First skit Incineroar.
*all of the Smash Bros. villains are at a party together (Bowser, Ganondorf, King Dedede, Meta Knight, Wario Wolf, Bowser Jr., Ridley, K. Rool, Dark Samus
Ganondorf: As the literal embodiment of evil in my world, I am truly curious, what makes you guys believe that you are truly worthy of the title, villain? *smirks
Bowser: Hahahaha, I have been antagonizing the Mushroom Kingdom for over 30 years, and countless times kidnapped Princess Peach. I have been close on a few occasions to becoming a god.
Bowser Jr.: Yeah what papa said, but I have only been at it for over 15 years unfortunately. I am often the one leading the charge for my daddy's plans.
King Dedede: I am real piece of work. I stole of the food in Dream Land, and constantly harass Kirby for no given reason.
Meta Knight: I was going to take over Dream Land and install an authoritarian dictatorship.
Wario: Waaaaa. I kicked Mario out of his home and put a bucket on his said.
Bowser Jr: Weeeeaaakk
Wario: Waaahahah. I also regularly steal and swindle from my employees who consider me a "friend". WAHAHAHA I just go on my quests to get richer.
Bowser Jr.: Jerky. But still weak compared to me and my papa.
Wolf: Heh, I can relate to Wario. I am a ruthless mercenary. Even willing to sell my services to a mad scientist who wanted to take over the universe.
*Ridley and K. Rool are laughing at this
K. Rool: They really think being selfish alone and simply having their pathetic rivals go on a journey, makes them "villains."
Ridley: Listen up. You are about to hear some big leagues stuff.
K. Rool: Like King Dedede, I stole all the food from my stupid dimwitted nemesis. But I always learned every time and made sure to kidnap him and his friends. If only I also got that beret wearing one? What's her name again? Daisy? Whatever she is not important, what is important is that unlike all of you simpletons and low class bullies, I actually stepped things up whenever I was defeated. When it became clear that kidnapping would not work, I determined I needed a final solution to the monkey menace. My BLAST-O-MATIC would not only have liquidated all Kongs, but would have completely destroyed their homeland.
Ridley: I will give K. Rool props for at least never being a buddy to his nemesis, however, have you (K. Rool) ever done anything that sticked? Like I don't know. Kill their parents?
*a few gasps in the room and mostly silence
Ridley: You see. I did not just kill them. I also ate their bodies and personally told Samus that their meat was good for repairing my wounds from my Space Pirate assault on her childhood home. I have done HUNDREDS of these kind of attacks over the years, and hear is the thing. I love to kill. I believe might is right, and few are mightier than me.
K. Rool: *crosses arms It is not my fault my franchise is only Rated E for Everyone.
Ridley: Maybe some day you will go up to E10+ like Mr. Evil Incarnate over there (Ganondorf).
*
Dark Samus: Ridley and Ganondorf are the only two that could be considered "evil" by objective standard. However, it is one thing to kill. Cause destruction. Create suffering. Its another thing entirely when you
twist the knife. In another life, I singlehandedly warped and destroyed an entire planet's ecosystem. I mutated most of the life into violent monsters through spreading phazon. My wrath was so total, I even made the dead restless (Chozo Ghosts). When I gained...
this form. I was angry. I hated what I had become. I most of all
hated who made me what I am. But I was hungry. I hungered for phazon. For a while I was just an animal only concerned where my next meal was going to be while seeking to punish my nemesis any way I could. But all this time I was plotting. I knew I was destined for more. Not just an animal. No. Not a just sapient being. No. A GOD! I would take what I did to Tallon IV and do it to the whole universe! Every creature, conscious and unconscious would bend itself to my will. I first brainwashed a band of Pirates, and punished those who questioned me with death. Once I found the source of all Phazon, I began my scheme not only to become the god of my universe, but also to extract the most cruel and poetic of revenge upon my nemesis. Once I had finished brainwashing an entire sapient race to do my bidding (the Space Pirates), I used them to begin my warpath to conquest. I personally lead the assault on the GFS Valhalla and personally ordered the Space Pirates to throw any survivors into the vacuum of space. They had a most painful death. A stark warning for those who would ever dare to oppose me, I then launched living intergalactic missiles at four worlds. Urtragha (the Pirate Homeworld), Elysia, Bryyo, and Norion. I personally lead the attack on the last one with Ridley as a fellow field commander.
Ridley: *smirks I remember that well
Dark Samus: My attacks on Urtragha, Elysia, and Bryyo were successful. However, Norion failed... Or did it? It took the combined efforts of Samus Aran and the best bounty hunters in the galaxy to thwart the Leviathan assault on Norion. But not without a price. I personally embedded a seed of phazon corruption within all of them. From there, began my personal revenge on Aran. Her comrades fell swiftly to my will, but Aran.... is a different breed. Her will is legendary. I expected as such. Even if she would not fall to my will, I would make her suffer along the way. One by one she killed her comrades. Each death inflicting a mental and spiritual scar that will never fade. Their deaths by her hand, and watching their last moments in writhing agony. However, my design did not end there. No. I planned for her to suffer the same fate as she had imbued onto me. She would eventually become me, just as I had become myself. From there, she would become my slave. No... far worse. She would have a mouth, but be unable to scream. I would leave her inner conscious alive and seeing... and make her existence a living hell. She would scream in torment internally and eternally as I would use her body commit innumerable atrocities by my command. I had hundreds of worlds marked for phazon corruption and my aurora unit was making the final calculations to send them all at once to overwhelm the Federation army, and kills billions upon billions of sapient beings to re-shape the entire universe in my image through phazon mutation and corruption. I made no mistakes. Aran's will was simply too strong, but had the battle lasted a bit longer on Phaaze I would have won, and won for all time.
*Ganondorf claps
*Ridley wipes away a tear away from his eye
*everyone is silent and in awe
Wolf: So uh. How much is the pay?
*a chuckling in the corner is heard
Incineroar: Child's play. But that last one spun a good yarn I will give her, it, whatever that.
*the whole room laughs at Incineroar
Ganondorf: Oooooh a Pokemon with a flaming belt.
K. Rool: So what did you do kitty cat? Poop outside the litter box? Scratch up all of your trainer's furniture. Hairball all over every carpet?
*room laughs even harder at Incineroar
*Incineroar just smirks
Incineroar: Dreams... those things.... they are the conception of reality.
*looks at his oversized paw and clenches his fist.
Incineroar: Anything that ever happens. Begins with a thought... a dream. You crush a dream. You do more than hurt someone. You hurt
EXISTENCE itself.
*starts pacing
Incineroar: As a wrestling heel, I relish in being hated. DESPISED. The boos and hisses of the audience empower me. Their tears quench my thirst. I can never get enough. So I figured who lives entirely by dreams. Who does nothing but dream? Why.... manchildren. Sad pathetic creatures. Their entire existence consumed by the media they enjoy and entertainment they consume. All day they argue. They spit. They rave about their pitiful cartoons, shows, movies, and video games.
*Incineroar raises his fist in the air
Incineroar: I made it
MY DREAM to crush, annihilate, pulverize, obliterate, and completely and utterly destroy the dreams of manchildren. I love reading their anger. Their impotent vitriol. Nothing is a sweeter sonnet to my ears than to watch these wretched creatures gnash and whine. Of all the franchises that these people cherish, none is more important to them than Smash Bros. Why... they spend YEARS simply babbling about a game that has not even been announced yet. They pin their hopes on particular beings making it in, and depending on how likely or unlikely it appears their prospects, it could either raise them into elysium or plunge them into hades.
*wraps arm around K. Rool
Incineroar: So this mean ol' kitty cat took it upon himself to do just that.,, You see. Aside from being pathetic, manchildren also believe what they want to believe especially when it something that makes them feel good. And nothing makes feel better than their little character of choice getting into Smash Bros.
Incineroar:
You're a mean one.... Mr. Heel *Incineroar chuckles
Wolf: You were the one.... you were the one behind that Grinch leak..
*points to self
Incineroar: I have all the tender sweetness of a seasick Feraligatr. As you know a little money can go a long way. I payed the finest art designers and a professional company to make that banner. I took attention to the closest of details. Ken's flaming shoryken. Mach Rider's gun (the gun that looked similar to the one that Sakurai used for Ultimate for an unknown character). Isaac's vines. It had to be real because no one could think to use those things. Or so those babies told themselves. But when you have professional artists pay to do something anything is... possible.
*The whole room gasps
Incineroar: I broke the dreams of millions upon millions of fanboys. And I relished in every second of it.
King Dedede: You know, I have been an ally to Kirby just as much as I have been an antagonist. I do not belong here.
*King Dedede leaves
Bowser: Yeah, I helped out Mario a few times too.
*Bowser leaves
Bowser Jr.: Wahh. I am just a kid, I just do what my papa tells me to do like a good son.
*Bowser Jr. leaves
Meta Knight: I only did one act of villainy. After that, I have always been honorable.
*Meta Knight leaves
Wolf: I am a mercenary not a villain.
*Wolf leaves
Wario: *farts Heh heh. Excuse me
*Wario leaves
*Ganondorf, Ridley, K. Rool, and Dark Samus are all that is left.
*both of K. Rool's eyes are now bloodshot and bugging out
*Ridley and Ganondorf look awkward and nervous
*Dark Samus is in a corner sobbing that she is no longer the most villainous character on the roster
Incineroar: All will be brought to
heel. *points to self and smirks
