Do I know this person anymore?

[Nysyarc]

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Do I know this person anymore?

Okay so, this blog is about my brother, and I'm going to start by giving you guys a brief history of the relationship between myself and my brother (who is a year and a half younger than me).

Because we're so close in age and only a grade apart in school, we've always been like, best friends. A lot of siblings don't get along, and way back when we were 5, 6 and 7 we didn't either. I was always a lot bigger than him because I was older, and we used to get into fights and I would always win. For most of my life I was more than a whole head taller than him, and I got used to that.

We were both nerds for the longest time, just playing video games and LEGO with friends and going out in the woods in our backyard pretending we were medieval warriors. It was my last year of Junior High School, my grade 9 year, that we started playing football. Obviously we were pretty bad at it at first. But we enjoyed it, even though we had never played sports before in our lives.

Both of us started getting outside and running more, tossing the football around. It brought us even closer together than before. We both kept up playing video games and stuff, but he started to slowly drift away from that and move towards an exclusively jock type. I played football all through High School, and so did my brother. I was a Cornerback on defense, and he was a Runningback (he just graduated this year and I graduated a year ago), and although neither of us were exceptional players, we enjoyed it.

Now, I've stopped going to the gym since High School ended. I still go out for a jog to keep up my cardio health, but I no longer take sports seriously (although I may like to coach ultimate frisbee someday, that's a fun sport). My brother goes to the gym a lot still. He's weighed about 15 pounds more than me all through High School, and has been a few inches taller than me for years now. We still get along, but he's changed... a lot.

He goes to parties now, all the time. I don't just mean the kind of thing where you get like a whole bunch of friends together and have a good time, even I do that once in awhile. I mean random parties with a hundred people hanging out in some guy's house with no invitation list and drugs and alcohol everywhere. My brother is like me, he'll never do drugs or drink alcohol, and I'm sure of that. But something happened at a party tonight that kind of scares me.

He came home with his friend (who's living with us right now) and he had a big gash on his elbow. I ask him what the heck happened and he told me how one of his friends (a girl) had punched these two guys, apparently for doing something to her other friend, and the two guys were going to attack her. My brother managed to talk one of them out of it, but the other (who was being held back by somebody) wouldn't relent. He got loose and started running to find the girl and so my brother, acting on impulse, tackled the guy to the ground and punched him in the face twice.

Needless to say the guy, who was about my brother's size, was knocked out and my brother and his friends got out of there before the police arrived (which I disagree with). He cut his elbow when he tackled the guy, scraped it against something on the floor. The guy wasn't seriously hurt or anything from what I heard, so no worries there. Still, I've never gotten in a fight in my life, and neither had my brother before this...

I guess it's just how different our interests are now that makes me uneasy. We've always had common interests. I've always been a moderately social person, I love video games, I enjoy playing sports recreationally and stuff. My brother has always been the same but now he never plays video games with me, he's always out with friends and at stranger's parties 24/7, he rarely sleeps... I'm worried about him but...

Should I be?

 

[PJGLZ]

Reminds me of my brother...

...

good read.

 

[POKE40]

You should worry.
Why:

-Power of influence: the more he goes to stranger parties, the percent for drug or drinking consumption increases due to peer pressure.

-stranger parties: anything can happen for the worse.

-lack of sleep: decrease of social, awareness, and academic

 

[SuperBowser]

No. He's just being a normal teenager. Maybe different to you, but still normal. If he's happy, doing fine academically and not doing anything illegal there's not much to worry about.

Of course, you should tell him what he did was stupid and unnecessary and beating up random people is a great way to screw his own life over (even if it seemed like the right thing to do at the time). But he probably realises that already.

 

[Circa]

I actually don't think you should worry. Not yet at least. If he does start drinking and doing drugs and such, then start worrying. As for now though, he seems like he's still got a good head on his shoulders from your description of him.

I would have also run away from a fight like that, so that's nothing out of the ordinary either. It's a matter of weighing what you did in the circumstances and how right it was morally-speaking as compared to how right it was legally-speaking. It was the right thing to do because it was pretty obvious the guy was going to hurt the girl, but what he did was basically assault, and I don't know if the legal system would have let him slip away with an obscure case of self defense. So yeah, logically speaking, running was his best answer for the moment.

Just something to think about.

 

[El Nino]

In the situation he was in, his actions might have been justified. I wouldn't let some guy punch a friend of mine. But the better thing to do in that situation probably would have been to just get the girl and get out of there. At parties like these, where you're at a stranger's house, you don't know anybody, everyone's on booze or drugs, you never know who you're dealing with. The other guy could have had a criminal record. You could get stabbed or shot for messing with some people.

Or else the neighbors could call the cops because of the disturbance and you might get arrested for being at a party where illegal substances were used.

That said, people change. None of this is really all that abnormal. He's becoming his own person. You can't look over his shoulder all the time, but you can give him advice so he can fend for himself and make good decisions on his own. You can't control what he does, but make sure he knows the risks of getting into situations like that.

If he gets involved in drugs, however, or starts getting into more fights, that's a legitimate cause for concern.

Most people grow out of the "crazy party" phase though, if that makes you feel any better.

 

[Dark 3nergy]

you should talk to him about how you feel and see whats up

 

[Nysyarc]

Thanks for all the advice guys. I've always considered myself to be a good brother but I'm not really even sure what that means anymore

I kind of do want to have a talk with him about it... but I may wait and see how things go with his university this year. He starts classes in two weeks, and I'm hoping it will get him back into a normal sleeping pattern and stuff. He's always done well academically so if there's any problems there, I'll know something's up.

 

[luke_atyeo]

the whole party thing is something to worry about sure, but just ask yourself this nysyarc, if you saw a guy about to kick the living **** out of some girl, would you stand there and do nothing?

 

[Nysyarc]

the whole party thing is something to worry about sure, but just ask yourself this nysyarc, if you saw a guy about to kick the living **** out of some girl, would you stand there and do nothing?

Well I certainly would try to stop him, but once I had him on the floor I wouldn't proceed to punch him in the face twice... I guess it might have been instinct because maybe the guy tried to fight back but I mean... my brother had never punched anyone before, how would his instinctual reaction involve it? Tackling the guy came from playing football (he apparently even did it football style, taking out his legs).

I would have probably tackled him too, but after that I would have gotten someone nearby to help me hold him down until the girl could get a good head start in getting out of there. And then yah, I probably would have left before cops arrived; from what I heard everybody was running away in all directions after it happened, not wanting to be a part of the aftermath.

I don't know... I'm just trying to imagine being the guy my brother tackled. Like, I just found out today that it happened on pavement (hence my brother's cut elbow), so imagine starting to run really fast and then unexpectedly being tripped onto the hard pavement. You wouldn't be in great condition just after that, but then trying to turn around and being met by a fist to your face, and then another moments later.

Maybe I'm over-analyzing this whole thing, maybe anyone would have done what he did in the heat of the moment...

 

[mzink*]

Maybe you are over analyzing the situation a bit much, try thinkin about watching another man about to cause severe harm to a woman, it would probably cause you to act on impulse like your brother. He didn't have time to analyze the situation and consider all possible options, his only thought was to prevent it from happening in anyway he could. Probably got an adrenaline burst.

 

[Kewkky]

No offense, but I think you're over-analyzing the whole situation. You might be worried more than you should be, considering he's your brother, and one of your best friends. Let's point out all the important parts of the whole situation...

1) Your bro was hanging out at a party in a stranger's house, uninvited. Truth is, this happens a lot once you're in your senior years of high school, and early years in college. It's just another unhealthy way of passing the time between adolescents (whoever says playing video games is healthy?). At least he's mature enough to know drinking and drugging won't make his life better, and that's enough, in my honest opinion, to not worry about him doing those... Much less if he's been working out! No one would dare force him to do one (or both) of 'em

2) Your bro attacked a guy who was about to attack a girl. Ok, so you agree that you wouldn't have sat back either, and would've tackled him to the ground, but would've stopped after that. Now, this is pure speculation, but maybe the guy had a knife and was going to cut the girl for disrespecting him... After your bro tackled him down, the guy got angry and slashed at your brother (cut his elbow), and your brother retaliated by knocking the knife out of his hand, and knocking him out with a couple of punches (defensive reaction: you hurt me, I hurt you more)... Knocking the guy out was the effect of SOME catalyst the guy used to make your bro go aggressive, and at least he told you what happened and you know him well enough to not be a bad person. Give him some credit?

3) He left before the police got there. Well, he was afraid he might get charged with a crime and suffer some bad moments in his life... All he did was protect the girl from the violent guy, and he feared that he may have gone overboard and may be enough to get himself arrested. Sure, some of us would stay there and accept the consequences of our actions, but truth is we're all different. He may think in a way you don't, and decided that he may as well sneak out to avoid unnecessary drama.


All in all, seems to me like he's got his morals in the right place, at least: he helped protect the girl from a violent person. The fact that he may have been afraid of jail-time or any consequence could be enough to explain why he ditched the party... I'd worry, but not in the sense that "he's changed into a whole different person, it's like I don't recognize him anymore...", more like "So he knocked some guy unconscious... I hope that the guy doesn't have more violent friends".

Not meaning to scare you, just my thoughts.

 

[Dokutayuu]

Talk to him about it. It's understandable how you feel, he's your little brother.

 

[★Malik★™]

yeah, it reminds me of my brother. when we were younger, we used to always play video games all the time. now, he goes out and do whatever.

should you be worried?

well, you know, he's family. you should be but you don't have to. if he goes out, that's him. he's old enough to take care of himself. if you were to go out with him, then you should be worried. depending on where you go. like "partying in the streets". gun shots and fights break out. you should look out for your younger brother "in the streets". trust me, i'm the youngest.