Wario Wario Wario

The worst thing about celebrity scandals is all the terrible, asinine memes they spawn.

"Ahh yes! "Bedroom Toys" by Duran Duran! this would be the perfect song to play in the car on a family holiday!" - my mum when I was 7.

She knew exactly what the lyrics meant.

THERE'S MILLIONS OF DEBRIS ALL UNDER ONE ROOF

I've said a few times that I want my hopefully-future-game-star (at this point I'm just waiting until I've moved out of my parents' home and am trusted with my own money to start looking into learning game development) Daniel as far away from Smash as possible, and I thought it'd be kinda fun to write a "what-if" response letter for if Nintendo/Sakurai were to try and get him in Smash, written in-character as the pre-teen merman himself a la Marge Simpson's letter to Barbara Bush.

Daniel could become the biggest indie star since Sans and I'd still not want him in the game - in fact, that'd make we want him less. If given Toby Fox's power I'd prefer to bring attention to smaller indies when given the opportunity for Daniel to make big appearances. Call me the Bill Watterson of crossovers if you will. (Merchandise is fine though - but only plushies, figures, e.t.c., stuff only I could have the power to get made - fans on RedBubble/TeePublic would make way better t-shirts and mugs than I ever could.) The only Daniel crossover I can think of that I'd be interested in is with Bubsy. (the gameplay style I have in mind for Dan was originally concieved as a hypothetical Bubsy reboot) I can't help but feel some day I may go mad with power/profits and backtrack these statements, but for now this is my stance.

Note the very specific wording and image choice on Thomas. Marketing always lies.

If I was doing a Melee or Smash 64 mod a la Smash Remix or Beyond Melee, the first character to add would likely be a PlayStation rep - probably Crash or PaRappa. Brawl is a different case though, that'd absolutely have to be Pac-Man, nobody else. Mario and Sonic without the Pacster is just incomplete.

Just got the cursed YouTube banner ad

While I prefer a big roster any day, there is a charm to small game rosters as everyone has their "favourite" they know they're gonna play as before they've even put their disc in the system.

The plot of Earthworm Jim 3D is really funny on its own - Jim is in a coma and has to fight his female counterpart to save his masculinity - but when you consider Doug TenNapel's outspoken personal beliefs it becomes pretty awkward at best.

I can't believe they added

• the dumb bear from Diddy Kong Racing
• the yellow ball from Mario Kart Arcade
• the spiky blue guy from Mario Olympics
• the robot from Mario Kart DS
• the karate guy from that German Mario comic

before Geno. WTF

Since Nintendo don't have the rights to make a game called "Diddy Kong Racing", they should just use a loophole and make Dixie Kong Racing instead.

I'm listening to the latest Kongversation on DK's 40th and the part where Diddy's creator came on to send birthday wishes actually made me cry. He didn't even reminice or say anything particularly emotional, there's just a sort of weight to it.

If there's one myth I'm grateful for it's the "Miyamoto created Mole Mania" myth, it's completely 100% false but at the same time even less people would talk about and play Mole Mania if not for it.

The thing I'm the most proud of doing in the Infinite thread is successfully convincing the thread owners that the use of "Hell" in the original DK Rap would not be inappropiate because the same word was used in Smash Wii U as a direct reference to purgatory whereas the DK Rap's "Hell" is an exclamation.

Amazing avatar

If I could make one fictional species real, it wouldn't be a mythical beast or a Pokémon, no - it'd be the Care Bears.

Why? Because of the Care Bear Stare - it's weaponised pacifism, and it's ****ing awesome. They could bring world peace without as much as a punch. THESE BEARS HAVE THE CURE TO PSYCHOPATHY WHY DOES NOBODY TALK ABOUT THIS

why didn't cappy just possess ridley lmao

Since we reclaimed "based" from the racists, can we now reclaim Shadilay? That song is such a bop and I don't want to feel guilty about listening to it.

Another "Mario joke character" who could've worked instead of Piranha Plant is the Blue Shell - a fighter with no arms or legs but spikes and wings could be really cool.

The Halberd stage is so weird to me - it feels like there should be way more layouts but there's only 2.

I love how a lot of the hype around K. Rool in Smash came from casual players who know nothing about DK beyond Mario Kart and just thought "haha funny crocodile with a gun!" - goes to show that the concept of "literally who?" or "kids won't know who this is" is completely irrelevant as long as it's a fun character.

I don't really care about SSBU's DLC anymore. I just wanna see new games.

Why do people want Yoshi to be listed as a Mario rep? Regardless of how much Yoshi's games have declined in quality such a change would still be a huge insult to the character and his legacy.

Crash Bandicoot should've become the industry standard for 3D platformers, not Mario 64.

Mike the Wazowski Adventure 2

The contemt the Skylanders fandom has for Haedox is so weird.

EmpLemon's rants are strange in that he usually makes good points (with the exception of pretty much anything involving memes), but every single video he goes on some absurd, asinine tangent about something trivial and barely related, usually about internet culture - the Sephiroth dislikes segment of his Nintendo video comes to mind.

It's funny how, despite being the edgy counter-cultural "P.I." mascot, Conker was one of the only 90s/2000s platformers to not have any mildly offensive tribal stereotypes.

Me when Nintendo finds out I downloaded the "Wilford Brimley's StarTropics" ROM hack

If there's one trilogy that DOESN'T need a remake, it's the DKC trilogy.

• DKC3 wasn't very good, and that leaves the predicament of either leaving out a part of the trilogy and greatly disappointing its small fandom, or spending time and money remaking a game nobody really wants to play.
• Aesthetically the trilogy holds up really well to this day and is still stunning to look at in spite of digitization. In fact I'd argue it's aged better than a lot of early Pixar stuff.
• The only real flaws of the first two games (currency saving system and limited lives) can be negotiated with save states, which have been a consistent element of Nintendo's official emulators since the 3DS.
• Nintendo would probably go for live instrumentation with the soundtrack, which while good in its own right would not be able to capture the charm of the original soundtracks. (Compare Tropical Freeze's Stickerbush to DKC2's. Night and day.)
• The accursed "Mario Mandate" would likely result in some of the stranger fellows in the trilogy, especially 3, being tamed down or replaced.
• The DKC games were filled with cheeky British humour, which could very well be lost in translation if the games were to be remade by a Japanese staff then re-translated into English
• And the biggest blow of all to a potential DKC remake: instruction manuals are dead, so no more Cranky actively criticising Nintendo's business decisions in the manual.

The only upside I can really see to a DKC remake is unlocking Donkey in 2&3, Diddy in 3, Dixie in 1, and Kiddy in 1&2 - honestly I'm surprised nobody has done a mod of that... - either way, I'd love to be proven wrong.

"Why are we broke?" My dad asks while refusing to trust or support any online retailer that isn't Amazon.