What sober person goes around random peoples house breaking their pottery.
He's laughing all the way to the bank.
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The Place Called Telma's Bar
by Rizen
(to the tune of 'House of the Rising Sun', Zelda's point of view)
There is a place in Hyrule town,
they call it Telma's bar
and it's been the ruin of many a poor boy
at least I've know one so far.
My mother was a tailor,
when she was not a queen.
My sweetheart was a gamblin' man,
Of chests he'd pick one of three.
Now the only thing a gambler needs
is a giant's wallet and a trunk.
And the only time he's satisfied
is when he's (curiously) milk-drunk.
He'd fill empty bottles to the brim
and pass rupees around.
And the only pleasure he gets outta life
is rolling 'round castle town.
Go tell your little fairies,
to know when's too far.
Don't get involved with rugged guys
who drink at Telma's bar.
Now I've one foot down the stairwell,
and my heart down in pain
I'm going to see if he's talkin' 'bout
his real or metaphoric ball and chain.
I'm going to Hyrule Castle Town.
My ride is almost done.
The tower's shadow's fallin' on me
beneath the Hyrule sun.
There is a place in Hyrule town,
they call it Telma's bar
and it's been the ruin of many a poor boy
at least I've know one so far.