I present a fighting game that takes the entire Mortal Kombat generation and turns it into a Smash-level crossover event. I call it:
Bloodbath of the Dark Realms
Now, let's go over the starting roster:
Scorpion (Mortal Kombat) - The poster child for all harmful fighting games, and the reason why the ESRB was founded. There's no way he's NOT on this roster.
Sub-Zero (MK) - Wherever Scorpion goes, Sub-Zero follows him. It's the simple truth.
Fulgore (Killer Instinct) - Next to Mortal Kombat, the biggest name in "fighting games with bloodshed" has to be Killer Instinct. As such, a large portion of the non-MK fighters will come from this series.
Sauron (Primal Rage) - Being a video game where you fight dinosaurs as a dinosaur, it's no surprise that Primal Rage nearly got a sequel. That's going to be a theme, where getting a sequel means two characters in this game by default.
Blade (Eternal Champions) - I'm going to be real with you. These five characters, Blade included, will be on the game's cover art and posters. Like there was any other way to grab attention.
Johnny Cage (MK) - It's about time we got another Mortal Kombat character in here, and Johnny Cage seems like the best pick.
Jago (KI) - Yes, I'm putting Jago below Fulgore on the Killer Instinct totem pole. Everyone else does.
Raiden (MK) - In case it's not obvious by now, Mortal Kombat is going to flood this roster like the elevators in The Shining. If you have a problem with that, this game can serve as an introduction to the other franchises.
Blizzard (PR) - Technically, Warner Bros. owns Primal Rage. They also own Mortal Kombat. This is why it's easy to get a second representative.
Black Orchid (KI) - We should have a female fighter in the starting roster, just in case bad word of mouth is still an issue.
Jetta (EC) - I did say that getting a sequel means you get two characters automatically, and this applies to Eternal Champions.
Sonya Blade (MK) - Sonya and Black Orchid would take the "enemies to friends" approach throughout this game. The ball's in your court, shippers.
After giving additional reps to all the franchises, let's tackle the unlockables. Pretend the roster continues at #13:
- Crimson Glory (Way of the Warrior) - Surprised to see this game get a fighter? Don't be. The pool of speculation for this particular game is surprisingly niche.
- Jax (MK) - Yep, it ain't just the first installments that are getting nods over here.
- Sabrewulf (KI) - Killer Instinct might not have much general appeal, but they did have style.
- Trident (EC) - I fully admit to being biased to this choice.
- Mileena (MK) - Most of the obscure picks go to the MK clones. I thought we'd know this by now.
- Talon (PR) - Talon is the final Primal Rage character for this base roster.
- Habaki (Kasumi Ninja) - Need I say more?
- Rancid (Time Killers) - I figured that we need more modern-day killers to offset the three dinosaurs we have.
- Cassie Cage (MK) - I figure that those that have survived the 2000s should get more recent combatants. Unfortunately, only Mortal Kombat and Killer Instinct have this distinction. As for our new Killer Instinct rep?
- Hisako (KI) - A fan favorite as far as I know.
Because every fighter needs post-game content, here's a few seasons of DLC.
DLC Pack #1:
- Raiden (Mortal Kombat) - A character that missed the boat due to this not being a straight-up Mortal Kombat entry.
- Spinal (Killer Instinct) - This talking skeleton very nearly was an unlockable, and if it was purely up to me, he'd be in over Hisako.
- Dawson (Eternal Champions) - It's about time the Eternal Champions sequel got a fighter in here.
- Fallout (BloodStorm) - Here comes a new universe!
- Kull (Way of the Warrior) - Hear me out on this one, because if it wasn't for Universal wanting to back this game, we wouldn't have gotten Crash Bandicoot.
DLC Pack #2:
- Liu Kang (MK) - The supposed protagonist of Mortal Kombat finally makes his debut. Goes to show how famous Scorpion has become, doesn't it?
- Maya (KI) - We have Killer Instinct and its reboot covered. Let's tackle the Gold edition.
- A.C. Current (Tattoo Assassins) - By this stage, we've clearly ran out of Netherrealm wannabes to milk from.
- Midknight (EC) - I mainly put him in here for his backstory.
- Vertigo (PR) - What? I said Talon would be the final character from Primal Rage in the base roster. I didn't say that would be it.
Honorable mentions go to the following:
Mortal Kombat: Kano, Goro, Reptile, Shang Tsung, Baraka, Jade, Kitana, Noob Saibot, Shao Kahn, Khameleon, Nightwolf, Sheeva, Sindel, Meat, Mokap, Kronika
Killer Instinct: Cinder, Black Thunder, Eyedol, Gargos, Riptor, T.J. Combo, Glacius, ARIA, Kim Wu
Primal Rage: Diablo, Chaos, Necrosan, Armadon, Arik
Eternal Champions: Larcen, R.A.X., Xavier, Riptide, Hooter
Way of the Warrior: Major Gaines, Konotori, Malcolm Fox
Kasumi Ninja: Senzo, Gyaku, Angus MacGregor, Thundra
Time Killers: Orion, Thugg, Mantazz, Death
BloodStorm: Hellhound, Razor, Tempest, Tremor
Tattoo Assassins: Billy Two Moons, Derek O'Toole
Plus characters from
Bio F.R.E.A.K.S., Cosmic Carnage, and
Mace: The Dark Age.
You may be wondering if this is it. If you know modern Mortal Kombat, and if you bought all the DLC for Killer Instinct, you know there has to be guest characters. Unfortunately, I'm only going for video game characters on this one, so no DC villains or horror movie slashers here.
DLC Pack #3: The Gruesome Guests
- George (Rampage) - Obviously sized down for this game, a character from Rampage makes sense to me.
- Conker (Conker's Bad Fur Day) - I wanted to give Killer Instinct a new guest character to represent their universe. I wanted to have The Dark Queen from Battletoads enter the fray, but then I remembered how fraught with chaos CBFD was.
- Baby Bonnie Hood (Darkstalkers) - Yes, I'm adding Darkstalkers to this universe. No, it's none of the mainstays you'd expect.
- CJ (Grand Theft Auto) - We already have Mortal Kombat headlining this crossover, so let's just drop the other shoe and get GTA in the lineup.
- Duke Nukem - Our final fighter is one that is cut from the same cloth as Doomguy and BJ Blaskowitz, but I didn't want to choose either of those two because they'd be obvious finale picks. That, and we already have Conker as our Microsoft guest by now.
I await your replies, ladies and gentlemen.