Hi! Some of you might know me as the guy who threw a controller after losing to Silent Specter at Mango Juice back in early 2009.
So let's talk about throwing controllers.
You just won the BIGGEST TOURNAMENT OF YOUR LIFE. You jump up and celebrate because it came down to the fifteenth game of three distinct 3/5 matches against an incredible player, one of the best in the world! And you won! Hooray. Your friends are there. They are cheering for you. You are jumping up and down with joy. This may be the best day of your gaming career. You might even cry.
All of this, of course, is taking place next to your opponent, who is incredibly disappointed to have lost. He has to sit and watch you celebrate with tons of people who are excited for you, knowing that it could have been him, and it's hurtful after all of his time investment to have made the mistakes that led to his defeat. He remains calm and stoic, while you parade your victory around in front of him.
Because you're happy. And it's great. And this is totally okay in the eyes of the community, to basically wave your victory in the other guy's face.
I actually just made it sound like I disapprove of that kind of celebration. And in truth, I don't. But it's something to keep in mind.
Now instead imagine that you CAN'T celebrate like that, because it wasn't an incredible play that won you the tournament. It was him, SD'ing, or whiffing something incredibly easy that should have won it for HIM, but instead gets him killed and secures it for you. You just feel kind of bad. And he's mad.
Very mad.
Because this loss doesn't just represent the sum total of the mistakes he made in the game, or set, or series, or whatever. This point in time is the culmination of ALL his effort and investment into the game. Years of effort and training and struggle in an attempt to reach a level that would get him to these finals, in a botched and blundered moment that he will remember for some time to come.
There is sacrifice involved in this. Potential opportunities that he missed in order to practice more and get better. And he screwed it up. There is nobody to blame but himself. All of that time, in this moment, feels like a waste. And with the added pressure of the desire to succeed, with the pressure of all those people watching, he crumbled, and lost it. And all that comes pouring out because with all of the OTHER pressures and emotions inside, there's nowhere for it to go. We aren't even going to psychoanalyze him as a human being and go into any other anxieties or tendencies that could further amplify this. It doesn't have anything to do with him feeling like nobody else is allowed to win. It doesn't have anything to do with a superiority complex. He wanted it so badly that he sacrificed innumerable hours, immeasurable time and energy, put himself up on the stage, and screwed up big time. So he throws his controller.
What an *******, right? What a baby.
I can't understand that response at all.
There are certain types of responses to losing. You might throw a controller because you can't handle losing, EVER, and if somebody does beat you, it's because ****'s unfair and broken and stupid and eff this game. Not really any respect for this person. He just wants to win, not feel the achievement of being a successful competitor. He'll rub it in people's faces and be proud of stomping seven year olds. This guy has a lot of growing up to do.
Then there are people who have mental imbalances, and will immediately overreact to negative stimuli due to any number of factors. These people need medical/psychological help. Calling them "babies" or "spoiled" or "poor sports" completely ignores any kind of root problem, and basically derives from the school of "walk it off," where you ignore the causes of a problem and assume that the solution can be found if you would just try a little harder for god's sake.
And then there are people who put immense pressure on themselves to succeed. Who define themselves by how well they do at activities, and who put their self-esteem at risk by even ATTEMPTING something, and who conclude the failure is an indictment of their worth as a person.
No. It's not a healthy attitude. But it is a far cry from being spoiled or stupid. It stems from the very same desires that healthy individuals have, which are desires to be successful and achieve self-affirmation through what they do and how they are. It becomes skewed when individual points of failure are overemphasized as a complete representation of one's character.
This isn't something you look at and say, "what an ******* and an idiot." This is something you try to understand and help, especially if you have an ounce of sympathy for the person in that situation.
You may not though. You may not understand what it's like at all. You may not have experienced the power that those negative emotions can have when they reach an explosive bottleneck. It is easy to say that you would behave differently and judge a given behavior when you are completely separate from it.
I'm in 100% agreement that people shouldn't throw controllers. I think people should move towards more positive attitudes where their selves and behaviors are concerned.
But I know from experience and from observing outbursts and frustrations, sometimes long-standing ones with deep roots, both in other people and myself, that calling somebody a toddler or a moron or a sore loser for acting that way can completely fail to address real underlying issues and does nothing but demonstrate your own ignorance.
So stop. You sound like an *******.
*
Let's relate that to respecting your opponent.
Respecting your opponent is not about "not getting angry if you lose," and "not acting too happy if you win." It's about acknowledging the efforts of the other guy and acknowledging that he's a person with his own attitudes and investments in the game. It's about saying, "whatever actually happened, the outcome is the outcome. No matter how angry I am about it, I won't try and debate whether it should have been one way or the other, because it is how it is."
When you john and say, "you only won because of your character," you disrespect your opponent. When you john and say, "you only won because of a gay counterpick," you disrespect your opponent. When you say, "I should have won, I'm better than you, and you got lucky, and you're a scrub," you disrespect your opponent. When you stand up and breakdance and start shouting, "I'm the best ****ing player in the world, unf unf unf, look at how good I am," you disrespect your opponent. When you shake their hand and say, "good game man," then go online and talk about how unimpressed you were with the result, and how if things had gone differently you would have won, and how your opponent was not actually any good... well, you're disrespecting your opponent.
When you throw a controller, what you are REALLY SAYING with that action is: "I'm so frustrated and disappointed with this outcome that I couldn't control my actions." Maybe your underlying motivation is, "I should always win and if I lose I'm going to throw a controller because I'm a giant baby." This is possible.
It's also possible that your underlying motivation is simply you wanted so badly to win that the emotional whiplash of failing to achieve your goal left you out of control of your behavior. Not healthy at all, no. But is that identical to demonstrating disrespect for your opponent? No, it's not that either. It is what it is, an uncontrolled expression of frustration, anger, and disappointment.
Players shouldn't throw controllers. Is that in dispute? No, it isn't. Players shouldn't disrespect their opponents either, whether it's through an inappropriate display of joy at victory, or a series of whining and complaints when they lose. I don't think that's in dispute either.
What I take issue with is some people's complete failure to even ATTEMPT to understand what might be going on in somebody's head when they experience the cluster**** of negative emotions that would lead somebody to punch a wall, or kick a chair, or throw a controller. That's disrespectful too.
So let's talk about throwing controllers.
You just won the BIGGEST TOURNAMENT OF YOUR LIFE. You jump up and celebrate because it came down to the fifteenth game of three distinct 3/5 matches against an incredible player, one of the best in the world! And you won! Hooray. Your friends are there. They are cheering for you. You are jumping up and down with joy. This may be the best day of your gaming career. You might even cry.
All of this, of course, is taking place next to your opponent, who is incredibly disappointed to have lost. He has to sit and watch you celebrate with tons of people who are excited for you, knowing that it could have been him, and it's hurtful after all of his time investment to have made the mistakes that led to his defeat. He remains calm and stoic, while you parade your victory around in front of him.
Because you're happy. And it's great. And this is totally okay in the eyes of the community, to basically wave your victory in the other guy's face.
I actually just made it sound like I disapprove of that kind of celebration. And in truth, I don't. But it's something to keep in mind.
Now instead imagine that you CAN'T celebrate like that, because it wasn't an incredible play that won you the tournament. It was him, SD'ing, or whiffing something incredibly easy that should have won it for HIM, but instead gets him killed and secures it for you. You just feel kind of bad. And he's mad.
Very mad.
Because this loss doesn't just represent the sum total of the mistakes he made in the game, or set, or series, or whatever. This point in time is the culmination of ALL his effort and investment into the game. Years of effort and training and struggle in an attempt to reach a level that would get him to these finals, in a botched and blundered moment that he will remember for some time to come.
There is sacrifice involved in this. Potential opportunities that he missed in order to practice more and get better. And he screwed it up. There is nobody to blame but himself. All of that time, in this moment, feels like a waste. And with the added pressure of the desire to succeed, with the pressure of all those people watching, he crumbled, and lost it. And all that comes pouring out because with all of the OTHER pressures and emotions inside, there's nowhere for it to go. We aren't even going to psychoanalyze him as a human being and go into any other anxieties or tendencies that could further amplify this. It doesn't have anything to do with him feeling like nobody else is allowed to win. It doesn't have anything to do with a superiority complex. He wanted it so badly that he sacrificed innumerable hours, immeasurable time and energy, put himself up on the stage, and screwed up big time. So he throws his controller.
What an *******, right? What a baby.
I can't understand that response at all.
There are certain types of responses to losing. You might throw a controller because you can't handle losing, EVER, and if somebody does beat you, it's because ****'s unfair and broken and stupid and eff this game. Not really any respect for this person. He just wants to win, not feel the achievement of being a successful competitor. He'll rub it in people's faces and be proud of stomping seven year olds. This guy has a lot of growing up to do.
Then there are people who have mental imbalances, and will immediately overreact to negative stimuli due to any number of factors. These people need medical/psychological help. Calling them "babies" or "spoiled" or "poor sports" completely ignores any kind of root problem, and basically derives from the school of "walk it off," where you ignore the causes of a problem and assume that the solution can be found if you would just try a little harder for god's sake.
And then there are people who put immense pressure on themselves to succeed. Who define themselves by how well they do at activities, and who put their self-esteem at risk by even ATTEMPTING something, and who conclude the failure is an indictment of their worth as a person.
No. It's not a healthy attitude. But it is a far cry from being spoiled or stupid. It stems from the very same desires that healthy individuals have, which are desires to be successful and achieve self-affirmation through what they do and how they are. It becomes skewed when individual points of failure are overemphasized as a complete representation of one's character.
This isn't something you look at and say, "what an ******* and an idiot." This is something you try to understand and help, especially if you have an ounce of sympathy for the person in that situation.
You may not though. You may not understand what it's like at all. You may not have experienced the power that those negative emotions can have when they reach an explosive bottleneck. It is easy to say that you would behave differently and judge a given behavior when you are completely separate from it.
I'm in 100% agreement that people shouldn't throw controllers. I think people should move towards more positive attitudes where their selves and behaviors are concerned.
But I know from experience and from observing outbursts and frustrations, sometimes long-standing ones with deep roots, both in other people and myself, that calling somebody a toddler or a moron or a sore loser for acting that way can completely fail to address real underlying issues and does nothing but demonstrate your own ignorance.
So stop. You sound like an *******.
*
Let's relate that to respecting your opponent.
Respecting your opponent is not about "not getting angry if you lose," and "not acting too happy if you win." It's about acknowledging the efforts of the other guy and acknowledging that he's a person with his own attitudes and investments in the game. It's about saying, "whatever actually happened, the outcome is the outcome. No matter how angry I am about it, I won't try and debate whether it should have been one way or the other, because it is how it is."
When you john and say, "you only won because of your character," you disrespect your opponent. When you john and say, "you only won because of a gay counterpick," you disrespect your opponent. When you say, "I should have won, I'm better than you, and you got lucky, and you're a scrub," you disrespect your opponent. When you stand up and breakdance and start shouting, "I'm the best ****ing player in the world, unf unf unf, look at how good I am," you disrespect your opponent. When you shake their hand and say, "good game man," then go online and talk about how unimpressed you were with the result, and how if things had gone differently you would have won, and how your opponent was not actually any good... well, you're disrespecting your opponent.
When you throw a controller, what you are REALLY SAYING with that action is: "I'm so frustrated and disappointed with this outcome that I couldn't control my actions." Maybe your underlying motivation is, "I should always win and if I lose I'm going to throw a controller because I'm a giant baby." This is possible.
It's also possible that your underlying motivation is simply you wanted so badly to win that the emotional whiplash of failing to achieve your goal left you out of control of your behavior. Not healthy at all, no. But is that identical to demonstrating disrespect for your opponent? No, it's not that either. It is what it is, an uncontrolled expression of frustration, anger, and disappointment.
Players shouldn't throw controllers. Is that in dispute? No, it isn't. Players shouldn't disrespect their opponents either, whether it's through an inappropriate display of joy at victory, or a series of whining and complaints when they lose. I don't think that's in dispute either.
What I take issue with is some people's complete failure to even ATTEMPT to understand what might be going on in somebody's head when they experience the cluster**** of negative emotions that would lead somebody to punch a wall, or kick a chair, or throw a controller. That's disrespectful too.