My Grandma Died Today and All I Can Think About is How It Ruins My Plans For this

[demonictoonlink]

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My Nana, who lives in New York, passed away today after having been in and out of the hospital for months, possibly years. Though it saddened me, I didn't cry, I didn't mourn...hell I don't even wish she was still alive. She had been in a lot of pain for a long time and she was ready to go. I loved her and always will, but she was ready.

The funeral will be in New York this weekend. When I was three, my family moved from there to Colorado, yet we visit every year. At this point, it seems like I will be leaving this Wednesday and returning next Wednesday. I have never been big on funerals. I have no beliefs of an afterlife and no optimism on the subject. I believe the dead are gone and that is all. You go to a funeral for your own personal satisfaction. You mourn with others and you help yourself feel better about the now-gaping hole in your heart. I do not have this hole. I will miss my Nana, but I can remember her as she was already and have no need to see her as she is now.

No Koast is this weekend. I have never been to an out of state tournament and I was planning on attending this. I would leave with two of my Colorado Smash friends, Dave and Manny, Manny being my teammate MenoUnderwater. My parents struggle with the concept that I am willing to make an hour trip to play other people in our smash scene. They don't get how much I love this game and the people involved with it. To get them to let me to go to Kansas was a feat to say the least. But I did. I convinced them and I had never been more psyched for something in my life. I was going to go to this and play some of the best of the best. Ally is going, Razer is going, UTDZac, DMG, Dphat, a lot of high/top level players. I was going to play them, learn from them, and enjoy every moment of it. Meno and I were going to represent our relatively unknown state of Colorado. I've been saving up money for this for weeks. This was supposed to be one of the greatest weekends of my life.

It won't be. I'm going to go to New York, costing my nearly-bankrupt family hundreds in plane-fare and living expenses, to sit and watch TV in relatives' houses, cry at a funeral, then return home to piles of homework from my soon-to-be absence at school, the entire time thinking about the experience I would be having at No Koast.

I have no idea how to end this blog. It is nothing but me complaining about how much my Grandma dieing ruins my plans. There is no resolve to this. As much as I may say to myself, "Maybe the funeral will be postponed. Maybe I'll be able to go to No Koast and then this after," there is no practical chance of this happening. I have no idea what I hoped to accomplish by writing this. I think I just had to see it written down to full grasp the idea.

Bye.

 

[Jim Morrison]

I'm just gonna say what I think and say you're kind of a ***** for not feeling anything. Too bad on missing out on No Koast, but grandmother dying only happens twice in your life and you wouldn't want to miss the funeral.

 

[demonictoonlink]

I am. I hate myself for not being able to feel anything about this and that smash seems to out prioritize a loved one'd death.

 

[brayan]

one of my cousins grandma died like 4 days ago but for 1 week she was in the hospital,she was only living by a machine but her sons didn't want to pull the plug even though she was completely dead(couldn't talk,etc) and her brain was the only thing that was functioning.but if she lived a good life you shouldn't feel sad or remorse you should be happy and think of all the good stuff that happened to her in her life.too bad you cant go to No Koast but i think spending time with the family is better.

 

[MooseEatsBear]

I see what's up, and I know that somehow you are feeling something. I know you're feeling something. It's impossible to have no emotion towards a loved one's death. But one thing that you have to know, is that at this time in your life, I'm guessing you're in your high school/college, YOUR life and YOU having fun are much more important to you than any other thing that's happening. It's completely understandable to view this kind of thing from that point.

 

[GunmasterLombardi]

Sometimes my feelings show b4 someone dies cause being in and out of a hospital usually deals more damage than simply dying. If this is the case, you shouldn't hate yourself.

If not, then I still think you should go to No Koast. If you want it more than a funeral, you should have it. This may sound heartless but your parents need to realise you have a ton of time to say "goodbye" to your granny. Not going to her funeral shouldn't be such a horrible thing...

Edit: I did not just spend my 1000th post for this.

 

[Grey Belnades]

I'm just gonna say what I think and say you're kind of a ***** for not feeling anything.

People have different ways of mourning, my next door neighbor died about 2 days ago of cardiac arrest and I didn't feel any sadness. I've known my neighbor for about 8 years too.

 

[Paixy]

Just sayin, I agree with Gunmaster. Go with whatever you want more.....But eitherway, sorry for ya loss.

 

[Jim Morrison]

Edit: I did not just spend my 1000th post for this.

No, post count disabled.

 

[sman5093]

U should be happy that u can go to the funeral instead of the tournament at No Coast. Sure I would feel sad that I can't go to tournament I've been waiting for but a tounament should never be more important than a loved one's death.

 

[GunmasterLombardi]

People have different ways of mourning, my next door neighbor died about 2 days ago of cardiac arrest and I didn't feel any sadness. I've known my neighbor for about 8 years too.

Connection w/ someone plays a big component w/ feelings toward another noun. Apparently demonic was (may still be) connected w/ Smash more than his granny.

 

[¯\_S.(ツ).L.I.D._/¯]

DTL, that sucks. No Koast looks legit.

I don't see why your parents are making you go. If you don't want to, then you don't want to. That's dumb.

Sorry for your loss and stuff. But it seems like you don't really care.

 

[DTP]

Do you have no say in this?

I'd go to No Koast lol
Funerals are lame.

That would be disrespectful though......
Not to your Grandmother, she's dead, but to mother or father.

 

[Arcade]

Have you considered that your family may be in need of your support?

 

[zifn15]

I don't know if I should be writing this post but I honestly think that none of use can help you get a handle on this situation.

This may help tho
0. Read through this carefully.
1. Stop hating yourself no good can come of this. With these feelings you have right now i doubt you could appreciate either event with this in mind hate and anger toward self must be the first things to go.
2. block out sometime and really think about what it means to your relatives, family, friends, ect for you to go to the funeral. Think about what it means for YOU to go to the funeral.
3. Do step 2 again but replace funeral with Koast.
4. Afterward decide which is the most important.

I hope this helps. Don't make any decisions that you will come to regret. I'm sorry in advance if I have misunderstood your current circumstance.

 

[A_man13]

Nice to see another Colorado smasher. Now if only I was better representation...

Sorry you have to miss the tourney, man, but you have to keep priorities sometimes. I know that you didn't know your gradma well, but remember that while you may not be grieving those that are closer to your family will. This will sound REAL cliche, but just by being there to support those who are experiencing pain can mean the world when, frankly, they have no idea what is going to happen next. The tourney is not that big of a deal; unless a bomb goes off in the building durring the event, all of the players who went in will live to fight another day. There will be other oportunities like this in the future, but it may just be at a later time. I forget who says this, but "When one door closes, another one opens but sometimes we are so focused on the closed one that we neglect the newly opened one" (or something allong those lines). I know it will be painfull to miss such an oportunity, but your family needs you and, while they may not show it, sacrificing that for the funeral will mean the world to them. And, who knows, maybe another oportunity will show itself in due time.

 

[demonictoonlink]

All of these posts have meant a lot to me. I really appreciate your help in this issue and they've actually made me think...

I DO love my Nana and I want to be there for my family, but doing this for myself would give me much more enjoyment. I don't really have any say in the decision, but another factor came up. My family does not have the money to buy more than one ticket. This means that my mother would go and I would end up going to No Koast.

Hours after this thought, it appears my grandpa can get us two free flights due to earning credit card miles, making it look like I am going again.

I really don't want to go, but it seems like my fate in this matter is completely up to flight plans. Either way, what you guys wrote at least made me feel better about not completely feeling sadness for what happened...

 

[demonictoonlink]

Double post, but I'd just like to explain the amazingness that is occurring.

My grandma is still dead, which sucks, but it seems like the best possible situation is happening. My mom is flying out alone this Wednesday and staying until the next week. The funeral is Thursday. My grandpa had 2 free flights (had to be used together) but the times just couldn't work out for my mom. Instead, my dad and I are using those free flights to go to the funeral Thursday and leave the same day. I can't believe I'm actually getting to do both the funeral and the tournament. <3 all you guys.

 

[RATED]

Double post, but I'd just like to explain the amazingness that is occurring.

My grandma is still dead, which sucks, but it seems like the best possible situation is happening. My mom is flying out alone this Wednesday and staying until the next week. The funeral is Thursday. My grandpa had 2 free flights (had to be used together) but the times just couldn't work out for my mom. Instead, my dad and I are using those free flights to go to the funeral Thursday and leave the same day. I can't believe I'm actually getting to do both the funeral and the tournament. <3 all you guys.

u see, when u work for something( saving that money for the tourney) everything goes fine.

My condolences about ur grandma and good luck with the tourney.

 

[DTP]

Double post, but I'd just like to explain the amazingness that is occurring.

My grandma is still dead, which sucks, but it seems like the best possible situation is happening. My mom is flying out alone this Wednesday and staying until the next week. The funeral is Thursday. My grandpa had 2 free flights (had to be used together) but the times just couldn't work out for my mom. Instead, my dad and I are using those free flights to go to the funeral Thursday and leave the same day. I can't believe I'm actually getting to do both the funeral and the tournament. <3 all you guys.

haha awesome. It's a great feeling when everthing ends up working out isn't it? xD
I'm happy for you and have fun at No Koast!

 

[demonictoonlink]

Thanks guys! I kinda wish I got the same type of response from AiB...
lol?

 

[RyuReiatsu]

Why so judgmental?
My grandmom's passed a few years ago, perhaps 4.

I loved her, seriously. I loved her a whole lot, she was somebody I was looking up to.
She was 74 and young gangsters that were around the age of 16~17 loved her. YOUNG GANGSTERS, friendly with an old asian grannny! That was unbelievable, it was simply impossible not to love her.

And the only moment that I've shed some tears was when she was in the hospital, around 18 hours before her death, she was unconscious. As for the rest of the time, the funerals and all that kinda thing, I didn't cry or anything. I knew I'd miss her, but she was always in and out of the hospital. I was already prepared for it. When I went to her funeral, I ended up chatting around with my cousin. We discussed about videogames and our 'actual life' (from back then, of course), nothing big about her.

Never have I ever cried for her ever since, yet I loved her so much.

Stop judging people. They have their ways of dealing with things and he just knew it would happen. He's accepted her death. There's absolutely no friggin' problem with him. He views funerals and all that kind of thing differently than the majority.

Thanks guys! I kinda wish I got the same type of response from AiB...
lol?

Don't go there. They have no manly love.

 

[Jon Farron]

You love smash more than your grandmother... Thats sad...
But glad you got to go to the tournament and the funeral :D

 

[RATED]

Thanks guys! I kinda wish I got the same type of response from AiB...
lol?

I don't go to AiB ... that place is like the Chuck Cheese's from Smash , u go it looks cool but the real deal is creepy as hell.

the only thing cool about AiB is the cute gamer girls over there

 

[Grey Belnades]

That's great news DTL. Have a fun time over at No Koast.

 

[¯\_S.(ツ).L.I.D._/¯]

Good ****, it's great that you get to go to both.

DTL, that's why people from SWF shouldn't go to AiB.

 

[Delta-cod]

I'm happy you could make both the funeral and the tournament.

A similar situation happened to me, except with Pound 4. My grandmother died the weekend before, and the funeral was the weekend of Pound 4, except halfway across the country. I actually felt more upset at having to miss Pound 4 than the death of my grandmother, and I felt terrible about it, since I should have felt worse about her no longer being around. I was actually presented with a choice of which to go to, and I went to the funeral because I felt obliged to. I'm really glad I chose that, however.

Anyways, I can totally empathize with what you were feeling. Happy you could make it to the tournament.

 

[Kinzer]

Glad to see you're over the death.

I will suggest however that maybe you ought to think more about the funeral. Not for yourself, not even for your grandmother, but for the other people attending. Just because right now you are emotionally stable doesn't mean other family members will not. Maybe the find comfort in thinking that with more people showing up, more people care and have been touched by the person's presence?

That's just my 2cents though, I'm glad for you, honest and truly I am.

 

[demonictoonlink]

Good ****, it's great that you get to go to both.

DTL, that's why people from SWF shouldn't go to AiB.

I learned :/

Someone just compared me to Hitler in the blog...page 3 if you wanted to see lol.

edit: Kinzer ninja'd me...

Glad to see you're over the death.

I will suggest however that maybe you ought to think more about the funeral. Not for yourself, not even for your grandmother, but for the other people attending. Just because right now you are emotionally stable doesn't mean other family members will not. Maybe the find comfort in thinking that with more people showing up, more people care and have been touched by the person's presence?

That's just my 2cents though, I'm glad for you, honest and truly I am.

I like how you can tell me that your opinion is different than mine without insulting me. Really, after looking at my comments on AiB, you have no idea how much I appreciate this.

@Delta-Cod: Glad that you can at least look back and realize that was the right choice. I am insanely lucky that I get both...

 

[Deleted member]

I really do feel sorry for you and I feel sorry that such a tragedy has stucked you.

My suggestion is to go to the funeral and pretend Koast doesn't exist. Your parents needs you more then ever.

 

[Kantō]

just dont bottle up your emotions and kill someone when ur 35

 

[Man of Popsicle]

I can understand not reacting to a death, same with me and my grandpa, but being angry about her funeral messing up your plans to go to a smash tournament.
That's pretty lame.