Still the same around here eh?
Well for those wondering, yes, I was suspended out my house. I have till feb 4 to make a payment or I lose my partment for good. And I had no where else to go. So had to stay at a shelter. for days I went through hell. Had me room with a crazy person for a roommate. hade my bag stolen where my wallet was in there. So all my idenfication and w/e cash I had is gone. Hard to eat the food there so I go for a while without eating. Fainted a few times cause of it. Wether I was in the shelter or just out taking care of stuff to get work. NYC has some nice people that helped me out when I collasped.
before I got sent to the shelter, I refused to go. Got into a depressive state and told my director I am just go be in the streets and freeze to death. From there they resused to let me leave the building. They called EMS and they took me to the hospital. At first I was just gonna run out of there. But decided to comply. I have to end this depression one way or another. After that, I saw a few docks and let evrything out. I will be on treatment with depression meds and seeing a doc every week to talk to.
I will also be talking to more people. Friends family, w/e. After talking to the docs, I felt so good. and now I just wanna talk to people when I can. Helps so much. And so far I have been. I was so close to giving up after all that I went through in the shelter. But I kept saying to myself " got this, I aint gonna lose it here, this is all a test from god to see how strong I am, and if I survive this hell, I will be set free from it and a better life will comence" No food, nor energy, and I still went out each day running round the city, trying to get work and taking care of other things while carrying and walking in the snow with my bag of cloths.
I nailed me a job as a messanger yesterday. Just going out delivering boxes to places. Then returning to base, chill, then finish my shift. I bust my *** and was on top of people for that job. And I got it. I went back to my house and told the director. Now with what I owe, the first check won't cover it. Cause I get paid every 2 weeks. But my second paycheck can. So I told her I'll bring in a check when I get paid, then leave. Come back with my next check, then I can be back home.
She knows what I went through and busting my *** for all this. So she said, that I just bring my first check, and then we would talk from there. "A plan" as she called it. I think she might let me come back early with just that one check. So 2 weeks before I could be back home.
As of where I am now, my best friends home let me stay here till I can get back into my house. So for those worried cause I heard alot of people were (Not from here though, but just in case) I'm still breathing. Not all that strong with energy and all but I am recoverying.
I'm glad I got suspended. I even shook the directors and and thanked her for it. It gave me a wake up call. I should have got this call a while ago. I never ever wanna go through this again. Time for me to seriously be a man.
Also when I make it back in, I am gonna dump all my paycheccks in rent. All that rent I been paying for 2 years, I get it all back. And I use that to start me off when I get my official place. I been slacking off too much. Really cause of my depression and smash. So Unless I make a lil extra on the side from something else or get paied/help to go and enter tournies. This **** seriously has to be put on the side. pound 5 I can't go to it. Whobo, even though all I need is a darn plan ticket and everything else is free to me, I might have to drop too. I am gonna see if I can build up cash with my guitar. I done it before. And gotten beast. Then again, Whobo is around the time my date to move out comes (March 19) I'll see what happens there. But unless I get what I stated above, gonna have to put this **** on the side for now. I'll come back sometime in april with a better improved self and player on how to really do this with this character.
There was one thing that also gave me strength this hard week where I felt like dieing or giving up. And that was a Strong friend of mines. Who has gone through hard times. And still breath. She suffers from depression as well. And I promised her that I would do everything I can to help her. That means being strong for her too. I usually check up on her when I can and worry when I can't. Just to see how she is. I see she is doing fine, then that is all that matters. She has it rough atm? I talk to her till she feels better. Act witty and all to make her laugh and simle for the day.
So I could not die just yet. And all the help/services I will get with docs and friends will make sure I live till..**** that, forever!
Besides, I can't die yet. You damm kids would be hopless around here. Ha ha ha!! Damm kids better step you game up, cause when I come back into this, I'm gonna be a better top Peach that I was in my prime year (2009) And people are getting blown off the map. Time thtat I fiinished my goal as stated on the first page. 2011 is gonna be it. Let it be known.