I throw my logger's chain around the statue and hook it to my bumper
No cause for alarm, at least it isn't a fogalogger's chain!
Behold!
THE FURY OF THE EARTH IS UPON YE!
I am Gold Rush, Lord of Antonio Bay. It's been decades since I went into hiding in the forest, knowing that the town was too big to conquer. Now that it's just populated with a bunch of traitors and normal people, it's time to cut things down for good!
I give my PF to everybody in Antonio Bay
I don't care who succeeds, traitors or whatever. Believe me when I tell you that I'm well armed and can kill anybody and everybody I want to as easy as peezy. If you want someone dead, PM me or contact me on AIM (TheGoldRush00) so you can get your targets done with.
AND LET IT BE KNOWN, that anybody who dares to explore the forest is dead. Super Arf is more than can be handled, so don't make me unleash the cavalry of animal servants on ye. I've been kind enough to throw eggs at your faces, but next time you'll get a bullet if you step into the woods.
Remember, need someone killed, probed, stolen, or whatever, PM me and you're good to go. I'm a professional and you will never be found out.
And with that, I'm off!