Social DGames Social | V/LA |

[Handorin]

I kinda want to read a book that is a mindscrew.

Kafka's country doctor messed with my mind...>_>

 

[Raziek]

D-Games, I'm feeling down right now.

I've been searching for close to a year now for someone suitable to have a long-term relationship with, with ultimately little success.

I saw someone today that looked such a striking amount like my last ex that it spun me into a mood of regret and loneliness that I'm currently weathering.

I've the clarity of mind to realize that breaking off the last relationship was the right decision for me to make due to the toxic levels of stress, but there's still a crushing isolation to deal with.

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for from you guys right now other than some support, I suppose. I'm reaching out to my social circles to pull myself through this right now.

 

[Orboknown]

All I can say is that you gotta weather it till you find someone I guess. I still haven't found someone who wasn't already taken, so yea I know that feeling.

 

[Dooms]

There is no time frame as to when you'll find the partner for you. It's just something that happens if you pursue it. It's natural, especially if you participate in unisex clubs/activities and are the type of person that shows themselves out of the crowd. Just keep on being social, and it'll naturally solve itself. If you're not being social at the moment, change that. It'll help a ton.

You got this Raziek! Just stay strong and remember that you'll find someone soon enough.

 

[DtJ Glyphmoney]

Raz, the best thing I can think to tell you right now is to just be aware that you're still HELLA young. I mean every single one of us here is. Things like finding someone you want to spend your life with takes time and energy, just try not to get frustrated or beat yourself up because you're not there yet.

Because bro, it gets better.

 

[Overswarm]

D-Games, I'm feeling down right now.

I've been searching for close to a year now for someone suitable to have a long-term relationship with, with ultimately little success.

I saw someone today that looked such a striking amount like my last ex that it spun me into a mood of regret and loneliness that I'm currently weathering.

I've the clarity of mind to realize that breaking off the last relationship was the right decision for me to make due to the toxic levels of stress, but there's still a crushing isolation to deal with.

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for from you guys right now other than some support, I suppose. I'm reaching out to my social circles to pull myself through this right now.

I'm out of work in 7 minutes and this'll put me over so, just keep that in mind.

I dated a girl for 5 years, starting right before my freshman year of college. It was literally for my entire college span. Prior to this, I had been in two relationships, one for a year and a half and one for a brief summer fling. I had had other opportunities but was too picky for my small town which resulted in little motion in that regard; the good ones are always taken, evenmoreso in a small town!

I have never dated for the short-term; even the brief summer relationship was not intended to be brief, just turned out that way. Happens.

I look upon my relationship of 5 years with haphazard fondness before I think about it, but in reality the relationship was pretty bad. I remember it fondly because I had no responsibilities then and the relationship "struggles" weren't "we have to maintain a certain level of income or we lose the house" and living together, but just "where do we go out tonight" and "what do you want to do today". It was simpler.

It was a relationship that became more shallow as time went on and we went back and forth between breaking up and getting back together fairly frequently.

After finally ending it and saying "okay, this is dumb, I'm out" it was a frightening prospect. I've never had trouble finding a girl, but I've always had trouble finding a girl that I was interested in that was also single.

Within that year span I had a few false starts where it looked to be something good occurring and then it just kind of disappeared. It got me down at times, feeling like my opportunities were few and far between. This was not the case; I was having near successes with attractive women who just happened to be moving, getting over other relationships, and other life issues that had no impact on me. I was having exceptional luck, just didn't feel like it.

Because I didn't feel lucky, I looked at my situation with more disdain than I should have and didn't do anything to fix it for a while.

I got lucky and met my current girlfriend when her and her friends said "Hey, you look 21!"; I declined buying them alcohol and instead bought them cheesecake and cut it with a credit card because we forgot to buy knives. Got the cute one's name, found her on facebook, and later told her I was going to date her and then did. Her group on campus was having a date auction fund raiser and I told her "I'm going to buy you" and then did with some smash winnings from a tournament the day before. Been dating for years since.

From that story, it looks like I made out pretty well. And I did.

But it was primarily luck followed by action, and me not being a picky elitist who valued my own status as higher than another's.

Here's a universal fact:

People end up with people in the same social category they are in.


Are you poor? You better be attractive, or caring, or something.

You ugly? Get rich.

You have an abrasive personality? You need to be interesting as hell.


I got my first girlfriend by simply "being" there. She was older than me and interested and it just kinda happened. Second girlfriend I got by being in the right place in the right time; she was crying and I asked her what was wrong, and we went from there.

Those two almost ruined me. It took a long time for me to figure it out because I expected all relationships to just kind of "fall into place" or just be luck.

They aren't.

I improved myself and instead said "I'm awesome" because I WAS awesome. I was smarter, more fit, more financially stable, better looking, better SOMETHING, better ANYTHING every day than I was the day prior because I worked at it.

From there I MADE situations that were in my favor.

Third girlfriend I got by seeing her and saying offhand while in a conversation with someone else "Like this girl here, she's very pretty". Snagged her then and there, got her number, talked, went on a date, started dating, kept at it for 5 years.

Fourth girlfriend I said "I'm going to buy you at your date auction". Not "would you mind" or "how would you feel". "I'm going to".

You can swing and miss, or you can swing and hit, but if you don't swing you won't find anything.

But if you just say "I'm a good guy, right?" and hope for someone to fall into your lap as you are then one of the following or more is true:

A) you aren't searching properly
B) you haven't improved yourself to fit the model those you're looking for are after
C) you aren't using opportunities presented to you


That's it. A, B, C.

"I've been searching for over a year", big deal. That is like 1/80th of an average lifespan. I had a year between relationships as a rule, a year is nothing.

If you want a girlfriend faster you need to ABC.

Search better. How are you looking? Going to new places, or the same old? Sitting at home playing old RPGs and trolling internet discussions, or are you going out with friends and visiting popular spots for your age? Clubs at school or safe groups of friends?

Improve yourself. Who do you want to date, the chunky girl that breathes through her mouth and talks a bit too loud, or the swimsuit model with a movie-star smile? Start exercising as part of your routine. Ask opinions of close female friends of how you look. Go to a salon (not a haircut place, a salon) and ask them for thoughts on a good hair style. Pro tip: Short hair is preferred by like 99% of women, even those that say otherwise.

How are you doing financially? That's part of you, you know. If you start dating a girl do you have to say "uh... can we skimp on valentine's day? Wallet's tight" and hope she understands? **** that, go find gainful employment. Can't because you're too busy? Deal with the consequences of your life's place as best as you can. Ask for money for your birthday, christmas, whatever, do odd jobs and save up a nice little "dating nest egg". I had $300 set aside at all times for dates and never once had to turn down an opportunity to take my lady out places. It's easy to save up $300, and then you have an edge on anyone who doesn't have a lot of money.

Using opportunities? Lemme ask you this: how many of these girls that you're looking for do you currently already know? If you haven't asked each and every one of them out for dinner, coffee, a movie, or SOMETHING and gotten turned down then you aren't using an opportunity presented to you. That's it, bottom line. Every girl you are interested in is a target, and if you don't try to get that target and just let it fly by then you aren't using an opportunity. Don't know how? Practice. Keep swinging and missing, you'll do just fine after a while. I could talk the paint off a wall if I wanted to because I got GOOD at it by being bad at it. It's a useful skill and you can immediately tell who doesn't have it because they say "uh, um..." and never are the person approaching. Girls like guys with that skill.


If you're doing all of the above then all I can say is: lower your standards. Not everyone will date a supermodel rock star millionaire actress, there aren't enough to go around. That's fine. Everyone will have flaws. You're gonna have to move past some guaranteed.


What it all boils down to is that if you're not happy because you're not in a relationship, you're not going to make someone else happy IN a relationship. No one wants an anchor or to be responsible for someone else's happiness. You gotta be happy just being you first, then you can bring that happiness to someone else.

I love my life and am ecstatic about every day I live. My girlfriend is a big part of that and I'd be devastated if she left but I'd move on and would be happy again soon because my life is awesome.

ABC.

Search better, make yourself someone more worth dating every day, and use absolutely every opportunity available to you.

 

[#HBC | Laundry]

D-Games, I'm feeling down right now.

I've been searching for close to a year now for someone suitable to have a long-term relationship with, with ultimately little success.

I saw someone today that looked such a striking amount like my last ex that it spun me into a mood of regret and loneliness that I'm currently weathering.

I've the clarity of mind to realize that breaking off the last relationship was the right decision for me to make due to the toxic levels of stress, but there's still a crushing isolation to deal with.

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for from you guys right now other than some support, I suppose. I'm reaching out to my social circles to pull myself through this right now.

I'll respond to this when I get back from band.

 

[JTB]

The only woman I'm interested in is already married, what do?

 

[Raziek]

Thanks, guys. I really appreciate it.

Especially you, OS. That's the kind of wall I was hoping for and needed.

 

[Dooms]

The only woman I'm interested in is already married, what do?

Since you're American, wait for the inevitable divorce! Duh!

(if this is serious, I'm so sorry ;-; )

 

[#HBC | ѕoup]

I think Glyph's response was better than Overswarm's.

It gets better.

 

[~ Gheb ~]

I know this sounds generic and you probably don't give a damn about what I say anyway but Raz ... you really need to learn to not take eveything so serious goddamned.

 

[#HBC | ѕoup]

Now is not a time to be Gheb, Gheb.

 

[#HBC | ZoZo]

I actually do agree with Gheb, even though he is tactless as all hell.

Get your priorities straight, some things are worth worrying about, some things not. I've had dips because of loneliness, hell, I've been in one recently after I discovered my last "big" ex is now with my best friend (having me reminded of my old times with my ex and getting to spend less time with my bud).
Finding peace in my mind about not having a girl is a matter of taking time and thinking. Give everything a place and make sure you're not lying to yourself.

I'd love to write you a letter of support as the other guys, and I really would've, but I do feel like this needs to be said. If you know how to deal with it and do it whenever it comes up, it becomes a lot more bearable.

 

[KevinM]

Lol books cool kids just read the encyclopedia

 

[KevinM]

Also OS said pretty much everything I wanted to about relationships much more eloquently so thanks for saving me time boo

 

[Ignatius]

Also OS said pretty much everything I wanted to about relationships much more eloquently so thanks for saving me time boo

That .

 

[ranmaru]

D-Games, I'm feeling down right now.

I've been searching for close to a year now for someone suitable to have a long-term relationship with, with ultimately little success.

I saw someone today that looked such a striking amount like my last ex that it spun me into a mood of regret and loneliness that I'm currently weathering.

I've the clarity of mind to realize that breaking off the last relationship was the right decision for me to make due to the toxic levels of stress, but there's still a crushing isolation to deal with.

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for from you guys right now other than some support, I suppose. I'm reaching out to my social circles to pull myself through this right now.

Man if I were you I wouldn't think about it too much. I mean yeah take those oppurtunities mang but thinking about it all the time is depressing and kinda cheapens the purpose of love I think... I mean it would waste your time of which you could be living to the fullest, of which you could meet that special one.

I guess improve yourself while you are at it, (I know it has been a year, so improve your self some more)

Bro hug!

Good luck. And of course print out OS' post, and hang it on your wall.

 

[ranmaru]

The only woman I'm interested in is already married, what do?

Wait till she is divorced? :o seriously i dunno

 

[JTB]

Since you're American, wait for the inevitable divorce! Duh!

(if this is serious, I'm so sorry ;-; )

I'm serious in the fact that I'm interested in a girl that's married, but I was just curious what kind of responses I would get

 

[ranmaru]

Lol at joey and I getting the same idea... If desperate become a black mage and use voodoo or love potions or some ****... Psyche nah.

 

[#HBC | ZoZo]

Eat the finger with the ring on it.

 

[#HBC | Laundry]

D-Games, I'm feeling down right now.

I've been searching for close to a year now for someone suitable to have a long-term relationship with, with ultimately little success.

I saw someone today that looked such a striking amount like my last ex that it spun me into a mood of regret and loneliness that I'm currently weathering.

I've the clarity of mind to realize that breaking off the last relationship was the right decision for me to make due to the toxic levels of stress, but there's still a crushing isolation to deal with.

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for from you guys right now other than some support, I suppose. I'm reaching out to my social circles to pull myself through this right now.

Gogdamn OS already stole the show before I even posted the first time. Oh well. He took the time to tell you how to be better at finding people. I'm going to tell you something else.

I've been single for the past four and a half years years. My last real relationship (if you can even call an online relationship real) ended in the middle of July of 2008. Since then, nada, zip, zilch, no one. I've been alone ever since and let me tell you how much that sucks: it is quite possibly one of the worst ****ing things in the world. No one likes constant rejection, no one likes constantly being told it's not gonna happen. No one likes being alone. We're human, we crave attention to varying degrees. Even the most aloof of loners want someone sometimes, and everyone has the capacity to love.

Recently I just got out of a very messy situation. About a year and a half ago, I met a girl that I found attractive but she already had a boyfriend. Awkward and complicated situations arose and when the dust cleared, I had lost the boyfriend's trust and she had this conflicted feeling of remaining loyal to her boyfriend (including his distaste for me) but still wanting to be friends with me. I tried to make the best of it, despite constant fights, constant arguments, breakdowns, anything. Any time you saw me go V/LA over summer or winter break, it was probably because of her. Any time I just randomly lost motivation to play a game, it was because something came up between the two of us and those problems killed any sort of energy. It was rough. And this girl was only my friend*.

*Sort of. While she maintains that she has had no romantic interest in me, she damn well didn't act like it.

I finally got out of it a month ago. She and I had one last fight and I finally agreed to walk out. I haven't spoken to her since, haven't tried to talk to her, and I honestly don't want to try again. Our relationship was more sour than EE in MP2 Mafia. We're both better off this way (I am at least).

Now, Raz, I'mma let you in on something: she helped me in a ton of ways. She also gave me some of the best memories of my life. No matter what I think of her now, I cannot, and will not let go of those memories or let my feelings for her alter my view of them. I also will not deny the fact that I am who I am now partially because of her.

OS gave you great advice to help you find someone. He's 100% right, you have to be actively looking and you have to make it happen. But you're not gonna go out tomorrow and magically have a girlfriend by the end of the day. So this is my advice to help you cope with the loneliness until you do:

Don't focus on what you had and instead try to focus on what you will have. Yes, your girlfriend gave you good times. Anyone you meet will probably share at least one good memory with you, no matter how trivial. You will, one day down the road, find someone who makes you happier than anyone else though. It may not be your next girlfriend, or even the one after, but you will find someone. So don't dwell on the good memories. Accept that they are just that: memories. They're nothing more. Reflect on them if you want but do not dwell upon them. It's just gonna make you long for them even more. That, in turn, just amplifies your loneliness.

If you need to, busy your mind. Embrace the fact that you are a single college student. Despite class (and possibly jobs), you have little other commitments right now. Take advantage of that. Learn something new, find a new skill or craft or hobby, become more interesting. Engage your mind on something other than the past and it will no longer dwell upon it. Learn to fill the gap in your mind that your ex held.

I hope this helped. I feel ya on what you're talking about, and it's kinda ****.

 

[#HBC | Laundry]

I'm serious in the fact that I'm interested in a girl that's married, but I was just curious what kind of responses I would get

Obviously make the JTB League face and hope she takes pity upon your plights.

 

[#HBC | Dancer]

Can't really agree with Xonar's and Gheb's advice. It seems like Raz is feeling kinda lonely, and it's perfectly naturally to be looking to resolve that. From a purely evolutionary stand point, finding a long term relationship IS a pretty high priority. Even if it doesn't apply as much in modern day society, you can't blame Raz for feeling these feelings.

I think that I'm going to print out OS post and nail it to the wall. I myself am a lonely soul and could use the advice.

 

[#HBC | Dancer]

Accept that they are just that: memories. They're nothing more. Reflect on them if you want but do not dwell upon them. It's just gonna make you long for them even more. That, in turn, just amplifies your loneliness.

The Tao of Laundry.

gogdamn

 

[ranmaru]

We could all use that os post on our walls mang

 

[ranmaru]

**** I just asked for this girls # but got a no lolz oh well I tried
(yeah single for a while now if you didnt know)

 

[Circus]

**** I just asked for this girls # but got a no lolz oh well I tried

This is why Ran's the best. "Oops, she said no, nbd walk it off walk it off."

Doesn't work so well when dealing with someone you're legitimately pining for, but still, great attitude.

 

[Evil Eye]

The worldview thing isn't as dumb/esoteric as you'd think. Reading No Country for Old Men made me realize that Cormac McCarthy and I are brothers of the soul and it adds something very special to reading his stuff. Sure enough I pretty much love any word he ever puts on a page and nothing fills me with cauldrons of boiling "this guy knows what the **** is up" feels like a nice meditative dose of 'im.

You don't need to totally share a worldview with a writer though and it's rare that you'd even see that in all of their work, really. Look at the gazillion worldviews Heinlein created and then thoroughly explored in a non-partisan fashion. Sometimes you get moments of synergy with what is written down, though, and it's an emotional catharsis. Philip K. Dick was in all likelihood a touch mentally ill but that didn't change how special reading Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? for me when I was old enough to think about humanism and, more pressingly, was falling out of all touch with religious thought and unsure how to deal with those feelings.

#f***yeabooks

 

[Evil Eye]

There's a great Hemingway short story that sums up the way he writes and the kind of topics he ponders nicely imo (and how he ponders 'em!)

"A Clean, Well-Lighted Place"

you can probably find it online somewhere idk

 

[Evil Eye]

don't get the catcher in the rye comparison at all either hemingway didn't write that ****

or is zonie famous for his CITR boner or some ****

 

[#HBC | Nabe]

What it all boils down to is that if you're not happy because you're not in a relationship, you're not going to make someone else happy IN a relationship. No one wants an anchor or to be responsible for someone else's happiness. You gotta be happy just being you first, then you can bring that happiness to someone else.

I love my life and am ecstatic about every day I live. My girlfriend is a big part of that and I'd be devastated if she left but I'd move on and would be happy again soon because my life is awesome.

[Like] [Share]

 

[Evil Eye]

I kinda want to read a book that is a mindscrew.

PKD homie

Most of his books have (a) massive plot twist(s) (or "world twist" -- sometimes you know things the characters don't, which are super incongruous with the characters' views of the world and society, creating dramatic irony that he plays with)

They're very odd though and he wrote his best books while either tripping balls or reminiscing about stuff he thought about while tripping balls, so it's easy to get lost in the stuff that gets increasingly insane and yet also is the richest stuff

Other than that if you want something fluffy yet mindscrewy there's probably a ton of pulp fiction out there that fits the bill, hell if I can come up with much off the top of my head tho

 

[#HBC | Laundry]

[Like] [Share]

Clever .

 

[Evil Eye]

Raz bro I don't know what to tell you other than:

-Meditate and really think on, and then adjust, your standards because although people exist that will fit all of your criteria for what will make you feel whole (and for whom you hold the same value) they are going to be rare as all gorfdamn ****. Give every girl that passes the lowest benchmark of your standard of physical attractiveness a shot at impressing you with their personality because that's the kind of stuff that leads to "clicking" and feeling right with someone

-Focus on self-improvement and getting things in order. This makes you inherently more appealing and have higher self-esteem and self-worth. This will make you feel whole without a companion. Do something that makes you a better adult and a better member of society and just happier about who you are every day. Old saw (for a reason, because it's true) if you aren't happy -- no, overjoyed -- with yourself you aren't going to be happy with a tagalong +1 either even if she has exactly the body or face or laugh or sense of humor or whatever the **** you're looking for.

-You always struck me as pretty outgoing so make use of that and tap (and expand) your social circle. Knowing, meeting, hanging out with etc more people means you meet more women. Which means you meet more eligible women. Which means you meet more eligible women you like. Which means etc etc women you like that might like YOU. Ad nauseum. More importantly hanging out with friends as much as possible eases a sense of loneliness because you remind yourself that you have non-family people that love you and it gives you self-esteem, and you can never be lonely when chillin with homies

-Pick up a new hobby you've always wanted to try but pissed the time away instead playing video games or whatever. Get okay at it. See if there are groups of people somewhere that do said hobby. Great way to meet friends, women, etc

-Just do stuff, seriously, if you're dwelling on how you don't have someone that makes you whole you make it a self-fulfilling prophecy of not feeling whole, and then not finding someone to make you whole, and blah blah blah.

-If none of the above helps, therapy. There's nothing wrong with it. I've never done it, but I know people who have and don't think any less (or even differently) of them for it.

 

[Shun Goku Satsu Rake]

"Every girl you are interested in is a target"

I had to stop and read OS's wall twice for context

 

[#HBC | Laundry]

"Every girl you are interested in is a target"

I had to stop and read OS's wall twice for context

 

[JTB]

Completely unrelated to the topic at hand, but I have to say I'm in love with Ni no kuni and would recommend it to anyone that has a PS3 and enjoys rpgs.

 

[Shun Goku Satsu Rake]

On topic, I love how OS made a wall, that i summed up personally as:

If your single and don't like it, man up and do something about it, *****

Off topic, UMVC 3 touch on PS Vita is hella easy and NFS: Most Wanted is great

Darius season 3 is a hella strong jungler, Rammus top is viable again and Wukong is my new favorite top laner