The Unhappy Thread

Holder of the Heel

Fiat justitia, pereat mundus
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I think I've lost all my motivation to do anything. I just have a hard time finding a reason to care enough to do stuff.

Just wake up, go to work, go home. Eat. Sleep. Every day.
I wish I could have what you have, Psycho.

Some people have wasted so many years not even doing that.

Now no matter what I do, even if I woke up tomorrow normal like everyone else, I'd be half a dozen years at least behind a lot of people my age. I'm afraid that there's no point in even trying to grow.

I'm not competent.
I'm ignorant.
I'm dependent on those around me.
I've become a stranger to anyone that has ever believed to have known me.
Those that were around me kept moving forward while I stayed the same and was left behind. For anyone keeping me around I just served as a burden they could not relate to, and likewise I could not relate to them.

If I let myself, I can feel the weight of the empty years that slipped through my fingers with nothing to show for it on my back. And it's crushing.

This past year was supposed to be different, but since I'm dependent on my family, when unexpected army and job related duties caused them to be either largely or wholly gone from home, instead yet another chapter of my life has passed me by. At least it held more responsibilities than most. The house, my sisters, the animals, the yard; much of that, but most certainly not all, fell to me by necessity.

Soon the family situation will stabilize a bit. I can only hope that things can progress like it would originally. But... progress into what?

Perhaps that is where you are Psycho.

I just hope that I can even get to that point, and if I do, I can bridge the gap between what I'd be and what I should have been--what others my generation are.
 

Mastermiine

Smash Journeyman
Joined
Jul 12, 2014
Messages
396
I wish I could have what you have, Psycho.

Some people have wasted so many years not even doing that.

Now no matter what I do, even if I woke up tomorrow normal like everyone else, I'd be half a dozen years at least behind a lot of people my age. I'm afraid that there's no point in even trying to grow.

I'm not competent.
I'm ignorant.
I'm dependent on those around me.
I've become a stranger to anyone that has ever believed to have known me.
Those that were around me kept moving forward while I stayed the same and was left behind. For anyone keeping me around I just served as a burden they could not relate to, and likewise I could not relate to them.

If I let myself, I can feel the weight of the empty years that slipped through my fingers with nothing to show for it on my back. And it's crushing.

This past year was supposed to be different, but since I'm dependent on my family, when unexpected army and job related duties caused them to be either largely or wholly gone from home, instead yet another chapter of my life has passed me by. At least it held more responsibilities than most. The house, my sisters, the animals, the yard; much of that, but most certainly not all, fell to me by necessity.

Soon the family situation will stabilize a bit. I can only hope that things can progress like it would originally. But... progress into what?

Perhaps that is where you are Psycho.

I just hope that I can even get to that point, and if I do, I can bridge the gap between what I'd be and what I should have been--what others my generation are.
If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?
 

PsychoIncarnate

The Eternal Will of the Swarm
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I wish I could have what you have, Psycho.

Some people have wasted so many years not even doing that.

Now no matter what I do, even if I woke up tomorrow normal like everyone else, I'd be half a dozen years at least behind a lot of people my age. I'm afraid that there's no point in even trying to grow.

I'm not competent.
I'm ignorant.
I'm dependent on those around me.
I've become a stranger to anyone that has ever believed to have known me.
Those that were around me kept moving forward while I stayed the same and was left behind. For anyone keeping me around I just served as a burden they could not relate to, and likewise I could not relate to them.

If I let myself, I can feel the weight of the empty years that slipped through my fingers with nothing to show for it on my back. And it's crushing.

This past year was supposed to be different, but since I'm dependent on my family, when unexpected army and job related duties caused them to be either largely or wholly gone from home, instead yet another chapter of my life has passed me by. At least it held more responsibilities than most. The house, my sisters, the animals, the yard; much of that, but most certainly not all, fell to me by necessity.

Soon the family situation will stabilize a bit. I can only hope that things can progress like it would originally. But... progress into what?

Perhaps that is where you are Psycho.

I just hope that I can even get to that point, and if I do, I can bridge the gap between what I'd be and what I should have been--what others my generation are.
I've felt I have been behind since I was in highschool. I saw others doing the things high schoolers are supposed to be doing and I didn't. I didn't date in highschool, I didn't go to prom, I didn't get to walk during graduation. I'm lucky I even graduated because I cared so little about my life when I was in Highschool because of how far behind I felt I was.

I've felt that way ever since. And to this day I'm still behind. It took me YEARS and YEARS after everyone else to get an associates degree in college and that's all I was able to get - and I haven't been able to do anything with the degree. It's essentially useless. I wasn't able to drive until, IDK 4 years ago. WAY behind everyone else. I didn't even have a job until I was 25.

And now, I still have a bad job at my age while I see everyone else advancing. I've even seen people advance that I know aren't as smart or capable as I am. But I haven't been able to.

I'm always steps behind. Except in dating where I'm like a mile behind.



Honestly, the place I feel I should be in life at this point is being a lot better at my artwork, being able to make money off my artwork, and be married with children.
 

Holder of the Heel

Fiat justitia, pereat mundus
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If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?
25.

I've felt I have been behind since I was in highschool. I saw others doing the things high schoolers are supposed to be doing and I didn't.
Same. If I could go back in time I would have tried to develop skills right away.

I didn't date in highschool, I didn't go to prom, I didn't get to walk during graduation.
I did date towards the end and did go to prom, but those things didn't really make a difference. Well, if they could have made a difference I didn't let them.

Overall I wish I could have dropped the idea of having a significant other in pursuit of spending my time wisely. Spent too much time daydreaming, worrying, having conversations I don't remember. Especially since those things, even if they worked at some point, were shut down by myself.

It always played out the same and I instinctively know it now and have known it for a while. The problem is, catching feelings is akin to getting clobbered in the head and suffering amnesia. Then I start thinking I'm someone I'm not, someone I should perhaps tried harder to be. I'd convince them and even myself, I played the part so well. But once the flames died down a bit, my old nature of wanting to be left alone comes pouring back in and snuffs out the fire.

I push them away.
They ask what's wrong.
I run away.
We're strangers.

What's amazing is I still don't sense an immunity to romanticizing people, "crushes", and a part of me will always want to change for their sake, so I can't even demonize it.

I'm lucky I even graduated because I cared so little about my life when I was in Highschool because of how far behind I felt I was.
My math and science teachers my senior year basically took pity on me LOL. Everyone thought I was smart (perks of wearing glasses and being quiet) but the fact of the matter is over the years I got worse and worse and I cared less and less.
 

MewtwoMaster2002

ミュウツーマスター2002
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Japan
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A person in a Pokemon Go group hates me for some reason. Do not know why, but whenever I say anything in the Facebook group chat, she demeans anything I say. When I cross paths on the street, she's nice to everyone, but verbally tells me things like "I'm going to get (region exclusive) for everyone but not you" or shows a Pokemon to everyone but tells me it's not for me to see. When I share a screen shot for raid location, she just posts a random screenshot of a random location. Makes me want to leave the group, but it's the only English Pokemon Go group in the area. All the Japanese people where I am at are much nicer, but I'm not good with Japanese...

Other Americans just laugh along with her whenever she basically makes fun of me...
 

Frizz

Smash Lord
Joined
Mar 20, 2015
Messages
1,130
Location
Massachusetts
I had to quit my janitor job. Constantly moving around 8 hours a day, 5 times a week is far too physically demanding for me. I'm much more used to sitting around all the day on the computer. It paid well, sure, but it was absolutely exhausting.

Hopefully I can find some easier part-time job. I've avoided retail all this time because of my shyness, but I don't have many options left. If only the interviewing process wasn't as tedious as it is now...
 

Yoshisaurus Rex

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I've struggled with anxiety and a severe speech impediment since I was around 4 and it has held me back a lot when it comes to my social life and other things. Just even visiting close friends can bring up a lot stress which in turn makes my stammering much worse. Sometimes to the point where I can barely speak at all and I have to resort to typing on my phone just to get a simple five word sentence across quickly. Add that to my poor social life;

1. I rarely ever hang out with my few friends anymore (most of them moved far out of state but even when they were still in town I didn't see them as much as I liked to).
2. I never dated anyone in my life.

I pretty much feel like an outcast to everyone around me. Fortunately though, I do go to a speech therapist and a cognitive behavioral therapist for my stammering and anxiety respectively pretty frequently which has helped me a lot but its no magic cure.
 

Rizen

Smash Legend
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I've been really depressed lately. My mom has cancer that's metastasized and treatments only delay her dying. I've taken care of my grandpa then grandma as they slowly died and now my mom is too. She sleeps a lot and has more and more pain.
 

Pyra

Fire-type Beyblade
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I forgot this thread existed.
Today is kinda of a rough OCD and anxiety day for me for some reason. It just happens sometimes I guess.
It's not great, but I improve my mood using energy drinks or caffeine and it does make me feel physically like crap later on in the day. But at least it's some immediate relief.

It's almost time for medicaid to kick in.
Hopefully I can find a psychiatrist that'll help me out, take medicaid, and not be totally 100% sketchy.
 

Mint Tea

Smash Rookie
Joined
Dec 27, 2018
Messages
11
I find joy in solitude but I do get bouts of loneliness which is understandable since I am only human. I had a hefty nonstop depressive episode from the age of 17 until just recently, I am 25 now. I wouldn't say that I'm depressed anymore but there is definitely something missing and its an eerie feeling. I spent a good 8 years avoiding social interactions, getting lost in substance abuse, only going outside to take nature walks, eat, sleep, and I'm starting to see that this episode has done a lot to contribute to that uneasy feeling. I have a lot of joy inside me and a lot of ideas I'd like to get out but I'm having difficulty expressing myself. This difficultly (mixed with my intimidating "stone face" that never changes even when I'm happy) has made me come across as strange to a lot of people and I've steered many people who were trying to befriend me away due to me not knowing how to continue on conversations and overall just not knowing how to act like a human being. I'm not sure if any of you have gone through similar situations in your lives but this issue is slowly turning my solitude into loneliness and I'm struggling to find answers. My inner world is just fine but I'm just having difficultly functioning in this world.
 

Alsyght

Smash Journeyman
Joined
Jun 20, 2018
Messages
229
I put on a smiley face everyday because I can’t seem to care about life much anymore. Yeah, I care about some smaller things like my hobbies and dreams, but I’m not so keen on giving my life for them anymore. I don’t care about life as a whole. I’m just here, kinda floating along with you all doing the things we like all hovered by our own blindness and/or unwillfulness to aliviate our ignorance. I’m here, smiling and waving and getting along because while I live here, I don’t want to be uncomfortable as far as my individual power will allow me. I feel like I’m in between depresssion and happiness, but I’ll never fully reach the latter. And sometimes that makes me fear I’m never going to love another person as much as I want to. I mean, I’m 23 and never been in a relationship...

I’m not suicidal, but existing is just kinda painful for me and everyday I just long for it all to end. I understand what they mean that “there are worse things than death” out of basic fear and paranoia of the future considering the state of the world right now. And living with this...thing I was born with reminds me every waking moment that I am to die one day and there is literally nothing I can do about it. This world is not run off some sort of supernatural functionality, but exists only to exist and it’s purpose will forever be meaningless and unimportant as long as we exist. The truth doesn’t exist for us. Me, maybe, but I don’t want it. I could be better off without it.

Death stands behind it but calls to me—patiently. It’s not going anywhere...

I’m happy with my life, and I can stand being alive as long as the world allows it. But I beg for the day where I can die and finally see what happens, even if I don’t truly receive the satisfaction of knowing. But I wait. And I’m just here, making a history for myself. However big it may be.
 
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Rizen

Smash Legend
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My mom's in the hospital. She was acting delirious so I called 911 and they took her to the hospital in an ambulance. I drove up and stayed with her while they were doing tests. It looks like she has an infection. She's on cancer medicine so her white blood cell count is low. This kind of thing will happen more and more as she gets worse.
 

Elma

Move in and keep the rhythm going!
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got laid off

probably wont be able to qualify for unemployment benefits

mom hates teh idea of me having disbility benefits for some reas on

no car, no guarantee ill get another job right away, mom is keeping a tight eye onmy schedule rn so i dk about streaming or commissions or anything like that (gotta LOVE being a millenial with a ****ing literal baby boomer mom and silent generation dad)

and jsut when i think things are peaceful mom gets pissy and somehow idk antagonizes me,??? like make up ur mind

feeling some anxiety again for the longest time in years,,, I can' t even brng myself to focus on some thigns now
 
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Sanae

Tales of Persona
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I really want to quit my job but I feel like that's not an option right now. I work the morning/afternoon shift and we are very short staffed in the morning - only me and 2 others. I know one of the others is thinking of quitting too because we hate the toxicity in our work environment.
I have a verbally abusive manager (who I admit has her good days sometimes) who plays favorites and is extremely biased. If you aren't on her favorites list, she will treat you like crap.
This job is doing me no favors for my mental health and I'm worried for when I finally do put in my two weeks notice because I know my manager will be livid and will make my last two weeks miserable.
 
Joined
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I really want to quit my job but I feel like that's not an option right now. I work the morning/afternoon shift and we are very short staffed in the morning - only me and 2 others. I know one of the others is thinking of quitting too because we hate the toxicity in our work environment.
I have a verbally abusive manager (who I admit has her good days sometimes) who plays favorites and is extremely biased. If you aren't on her favorites list, she will treat you like crap.
This job is doing me no favors for my mental health and I'm worried for when I finally do put in my two weeks notice because I know my manager will be livid and will make my last two weeks miserable.
Do you have any holiday left? If so book those weeks off prior to handing your notice in. Hand your notice in just before you leave for your holiday. Bam, minimized misery.

I would however recommend having another job lined up first as unemployment will only make you feel without purpose after a while which will lead to more depressive thoughts.

Best of luck.
 

Sanae

Tales of Persona
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Do you have any holiday left? If so book those weeks off prior to handing your notice in. Hand your notice in just before you leave for your holiday. Bam, minimized misery.

I would however recommend having another job lined up first as unemployment will only make you feel without purpose after a while which will lead to more depressive thoughts.

Best of luck.
Nah, I usually do my vacation days in July because that's when my family and I go to the beach.

I do wanna look for new jobs soon so I can have another job lined up, but I'm still afraid to put my notice in.
Someone was quitting today in fact, and the managers are very mad about it, and I'm worried they will be mad at me when I quit.
 

Slip33

Smash Cadet
Joined
May 28, 2016
Messages
71
I'm not happy myself. In the past just made too many bad and awful decisions with repercussions attach to them. Also had some very nasty addictions with relapse always knocking. I just wish I could go back in the past and stop myself from making these costly mistakes. Currently I'm just getting by often getting caught up in the world of fantasy. Imagining a more desirable life. I don't like to think of where I see my self in so in so years, because I'm not optimistic
The only thing I can see that will good and a drastic change is "A Miracle".
 
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Rizen

Smash Legend
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Insomnia suck; I couldn't go to sleep until 12:30AM then woke up at 3:30AM. Taking care of my mom (who has stage 4 cancer) is emotionally draining. I'll come home and not be able to work on creative things like my art or writing and instead browse youtube. I'm not doing good.
 

dezeray112

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Had a really tough day at work today especially dealing with a very rude customer in which he called me a "spitting image of Donald Trump" which I found very hurtful and infuriating as firstly I do not even support Donald Trump and secondly I'm British Chinese not American.
 
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Joined
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Messages
52
I have no idea wtf I’m going to do with :ultkirby: at this point. Komota losing to Void despite Void SDing 3 times and failing to make top 48 was my breaking point. Beyond that, outside of :ultpichu: I’m not that good with anyone else(I can barely function with those two though.) I need to work on my fundamentals.

The reason I put this here is because komota dropping out early genuinely upset me and I’m still upset about it today. I wanted him to give me faith in Kirby again. I generally thought he had it in the bag and that Kirby was okay after Captain L dropped him. But it’s over now. That was his only chance, and I have no idea where to go anymore. No matter who I play, regardless of character quality, I can’t win ****, and this was also a smash 4 problem and it hasn’t changed - _ -
 

Elma

Move in and keep the rhythm going!
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This is the most lost I’ve ever felt...had a fight with mom over something dumb yesterday, lost a friend cause I went to him all negative Nancy like and I know I weighed him down before in the past cause I had nobody else to turn to; AND two friends of mine want nothing to do with each other anymore...

Man. I need a therapist so badly. But mom has a bad view of therapists cause she has had bad experiences with them before and believes God can solve everything. As a Christian I’m ashamed of that mindset and wish I didn’t live in a Bible Belt State(TM).

Doesn’t help that I have to hide most of what I do online from her...if she knew what most of my online friends did she’d probably not want me to chat with them anymore. But what ELSE am I supposed to do when I’m unemployed and without a car?? (Aside from play video games obviously)
 
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Ginsai

Smash Apprentice
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Dec 28, 2018
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California, United States.
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I’m feeling genuinely sad and lonely. I am gamer and usually enjoy it. But I spent most of my years on smash in practice mode, cause I’ve felt no one wanted me or wanted to play against me. I spend my days alone just playing by myself with no one to talk to. I kept telling life to just kill me all night last night, cause honestly I’m to much of ***** to end it myself. I’m sitting here crying, hoping someone will hear my pleads and talk with me so I don’t feel so alone.
 
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