I am constantly being harassed by my own words. If I say something on my own, it often feels like the information corresponding to it is missing--in a different place-- depending on the complexity of the thought. Stated another way, just in case, it feels that the parts of a thought must be with one of one to four or five facets. Then again, It is difficult to get the words to describe accurately, consistently, and completely what is precisely meant when expressing a personal thought with regard to sufficiently deep topics. Once again, it is difficult to furnish the listener with the receptive information necessary to ensure complete understanding of the information broadcast. I severely hope that I spoke as clearly as possible with the above.
It does not help that most of my life was spent in isolation from other people, with only books, games, and a mind to work with. As a result, I have been laden with the overwhelming task of explaining and handling the world around with invented terminology, invented devices of the mind, invented methods and ideas of everything, and hardly invented coping mechanisms (I suppose, anyway).
{Details, details, and yet more details, none of which contribute to any substantial degree, and only pain me to think about.}
All of this is complicated by personal views. I can imagine that if most were to hear my words aloud, 'raw,' and without actually sharing similar sentiments, then I shall have accomplished nothing by speaking. With that in mind, and with hopefully a relatable body of logic, I find definitions to be the single most important, fundamental aspect of communication, and am distressed when using words that I have no inkling to whether the listener does possess the same idea of it, and am also distressed when others also use deep words very liberally, but with seemingly little elaboration on their meaning. Alas, if I say this aloud, I would be carrying on with a subject the listener, in all likelihood, would care little for, or be annoyed by. At the end of that, I am very much concerned about what my words sound like, and often come as a new listener later, but only after the words are spoken. Aggravate this by having limited knowledge of slang and popular culture! It is highly exasperating that I cannot use terms, phrases, or ideas constructed independently without alluding to something obscene by accident, and other problems abound that perhaps could not compactly be stated in forty of these text lengths!
Together, all of these are deep-seated frustrations of mine. Even now, there is much vexation about the question of how best to state them without giving a false impression of what I really have trouble with. I suppose I just thought to say it any way I could.
