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Self Confidence and Self Esteem

Flutter NiTE

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Link to original post: [drupal=4519]Self Confidence and Self Esteem[/drupal]



I was always a shy, and awkward person. 11th grade won't be any different. I come here to ask how to really build Self Confidence, and just make you feel positive, and better about yourself overall.

I'm really a downer at Smash Tournaments as well. I go in with the negative mindset, which easily hurts my chances of proving myself.

Whenever I have a good day, there is always some inbred hillbilly scum that loves to tear me to shreds. My school is a single minded group that ridicules and attempts to destroy anything that they don't follow. I'd love to break that barrier. I talk to some guys that just sit in the background like I do, because we aren't accepted.

Just need some help. I know if i'm more confident, I could "liberate" my school. Which would be glorious.
 

Flutter NiTE

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You're not dead, that's a start.
Or am I... ?



But Really, I get what your saying, but like I mentioned with the hillbillies, they tear you down until you feel worse. I've been to a mental institution for suicidal thoughts, and bullies are/were a huge influence, (though, I've had depression since I was 13).

I just don't know how to counter that. They never let me develop the social skills to change that.
 

Vinylic.

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Just think positive.

Here's an example:
If you're upset that your glass of orange juice is half full, think about how much that tasty good orange juicr is left for you.
 

Life

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As an incoming senior, I see a couple options.

1. Take up martial arts. Not to necessarily use it, but I hear they're good for cultivating a sense of self-respect.
2. Hang out with the band kids/honors students. Usually they're the nicer ones in my experience (I am also one, so nyah :p).
3. Move out. Or rather, just think about it. If you don't want to move, why? I dislike a lot of the people at my school, but I realized the friends I did have made it worth staying when my parents asked if I should do cyber school a couple years ago.

Just some stuff to think about.
 

Flutter NiTE

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As an incoming senior, I see a couple options.

1. Take up martial arts. Not to necessarily use it, but I hear they're good for cultivating a sense of self-respect.
2. Hang out with the band kids/honors students. Usually they're the nicer ones in my experience (I am also one, so nyah :p).
3. Move out. Or rather, just think about it. If you don't want to move, why? I dislike a lot of the people at my school, but I realized the friends I did have made it worth staying when my parents asked if I should do cyber school a couple years ago.

Just some stuff to think about.
1. I did when I was younger for 3 years, 2 belts away from a black belt. Was a boss. I need to workout more though. :(

2. Good plan actually.

3. I'm a minor.
 

Life

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1. Sweet.
2. Awesome.
3. I'm not saying you actually do it, but consider how you'd react if you were told you'd be leaving tomorrow.
 

Flutter NiTE

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1. Yep.
2. Indeed.
3. If I was moving out, i'd be happy due to freedom, yet scared. If that's what your saying.
 

Vinylic.

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So, looks like shyness beats karate.

aaaaand, I have problems too.
My problem is, I can't say no to very nice people who are selling good food. If i'm full, I'll think, "augh. I can't say no. I'll feel guilty for doing that. I'll have to walk away with the food, give the food to someone, and keep the green tea."
 

Firus

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As someone who's struggled with a lot of self-confidence issues in his time, I can try and explain what helped me pull through when I was at my worst, but everyone's different and what caused my issues may be different from what caused yours. But I'll try my best.

If you have time to spare and are interested in reading about my whole situation, I wrote a whole 6,000+ word blog about it that you can read.
http://www.smashboards.com/showthread.php?t=303127

But if you don't want to take the time to read that monster, I can sum up the advice I'd give you in a smaller post.

If you're feeling down for some reason, consider why. Really consider it. Try and figure out what is upsetting you -- if there's actually anything wrong at all -- and then work through it. Then think about how you can either work to mend the situation or change how things happen in the future so that it doesn't happen.

Also, you say that other people are bringing you down. If anyone ever tries to bring you down, just tell them to go **** themselves and forget about them. I'm not even exaggerating; if anyone's trying to tell you off and you haven't actually done something wrong, don't let them get you down. And even if you've done something wrong, if you're not intentionally doing wrong to others, don't beat yourself up about it too much. Again, just consider how you can change things in the future or mend the situation at hand. Beating yourself up about it does absolutely nothing for anybody. It just makes you feel like crap.

Just live your life in pursuit of what you want, seeking happiness, and work to not regret. Don't refrain from doing something because other people will think you're weird for it. Because I can tell you firsthand, there's nothing that sucks more than regretting something that you can no longer do anything about. Find something that you really want, find something that really makes you happy, and don't let it go.

I'm no expert on anything, but I can at least give you advice based on how I managed to pull through in my senior year.

Hope that helps.
 

~automatic

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Firus pretty much covered what I went through as well.

You have to look for the positive things in your life (and those to come) and embrace them or work towards them. I can't tell you what these good things are specifically in your own life but you probably know these things and people.

Things can always be worse. Fortunately, you can always work ways to improve stuff in your life.
 

JoFTWin

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1. I did when I was younger for 3 years, 2 belts away from a black belt. Was a boss. I need to workout more though. :(

2. Good plan actually.

3. I'm a minor.
Haha I forgot to consider that you're in high school. I actually joined the band so I could make friends..it worked and I became popular in my school by Senior year (joined band in my junior year). Then again, I'm a music artist too so Band was just the foundation to getting more friends. But you don't have to be talented to make friends back when I was in high school. Sometimes you really just have to keep throwing yourself in social situations.

You can't stay in your comfort zone if u want to move forward. Trust me. Once high school is over, alot of those things you made a big deal out of will seem small. I went through it too man. Not to the point of suicidal thoughts, but I did go through some major depressing things.
 

Life

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Also, if you're feeling down, read the TVTropes Heartwarming Troper Tales section and/or Zigsta's userblogs, they're good for that kind of thing.

<-------- hoping Zigsta namesearches here, he's probably good at this
 

Dru2

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NiTE, i may understand how you feel. Up until 10th grade or so, i had very little self confidence, and always was really hard on myself for everything. Plus i was borderline paranoid that everyone thought less of me or thought i was weird or something.

So far, the one thing that has helped me (besides my religion, which i won't go into for the sake of flaming/trolling) was to not care about so many things that won't matter in the long run, i.e. what people will think of me. This one was a major step up for me. It got rid of so much stress, so much feeling of inferiority. Also, accepting who you are and being ok with your personality, traits, characteristics, and other things about you really helps as well. So you're different than other people. You now what? good for you! That's what makes you special, and yes, that sounds cliche', but it really helps (me at least).

There's gonna be alot of people out there who will try to change you because they don't like that you're different, but that's their problem. Everyone's different, and there' nothing wrong with that.

Also, learning to laugh at stuff really helps. Something bad happened to you? laugh it off! I do that all the time now :) and if there's no reason to be sad, be happy. If you're just having a normal day, be happy that you get to see this day. Also, really be glad that you're blessed with so many things, a family, parents who feed and house you, toys and videogames, a phone, a music player, an education, and other things!

I really don't have much more i can think of atm. I'm also not all that great at cheering ppl up or helping them with problems, so i'm sorry if this doesn't help, but hey, at least i tried :p

You can vm or pm me if you wanna talk about something tho, if you want to.

And with that, i bid thee a good evening.

EDIT: @above post, Zigsta's awesome. NiTE, just go and read Zigsta's blog about how that one lady on America's Got Talent. Probably better than what i just said.
 

Flutter NiTE

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Confidence +1. Truly, thank you all.

Doesn't mean i'm done in this blog. I still would love more opinions. But right now, I feel on top.

Thanks again. I shall return!
 

RyuReiatsu

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I ignored everything said in the thread because I'm half asleep and woke up in revelation and had to write it down somewhere (and it was done).

I have bad self esteem issues and lack a lot of confidence. But things have been going down better and better recently, I've started seeing a psychologist and she's been helping me out a lot.

I know for one that not caring is one of the best things out there to grow accustomed to the feeling of "I don't give a damn of what people think." I've been hanging out with a friend that has that mindset and we've been discussing a lot these past several few weeks. And unconsciously, it has been like a therapy to me, or a brainwash, whatever it is. He's a guy that doesn't care about people's opinion, he's like his father (that makes me wish I had a father too haha.)

Just go out there and DON'T GIVE A S**T. I must be overly excited because I know that from the very moment that I get to my bed, I'll be unconscious again.

- Work out a lot, it helps for your mood. And by working out, I mean work out with results, work out PROPERLY.
- Discuss a lot too. I don't mean to say just any kind of discussion, discussion about your self-esteem issues with a manly friend that doesn't afraid of anything. And not the 'ranty' type of thing, just go out there and blatantly tell him how you feel in these situations and normally he should tell you how it works with him. Every single time you'll hear him talk about it, it'll get a little more and more up there. Trust me, the more he repeats it, the best it is.
- Go clubbing. I don't know how old are you but if you are in legal age to start frequenting nightclubs, do so with your friends. Grab a drink, get drunk and start picking the ladies. Either it is for grinding or taking them home, just do. You'll feel a tiny bit more manly every day you do that.

Now I'm not sure of what I'm saying and could potentially be talking s**t. So I'll have to check out this post again if I remember to, I'm gonna be out cold in 2 seconds. Time to go back to bed.
 

Falconv1.0

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Go clubbing. I don't know how old are you but if you are in legal age to start frequenting nightclubs, do so with your friends. Grab a drink, get drunk and start picking the ladies. Either it is for grinding or taking them home, just do. You'll feel a tiny bit more manly every day you do that.
You really don't need to be a man***** to increase your confidence, and getting confidence from picking up drunk ****s, oh man that's not like hollow as **** or anything.

>__<
 

JoFTWin

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You really don't need to be a man***** to increase your confidence, and getting confidence from picking up drunk ****s, oh man that's not like hollow as **** or anything.

>__<
Honestly, I'm not the type of guy to do those things, but clubbing or trying to pick up ladies is a way to build up confidence. It's almost like a cheat code. Helped me learn more about how to act in social situations. Now I'm relatively not that shy around women I'm interested in.

But don't feel like you have to drink though.
 

Teran

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Why are you coming to Smashboards for advice?

But hey here's mine since it might be worth half of something. Confidence and self esteem are rarely the issue, it's worrying about other people and having a GIANT ****ING EGO that's the issue.

If you actually think about it, the reason most people don't wanna just act how they want and do what they want (apart from fear of brutality or THA LAW) is that they don't want to be perhaps be ridiculed because their ego won't allow it.

So yeah, stop worrying about anyone but yourself, it's the American way anyway.
 

Teran

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It's a great community sure, but I don't know if an internet forum dedicated to videogames is where you'd want to ask questions about getting out more and being more comfortably extroverted.
 

Flutter NiTE

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Well, I think big time players go into a tournament with good confidence. You think Ally goes in with low expectations and confidence?

Unless there is a forum based on this subject, i'll stick here. I love you all... so much.... omfg soo much.....
 

Teran

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Confidence in your abilities at a videogame and social dynamics are completely unrelated.

I mean M2K isn't exactly out and about, and I'm sure a lot of other good pro smashers aren't socially out there. Not that it's a bad thing, but just saying it's entirely unrelated.

If we're talking about Smash confidence which I don't see why we would, that comes from being assured in your ability at all times, social confidence in many ways is the same, but instead of the confidence in your abilities to play, it's being comfortable with who you are and not being afraid to act how you'd like.

This is of course, is not exactly new, in fact this is the most tired and cliché crap ever, but unfortunately it's these things that people just don't seem to be able to employ in their daily lives.
 

El Nino

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If you spend a lot of time looking down, try to look up and make eye contact with people when they're talking to you. See if you can get back into martial arts. And if someone tries to give you trouble, don't give them the time of day, or any indication that you care what they think. Bullies can pick out insecurities really well.

- Go clubbing. I don't know how old are you but if you are in legal age to start frequenting nightclubs, do so with your friends. Grab a drink, get drunk and start picking the ladies. Either it is for grinding or taking them home, just do. You'll feel a tiny bit more manly every day you do that.
Lol.

Well, going out to a club with friends, having a few drinks and talking to girls isn't a bad thing. But then, being "buzzed" is better than being drunk, imo. Buzzed just means that you might be less anxious or self-conscious, if that's your problem. Drunk, on the other hand, leads to other malfunctions.

And I think that talking to girls at clubs, getting numbers, or whatever, is fine. You probably don't want to take anyone home if you're completely intoxicated though (herpes: the gift that just keeps giving).

It's a great community sure, but I don't know if an internet forum dedicated to videogames is where you'd want to ask questions about getting out more and being more comfortably extroverted.
People who are already extroverted and sociable might not understand where he's coming from. People here might have more of an understanding of where he's at, though the question is whether they can help him get to where he wants to be.
 

Zigsta

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Few things off the top of my head:

-Working out really does do wonders. It releases endorphin into your body, which is a natural stress reliever. Even if working out isn't your thing, I totally suggest trying it out. I used to be chubby and worked out for two months straight. Not only did I lose a lot of weight, but it improved my posture and confidence tenfold. Now people say I have a super confident swag to my walk.

-Agreed with El Nino to look up when you walk. Looking down is perceived as weakness. Looking people in the face means you're confident and not afraid of being judged.

-Think about what ignites your passion, and then focus on it. For me, there's a handful of film moments that make me truly feel alive. I can't help but think about how much I want to bring that to other people in my own films, and it's part of what drives me to succeed.

-Look at people you know are confident and emulate them. When I was younger, both Sonic and Shadow inspired me a lot. I used to never know what to do with my arms when I was just standing around, so I started crossing them like Shadow does. I always admired his confident stance. (I must admit I don't cross my arms nearly as much as I used to because a karate sensei I interviewed once told me I was crossing the gateway to my heart, so I'm careful to leave my arms open in heartfelt moments.) Crossing your arms makes your shoulders puff out, which makes you look more confident.

-If people point out your eccentricities, that's a good thing. You're getting noticed because you're not like the "cliquey crowd" in high school. You can either literally or figuratively tell them to go **** themselves. I used to be really uncomfortable with my standing in school until I evacuated my hometown for a month due to Hurricane Katrina. That month taught me how precious life is--I almost had a large chunk of my life just whisked away from me. Life's far too short to worry what some punks in high school think of you. BELIEVE me, high school's a very, very small bump in the road.

-After Hurricane Katrina, a lot of people told me I had changed, and I totally had. I got my first girlfriend less than a month after I came back, and I won first place in the state in two speech competitions. My biggest priority, and one that's still a huge priority to me to this day, was to say "hi" to everyone I even remotely knew at school. And I always either called them by name or a nickname I gave them. People love being around someone who calls them by name out of the blue. I made a lot of school acquaintances suddenly want to hang out a lot more with me just by giving them a high five or a handshake in the hallway.

-I enjoy starting my day with music to get me in the mood. I pick/find a good song via my iPhone's Shuffle mode and loop it while I'm taking a shower. It jolts me awake and gets me ready to go conquer the day. My most listened song is "It's Me *******." Gets me crazy hyped.

-KNOW that you're the best. It's totally an ego thing. No one on the face of the planet can be you like you can, and you know it. When I go to tournaments, I'm the best Bowser. End of story. When I sit down to play you, I want you to feel my confidence and be genuinely terrified to play me. But when someone asks if I'm the best, I NEVER say I am. I'll throw out other notable Bowsers and say it's hard to judge who's the best, but some say I am. Simple fact. Be confident, but not arrogant. Then whether it's in Smash or life, if someone ever takes note of your swag, always remember it. I've had someone's hands shake uncontrollably after we MMed in Brawl. And on the real life side, I once went horseback riding in a large group, and one of the girls couldn't control her horse. It made my horse break into a run, and he stopped right before the edge of the cliff. But I remained perfectly calm. Afterwards she said "Holy crap, are you afraid of ANYTHING?" Don't be afraid of anything. You're the best.


Ever watched the show "Entourage" before? If not, I totally recommend it, especially if you're having troubles with your confidence. It's about an actor who moves out to Hollywood with his entourage, and the show's many seasons follow their ups and downs.

The show's really known for the agent, Ari Gold, played by Jeremy Piven. Guy's got the biggest balls you'll ever see. His confidence has no roof. After getting into the show last summer (and now it's my favorite EVER), I'm always channeling my inner Ari Gold when I know my confidence has to be on full swag. Here's some links to his best scenes (There's cursing in here, FYI!):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKNV5foRiL4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMdmWjtDRPE

Those are my two favorites. There's tons more on Youtube.

In short, disregard your fears of how you think you'll be perceived. Don't care what high school losers think of you.

Stuff like this always pisses me off. I'm a proud Eagle Scout, and in my latter Scouting days, the younger Scouts would often tell me about bullies at school. My top priority was always to fill them with confidence and hope that one day they would rise above their surroundings. I know it's hard to be in the spot you're in right now. But I promise it gets better from here. I promise it does.

One more note: Confidence is a tricky beast. Contrary to popular belief, no one's completely confident 100% of the time. You're gonna have days when you doubt yourself, and it's okay. Pick yourself up and exude confidence anyway. Once a friend told me I'm confident in everything I do, even if I have no idea what I'm doing. It's one of the biggest compliments I've ever been given.


This may have been a bit scatterbrained, haha. I tried typing this as fast as I could since my arms have been a bit on the sore side lately (I've been getting back into Smash a bit too early).

If you ever need help, advice, or just someone to listen to, my door's always open.
 

Zzuxon

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In my experience, bullies are complete *******. In my experience, mot of the people on this forum are smart. Remember how you'll likely bea succesful professional, while they'll be at best, security guards. You are better than them. Remember that. Thats what I do, but I don't have frequent self-confidence problems. I'd be the 1st to admit I'm a bit egotistical. But it is very helpful for me.
 

§witch

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In my experience, bullies are complete *******. In my experience, mot of the people on this forum are smart. Remember how you'll likely bea succesful professional, while they'll be at best, security guards. You are better than them. Remember that.
I don't think any of this is true.
 

RyuReiatsu

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In my experience, bullies are complete *******. In my experience, mot of the people on this forum are smart. Remember how you'll likely bea succesful professional, while they'll be at best, security guards. You are better than them. Remember that. Thats what I do, but I don't have frequent self-confidence problems. I'd be the 1st to admit I'm a bit egotistical. But it is very helpful for me.
In my experience,
In my experience,
In my experience...

Good job there. No, seriously though, your point is bad. In life, you have to make a balance between your professional path and your social path. Lacking one of these two ultimately leads you to a bad ending.

Good social life, no money? Well, stinks for you, you'll be working your *** off for that overpriced beer in the pub with your friends. Hell, even for that 1-room apartment.

Bad social life, great career? Enjoy your million dollars house while sitting in that million dollar sofa, all alone. Or better yet, all alone in a public place, pissing your pants off when you see a beautiful lady you cannot approach. Tell me how fun it is, honestly.
 

Falconv1.0

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You can't just tell yourself that bullies are going to be beneath you one day because there's nothing about being an ******* that determines your iq, but yes, cower behind that blanket statement instead of growing a pair or some ****.
 

Teran

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Lol pretty much all the bullies from my school ended up doing medicine, or some such other totally unsuitable but otherwise respectable course.

I always wondered why the biggest bullies were the ones that wanted to do medicine, heh. Still, the point is bullies aren't just going to be stupid thugs who are going to be stuck in the gutter all their life, and tbh you'll meet more in the workplace than you did at school.
 

SuperBowser

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Really?

I'm in my final year of medicine atm. I found most of the people on my course are extraordinarily nice. I don't believe there is a single bully in my whole year. There are jerks, but then there are jerks everywhere in life. None of them would go so far as to actually bully or bother others that they don't like.

------

This topic's done to death already, but the only thing I'd add is to surround yourself with a good group of friends if you can. People who have your humour, won't judge you for being a little awkward and will involve you with things they do. I used to be incredibly shy. I probably had social phobia when I was younger, but didn't realise it. When I came to uni, I made friends with lots of different people, some of which would have been in the "popular" cliques from their schools. It's so much easier to put yourself in new social situations and get better at it if there's always people you are comfortable around and don't mind if you're a little awkward.

I'm still shy and the idea of a party where I don't know a single person around me is still a personal hell. However, I can do these things now. The only limit these days is if I actually want to go out. If you saw the person I was over 10 years ago, you'd be amazed. I maintain eye contact when I talk, I keep conversations going when I meet new people rather than the other way around and my first impression isn't that I'm a totally shy loser anymore. You just need to identify what it is about situations that affects your confidence so much and lots of practice. Self-awareness is always good, but I suspect all shy people have this.
 

Teran

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Really?

I'm in my final year of medicine atm. I found most of the people on my course are extraordinarily nice. I don't believe there is a single bully in my whole year. There are jerks, but then there are jerks everywhere in life. None of them would go so far as to actually bully or bother others that they don't like.
Uni's way too hectic for bullying, plus you just don't have that same kind of classroom feeloing where everyone is always together. It's more about cliques and stuff, plus we're all drunk most of the time so not in the right mind for bullying.

Workplace though, that's where it comes back around, because the atmosphere is a lot like school.
 

SuperBowser

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I dunno, maybe I've been lucky then. Or maybe people just grow up. I don't get particularly involved with the social scene at my uni so maybe I've got a skewed perspective (only go if I'm dragged out by friends). I do know some medical schools renowned for being full of ****s though. Some of the stories of ultra-competitive freaks are too good.

Bullies in the workplace... they exist everywhere :D I think my first year on the job will be the worst of my life if I get a "difficult" team.
 

Firus

You know what? I am good.
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Workplace though, that's where it comes back around, because the atmosphere is a lot like school.
Yeah, just try working with all females.

Drama ****ing galore.

This really nice girl I used to work with, one of the nicest people I've ever met really, quit and refused to come back at all after these two other girls started being total backstabbing *****es to her.

Fortunately, I manage to avoid actually being part of the drama. There's just constantly a cluster**** of it around me.
 

Teran

Through Fire, Justice is Served
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I love drama, I'm the type to fuel the flames by dropping a BP oil rig on it.
 

¯\_S.(ツ).L.I.D._/¯

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I think that even if you aren't confident about doing X thing or being in Y situation, if you try to feign it and put your game face on it will help you be confident in similar situations in the future.

I do mock trial at my school (if you don't know what it is look it up I suppose) and a lot of it focuses on public speaking. In my freshman year I was a bad public speaker and I knew it, and at first it really showed because I would get obviously nervous while I was performing. At the beginning of last year even though my public speaking itself really hadn't improved, just putting on my game face to hide my insecurity improved my public speaking immensely, and as of the end of last year I'm really not scared to stand up in front of people and speak anymore. Just a personal example, but I think it can certainly work in other situations.

So yeah, basically if you're feeling insecure in a certain position or just in general, put on your 'hard' face and pretend you're not and it'll help your confidence out in the future.
 
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Link to original post: [drupal=4519]Self Confidence and Self Esteem[/drupal]



I was always a shy, and awkward person. 11th grade won't be any different. I come here to ask how to really build Self Confidence, and just make you feel positive, and better about yourself overall.

I'm really a downer at Smash Tournaments as well. I go in with the negative mindset, which easily hurts my chances of proving myself.

Whenever I have a good day, there is always some inbred hillbilly scum that loves to tear me to shreds. My school is a single minded group that ridicules and attempts to destroy anything that they don't follow. I'd love to break that barrier. I talk to some guys that just sit in the background like I do, because we aren't accepted.

Just need some help. I know if i'm more confident, I could "liberate" my school. Which would be glorious.
I'm moving into a new school for grade 11 this year, and it's a public school.

Yes, considering I've been in private schools practically my entire life, we'll just have to see how this interesting little event plays out.

Granted, I already have three friends there and there's tons of WoW players lol

This had no immediate relevance to your post.

And I'm not shy, and not awkward, except I'm deliberately awkward around people I don't like.
Awkward in the sense you make others feel awkward and not yourself.

awkward
 
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