Jaiden Animations just posted a video, and she mentioned that she plans on quitting YouTube one day (not anytime soon though). She wants to be able to live a life in some random small town and not have everyone know who she is. I'm not saying this is inherently a bad thing or anything, but... I could never do the same.
Jaiden is basically living my dream life. Whenever she posts a video, she has millions of views within hours. She has a massive group of friends, and gets to do wacky and exciting things all the time. And she's... excited to throw it away? Become a background character like the rest of us?
I live in a ****ty redneck town. I have lived here for all nineteen years of my life. I am terrified of living here for the rest of my life. I have been at an unfulfilling job, where most of my coworkers hate me, for almost two years. I am terrified of working there for much longer. I have done nothing meaningful in my life. I'm terrified of not leaving a mark on this planet. But all three of these are likely to pass. I don't know what it's like to live out of Bradford, PA. I'll probably get a slightly better job, but not anything that matters. And as for changing the world? Not happening. I'm not skilled enough to do it naturally, I have zero connections for nepotism, and the luck required would be astronomical. I'm irrelevant, and I will remain irrelevant. The idea of wanting to be irrelevant is sickening to me
I'm not telling Jaiden how to live her life. I get where she's coming from, the grass is always greener on the other side. I'm just... jealous. So ****ing jealous. That's the end of this depressed 3 am peridot rant.