N64 Kirby would **** GCN Kirby so hard he would be too afraid to report it.
And then he would never talk to anyone about it, until 7 or 8 years later when he falls in love with a girl (LaLaLa?) and realizes that he can't properly perform. He goes to a psychiatrist who discovers that he has a mental block because of the ****.
GCN Kirby goes home and cries. LaLaLa tries to comfort him, saying that they'll work through it. After about a month, she leaves him anyway.
GCN Kirby decends into alcoholism, spending every night hitting the sauce and beating his pet robo-dog. Months into this lifestyle, while panhandling for money and maxim tomatoes, he sees LaLaLa walking down the street with another man.
GCN Kirby finally realizes it's time to get some help.
He attends a 12 step program and, through a lot of hard work and dedication, manages to overcome his addiction.
Skip some time now.
GCN Kirby gets his 5 years clean pin and is quite happy that his life is finally turned around. He has a job as a garbage disposal and has finally found another woman he loves. Now, the only thing left for him to conquer is his 'performance' problem. He goes to seek new help from a professional.
(...)
1 month later:
Problem solved! GCN Kirby is finally ready. He calls his girl, Tiff, at home and tells her the good news, and that he is rushing over. She tells him that LaLaLa and her boyfriend have stopped by for a visit, and will be there when they show up.
GCN Kirby doesn't know how to feel about this. He definitely felt betrayed by LaLaLa, but time heals all wounds. He's ready to face the problems of his past.
GCN Kirby pulls up to his house and walks in the door.
...
...
......
Something isn't right. Everything is far too quiet.
...
He calls out to Tiff.
...
No response.
He calls out to LaLaLa.
...
Again, no response.
*click* The TV turns on in the other room. Carefully, GCN Kirby walks towards the noise. In the room, sitting in a chair and looking extremely suave and relaxed...
...
is N64 Kirby.
"Good afternoon, my old friend." N64 Kirby says with a smug-looking smirk. "I enjoyed MEETing that woman of your-" he hiccups. "Or rather, should I say..."
GCN Kirby gasps when he notices Tiff's blonde hair on the top of N64 Kirby's head.
"...EATING her." He cackled.
GCN Kirby broke down. He couldn't take it anymore, and blacked out.
For the next 9 years, N64 Kirby brutally assaulted GCN Kirby with his N64 >>> GCN Matchup.
That's how bad it is
