Should You Forgive Your Friend?

[Miggz]

Ok so this thread is for anyone who is having problems with a friend. Even if you are the friend being ignored by another...share your story here.

As for me, I am currently having a problem with one particular close friend of mine. Ok so we were at my house yesterday having lunch and he was telling me about this girl he randomly gave his number to. She also added him on Facebook out of nowhere. Anyway, he asked me for my input. So I asked him questions like "do you know here last name?" "Do you know what school she went to?" "What was her past relationships like," you know questions like that. He said that he only spoke with her for like 5 minutes and he had no idea about her. He did she was cute and that he was considering having a little "fun" with her.

I told him he's dumb for even considering that. I never understood how guys simply jump into things like this, without knowing any kind of background about this girl. I basically explained to him that I think it's wrong, and not exactly the smartest thing to do. Now keep in mind this was only my opinion. I didn't care if he argued/disagreed with me. Its just that me personally, I'd prefer to get to know the girl before jumping into the intimate side. To my shock he goes on for about 10-15 minutes actually supporting my point. In a nutshell, he was saying I was right.

So then his phone rings and its one of his ace boys. I didn't know who this guy was, but he switched right up. My friend's speech changed, and body language changed. This wasn't a problem, because I understand we all act a little differently around certain people. But here is where things get heated. It caught my ear but he started saying stuff like "oh yeah I'm a get at this chick, see what she's like. I'm a show her a good time." The conversation was for about 10 minutes. This is where I got kind of irritated. Ten minutes before the call he was telling me how he believed in waiting for the right one and guys shouldn't treat girls like meat.He sounded so convincing sincere about his words. Then he totally says the opposite when talking with this dude, and he meant every word. I know he did. Also, the guy on the phone told my friend this girl has been around the block a few times, and he's still considering having a little "fun" with her. So stupid.

Here's my overall point, I don't care if your speech or body language changes from crowd to crowd. But in my eyes, the one thing that should remain the same, regardless of where you are, is your believes. How could my friend be so hypocritical? So I told him that I can't take him serious anymore, because your words are just that...words. What's the point in giving advice or sharing a opinion with someone, who will appear to appreciate it in your face, but turn around an do the opposite with other friends? Right now he's really upset that I feel this way.

Should I forgive him or is he not worth it? I really want to forgive him...I really do. But how do I know he is sincere?! Gah!

 

[Vecayse]

I'm not sure if you should forgive your friend, but I too hate hypocracy. I have a friend who's like that, acts different in front of people. He'll tell you one thing and go against that thing with someone else just to fit in. TBH I stopped talking to him much I haven't seen him for a long time. For me it just wasn't worth it, hanging out with a guy like that. But then again my friend was also two faced, which I really hate.

 

[Masmasher@]

Its weird... this situation. Your in the circle but you out of the loop. This is really between himself and the girl. Does he have a habit of acting like this.. If so then you need to leave him on his own for a bit. Let him take the initiative to figure out why you so upset.
I had a friend like that. He would act one way around me but then when he would act a different way around his other friends. It even got to the point where me and his other "friends" met and he tried to clown me in front of them. I just started to hang out with him less and less.
Thats just being fake. Ive been guilty of acting in a hiprocritical way depending on who i hang out with. Sometimes they arent even aware of what they are doing. Calling him out on it to me would be akward but then again it depends on how tough you skin is..
Hopefully you relationship is stronger then this dispute. But it does need to be adreesed.

 

[Red Exodus]

I went through the same thing and I just phased him out. I'm not going to go out of my way to make him look or feel bad but I'm not going to put up with the hypocrisy either.

 

[Mota]

Guys tend to act diffrently around certain group of friends. With one group I can act all goofy & geeky and then I'm suddenly all serious and "macho" with another.
For me, it was about my staus,power and standing.

You being a close friend, meant that he could be more open and honest with you without fear of being taunted at for not choosing "having a little "fun" with her".
The guy on the phone could have been a new friend that he wanted to impress, possibly because that's how he's perceived or expected to act in that particular group, and to act diffrently from the others could mean losing poistion and status.

Forgive him, you shouldn't lose a friend over this. Sounds like he wasn't thinking right and cracking under peer pressure and role expectations.

 

[Mazaloth]

Ok so this thread is for anyone who is having problems with a friend. Even if you are the friend being ignored by another...share your story here.

As for me, I am currently having a problem with one particular close friend of mine. Ok so we were at my house yesterday having lunch and he was telling me about this girl he randomly gave his number to. She also added him on Facebook out of nowhere. Anyway, he asked me for my input. So I asked him questions like "do you know here last name?" "Do you know what school she went to?" "What was her past relationships like," you know questions like that. He said that he only spoke with her for like 5 minutes and he had no idea about her. He did she was cute and that he was considering having a little "fun" with her.

I told him he's dumb for even considering that. I never understood how guys simply jump into things like this, without knowing any kind of background about this girl. I basically explained to him that I think it's wrong, and not exactly the smartest thing to do. Now keep in mind this was only my opinion. I didn't care if he argued/disagreed with me. Its just that me personally, I'd prefer to get to know the girl before jumping into the intimate side. To my shock he goes on for about 10-15 minutes actually supporting my point. In a nutshell, he was saying I was right.

So then his phone rings and its one of his ace boys. I didn't know who this guy was, but he switched right up. My friend's speech changed, and body language changed. This wasn't a problem, because I understand we all act a little differently around certain people. But here is where things get heated. It caught my ear but he started saying stuff like "oh yeah I'm a get at this chick, see what she's like. I'm a show her a good time." The conversation was for about 10 minutes. This is where I got kind of irritated. Ten minutes before the call he was telling me how he believed in waiting for the right one and guys shouldn't treat girls like meat.He sounded so convincing sincere about his words. Then he totally says the opposite when talking with this dude, and he meant every word. I know he did. Also, the guy on the phone told my friend this girl has been around the block a few times, and he's still considering having a little "fun" with her. So stupid.

Here's my overall point, I don't care if your speech or body language changes from crowd to crowd. But in my eyes, the one thing that should remain the same, regardless of where you are, is your believes. How could my friend be so hypocritical? So I told him that I can't take him serious anymore, because your words are just that...words. What's the point in giving advice or sharing a opinion with someone, who will appear to appreciate it in your face, but turn around an do the opposite with other friends? Right now he's really upset that I feel this way.

Should I forgive him or is he not worth it? I really want to forgive him...I really do. But how do I know he is sincere?! Gah!

I understand your positioning.
First off, your friend is dehumanizing the girl, but it seems that the girl is ok with that.
Personally, I think that any person who acts like this are idiots. And yes, a persons morality should remain reguardless of social groups, though, studies find this hard to do.

Really, you should take about it over with your friend. State your position, and why.
If this continues to happen [That your friend becomes hypocritical] then I would say it isn't worth to keep being friends. But you have to give him a chance.

 

[GoldShadow]

I think you're making a big deal out of something that isn't an issue and could have any of a thousand explanations behind it. Did you even ask him about the discrepancy in his speech?

 

[†Slader7†]

If he's really your close friend, I say give him another chance. However, now you know his true nature and should be cautious of what he has to say.

 

[joeplicate]

don't be a c0ckblock!!!
way to keep a brotha down!

Spoiler

jk ;D

 

[Peeze]

This reminds me of the time me and a friend split a footlong at subway but he cut his end like an inch longer. i know he did it on purpose!
I haven't talked to him since.

 

[GALE 14]

i think i'll try to forgive him

 

[Cashed]

I think you're making a big deal out of something that isn't an issue

I agree.

He obviously thinks the girl is bangable and would like to run that course with her. It's perfectly fine you think that's wrong, but it's nothing to hold against him, especially if you don't know the girl. There's nothing wrong with getting a little action.

 

[Fuelbi]

Depends what the person did. If hes annoying as **** like someone I used to know and does something bad I say never forgive him and end the friendship. If it is someone who is mean to you on a daily basis, like again someone I know, then dont forgive them and end the friendship. If someone says that suddenly they hate you because they are tired of you (yes again I know that person) then end that friendship. If it is over a simple fight just work it out

 

[Infinite Emerald]

Cashed you are sick, he just met the girl and only talked to her for about 5 minutes. Do what you think is right, and if your friend does do that, then he will live with it the rest of his life, and you won't. But I have to say you made the right choice.

 

[Cashed]

Cashed you are sick, he just met the girl and only talked to her for about 5 minutes.

I fail to see your point.

 

[JPOBS]

yea i dont really see the problem with him wanting to do this chick, or why you would need to have a problem with him for it.

i understand that his hypocrisy is the main issue, but him wanting to screw some girl really shouldnt be that big of a deal to begin with.

 

[Omnicron's Baklava Enterprises]

I, for one, hardly ever forgive anyone. Yet my friends never betray/irritate me anyway.

Personally, I believe that you should talk things over with him and tell him to get to know the girl better. Tell him not to jump to conclusions and end up dating the girl so suddenly. Maybe even you could get to know the girl as well, and then both of your lives can go on.
Do not view him as an enemy or a traitor, but as a neutral being for now. You might even want to reason with him and say not to be two-faced.
Yet, I surmise that many teenagers are as such; usually trying to speed everything up in life and get it over with. They think that they love a male/female, and suddenly, after a certain amount of time, they are either cheated on or leave their fake 'love'.

He may have turned into a hypocrite so quickly due to the fact that he was confused; put between pressure of his friend, you, and his other friend, the person on the phone, over a matter of a potential girlfriend.

 

[Cashed]

Doesn't sound like he's very confused at all. Doesn't sound like he's looking to date her, either. Sounds like he just wants to get laid. Which is perfectly fine.

 

[StinkomanFan]

Remember "Bros before Hoes"

 

[1048576]

Ok so this thread is for anyone who is having problems with a friend. Even if you are the friend being ignored by another...share your story here.

As for me, I am currently having a problem with one particular close friend of mine. Ok so we were at my house yesterday having lunch and he was telling me about this girl he randomly gave his number to. She also added him on Facebook out of nowhere. Anyway, he asked me for my input. So I asked him questions like "do you know here last name?" "Do you know what school she went to?" "What was her past relationships like," you know questions like that. He said that he only spoke with her for like 5 minutes and he had no idea about her. He did she was cute and that he was considering having a little "fun" with her.

I told him he's dumb for even considering that. I never understood how guys simply jump into things like this, without knowing any kind of background about this girl. I basically explained to him that I think it's wrong, and not exactly the smartest thing to do. Now keep in mind this was only my opinion. I didn't care if he argued/disagreed with me. Its just that me personally, I'd prefer to get to know the girl before jumping into the intimate side. To my shock he goes on for about 10-15 minutes actually supporting my point. In a nutshell, he was saying I was right.

So then his phone rings and its one of his ace boys. I didn't know who this guy was, but he switched right up. My friend's speech changed, and body language changed. This wasn't a problem, because I understand we all act a little differently around certain people. But here is where things get heated. It caught my ear but he started saying stuff like "oh yeah I'm a get at this chick, see what she's like. I'm a show her a good time." The conversation was for about 10 minutes. This is where I got kind of irritated. Ten minutes before the call he was telling me how he believed in waiting for the right one and guys shouldn't treat girls like meat.He sounded so convincing sincere about his words. Then he totally says the opposite when talking with this dude, and he meant every word. I know he did. Also, the guy on the phone told my friend this girl has been around the block a few times, and he's still considering having a little "fun" with her. So stupid.

Here's my overall point, I don't care if your speech or body language changes from crowd to crowd. But in my eyes, the one thing that should remain the same, regardless of where you are, is your believes. How could my friend be so hypocritical? So I told him that I can't take him serious anymore, because your words are just that...words. What's the point in giving advice or sharing a opinion with someone, who will appear to appreciate it in your face, but turn around an do the opposite with other friends? Right now he's really upset that I feel this way.

Should I forgive him or is he not worth it? I really want to forgive him...I really do. But how do I know he is sincere?! Gah!

You're just jealous because your friend is a better liar than you are a judge of character. Since you obviously have poor social skills and your friend has a propensity for being phony, I guess your relationship will remain superficial. If you're cool with having an aquantance instead of someone you can confess stuff to and mooch favors from, then stay friends. If not, then it's time to find someone who either won't lie, or isn't as good at it.

 

[Omnicron's Baklava Enterprises]

(At 1048576, you sound unusually like that Straked person.)

If he is simply wanting to get intimate with her, I would call him a complete imbecile for wanting to do that so suddenly. One does not get intimate with a person without knowing them first, in my opinion.

He may still be confused, for doing it with someone he hardly knows may be challenging for him, with all of the potential consequences, or maybe a 'law of unintended consequences', may take place, especially in these situations.

 

[GoldShadow]

(At 1048576, you sound unusually like that Straked person.)

If he is simply wanting to get intimate with her, I would call him a complete imbecile for wanting to do that so suddenly. One does not get intimate with a person without knowing them first, in my opinion.

He may still be confused, for doing it with someone he hardly knows may be challenging for him, with all of the potential consequences, or maybe a 'law of unintended consequences', may take place, especially in these situations.

I see your location is Oman. I'll attribute your opinion to cultural misunderstanding.

 

[Omnicron's Baklava Enterprises]

I see your location is Oman. I'll attribute your opinion to cultural misunderstanding.

...Excuse me?

What, is there some sick culture such as that in America?

Prostitutes or something?

 

[GoldShadow]

I rest my case.

 

[Cashed]

While you do that I'm going to go get intimate with some people I don't know very well AW YEA

 

[Mini Mic]

Time for a sexy party!

 

[Omnicron's Baklava Enterprises]

Ahehehe...
You sick, sick people. Sexual behaviour is disgusting nowadays.

Humans are an extremely flawed species, are we not?

 

[Cashed]

If this is being flawed, I don't want to be anything else.

 

[Mini Mic]

What is an is not morally acceptable is subjective. Let's not railroad the thread any more than we already have please.

 

[Hive Mind]

I suggest you take him off the hormones

 

[condemned_soul]

well it depends on how long have you known the guy. if he has a history for talking lke that and will do it again, I would say i dont know because he might do it again. no ones perfect but people can only take some much. apologies or not depends on how much you are willing to put up with

 

[JUDGE]

^that is exactly what i think lol