Ben Holt
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  • It is hard to express how I'm feeling.
    All I csn really say is that what I want to feel simply isn't there.
    Struggle within.
    Triggered again.
    Now the candle burns at both ends.
    Twisting under Schizophrenia.
    Falling deep into dementia.
    True story. One time, one of my coworkers got a text from her father calling her a (N-word) loving **** EDIT: sounds like slot.
    One of the managers and I were there to see it, and we reacted at the same time, but with totally different reactions.
    Manager: "He called you a ****?! EDIT: sounds like slot"
    Me: "He called your boyfriend a (N-word)?!"
    Ben Holt
    Ben Holt
    Strong Badam Strong Badam
    Please unban the word "slit" but with a u.
    Also, the b-word that slant rhymes with faster is benign compared to asshole and goddamn.
    2004: "I like Marilyn Manson."
    "Wow! You're so young and immature!"
    2020: "I like Marilyn Manson."
    "You're so old; that's Dad Music"
    If you drink Diet Dr. Pepper after eating raw onion slices and burp, it tastes like onion rings.
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    And when you eat chocolate after brushing your teeth, it tastes like chocolate mints.
    And when you gnash on the meat of a sacrificial goat and drink your blood from an ancient goblet, you become the messianic saviour of all those ranked below you
    I literally just told a reactionary a fact, that Transgenderism has been recognized by Psychologists since the 70s. He called Transgenderism (and homo/bisexuality) a mental disorder, and I listed a few ACTUAL mental disorders positively linked to political Conservatism.
    He then said, "You obviously watch CNN, and that's all I need to disregard you completely."
    First off, I DON'T watch the Capitalist News Network; I get my news mostly from various print outlets.
    But secondly, what the f*** is with reactionaries and CNN? It's no worse than any other corporate-owned TV network, but it's as if it's a mental shield to justify being proven wrong.
    "We believe in Science, which has proven the white race to be the most intelligent, but not the Science that says that Transgenderism is real. Those aren't real scientists; they're all SJWs paid by the Jews!"
    (Dear mods, this is not my real views; this is my mockery of reactionaries.)
    I like bears.
    Not large, hairy, homosexual men. I mean literal ursids. They're basically dogs that can kill you, but they're so fluffy and loyal.
    Proof that ALL Trump supporters are bigots:
    He has failed by every measurable metric except making life miserable for those he and his supporters deem inferior, yet they STILL support him and say he has been successful, because he succeeded where it matters: upholding white supremacy.
    I want my own custom ring with a winged demon skull with a golden cigar in its mouth, my "D" logo in red on its forehead, a functional butane lighter with the flame coming from the mouth, and a bottle opener on the back. And it'd be black, of course.
    That's the most Metal ring I can think of.
    In honor of the five Neo-Nazis that harassed me on Twitter (Not speculative; these were literal open Neo-Nazis that shared racist and anti-Semitic memes. One even had a Swastika as his banner.), here are a list of things I value more than the lives of all Nazis on Earth:
    Mosquitoes, belly button lint, my toenail clippings, broken guitar strings, used condoms, rusty nails, the food scraps that get stuck in the kitchen sink pipes, dirty diapers, my skin cells that get lost in the air when I scratch my nose, unflushed piss water, receipts from fast food restaurants, used tape, dead batteries, booger napkins, the completely unusable toilet paper you find in grocery store bathrooms, and the hair in my drain.
    Today has been much better than the last 4 days.
    Maybe it's because I actually started putting on cold sore medicine instead of just tolerating the pain.
    Cold sore medicine: Soothes cold sores AND depression!
    Just watched Mary and Max, and holy ****, I haven't cried that much during a movie since Plague Dogs!
    All people should see this. The parallels between post World War 1 Germany and the United States post-Nixon are striking. ANY concession to reactionaries is a concession toward genocide.
    Oz o:
    Oz o:
    Glad you made it through.
    Ben Holt
    Ben Holt
    The feelings of suicidality usually calm after a night of sleep, but they are unfortunately recurring.
    It may not be the most healthy thing, but I lurk in suicide forums, as traditional lifelines failed for me.
    The Suicide Hotline was the worst, as it gets interrupted every 20 seconds (literally, not exaggerating), and it's all NPC responses. About as helpful as Googling "how to not be sad".
    I think the unfortunate truth is that there is no effective help outside of [perfectly legal] drugs. The cure I seek, I feel, is having social bonds that I simply don't have.
    My mother was abusive. I only came out as pansexual (woke bi) to my father when my mother forced me to. My brother lives 40 minutes away. I'm not very close to my sisters. My extended family are very reactionary, so they make fun of my for my Asperger's, plus I never came out as pansexual to them. I can't hold jobs long enough to make any longterm relationships with coworkers. Money's fine, but I don't have many places to go but home and karaoke on Fridays. My travel anxiety keeps me from moving, plus my father is 80, so I don't want to abandon him. I'm very on-and-off with online friends. I got banned from Smogon over a trap they set for me (The Pokémon community is very toxic and reactionary. The higher ups didn't like me, so they found a way to get rid of me.). I got caught in a bad Discord group where a mod leaked my nudes without permission. And now I'm here. Lesley friend dumped me and basically told me that I was a failed social experiment. Hinata was also mean to me, but to a much lesser degree, but still very hurtful.
    I have decent relationships with Professor Pumpkaboo and Cyndane, and minor interactions with a few others.
    I don't mean to be so pessimistic, but I have already mentally prepared to be hated here too eventually. It's already started with an admin making fun of my Autism.
    Today I woke up, and I hate myself.
    Death doesn't answer when I cry for help.
    No high could save me from the depths of hell.
    I'll drown my mind until I'm someone else.

    Don't take care of me.
    Be scared of me.
    My misery owns me.

    I don't wanna be...
    My enemy.
    My misery owns me now.

    Under the graveyard, we're all rotting bones.
    Everything you are, can't take it when you go.
    To call BLM "political" is a tacit admission that there's a systemic injustice against black Americans, and to change that requires a change to the way the state governs.
    Wario Wario Wario
    Wario Wario Wario
    How people can claim "don't commit racist genocide" is a political statement is beyond me. That is the polar opposite of a political statement, it's just an objective right.
    Champion of Hyrule
    Champion of Hyrule
    If you’re opposing black lives matter, you’re not thinking “They’re getting too violent with protests” or “All lives matter”
    What youre saying is that black lives don’t matter
    Is it normal for a musician to listen to their own songs?
    I hum out tunes I wrote while showering, and I think they're pretty catchy.
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    I can’t speak for musicians, but there’s no problem I see in (quite literally) tooting your own horn-especially if it’s a catchy song.
    I told my co-workers that we should start striking until our demands are met.
    Why are they all outside with picket signs?
    I'm the only one that even brought a weapon to strike the boss with!
    Writing a new Metal song called "Drowning Machine".
    Once I found out what these were, I HAD to write a song about them. It's such a Metal sounding thing like "Iron Maiden" or "Head Crusher".
    As a degenerate sink salesman, I disapprove of this message (as any layman should)
    Ben Holt
    Ben Holt
    BonafideFella BonafideFella
    I was actually thinking about a sink recently. Do they make custom crafted sinks? I want a dragon spout that pours like a waterfall, wings for hot and cold controls, and a black stone bowl.
    Sorry, we only sell sinks or live dragons. Non~negotiable.
    I'm not completely against the idea of literally firing all police in America and replacing them all with newly trained officers under new standards.
    Not all at once, but the problem is so widespread that the entire police force must be cleansed and replaced.
    There aren't just a few bad apples. Quite frankly, there are only a few GOOD apples, and as unfair as it is to the "good cops", the purge must happen, and any of the few good cops can reapply under the new standards.
    I'm starting my own religion.
    Here's a verse: "Verily, I say unto you, for the kingdom of salvation has already brewed within my gut and is resting in my sphincter. All you have to do now, my child, is pull my finger!" 👈
    Geno, Dante, Rayman, Doom Slayer, Crash Bandicoot.
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    Ben Holt
    Ben Holt
    Geno is based on the fact that his Mii Costume is STILL missing.
    Though that also applies for Lloyd, I still believe that Heihachi is our next Bandai-Namco rep, and since he's out, every Bandai-Namco character is (except the remote possibility of a Ms. Pac-Man Echo Fighter)!
    Ben Holt
    Ben Holt
    Crash is my personal most wanted and based only on the fact that he'd be hype.
    Though I got Min Min and Byleth COMPLETELY wrong, I DID call Banjo for the first Fighter's Pass, and I think Crash is the next big hype character.
    I'll even go one further and predict a Coco Echo, given how much Activision is marketing Coco as the female alternative to Crash.
    Why does Min Min being playable have anything to do with assist trophies?If anything is correlated here, it’s that she broke the false spirit rule out of nowhere, so what’s stopping an assist trophy or mii costume from doing the same for their ‘rules’?
    I really want a Tama Bell Brass snare drum, but it costs $5,000.
    Why must the world's greatest drum be so elusive?
    Maybe Newt Gingrich was right when he wanted to make the Moon a United States territory.
    We need a place to deport all these morons saying the Covid is a hoax.
    C'mon gubment! Gimme my next stimulus check! The new gun I'm looking at is exactly $1200!
    SMALL Battlefield?!
    I thought this was a ****ing joke!
    But this does make me hopeful for more FreeLC, specifically Echo Fighters.
    Finally got my vinyl records displayed nicely, and I need MOAR!!!!
    Seriously, I just started a vinyl collection, and I only have 9 records.
    Ace of Spades by Motörhead and Walk Among Us by The Misfits are getting new pressings soon, so I intend to order those, but my favorite 90s and 2000s records are so hard to find (at a decent price). Iowa by Slipknot, Antichrist Superstar by Marilyn Manson and City of Evil by Avenged Sevenfold are eluding me at the moment.
    Ben Holt
    Ben Holt
    Update: Just got my copy of City of Evil backordered.
    Cool trailer idea for Bill Rizer:
    Regular footage of Mario alone on Battlefield.
    Mario is practicing a "combo" on Sandbag.
    He starts with 2 up-tilts, then two down tilts, left side-tilt, right side-tilt, left side-tilt, right side-tilt, Neutral B, then Jab.
    The game then pauses, revealing a military dude playing the game. The screen then reads, "Konami Code Activated!"
    The military dude is then sucked into the game where various characters attack him.
    After defeating them, "Bill Rizer Enters the Code!"
    Then gameplay montage.
    We're stuck with Biden, arguably the worst choice we had, with the exception of sub-human Bloomberg.
    But as the Left, we must vote him in to get rid of the Trump cancer, then we must be Biden's worst enemy and bombard him with Leftist legislation.
    Ben Holt
    Ben Holt
    S StoicPhantom
    Believe me. I've had this exact same thought process.
    I was Bernie or Bust quite literally until recently.
    My breaking point was when Trump THREATENED to send the military against protesters, and that was one step to Hitlery for me. Then he actually DID send troops to attack cities, and that simply is too much to let slide.
    Biden sucks eggs through a straw, but Trump in ONE TERM put immigrant kids in concentration camps, mishandled a pandemic, destroyed the economy (which was admittedly already a house of cards, but he made it even worse), and sent federal goons to attack, kidnap, and forcefully ID protesters.
    If you know history, that's the step just before killing off political opponents.
    I'll take Biden over that 1,000 out of 1,000 times.
    I'm not saying you should or shouldn't vote Biden. I'm saying don't expect anything good to happen or that he is "amenable to the left" like a lot of people are saying. You should at best expect business as usual which quite frankly won't really cut it in a collapsing country. Let's not forget that the only reason why Trump can even do those things is because previous administrations paved the way for him to do so, including Obama. And that the issues with the economy would have happened under Hillary as well because they are endemic to America.

    I personally think America is past the point of no return anyways, so I don't really care who you vote for.
    Ben Holt
    Ben Holt
    But Biden must fail too, else people learn the wrong message that only the orange man is bad.
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