recently had new neighbors move in. A young Indian couple with a 2 year old and baby. I haven't been able to fully introduce myself to them yet, but today my stepmother relapsed on alcohol. My father found a bottle of Svedka (which I like to call "Satan's Semen"). We found out she was drunk after our neighbors were getting along really well and chatting in the backyard. There was the couple, my other outgoing neighbor, and what seemed like two friends of the new neighbors on their deck, and my stepmother was standing way in the back of our yard, staring at them with a resting ***** face and her arms folded. The 2 year old was also there playing on his mother's phone. When she's drunk, she thinks her poison gas attack doesn't inflict the poison status condition. So I was making my protein shake and I heard her screaming and hurling profanities at the wife for no apparent reason (in front of the 2 year old). I grabbed my father who was finishing up work, and he had to scream at her in front of everybody. Not only does she intentionally make our new neighbors as uncomfortable as possible in their new neighborhood, but she makes my father and I look like horrible people. (I am planning on apologizing to them for her behavior soon) It's such a ****ing shame. I thought we were done with this ****, but apparently now we're gonna have to try and get her back into rehab once she's sober. Covid isn't an excuse at this point since we're in NJ (one of the smartest states in terms of enforcing safety)

 

[Deleted member]

Even though I have IRL friends, I feel really alone in general. Because I live surrounded by people who only use me as their weight-carrier or translator.

My entire family has been constantly ****ting on me for every kind of thing I do be It good, bad or the one Above knows what anymore. The closest I got to genuine joy about my existence from someone beyond my IRL friends was the adopted sister of a friend who hugged me yesterday when they saw me enter the living room and even then It didn't do much because my mother had to make me go back to the car because my grandfather was alone there. And since then they have kept crapping on me as usual over meaningless ****.

My Discord friends aren't helping much either. I blame that on the fact I suck at communicating myself, but they do see me as someone who is taking things like a child. Everytime I try to vent at our personal Channel It always ends with them doubting my sadness and taking It as pettiness basically because I expressed It all wrong.

Another thing to note is that each time I go walking I end up feeling even worse. Not because I feel out of shape, but because I always go alone. I wish I could be walking with someone just so I could talk about anything during my trips and have some laughs while telling stories and all that. My parents of course despise the idea of going to walk with me.

All in all: I am a ****ing mess emotionally and I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
At this point I just wish I could sleep and one day wake up with another family. One which gave me a new chance at life and allowed me to take the best of my current self out while letting me be human and learn from my own mistakes.

 

[HillustratedJ36]

I have two different topics, so I am going to spoiler them. One makes me much more unhappy than the other... You will more than likely figure it out which one

Spoiler: College Freshman

I finished my first year of college back in May, and I did not do too well grades-wise. I was like borderline below the average for the college, which put me on an academic warning standing.
I have this lazy habit I have developed since high school (I did well then, but grades got gradually worse each year), and it seems to have hit a new low with college. I have these expectations of trying to make something grand, something that non other person would think of. With a mentality like that, I managed to get myself stuck through work and did not really get much done.

I was shy (and still am), so I hardly interacted with any of my classmates. It did not seem to matter, anyway, since it seemed like everyone was friends with each other, or at the very least, was very comfortable with the classes. I was not--I was the outlier, the outcast, but my program of study (Computer Graphics Animation) required these classes. Drawing of first semester was the worst of all the classes, mainly because I do not have the ability to draw, and I honestly wish I do. My classmates make pretty awesome drawings, but mine looks so awful. Second semester was better; I got to experience Ultimate for the only few times I have experienced it so far due to some college mates playing it on my break. They were not even classmates of mine, but they were the closest to friends I ever got. COVID-19 protocol struck in the middle of the semester, closing the campus and effectively taking my only happiness while there away.
Online classes were even worse in physical classes, because I honestly do not like how distant I was from my classmates, plus I had no webcam, so people could not see me.

When it was all said and done, I am here with grades below expectations, having the thoughts of college haunting back to me as my mom reminded me about signing up for the upcoming fall semester yesterday as college starts soon...

Spoiler: My First Melee Tournament

I thought it would be nice to get into a Melee tournament, no matter if I won the whole shebang or lose the first set I play. I seem lost when it comes to finding a tournament. It was a matter of finding a place that would seem more my amateur level, like more of a gathering and less of group-exclusive events. When I eventually discovered online tournaments, that hindered my search even more as I have to make sure my connection would be good. As for this post, I do not have an ethernet cable as of this post, so I will likely enter a tournament once I do have one in my possession, but it could not hurt to try and scope a general feeling of what I will be coming across, right?
I definitely want to get into a local, but who knows when pandemic protocol would allow physical gatherings again?

...So yeah. I am usually fine when I do not have these thoughts on my mind, but I wanted to share, Sharing my feelings may work for me in the long run.

 

[CrusherMania1592]

A bit unhappy with how I'm working with specific people. One person pointed me out directly on Day ONE of an entirely new board about something I did/said. I didn't appreciate it and we've been on edge for awhile now. Even after our conversations and talking it out, I still see it happening which is gonna cause some frustrations

 

[wizfoot]

I think I'm actually going to murder the next person that says "oh you'll find someone someday." Like... I don't want to find someone someday.

 

[StrangeKitten]

I'd like to speak to the CEO of ants and ask them to evict the ones in my walls. If they just came in like, once or twice that would be whatever. But I could really do without months and months of this

 

[Rizen]

My GF broke up with me. It was for the best; we didn't have much in common and TBH I wasn't attracted to her body type. I don't like skinny women. But it still kind of sucks because dating in a large but scarcely populated state like CO is such a pain. I get pages of matches in online dating sites but 2/3rds of them are over 60 miles away. Plus it's really hard for me to find someone compatible.

 

[Nap_]

Just found this thread. Sometimes I need to take out the trash but my usual social media is not for this kind of things and I'm having one of those nights, floating in sad feelings. Here I'm almost anonimous.
I'm very tired about chasing life goals. The times when I almost had one it vanished in thin air, I feel the effort useless. Academic success, a good job and even a publishing project which was one of the goals of my entire life. I accept my own responsability in my own matters and failures, I don't have any problem with that, but sometimes the disaster happens for reasons that I can't control. My academic project was judged using corrupted standars: everyone pass. The worst project in the class is a 5/10 score not matter what and the best 10/10. For the rest, just place them in order. As result, the bad projects earned a prize while others like me, good but not awesome, suffered a lower valoration. In a fair competition I should have ranked higher and the score wasn't accurate in any form, my effort meant nothing. Even some teachers told us that was unfair, for me and for some of my classmates. Also, the whole valoration was just a simple sentence, not even two verbs. You couldn't even give a response. Our work and future was like something not important.
I lost my first good job due the Covid pandemic, I was working during some months fine and happy but all the new ones in the company were fired no matter how fine or bad you work. I only have options for hard, short timed, badly paid and dangerous jobs which I hate and where I had been working before, because there's no good options around me. That was the first chance I had in years and a global virus destroyed it. I can't understand it.
And adding salt to the wounds, it happened right after the publishing project fiasco. Publishing my own creations is something about I had been dreaming my whole life. Artistic stuff, is a difficult journey. I made contact with a cool publisher who accepted my project and offered quick responses about how adjust it for a better result. After the first email I had to contact with them because they didn't do it in their own timeframe and the answers about how to go with the project were just postponements and excuses for not starting with the work. The last months they didn't even answered my mails. This situation lasted for two years while my patience and illusion drained and I also found that I wasn't the only creator in the fight with those jerks. I had to quit. I rejected my biggest dream, the one that could have been the first step in my career, the one for I had been fighting my whole life and still do. But now I'm broken.
I know, new opportunities can appear, new hopes... But every single important step which I worked for dissapeared or died in my own face and I couldn't do anything. I can't control a pandemic, I can't control an unfair academic jury, not even able to control a lazy publisher because free will. So, why I keep fighting? I just want to reach somewhere. Some people say to me that I just have bad luck. How can I go with that? Just being lucky? I need to know that the effort makes sense.
Thanks if you read it, thanks a lot.