Girls/Guys/Relationships

[Cobalt]

I can perhaps offer some insight myself, being a guy and all.

If this is a periodic, rather than a continuous thing (meaning it happens every once in a while, but it's not like this all the time), then there may be problems your boyfriend is experiencing elsewhere, perhaps with family or something. Now I can't speak for him, of course, but if he's going into a melancholic depressed state every once in a while, there's a chance that it's related to problems in his life.

I sort of do the same thing whenever something bad happens, but not to that extent. I just become more reserved and keep to myself until I feel better.

Anyway, you should ask him why this keeps happening, definitely. Also, I'd avoid beating around the bush, instead asking directly "I've noticed that you haven't been very affectionate at all at times; what's wrong?" or something to that effect. That should give you a few answers. And if he says that he doesn't want to trouble you with his problems, or tries to avoid it, just remind him that you're there for him, and willing to help him with anything.

If that were me, that would get me to open up for sure.

 

[Nicolette]

Anyway, you should ask him why this keeps happening, definitely. Also, I'd avoid beating around the bush, instead asking directly "I've noticed that you haven't been very affectionate at all at times; what's wrong?" or something to that effect. That should give you a few answers. And if he says that he doesn't want to trouble you with his problems, or tries to avoid it, just remind him that you're there for him, and willing to help him with anything.

If that were me, that would get me to open up for sure.

Great advice, thank you. Hopefully it'll work Thanks x

 

[Del Money]

Let me share my story!

I am totally and utterly in love with my boyfriend and most of the time he is totally devoted to me too.

However, there are times when he is totally off with me. He won't talk to me at all or show me any affection (even when we're alone). It's quite frustrating. He assures me he still loves me and he's sorry whenever I confront him but it happens again and again.

I know it's not really a question but any advice you can give me? I've shed many tears over this (rediculous I know). Maybe he really doesn't love me any more but I'm scared of being on my own.

Thanks xx

Have you tried checking to make sure the problem isn't you? (I didn't mean that in a mean way, btw.)

One of my girlfriends from like two yeas ago seemed to get moody or just act completely different at times for no reason that I could possibly figure out. Whenever that happens, I always feel obligated to make sure it's not something I did/didn't do that I wasn't even aware they weren't happy with. I know I can be like that myself. If a girl does something that I'm not happy with, I normally try to let them figure out what they did/didn't do rather than outright complain in their face. It's usually not the best way to approach a conflict by bottling stuff up, but I absolutely hate going off on someone I love. It has it's pro and cons, I know.

Anyways, if you notice it happening again its best to be as supportive towards him as possible. That way, he'll hopefully feel more comfortable tell you whatever is on his mind that is causing his reactions.

Ewww....I feel like Dr. Phil...

 

[Nicolette]

Have you tried checking to make sure the problem isn't you? (I didn't mean that in a mean way, btw.)

One of my girlfriends from like two yeas ago seemed to get moody or just act completely different at times for no reason that I could possibly figure out. Whenever that happens, I always feel obligated to make sure it's not something I did/didn't do that I wasn't even aware they weren't happy with. I know I can be like that myself. If a girl does something that I'm not happy with, I normally try to let them figure out what they did/didn't do rather than outright complain in their face. It's usually not the best way to approach a conflict by bottling stuff up, but I absolutely hate going off on someone I love. It has it's pro and cons, I know.

Anyways, if you notice it happening again its best to be as supportive towards him as possible. That way, he'll hopefully feel more comfortable tell you whatever is on his mind that is causing his reactions.

Ewww....I feel like Dr. Phil...

Yeah, everytime he's like that I ask if I've done anything wrong and apologize but he always says no. If I ever do anything which upsets or annoys him he'll tell me straight out.

I try to be a good girlfriend and the thought that it could be me that's making act like that is quite sickening

 

[Del Money]

Yeah, everytime he's like that I ask if I've done anything wrong and apologize but he always says no. If I ever do anything which upsets or annoys him he'll tell me straight out.

I try to be a good girlfriend and the thought that it could be me that's making act like that is quite sickening

In that case, it's more than likely an issue he's not comfortable sharing with you or is afraid to share with you because he'd rather not have you worry. The problem is that you're worrying right now. Many things can cause a reaction like that...problems at home, feeling inadequate, stress from work/school, tired...there's many things. So long as your positive it's not an issue with you, I'd say your best bet would be to continue to be supportive and give it time. Because truly in the best relationships, nothing stays hidden for too long...

I really hope that helps.


Ewww...now I feel like Oprah...

 

[Nicolette]

In that case, it's more than likely an issue he's not comfortable sharing with you or is afraid to share with you because he'd rather not have you worry. The problem is that you're worrying right now. Many things can cause a reaction like that...problems at home, feeling inadequate, stress from work/school, tired...there's many things. So long as your positive it's not an issue with you, I'd say your best bet would be to continue to be supportive and give it time. Because truly in the best relationships, nothing stays hidden for too long...

I really hope that helps.

Hopefully that's true. By the sounds of it I need to make sure he knows I'll be there for him but also leave off a bit and let him work it out in his own time or until he confides in me for help.

Sounds like a plan, I guess. Thank you very much xx

Ewww....I feel like Dr. Phil...

Ewww...now I feel like Oprah...

Like, lol.

 

[Crystallion]

Sorry if I have yet to vent again (I think it's for the better, but what do I know?)

I know some of you already gave me the best advice one can do in my situation (if you wanna know, just read a few pages back), and I really appreciate that.

But it's really frustrating. I know crying about it will not make time go faster until my bf gets back from England, but...I don't know. Sometimes, I feel totally carefree as if I had never met him. Not really, but like I always lived, meaning without him. Of course, I think of him, but I'm not sad and I'm happy time goes so fast. But on the other hand, my sadness just suddenly bursts out, just like that, without warning (or at least, most of the time it does). This is because I miss him so much...

I try to think positively, but what makes this a lot more difficult for me is that I never missed a person like this in my whole life, so these mixed feelings are completely new to me.


I really don't want to sound like a drama queen, and the purpose of this post is more like letting stuff out than asking for advice. So please carry on. If you want to reply to this, then you are free to do so. Otherwise, I'm glad I could write it down.

 

[TheOfficialSonicFanboy]

Sorry if I have yet to vent again (I think it's for the better, but what do I know?)

I know some of you already gave me the best advice one can do in my situation (if you wanna know, just read a few pages back), and I really appreciate that.

But it's really frustrating. I know crying about it will not make time go faster until my bf gets back from England, but...I don't know. Sometimes, I feel totally carefree as if I had never met him. Not really, but like I always lived, meaning without him. Of course, I think of him, but I'm not sad and I'm happy time goes so fast. But on the other hand, my sadness just suddenly bursts out, just like that, without warning (or at least, most of the time it does). This is because I miss him so much...

I try to think positively, but what makes this a lot more difficult for me is that I never missed a person like this in my whole life, so these mixed feelings are completely new to me.


I really don't want to sound like a drama queen, and the purpose of this post is more like letting stuff out than asking for advice. So please carry on. If you want to reply to this, then you are free to do so. Otherwise, I'm glad I could write it down.

Yeah, my girl is over in Utah (some states away from me) if you read my posts a little bit back and I have been feeling the same way. It's really sad when they're not there when you would like them to be then you get randomly sad. Me too, me too.
Anyhow, it sounds like you're trying to think positively about this. What I try to remember is that my girl also misses me probably as much or more as I do. So I don't want to have both of us be sad when we do what is our lives! I try to keep myself positive that way.
Good luck and keep your head up!

(about the feeling like Dr. Phil.... it happens to anyone who posts anything uplifting here )

 

[Pikaville]

Heh, interesting deal.
Though, what do you plan to do if you actually fall in love with someone someday? Will you lay your **** buddy off or what?

I'm just interested in your answer.

Eh yeah I suppose.Its just sex it doesnt mean anything we've both talked about it.I really would like to find somebody I could love but,Ive never felt I could tell any of my previous girlfriends anything and i mean ANYTHING.I think a girl you can tell anything and still stay together is a keeper.I have a few skeletons in the closet and I know I have demons(or problems) that some of my don't even know about,but when I find a girl I can tell anything to(and possibly play guitar and video games with)then I ll know it was meant to be.

What do you think?

 

[Draenic gamer]

new kirby forms

 

[Del Money]

(about the feeling like Dr. Phil.... it happens to anyone who posts anything uplifting here )

But...it's friggin Dr Phil

Eh yeah I suppose.Its just sex it doesnt mean anything we've both talked about it.I really would like to find somebody I could love but,Ive never felt I could tell any of my previous girlfriends anything and i mean ANYTHING.I think a girl you can tell anything and still stay together is a keeper.I have a few skeletons in the closet and I know I have demons(or problems) that some of my don't even know about,but when I find a girl I can tell anything to(and possibly play guitar and video games with)then I ll know it was meant to be.

What do you think?

I think so long as you're not using the **** buddy as a cure for loneliness, you can keep doing what you're doing and let time and patience do the rest...

 

[mikeHAZE]

Yeah, everytime he's like that I ask if I've done anything wrong and apologize but he always says no. If I ever do anything which upsets or annoys him he'll tell me straight out.

I try to be a good girlfriend and the thought that it could be me that's making act like that is quite sickening

Well, if you are sure he likes you, you have to realize that most guys won't try tread you as a queen, they want to have the upper hand in a relationship, so they'll ignroe you at times, or treat you relatively poorly.

 

[Elysium]

Well, if you are sure he likes you, you have to realize that most guys won't try tread you as a queen, they want to have the upper hand in a relationship, so they'll ignroe you at times, or treat you relatively poorly.

Still it's kinda odd he would do that.
Like the other guy like me, when something bad happens I get kinda reserved but nothing to that extent... it's pretty strange.

 

[mikeHAZE]

well you have to realize that people are different, and some guys may just be *******s when they want/need to be.

 

[Grand Champion]

Well, I finally decided to open this thread.

This will not be understandable to most, but this is what I did:
1) Searched the thread.
2) Typed "Mystery" in the search bar.
3) Voila, turns out what this is whole thing (argument) was about.

joshisrad, I know exactly what you're talking about. If he doesn't "get" it, just don't worry about it especially since its over an internet message board. Same with blackwaltz, although it was interesting he brought it all up in the 1st place. You two should just AMOG and leave, simple as that. After all, that's what KDJ did, kinda.

And wow, I had no idea KDJ and Forward were running tight game. I thought they were just video game players. You guys should be the "Style" and "Mystery" of the SSBM community.

 

[Nicolette]

Well, if you are sure he likes you, you have to realize that most guys won't try tread you as a queen, they want to have the upper hand in a relationship, so they'll ignroe you at times, or treat you relatively poorly.

Maybe, I guess, but it's a really bad way to go about it.

Still it's kinda odd he would do that.
Like the other guy like me, when something bad happens I get kinda reserved but nothing to that extent... it's pretty strange.

Agreed.

Anyways, last night I told him that I'd noticed something was wrong and asked him if he was okay. I told him I love him and if anything was wrong i was there for him, no matter what. At first he was a bit reserved but after spending a bit of time together he sat me down and told me something.

It was only a small thing but together we tried to work it out.

Though I think there's more troubling him then that, hopefully he'll confide in me when he's ready.

Thank you so much everyone.

 

[Crystallion]

I think I won't be writing in this thread much often anymore. I can explain why.


Parents are evil >_< You know why?

When I was still in bed, my mother entered my room and woke me up. She said I should come downstairs, because I had supposedly received a package. There was a very big package in the living room, I unpacked it, it was a rectangular crate. I really did think it was all a joke or maybe it was the things I ordered online, who knows?
I opened it...


HOLY ****, MY BOYFRIEND WAS IN THAT CRATE!!!!!!

And they all knew it all along, for several weeks, which I thought WAS NOT COOL! But anyway... Biggest surprise I ever had. Seriously. First, he was supposed to come back in April, then it was shortened to February, but I'd never expect he'd do it now. Therefor, since I'm so **** happy, I think I'll just visit this thread from time to time, but other than that, I'll leave it to other people here :D Thanks again for your help!

 

[Blackadder]

Ha! That's just brilliant! Assuming you didn't die of fright, that is! (Then again, life's no fun without a good scare)

But still, bloody good! I guess you'll be having a great time for a while no, eh?

*Sigh*
I want a MY boyfriend to come out of a crate..
Erm.
Girlfriend.

 

[Crystallion]

Hehe, yeah, so true, I'm truly relieved he's back, it's still like a dream, but it's beginning to manifest itself into reality x3 We already shared some nice moments when we went to bed, but let's not get into details ;3

I always DID die of fright though, I could've had a heart attack, but luckily, I survived this incident and am happy to the fullest ^^

Btw, changed my signature

 

[Black Waltz]

Well, I finally decided to open this thread.

This will not be understandable to most, but this is what I did:
1) Searched the thread.
2) Typed "Mystery" in the search bar.
3) Voila, turns out what this is whole thing (argument) was about.

joshisrad, I know exactly what you're talking about. If he doesn't "get" it, just don't worry about it especially since its over an internet message board. Same with blackwaltz, although it was interesting he brought it all up in the 1st place. You two should just AMOG and leave, simple as that. After all, that's what KDJ did, kinda.

And wow, I had no idea KDJ and Forward were running tight game. I thought they were just video game players. You guys should be the "Style" and "Mystery" of the SSBM community.

blah, im so bad at AMOG destroying right now.

 

[Elysium]

*Sigh*
I want a MY boyfriend to come out of a Cake..
Erm.
Girlfriend.

Is that what you meant.

And congratz Crystallion!

 

[Blackadder]

Is that what you meant.

I wrote that in the middle of the night.
Gimme a break!

 

[Pikaville]

But...it's friggin Dr Phil

I think so long as you're not using the **** buddy as a cure for loneliness, you can keep doing what you're doing and let time and patience do the rest...

No im not doing it as a cure for loneliness.Its just sex nothing more.Im not sure if its just me but in any relationship Ive ever had,I could never say I loved that person.I dont think its me I just think im still waiting for that right person that Ill fall head over heels for.

 

[The Masked Z]

It's better to be in the mindset of abundance than the mindset of scarcity.

 

[sugarpoultry]

Hey, just so people know, I opened a Married Smasher thread in case anyone in here fits the description. Its not getting enough traffic..

http://smashboards.com/showthread.php?t=131893

 

[Del Money]

No im not doing it as a cure for loneliness.Its just sex nothing more.Im not sure if its just me but in any relationship Ive ever had,I could never say I loved that person.I dont think its me I just think im still waiting for that right person that Ill fall head over heels for.

Yeah that's what I figured your situation was. Mine is somewhat like that except I'm always seeking a relationship. It's so bad because I feel that if I don't meet someone in college, I'll be lonely forever (and think match.com is the world's biggest chicken**** gimmick ever). It sounds ridiculous I know, but get this...when I'm done with college, that'll be the peak of my social existence gone. I'll no longer be playing a sport and I'll no longer be partying every weekend. My major (computer science/economics) will force me to be trapped behind a cubicle...and there isn't that high of a selection of females in my field. I try to force things way too much and it winds up getting me hurt and taken advantage of. The only plus side is me hooking up with many girls per semester...so I keep the complaining to a minimum.

 

[Darkfur]

This is a question that I think this is the best place to get answered...

I am in a relationship with someone and we love each other very much. They are the greatest, in my oppinion, and I'm sure they feel the same way about me as sometimes they like to try and flatter me with that comment. *laugh*

Anyways, here lies the problem. The two of us have discussed it, and frankly, over the course of our two year relationship, the both of us have changed... considerably... from who we used to be. We've gotten into several verbal... disputes as of late and things like this have become a lot more frequent than either of us like... Upon discussing this we both want things to change because we love each other and want to work through our difference...

Things that have changed about me since then:

I've become a lot more bitter. My tolerance level has dropped considerably.
I curse about twice as much as I used too.
Stress from school and my hating of the college I chose (almost graduated... but man do I regret that decision) have been getting to me.
My family has a genetic history of back problems and I've developed Spinal Stenosis and degenerative disks. Lots of things are painful for me sometimes, including things like sex, and just getting out of bed at times.

--

Things that have changed about them:

They don't talk to me as much any more. They used to tell me everything that troubled them, but now they just bottle it up inside.
They don't spend time with me quite as much as they want to (that's what I'm told) as they spend a great deal of time on the internet with their friends from back home before they came to college.
College itself has really stressed them out. Also, since they have their own apartment now, the stress of having to manage rent and things for the first time has started to wear them thin.
My attempts at encouragement come off as foolishness, and my attempts at affection come off as me being too needy.

--

Like I've said, we both desire things to get better, but I'd like advice on how to do that? Should we work towards being the people we used to be. The people we were when we fell in love? Or should we work towards just accepting each other as we are and going from there? Or maybe you have a better suggestion? Any insight is greatly appreciated.

 

[Del Money]

This is going to sound very cliche, but try to imagine being without her and moving on with your life. If that result upsets you then it's best to say you want to work towards making things the way they used to be. This is a relationship that has lasted 2 years and so you have a long timespan of memories of the relationship. If any of my relationships ever lasted that long I know for a fact that I'd be losing a lot by just accepting that fact that we're growing apart. 2 years is just too long of an amount of time with someone to just put behind me. It all depends on how you feel about the person and whether yours or their feelings have changed. It would be best to confront them about it.

 

[Darkfur]

Yeah, he and I have spoken about it many times. I think both of our feelings have started to fluctuate, but at the same time, we both don't want them too. Neither of us want to think of breaking up, so were want to work to make things better.

I will deffinitely try to make myself the way I used to be. I'll watch my cussing, and try to be less angry. I'll try to look for the good qualities in people I dislike (like I used too) as opposed to just directing my ire at them. And I'll also try and make friends again. I have been pretty reclusive.

He plans to work on his problems too, but he doesn't know where to begin... and I really don't know what advice to give him.

 

[Del Money]

You shouldn't really try to give him advice. It's one of those situations where the only person who can help the person...is that very person. Hmm...for a sec, I thought that made no sense...

 

[The Masked Z]

If relationships are making you upset, why are you wasting your time?

Relationships are supposed to be great. It's supposed to be fun.

If you think the relationship isn't going to work out, it's better to move on.

You will save a lot of stress and pain and time if you just end the relationship and move on to another guy.

Unless you are head over heels with this guy, this is the best option for now.

There could also be a chance you are not ready for a relationship at this time.

 

[Livvers]

Yeah, he and I have spoken about it many times. I think both of our feelings have started to fluctuate, but at the same time, we both don't want them too. Neither of us want to think of breaking up, so were want to work to make things better.

I will deffinitely try to make myself the way I used to be. I'll watch my cussing, and try to be less angry. I'll try to look for the good qualities in people I dislike (like I used too) as opposed to just directing my ire at them. And I'll also try and make friends again. I have been pretty reclusive.

He plans to work on his problems too, but he doesn't know where to begin... and I really don't know what advice to give him.

One thing to be careful about is that you're not lying to yourself. You've been in a relationship for a long time, be careful that you're not just trying to keep a hold of something you used to have. Sometimes people grow distant. And lying about any current feelings will just hurt both of you in the long run.

 

[Crimson King]

Yeah, he and I have spoken about it many times. I think both of our feelings have started to fluctuate, but at the same time, we both don't want them too. Neither of us want to think of breaking up, so were want to work to make things better.

I will deffinitely try to make myself the way I used to be. I'll watch my cussing, and try to be less angry. I'll try to look for the good qualities in people I dislike (like I used too) as opposed to just directing my ire at them. And I'll also try and make friends again. I have been pretty reclusive.

He plans to work on his problems too, but he doesn't know where to begin... and I really don't know what advice to give him.

Reading the other topic, I am a bit baffled at my own ignorance to homosexual relationships. It's a given that women are ****ing insane, so I assumed that once taken out of the equation, the relationship between two guys would be a lot less crazy. Is that the case here or are people just ****ed up?

 

[Darkfur]

Reading the other topic, I am a bit baffled at my own ignorance to homosexual relationships. It's a given that women are ****ing insane, so I assumed that once taken out of the equation, the relationship between two guys would be a lot less crazy. Is that the case here or are people just ****ed up?

Not really. I don't know about with other people, but our relationship is full of times when one of us doesn't know exactly what the other is saying. =p *laugh* I tease, but there are things in which both of us agree, and then there are times when we disagree. For example, we are both very loyal to one another, and believe that is the best way to go, but we differ in our beliefs, both religious and sometimes priorities. [I like to plan things to a degree, and he likes to fly around by the seat of his pants. =p].

Another example is that we aren't exactly the same in our tastes, as a matter of fact in one or two things we are complete opposites. I'm sure that that happens in Male/Female relationships as well, and once you accept that you can't conform your mate to your will all the time, things tend to be better. I am a big fan of compromise though. I'd take a compromise that gave both parties a bit of what they wanted over getting just what I wanted in a situation with my love for sure.

In short: Relationships can be complicated. When two people love each other, problems will arrise. It's how you confront those problems together that defines your relationship, builds ties, and makes it stronger. I am of the oppinion that if you are in a relationship in which you never had a fight or dispute once, EVER. Even if it's just a tiny disagreement, then something is wrong. Adversity builds character, and true unity comes from working together, not apart.

 

[Kitten]

Has anyone else ever had problems where they can get totally in to a girl, but then when they end up going out with her they lose all these feelings fairly quickly?

It's happened to me with every girlfriend I've had. I just want to know if this is necessarily just something weird about me, or if it's something else. I still feel a connection with the girls, but I lose basically all lust and don't feel anything past friendship fairly quickly. I don't think it's an issue with not meeting girls that are right for me.

I guess it's like when you buy something and then once you have it it's not as good anymore, not because it's worse than you expected, it's just not an object of desire anymore. It's been achieved. I've always liked the taste of things when I'm scabbing bits of them off my mates than when I've actually gone out and bought a pack.

So if there's anyone else like this (I'm sure there has to be), is there any way to fix this? As I see it, this means that I will not only never have a good relationship as I'm older, but I'll also jerk girls around when I try.

 

[Blackadder]

Has anyone else ever had problems where they can get totally in to a girl, but then when they end up going out with her they lose all these feelings fairly quickly?

Sure.
I've had it with many girls I've liked. I spend about 6 weeks madly thinking over them, and after that, it goes. Just "poof".

It's not weird, it's just part of the whole "Teenage crush" thing, if you ask me.
It'll probably become less prominant as you get older...I think.

 

[Kitten]

The point is that it's not a sometimes I do, sometimes I don't kind of thing. It's without fail. I've dated a lot of people.

 

[Livvers]

The point is that it's not a sometimes I do, sometimes I don't kind of thing. It's without fail. I've dated a lot of people.

You probably just haven't dated anyone who really grabs your attention and holds it. You can't help it if you lose your attraction toward someone. If it happens it happens.

 

[Rici]

Btw, Livvers, every time I see your nickname, I think of Liv Tyler.


Aaaaaah Liv Tyler... *falling in love face*

Thank you Livvers for those beautiful moments.

Spoiler

Liv Tyler....mmmmm *can't get enough of her face*

 

[Pluvia's other account]

Everytime I think of Liv Tyler, I just laugh, as her second name is the same as my first.