M.K
Level 55
I'm running my few jokes thin with the people I tell them to every so often. Does anyone have any of those jokes you just tell to people and they are GENUINELY funny?
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Any Good Jokes?
- Thread starter M.K
- Start date
- Status
GreenKirby
Smash Master
For some reason, I lol'd
TheSundanceKid
Smash Lord
A baby Seal walks into a club.
This next one almost made my friend choke...
What's the difference between a dead baby and a Ferrari?
This next one almost made my friend choke...
What's the difference between a dead baby and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.....
An old man walks to the park and sits on one side of a bench. On the other side, there's a little kid eating candy bars. He eats one after another and another.
The old man says, "You'll get a stomachache eating all those candy bars."
The kid says, "My grandma lived to 100 years old and my grandpa lived to 110 years old."
"What, by eating only candy bars?"
"No, by minding there own f***ing business"
My friends find that funny but only with the curse in it. Without it, they hate it.
The old man says, "You'll get a stomachache eating all those candy bars."
The kid says, "My grandma lived to 100 years old and my grandpa lived to 110 years old."
"What, by eating only candy bars?"
"No, by minding there own f***ing business"
My friends find that funny but only with the curse in it. Without it, they hate it.
Zook
Perpetual Lazy Bum
Women's rights!
The Boss of God
Smash Apprentice
- Joined
- Jul 28, 2008
- Messages
- 149
If con is the opposite of pro, then what in the world is the opposite of progress?
Billy Bob and Jimmy Ray were on their lunch break from their job in the saw mill in East Texas one day when Billy Bob said, "Jimmy Ray, we gotta get better jobs. We can't work in a saw mill all our lives."
"How are we gonna find better jobs?"
Billy Bob said, "we need to get ourselves college degrees! Jimmy Ray, we're goin' ta college!"
So the next day they called in sick and drove down to College Station, where they each met an admissions counsellor at Texas A&M University.
Billy Bob was sitting in the office with his counselor, who told him, "Well, son, I think you should start out taking courses in science, history, and logic."
"Logic?" Billy Bob asked, "what the hell's that?"
"Well I'll demonstrate," said the counselor. "Do you own a weed eater?"
"A weed eater? Yeah."
"Well, from the fact that you own a weed eater, I can assume that you have a yard."
"That's right."
"And from the fact that you have a yard, I assume that you own a house."
"Yeah, I do."
"From the fact you own a house, I presume that you have a wife."
"Betty Sue, that's right!"
"And from the fact that you have a wife, I can conclude that you're heterosexual."
"Wow!" said Billy Bob. "That's amazin'! I'm comin' to this school!"
Billy Bob stepped outside and ran into Jimmy Ray. "So what courses are you takin'?" Jimmy Ray asked.
Billy Bob said, "I'm takin' science, and history, and logic!"
"Logic?" Jimmy Ray asked. "What the hell's that?"
"I'll show you," said Billy Bob. "Do you own a weed eater?"
"No," said Jimmy Ray.
"You're queer, aintcha?"
"How are we gonna find better jobs?"
Billy Bob said, "we need to get ourselves college degrees! Jimmy Ray, we're goin' ta college!"
So the next day they called in sick and drove down to College Station, where they each met an admissions counsellor at Texas A&M University.
Billy Bob was sitting in the office with his counselor, who told him, "Well, son, I think you should start out taking courses in science, history, and logic."
"Logic?" Billy Bob asked, "what the hell's that?"
"Well I'll demonstrate," said the counselor. "Do you own a weed eater?"
"A weed eater? Yeah."
"Well, from the fact that you own a weed eater, I can assume that you have a yard."
"That's right."
"And from the fact that you have a yard, I assume that you own a house."
"Yeah, I do."
"From the fact you own a house, I presume that you have a wife."
"Betty Sue, that's right!"
"And from the fact that you have a wife, I can conclude that you're heterosexual."
"Wow!" said Billy Bob. "That's amazin'! I'm comin' to this school!"
Billy Bob stepped outside and ran into Jimmy Ray. "So what courses are you takin'?" Jimmy Ray asked.
Billy Bob said, "I'm takin' science, and history, and logic!"
"Logic?" Jimmy Ray asked. "What the hell's that?"
"I'll show you," said Billy Bob. "Do you own a weed eater?"
"No," said Jimmy Ray.
"You're queer, aintcha?"
notftomearth7
Smash Lord
Why does Michael Jackson like 25 year olds?
There are 20 of them.
There are 20 of them.
Brav3r
Smash Journeyman
congress
****, beat me to it, i was gonna say:
A guy walks into a bar, Chuck Norris ducked.
Kinzer
Mammy
I don't get it.
A friend and I have this joke that we constantly tell each other that Rogues from World of Warcraft have no area of effect, and we make it like our battlecries, say for example I spike my friend in brawl, this follows..." Yeah boy, I got Area of effect as freaking rogue!"
notftomearth7
Smash Lord
There are twenty 5 year olds. Michael Jackson is an alleged child molester
D
Deleted member
Guest
Three guys found a genie's lamp. The genie teleported the three to a cliff before offering them each a wish. However, they had to jump off the cliff for their wish to come true.
The first guy said, "I wish I was a bird!" and jumped. He turned into a bird and flew away.
The second guy said, "I wish I was a fish!" and jumped. He turned into a fish and laned in a pond below.
The third guy said, "I wish I was--" and tripped and fell off the cliff. "Sh*t." he said.
The first guy said, "I wish I was a bird!" and jumped. He turned into a bird and flew away.
The second guy said, "I wish I was a fish!" and jumped. He turned into a fish and laned in a pond below.
The third guy said, "I wish I was--" and tripped and fell off the cliff. "Sh*t." he said.
So a guy was walking in the woods one day on a hike, and he got his eye gouged out by a stray branch. He didn't have enough money for a new one, so he got his friend to make him a wwooden eye. Even though he had the makeshift eye, he was really depressed and wouldn't go out of the house. so his buddy decided to bring him into a singles bar. There he met a woman witnh REALLY big ears. So he walks up to her and sats "would you like to dance?". She says "Oh would eye!". Then he shouts back "BIG EARS, BIG EARS!".
The Fail Tracer
The Universal Cosmic Tracer
Person 1: My, my, there are some funny things happening in town lately!
Person 2: Yeah, like all those rumors about the south! Did you hear about the kidnapping?
Person 1: Oh my! A kidnapping?
Person 2: Yeah, but then the kid woke up.
...I found it pretty funny, anyways.
Person 2: Yeah, like all those rumors about the south! Did you hear about the kidnapping?
Person 1: Oh my! A kidnapping?
Person 2: Yeah, but then the kid woke up.
...I found it pretty funny, anyways.
Bowser King
Have It Your Way
I don't know why but that made me laugh...
GreenKirby
Smash Master
Using two cows to oversimplify economics.
TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies and the economy grows. You retire on the income.
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
NORTH KOREAN COMMUNISM: You have no cows, but you are ordered to believe you have two.
AMERICAN ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
FRENCH ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
GERMAN ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You reengineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves
ITALIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
SWISS ECONOMICS
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
JAPANESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create cute cartoon cow images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.
RUSSIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 17 cows. You give up counting and open another bottle of vodka.
CHINESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.
INDIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You worship them.
BRITISH ECONOMICS
You have two cows. They are both mad..
AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies and the economy grows. You retire on the income.
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
NORTH KOREAN COMMUNISM: You have no cows, but you are ordered to believe you have two.
AMERICAN ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
FRENCH ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
GERMAN ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You reengineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves
ITALIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
SWISS ECONOMICS
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
JAPANESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create cute cartoon cow images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.
RUSSIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 17 cows. You give up counting and open another bottle of vodka.
CHINESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.
INDIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You worship them.
BRITISH ECONOMICS
You have two cows. They are both mad..
AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
SkylerOcon
Tiny Dancer
Meta-Kirby.
Please don't kill me
Oracle
Smash Master
Xona.
Check sig.
Check sig.
Johnthegalactic
Smash Lord
Greenkirby, that is an interesting perspective on the world.
Creo
Smash Champion
*cough*..It's from Zelda, Majora's Mask..the jugglers from Clock Town say it. Nice try though.
P.S. I see why your name is "Sly Fox"
RodS
Smash Cadet
- Joined
- Aug 30, 2008
- Messages
- 33
Haha this one is too good.
AlexoftheAura
yaylatias.gif
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
JLynn943
Smash Ace
What's brown and rhymes with snoop?
Dr. Dre!
Dr. Dre!
notftomearth7
Smash Lord
Two words.
Sarah Palin
Sarah Palin
WaterTails
Smash Lord
I lolled, Jlynn.
Also, "two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Ba dum tssht."
Also, "two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Ba dum tssht."
Oracle
Smash Master
Dead baby jokes FTW!!!
(This is a bit gross, so you don't have to read
(This is a bit gross, so you don't have to read
What's the difference between a sandwich and a dead baby?
I don't f*** my sandwiches before I eat them!
*listener throws up*
I don't f*** my sandwiches before I eat them!
*listener throws up*
Rusty Shacklefurd
Smash Lord
Go on Youtube, search Steven Wright.
Easy as that.
Easy as that.
The Fail Tracer
The Universal Cosmic Tracer
Lololol you got me.*cough*..It's from Zelda, Majora's Mask..the jugglers from Clock Town say it. Nice try though.
P.S. I see why your name is "Sly Fox"
KosukeKGA
Smash Champion
Why is Marth afraid to cross the road?
Xsy Edit: Made the punchline funnier.
Because he's a sissy, like KosukeKGA. :/
Xsy Edit: Made the punchline funnier.
This actually made me laugh, heh.
Bowser King
Have It Your Way
I know. Dosen't mean I can't find it funny*cough*..It's from Zelda, Majora's Mask..the jugglers from Clock Town say it. Nice try though.
P.S. I see why your name is "Sly Fox"
Hobobloke
Atemon Game
what about some good ol blonde jokes (bblonde people dont take offense im blonde too)
a blonde a brunette and a redhead are trapped in a burning building on a high floor they go to the window and see firefighters down the bottom with a net to catch them, they tell the brunette to jump so she does they move the net she dies, they tell the redhead to jump they move it and miss her and she dies then they tell the blonde to jump, she yells back to them "im not that stupid put the net on the ground then ill jump"
i have plenty mor but am way too lazy to type em all
a blonde a brunette and a redhead are trapped in a burning building on a high floor they go to the window and see firefighters down the bottom with a net to catch them, they tell the brunette to jump so she does they move the net she dies, they tell the redhead to jump they move it and miss her and she dies then they tell the blonde to jump, she yells back to them "im not that stupid put the net on the ground then ill jump"
i have plenty mor but am way too lazy to type em all
Fiend's_Knee
Smash Apprentice
That's sick but still hilarious
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick it in a microwave and wait until its Bill Withers
I'll get my coat *leaves thread*
Creo
Smash Champion
As you should..these were nasty rather then funny..infact, never tell these again. *Not offending/trolling you*
I Lol'd.^_^
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