SmashG0ld (11:25:35 PM): in other news i had an apple breakthrough
frozenfarce (11:25:41 PM): haha
frozenfarce (11:25:42 PM): okay
SmashG0ld (11:26:06 PM): i hope your computer chair/sofa has a seatbelt
SmashG0ld (11:26:25 PM): because you're about to embark on a riveting tale of fruit, action, romance, and allergies
SmashG0ld (11:26:37 PM): you'll be on the edge of your seat
SmashG0ld (11:27:13 PM): this is the kind of story that will blow your ideas for TV shows out of the water
SmashG0ld (11:27:33 PM): it all started many years ago, when i was a young one
SmashG0ld (11:27:49 PM): my mom occasionally sliced up apples and i would eat them
SmashG0ld (11:27:56 PM): everything was peachy
SmashG0ld (11:28:14 PM): til one day, i ate an apple and my mouth got itchy; my lips became red and my ears started burning
SmashG0ld (11:28:23 PM): that day i became allergic to apples
SmashG0ld (11:28:34 PM): it may actually have been a gradual process, not a day, but that's irrelevant
SmashG0ld (11:28:49 PM): fortunately, i was not deathly allergic... just enough to make eating them unpleasant
SmashG0ld (11:29:27 PM): but the mystery was just beginning... there was much more to this tale than that
SmashG0ld (11:29:58 PM): you see, i could drink apple juice and have applesauce just fine... it was only raw apples that did the trick
SmashG0ld (11:30:12 PM): so i stopped consuming them for many years... until NOW
SmashG0ld (11:30:42 PM): i went to my dining hall's grab n go for a late night snack, and they were all out of my usual favorite fruit: the potassium rich banana
SmashG0ld (11:31:01 PM): i had no choice but to take an apple... i'm still not sure what invisible hand made me make that choice
SmashG0ld (11:31:08 PM): i could have just not taken any fruit
SmashG0ld (11:31:16 PM): but no, some greater power was at work that day
SmashG0ld (11:31:46 PM): it had been so long since i tasted one, so long since i'd bitten into that fleshy fruit
SmashG0ld (11:32:04 PM): i got back to my room and washed it sunk my teeth into it
SmashG0ld (11:32:21 PM): then it began... the itching mouth, the burning ears
SmashG0ld (11:32:29 PM): horrific memories came rushing back to my mind
SmashG0ld (11:33:30 PM): i cursed the gods for their lack of mercy, that they might be so cruel as to deny me the same fruit with which they tempted Adam
SmashG0ld (11:33:49 PM): but i wasn't giving up that easy, oh no
SmashG0ld (11:34:14 PM): i waited a few minutes until the symptoms subsided and took another bite... and another
SmashG0ld (11:34:42 PM): the symptoms came back, but much more mildly
SmashG0ld (11:35:34 PM): and then it hit me, an epiphany not unlike that of Isaac Newton's upon being struck in the head by the very fruit i was in the process of digesting
SmashG0ld (11:36:09 PM): when i ate the fleshy part and avoided the skin, it hardly itched
SmashG0ld (11:36:58 PM): like Archimedes in the bathtub, i screamed "Eureka!"
SmashG0ld (11:37:15 PM): the skin, not the bulk of the fruit, was the problem
SmashG0ld (11:37:24 PM): i obtained a knife and removed the skin posthaste
SmashG0ld (11:37:36 PM): and savored the rest of that apple like i've savored no apple before
SmashG0ld (11:37:53 PM): there was some allergic reaction, but it was almost unnoticeable
SmashG0ld (11:38:10 PM): and that, my good man, is how i discovered the cause of and solution to my fruity dilemma
SmashG0ld (11:38:14 PM): i am a new man
SmashG0ld (11:38:19 PM): THE END
frozenfarce (11:38:27 PM): that story was almost as fruity as rockin