Those who have to pay for sexual favors because their natural charm and good looks cannot earn them in a more profitable manner truly do harbor my deepest sympathy. I know that not everyone can be graced with my blaring attractiveness, but I can still pity those who do not share my radiance. I understand it's hard to believe but I am not an apparition, nor was I created artificially. The bundle of glory you know as Pierce is indeed real, though your usage of the term "fugazy" serves to amuse me greatly.
Also, Ally wields quite a bit of my favor, and has also been in a faithful relationship for about 2 years now, maybe a little bit more. Furthermore, his girlfriend is pretty hot. I think it would be capital for your interests to refrain from insulting him any further. I tarry not on petty insults directed towards myself, for I amongst all my many great traits, I have compassion and understanding of those who might be envious of my divinity, but I suspect it to be unwise to continue such crude jests at my friends.