Omis
my friends were skinny
Man will not turn out for me as I am not going to write a story.
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WWYP XII - Tales! Of! Interest! (extended: 07/05/10)
- Thread starter Evil Eye
- Start date
- Status
McFox got me re-addicted to WoW.
I've written about a paragraph of mine, but I wrote it when I was pretty sad about something. I haven't been able to re-sadden myself enough to work on it, where the words just flowed from my mind. I'm sure you all understand that part.
Thanks for the extension though. I'll work on mine. Pinky promise.
And I'm glad I didn't write my first idea. It sounds like someone else wrote one just like it.
(or maybe )
Okay, I read everyone else's WWYP entry, but since the threads are locked, I'll make my comments about them here.
Goldshadow- It's obvious that you have expertise in the scientific aspects of your story, and that lends alot of power to your story. Also the inclusion of the prompt was done well.
My main issue is with the credibility of the detective work. Would Chuck really let Sam interrogate a witness while they were together? Having Sam be a detective ace is a compelling plotline, but there really isn't any inklings of his skills until he's totally solved the crime, and that comes off as a little unbelievable.
Lastly, you're a talented writer, and it shows, but be careful with your word choice. Words like "acumen," "aquiline," "acquiesced," "soporific," and "proximal" don't really belong in narration. If there's a simpler way to say it (even if it's less accurate), go with that.
Xiivi- I don't know what to say, other than that I couldn't finish your piece. It was like the same fragmented idea was being repeated over and over and over, and about halfway through I couldn't go on any further. I'll give it another look, but I don't think my opinion will change much.
Aglow- Wow. You're piece is really, REALLY good. My only concern is that you might suffer a little bit in the scoring, because the theme is there but not exactly explicit, and the fractured nature of the narrative might hurt you in the style section. But as a piece of fiction, it's great, and I wouldn't change anything if I was you.
I hope these notes help, good luck!
Goldshadow- It's obvious that you have expertise in the scientific aspects of your story, and that lends alot of power to your story. Also the inclusion of the prompt was done well.
My main issue is with the credibility of the detective work. Would Chuck really let Sam interrogate a witness while they were together? Having Sam be a detective ace is a compelling plotline, but there really isn't any inklings of his skills until he's totally solved the crime, and that comes off as a little unbelievable.
Lastly, you're a talented writer, and it shows, but be careful with your word choice. Words like "acumen," "aquiline," "acquiesced," "soporific," and "proximal" don't really belong in narration. If there's a simpler way to say it (even if it's less accurate), go with that.
Xiivi- I don't know what to say, other than that I couldn't finish your piece. It was like the same fragmented idea was being repeated over and over and over, and about halfway through I couldn't go on any further. I'll give it another look, but I don't think my opinion will change much.
Aglow- Wow. You're piece is really, REALLY good. My only concern is that you might suffer a little bit in the scoring, because the theme is there but not exactly explicit, and the fractured nature of the narrative might hurt you in the style section. But as a piece of fiction, it's great, and I wouldn't change anything if I was you.
I hope these notes help, good luck!
If anyone wants their thread unlocked in lieu of the extension feel free to post here and I'll do it up.
Aglow
Smash Journeyman
I felt that it would be a better idea to have the entire gist of the story relate to the theme, as opposed to it being a more obvious insertion within the story. Hopefully it's not too veiled. I appreciate your comments! Thank you for taking the time to read.
Jim Morrison
Smash Authority
I remember this in a certain mafia game.
KrazyGlue
Smash Champion
Awesome! In that case, I'm glad I stuck it out there and got feedback.
....who are you??
Jim Morrison
Smash Authority
Oh lol name change. Guus, newbie mafia 5
He's my Bulbasaur.
The one I leave at Professor Oak's. :3
The one I leave at Professor Oak's. :3
Jim Morrison
Smash Authority
You're so dumb, Bulbasaur doesn't have a pink bulb
It's Ivysaur
It's Ivysaur
Sup guys.
Write!
Write!
Should be able to push out a story between tonight and between picking people up tommorrow from airports, etc, but it'll be really crappy. Weekend is knocked out by a major smash tournament I'm running.
EDIT:
I've started and restarted this and it's just not working for me : /
Grrrrr.
EDIT2:
Hmm, I'm writing again. Yay.
EDIT:
I've started and restarted this and it's just not working for me : /
Grrrrr.
EDIT2:
Hmm, I'm writing again. Yay.
Still got the weekend, guys.
KrazyGlue
Smash Champion
Can we still do work on the day of the deadline, or is today the last day?
Teemo
Smash Rookie
You can still work on the day of the deadline. Mashad and I haven't set the cut-off time itself, though, so get bizzeh.
/too lazy to log out of alt
/too lazy to log out of alt
Jim Morrison
Smash Authority
I'll probably rush a last-day entry today/tomorrow when I wake up.
Teehee, my favorite way of working.
Teehee, my favorite way of working.
The cutoff time will be Midnight, Pacific Time. Nine hours from when I am posting this here post.
McCloud
je suis l'agent du chaos.
*writewritewrite*
M.K
Level 55
I swear I'll enter the next one.
Especially if it's soon, so I'll have time to write for the summer.
Especially if it's soon, so I'll have time to write for the summer.
Jim Morrison
Smash Authority
Nope, didn't have an idea I felt comfortable with putting it up.
KrazyGlue
Smash Champion
I was half way through my edits when I went out to see Toy Story 3 and then forgot to finish. >_<
Oh well, good luck to everyone who entered.
Oh well, good luck to everyone who entered.
McCloud
je suis l'agent du chaos.
Fuuuuuuuu. Was writing my story when internet crapped out, and I decided not to finish. I feel like an *** for asking for an extension and not submitting, so I'll submit it when I'm done <_>
Aglow
Smash Journeyman
I was surprised by how few entries there were.
That's fine, EE's away for a few days I think so we won't be getting to judging right away. Also, if people want to, I'll allow you to edit your stories up until the last entry is entered.
Aglow
Smash Journeyman
I wouldn't mind if you unlocked mine so I could tweak a little.
Thanks!
Thanks!
Aglow
Smash Journeyman
I wouldn't mind if you unlocked mine so I could tweak a little.
Thanks!
Stupid crashboards double-posting.
Thanks!
Stupid crashboards double-posting.
McCloud
je suis l'agent du chaos.
Nah, you guys can close it. I'm going to London now (flight in 8 hours) and there's no way I'll be working on it in the next week. Sorry peepz, and good luck!
You wrote it!
You can't un-write it!
You can't un-write it!
KrazyGlue
Smash Champion
Was trying out some edits on my story, but nothing seemed right, so I just left it the way it was. Anyways, I'm glad to have finally entered one of these!
Good luck everyone!
Edit: By the way, how long do these typically take to judge?
Good luck everyone!
Edit: By the way, how long do these typically take to judge?
FOREVERWas trying out some edits on my story, but nothing seemed right, so I just left it the way it was. Anyways, I'm glad to have finally entered one of these!
Good luck everyone!
Edit: By the way, how long do these typically take to judge?
or 2-3 weeks.
KrazyGlue
Smash Champion
Aglow
Smash Journeyman
Angst!!!!!!!!
Jim Morrison
Smash Authority
Angst means fear in Dutch.
What a coincedence!
What a coincedence!
...the curse of Scav remains as prevalent as ever...
I started an entry for this one. It remains incomplete at around 3000 words. While we're waiting, I was wondering if anyone would be willing to offer opinions on the first 1041 words. I'm just looking for general impressions. It doesn't have to be an in-depth critique. The only thing I can offer in return is the promise to critique something of yours.
Anyone?
Anyone?
I'll read it, definitely. Start paying down my literary debt to you!
I ought to collect interest on that.
- Status