For Cash: A Guide to Hustling *****es and making $$$

[Robsta]

My favorite moment was when I took $30 off a guy after double or nothing him. He then proceeded to tell me he'd **** me at melee or brawl so I told him to come in tomorrow and I'd bring melee and he can try and win his money back. $60 off one guy!

I four stocked him... XD

 

[asianaussie]

Robsta is a bad person, he beats up kindergarteners and sucks at broodwar.

 

[Surri-Sama]

Robsta is Hustlin

Corrected

 

[TANK64]

Obviously I don't carry my n64 controller around lol.

scrub


Also, I've learned shop owners don't really care if you loiter and gamble in obvious ways, so long as you buy a soda or something (then is it loitering?). I'm going to start tallying that **** up like roBUSTA (true pronunciation), and then post my earning for the next fiscal year.

 

[Battlecow]

Awwww yeah.

I made $45 off a guy I know today (sadly, mostly from melee; I showed my true skill too early in 64).

 

[Robsta]

Also, I've learned shop owners don't really care if you loiter and gamble in obvious ways, so long as you buy a soda or something (then is it loitering?). I'm going to start tallying that **** up like roBUSTA (true pronunciation), and then post my earning for the next fiscal year.

Exactly I always MM this regular for enough to buy a drink and I'm set making money all night.

Today I was there and made $36.70. I also played a guy that knew what he was doing but he couldn't beat the BUSTA.

 

[Sangoku]

You guys are lucky. There is just no players around here. A few melee noobs I guess but since I suck even more at melee I won't MM lol.

 

[asianaussie]

there are people who know what they're doing yet lose to robsta?

:S

surprised you're making that much money

 

[Battlecow]

The worst part about my new hustlin' career is that I have to, like, go to parties and interact with people in order to do it. Yeeeeeech.

Anyways, what we need is a $50,000 MM like those MvC2 people had.

 

[ciaza]

I will $1000 MM someone at James hypothetical. But I get to choose my opponent and of course they have to consent to the match. So everyone make sure to bring $1000 to that, as I could be challenging YOU.

 

[KoRoBeNiKi]

And I've seen Koro's chess.com profile picture. And I'll be on high alert for a Russo-Korean kid with a self-satisfied smirk and a penchant for Keyboard. The list of potential counter-hustlers grows thin.

Russo/Korean...LOLWUT. I have heard Russian before but not Korean. (I am actually German/Syrian btw.)

The only game I have hustled in was chess at Washington Square Park. I play money matches in barlw/melee but I tend to want to play the really good players.

 

[Sangoku]

Russo/Korean was refering to Star King I think.

 

[The Star King]

Russo/Korean was refering to Star King I think.

Indeed it was. The self-satisfied smirk even more so (I couldn't help but smirk when I read that).

 

[Battlecow]

Plus I wouldn't call Koro a kid.

 

[Battlecow]

Yo I'm rejuvenating this thread. You guys need it more than ever. Not enough of you are taking the HUSTLA's path.

@Tank, I have that same problem nowadays. My roommates open up their big mouths before I can ever make money off of anyone. Though I would feel bad taking money from random scrubs in a non-tournament setting.

Clubba, you're too honest. Don't play fair; purposefully mislead your intended victims as to your actual talents. The way to do it is to "brag" in a way/with a tone of voice that makes them think you're on a level with them. If they don't believe that you're competing on a fundamentally different level, they'll most likely MM you. What does this mean? Dismiss online, first of all-- "yeah, you know, I did that, but they all play so cheap" or "Yeah, it doesn't work that well, I mostly just play with my bros these days" And talk about past defeats--how you knew this one guy at your old school who was crazy good with ness, hit you with the bat (mime your best Ted Williams here) every time you tried to run up and suck him up with kirby. You don't have to lay it on quite that thick, perhaps, but you get the idea. While you're doing this, never allow the possibility of THEM being better than you cross your mind; unfettered and unreasonable arrogance is what they want to see, because then they're not taking a chance, they're taking a sure thing on a guy who deserves it.

That convinces them they're better than you. That's the easy part, though, because they'll probably be satisfied with a pride match if you let it go its own way. Good lines for getting them to MM are "I don't play with scrubs" or the like; convincing them that you think you're too good for them will often work. Sometimes, however, the friendly bet is the best option, because a lot of guys genuinely don't want to do something as "serious" as a MM where there's an actual grudge between the two guys. Judge your target, and try your hardest, if you're going friendly, to establish it as something normal; it may be counterintuitive to bring up past hustling experience, but if they think it's a well-established practice, they stop going "oh I'm gambling how evil" and start realizing that $20 isn't that big of a deal after all (bigger money than that is always going to be super tense and you can only get that in special circumstances). If you brag about how no one beats you in MM's, it might get their competitive dander up, as well. All of this applies strictly to class A-1 alpha dogs, though; anyone with doubts about their skill level is a lost cause for anything more than dollar matches in my experience.

 

[asianaussie]

i was reading this yesterday because i was incredibly bored

wow, those walls of text are really difficult to get started on

 

[clubbadubba]

i don't think I could ever hustle someone like that in good conscience. Guess I'm just too nice a guy. The only way I could ever bet real money with someone in smash is if I looked them in the eye and said:

"I am going to beat you badly in this game. I have played this game far more than you, and far too much for my own good. I know 10 to 20 times as many techniques as you, the implications of you have never seen before. You can ask anyone I know, I will destroy you. Maybe you should play my roommate who isn't even close to half as good as me first and see if you still want to play me. I am going to take your money, this is more of a transaction and less of a bet. Are you sure you want to money match me?"

If they say yes to that, I would money match them. Though I would still feel a bit bad because they either:

1) think I'm full of **** so I in essence hustled them by appearing over confident.

2) Believed me but still money matched me, so they obviously have a mental disorder to give away money.

MMing in a tourney setting I'm obviously fine with though. I meant to MM some ppl at VT but I don't think anyone would take a straight up battle. I was going to do one handed MM's vs ppl cuz my one handed game with mario and samus is wicked, but I forgot lol.

 

[The Star King]

^I know that feel bro

The third option is that they know about competitive stuff themselves BTW

 

[Sempiternity]

The third option is that they know about competitive stuff themselves BTW

impossible

 

[clubbadubba]

yea pretty impossible. NOBODY knows real techs and stuff.

 

[SuPeRbOoM]

I'm with clubba here, I would feel really bad hustling people.

The only times I would mm is if I felt salty about something or if they want to mm me.

 

[SheerMadness]

How the hell are any of you finding ssb64 players to hustle anyway?

 

[The Star King]

^

Battlecow goes to some nerd magnet school (not hating I'm actually mad jelly) so not that surprising smash is popular

And yet he complains about his school :O

 

[M!nt]

he also said he mm'd a teacher.
that seems like the best school in the world to me.
if i was the teacher 'd give you an F if you won

 

[Battlecow]

How the hell are any of you finding ssb64 players to hustle anyway?

Dude everyone plays this game. They just play it casually or whatever. Well, not everyone, but if you hang out with a nerdy crowd, a pretty big slice of everyone.

Seriously, a LOT of people.

he also said he mm'd a teacher.
that seems like the best school in the world to me.
if i was the teacher 'd give you an F if you won

That never actually ended up happening, he was sick the day of and then didn't want to do it

 

[The Star King]

You should trash talk the **** out of that teacher for cheesing out

Detention? Worth it.

 

[m3gav01t]

So I just read the first couple posts, and remembered that Isai wanted me to post the story about tigerbombz hustling me. So, this requires some back story.

If you don't know, I'm a falcon main. In fact, I'm a falcon main to the point that I've never actually played as Luigi, DK, or Samus a single time. I love falcon dittos, and back in like '07-'08, I'd been seeing a lot of videos of tigerbombz and I really wanted to play him since his falcon looked good. I'm not sure exactly who started it or how, but tigerbombz and I kind of got into a pissing match over who had the better falcon. I knew he was good, but I honestly thought I had the edge on him. Of course, he thought the same thing.

Anyway, in the summer of '09, I had to go out to California near where he lived. I posted a thread asking if anyone in the area wanted to money match and I also messaged tigerbombz on facebook asking if he wanted to play some friendlies. By this time, I didn't really play much smash anymore, and I'd seen recent videos of him playing and it was pretty clear he'd gotten better than me, so I didn't really have any interest in money matching him.

Anyway, I got out to California and after a day or so, I got a text from a random number. Let's call the person SmasherX, since that was how I saved his name in my phone.

SmasherX: U mm?
Me: Maybe, is this tigerbombz?
SmasherX: Who?
Me: Nevermind, it's this guy from the boards. Yeah, I mm. What's your name on the boards?
SmasherX: I don't have a username, I just go on them sometimes.

And then some logistics were worked out. It was kind of strange, I thought, that he lived near tigerbombz, was on the boards, and yet had never heard of tigerbombz, especially since tigerbombz had a fairly bombastic personality on the boards and was well known. In retrospect, this was a dead giveaway. I, of course, took it to mean he was someone who had never played a competitive player before. It's unfortunate how damn gullible I am sometimes.

Anyway, I was also near Isai, so a few days later I went to Isai's house. We were playing some smash and I mentioned how I wanted to play tigerbombz, but I hadn't heard back from him. I can't remember if at this point Isai gave him a call and he didn't pick up or if Isai almost called him but ended up not because it was late or something. Either way, I was kind of suspicious that SmasherX was, in fact, tigerbombz, so I should have, at this point, asked Isai for tigerbomz's number so I could've compared it to SmasherX's. Another screw up on my part.

At any rate, the mm was set for the next day. I went to this guy's house and SmasherX was there, along with maybe 5 other people. SmasherX had been playing all day, so I asked if I could have a few games to warm up. He didn't want to play me in friendlies before the money match, so I ended up playing his friends. Of course, they were totally acting as sidekicks to him and were letting me 4 and 5 stock them like it was my job. I didn't even think about this devious sidekick strategy at the time. I just thought, "Nice, I'll be taking this guy's money in about 5 seconds."

When I was ready for the mm, I asked him one final time, "You sure you're not tigerbombz?" and of course he promised he wasn't. I guess I should have said that I wanted to go on facebook and look at pictures to make sure. I guess I should have done that before I even went out to California. But the last time I'd looked at a photo of tigerbombz was a long time prior and I just couldn't even remember what he looked like.

So, then it started. Immediately it was clear he was not just some random guy who occasionally browsed the boards and didn't even have a username, as he'd claimed in his text. First off, he knew how to DI. And it wasn't just DI, it was good DI, like able to get out of falcon's f-air DI. I'd only played a few other players with DI like that at the time. He also pulled off a combo I'd seen boom use in a few videos that I was unable to pull off in a match even in my peak. This I found really unbelievable. I mean, what are the chances some random dude just happened to use a really, really distinct combo that I've seen in videos? But, it was too late at this point. I gave it my best shot, and I kept it pretty close, but he ended up beating me.

Afterwards, I was like, "Alright, tigerbombz, ggs." But he just kept up the act. While we were playing friendlies, every time I said something like, "Seriously, dude, I used to go to tournaments all the time and I've never played a random person as good as you. You should start going to tournaments" he would act like it was the first time he'd considered going to a tournament and that he was genuinely flattered.

Well, right after I left I called Isai and told him what happened. Isai told me to text him the number of this SmasherX. So I did. And, of course, Isai confirmed that it was, in fact, tigerbombz that I'd just played. I texted tigerbombz and told him he was a ******* for doing that, but I was relieved he wasn't just some random dude. I guess, though, that while I no longer had the embarrassment of losing to a random person, I felt just as embarrassed that I'd been that flat out stupid.

Anyway, yeah, that's what happened. Someday, I'm going to construct an unnecessarily elaborate scheme to get back at him. Like, maybe I'll move out near where he lives and pretend to be an accountant. Then I'll offer to do his taxes for him. After spending a few hours "doing his taxes," I'll call him and tell him we need to meet in person, and that I've got some bad news. When we meet up, I'll tell him to sit down, because that's the first step to delivering bad news according to the movies. Then I imagine we'll have a conversation that goes something like this:

Me: "Well, tigerbombz, there's no easy way to say this, but you're broke."
Him: "Wait, what?!"
Me: *slurring* "Not only that, but you owe me the keys to your car."
Him: "What the hell are you talking about? And are you drunk?"
Me: "For Christ's sake, tigerbombz, do I look like a plant to you? It's not water in this glass. Also, I want your TV. It's a flatscreen, right?"
Him: "...Are you sure you're an accountant?"
Me: "Yes, I'm an accountant. I promise you that. And I also promise you that you are, in fact, broke and you do owe me your car. You see, when I offered to do your taxes, we never agreed on my fee. By law, that means I can charge you whatever I want. Well, I decided to give you the "special" rate. The rate I give to people who lie to me about who they are on smashboards. Everything you own now belongs to me."
Him: "...Are you sure you're an accountant?"
Me: "...Yes, tigerbombz, for the last time, I'm an accountant. And the law is definitely, 100% on my side. You should probably be really embarrassed now about letting me do your taxes."

 

[Battlecow]

Loooooooooooooooooooolz

That was not kosher of him

Firo pulled the same trick on me, but without MM'ing (thankfully)

 

[The Star King]

LOL. So how much money did you lose to tigerbombz?

 

[Crackle]

How can you tell whether you're a hustler or a random scrub? I am wondering what in gameplay denotes the difference right now since I can't do online or tourneys (aside from one I hosted for locals) but I have legitimately self taught the game and my apartment has been learning with me and providing human practice.

 

[clubbadubba]

That was pretty messed up. I can understand pretending until after the money match, but after that I would want to for real introduce myself. Good hustle though! 2nd SK's question, how much cash was lost?

How can you tell whether you're a hustler or a random scrub? I am wondering what in gameplay denotes the difference right now since I can't do online or tourneys (aside from one I hosted for locals) but I have legitimately self taught the game and my apartment has been learning with me and providing human practice.

It seems Like you're asking us to determine your skill level with nothing other than the fact that you have "taught" yourself the game, and you play with your roommates frequently. Gonna need a little bit more... Videos? What techs have you taught yourself?

 

[ballin4life]

LOL. So how much money did you lose to tigerbombz?

haha i'm LMAO at the idea that this incredibly elaborate scheme was planned out to win a $10 MM.

I went to a tournament once thinking I was gonna dominate, and then I saw this guy there who looked to be pretty decent and I thought "ok that's probably my only competition", but it turned out to be tigerbombz. not quite to the level of megavolt's story though haha.

I came close to pulling this kind of scheme on the HAMBURGLAR when I went to a tourney in New Jersey. He was tearing up some other guy in friendlies and I asked if I could play, then I showed off my uber fox shine land skills and all that and then he was like "have you ever played online?" I tried to play it off like "not really" but eventually admitted that I was someone from smashboards - couldn't keep up the facade.

 

[TANK64]

hahaha. I was literally couldn't stop laughing half way through lol. Gj Tiger, and good plan to get him back haha.

 

[m3gav01t]

LOL. So how much money did you lose to tigerbombz?

Eh, I was initially going to do a $50 mm, but because I was kinda suspicious that it was tigerbombz, we ended up playing for $25.

 

[Battlecow]

How can you tell whether you're a hustler or a random scrub? I am wondering what in gameplay denotes the difference right now since I can't do online or tourneys (aside from one I hosted for locals) but I have legitimately self taught the game and my apartment has been learning with me and providing human practice.

You're a random scrub--for now. Playing online or driving out to play with any of the great cali players would allow you to become competitive-level within a couple of months, even if you weren't good by competitive standards.

Sorry to be blunt, but this guide would be of no use if people who didn't attend tourneys or play online could play at our level. That said, you can possibly still hustle a solid majority of casual players who think they're good--but be careful with your money if you're not positive about these things. There are tons of great resources for becoming good on this forum, but this isn't one of them; this is about making bank once you're good.

Then again, if you've legitimately taught yourself the game, who knows... MM?

 

[SSB64-Jel]

Good story m3gav01t. Its to bad tigerbombz does not play SSB anymore.

 

[cyoonit123]

bcow i've been meaning to MM you.. or atleast get to play you. :l we're never on at the same time...

 

[Battlecow]

I'm never on, more like

Or at least rarely these days

I'm getting back into it

 

[Morin0]

Good story m3gav01t. Its to bad tigerbombz does not play SSB anymore.

Or does he...

 

[TANK64]

^^Yea, that's what he wants us to think lol, and so everyone forgets what he looks like/fresh blood.