Worst John you've ever heard?

[slartibartfast42]

Ok, so I was at this party, and there was this guy who heard that I was good at smash and thought that he could beat me. He kept talking trash, and I'd just reply, "you shouldn't be talking like that when you don't know what you're getting yourself into" So, then we sit down to play...

Me: Who do you think is the worst character?
Him: A toss up between jigglypuff and pichu, but I'd have to say jigglypuff...
Me: *picks jigglypuff and 4-stocks him*
Him: WTF? that's so cheap when you jump off the stage after me so I can't get back on! That's not how you're supposed to play the game!
me: *goes through some menus, plays the "how to play" video, and points out how it specifically tells you to go out and intercept recovering opponents*
him: I'll have to start doing that. I never watched the how to play video because I knew how to play from smash 64

Then later on, someone gets out brawl.

him: WTF? why were we playing melee when the host owns brawl? I thought he didn't own it and that's why we didn't play it. Now I can beat you since I'm actually used to/good at this game.
me: *sigh* I really like melee more, but whatever. *5-stocks him with dedede*
him: chaingrabbing is cheap
me: *5-stocks him with snake*

well, he finally admitted that I was a better player after that. And said it was all because I don't have a life. Then he goes on to guitar hero and turns out to be the best person there. No life XD.

 

[Hibiki]

Hahaha, slartibartfast42, I love that story. XD
And how long it took for him to admit it.

 

[MarTh-]

"I play for fun not to win, you take a game too seriously, that is why I hate America & everyone hates America, because everyone in it is competitive."
-Coming from my friend :| So much faulty logic here. Why do people who say they play for fun care to bring this up & are so attached to the result?

 

[Da Shuffla]

Because they try to compensate for their inferior gameplay by attacking the winner's social life. This is a cheap shot, and is only said in the fury of embarrassment. They act as if the game is not that big of a deal when they know it would be a HUGE deal if they had won. Sad, but true.

 

[lamugi]

Best john is if this were melee id pwn you, or opposite for either game

 

[CaptHappyFace]

I once heard a story about a certain Smasher who lost a tournament set, and blamed it on the fact that he was still shook up about the fact that his girlfriend was in a minor car accident two weeks before the tournament. If that wasn't bad enough, I later learned that this certain Smasher didn't even have a girlfriend at the time.

I hate people like that. I have people in my school who john about things like this. And its really annoyin. Didn't think theyd use a john like that for melee though. =P

 

[MikeHaggarTHAKJB]

Yeah, unless the TV is on very high contrast or brightness I can't see a lot of the darkly colored characters on dark stages. Like I can't see black Marth, most of the Ganons, etc., on stages like Battlefield, DK64, and to a lesser extent FD. I mean I can see them but it's difficult to follow their movements because their colors and the background colors look the same to me. At a tournament one time I was in a pools match with somebody on a really dark TV and he counterpicked DK64. I asked him if I could turn up the contrast since I'm colorblind and he objected to that. Needless to say I lost the match and the set because of it.

Wow, that's really gay. You should've told the tournament organizers or something, if people like you really have a problem with it there should be a rule/rules that helps out in a situation like that.

 

[Zelareth]

Yeah, unless the TV is on very high contrast or brightness I can't see a lot of the darkly colored characters on dark stages. Like I can't see black Marth, most of the Ganons, etc., on stages like Battlefield, DK64, and to a lesser extent FD. I mean I can see them but it's difficult to follow their movements because their colors and the background colors look the same to me. At a tournament one time I was in a pools match with somebody on a really dark TV and he counterpicked DK64. I asked him if I could turn up the contrast since I'm colorblind and he objected to that. Needless to say I lost the match and the set because of it.

Well, I'm not colorblind but one time my friend and I found an empty classroom at my college and the projector technically only took in component but we put in the RGA cables into it anyway. Everything came out except the video was entirely black and white, so I sorta know what that might be like. It does get kinda confusing if you use black Marth or Ganon on a stage like Battlefield...

 

[HiIH]

"you're Doing **** To Me! Stop Doing **** To Me!"

 

[slartibartfast42]

My real reason for quitting is partially that my controller is going to break pretty soon. (It is already starting to go.) I'm assuming it's going to finally die at Event 52, and I don't feel like breaking in/getting used to a new controller.

how lame....

 

[Yuna-Maria]

The worst john I've ever heard? Definitely came from this little kid who I used to babysit.
"If Peach didn't have all those butt attacks you wouldn't win!"
Me: *fourstocks him with Captain Falcon*
Him: WHAT! That knee attack he does is so cheap! Anyone could land that!
Me: Alright then, let's put your theory to the test. Pick Captain Falcon.
Him: *picks Captain Falcon*
Me: *fourstocks him with Bowser*
Him: You know, I KNOW what you're doing. You tried to make me think I'm wrong by picking Bowser. Everyone knows he's the best character in the game. You're just cheap.

 

[Zinc Elemental]

The worst john I've ever heard? Definitely came from this little kid who I used to babysit.
"If Peach didn't have all those butt attacks you wouldn't win!"
Me: *fourstocks him with Captain Falcon*
Him: WHAT! That knee attack he does is so cheap! Anyone could land that!
Me: Alright then, let's put your theory to the test. Pick Captain Falcon.
Him: *picks Captain Falcon*
Me: *fourstocks him with Bowser*
Him: You know, I KNOW what you're doing. You tried to make me think I'm wrong by picking Bowser. Everyone knows he's the best character in the game. You're just cheap.

Bowser beats Captain Falcon! Bowser for top tier!

 

[Ice Climbers P and N]

I never heard anything about johns because I don't even know what it means, it means a complaint right?

 

[♡ⓛⓞⓥⓔ♡]

I never heard anything about johns because I don't even know what it means, it means a complaint right?[/QUOTE

I think it's an loser's excuse or something like that..

 

[Zinc Elemental]

I think it's an loser's excuse or something like that..

You would be correct.

 

[Hibiki]

John's: A john is just an excuse used to make a victory or loss illegitimate because of external or internal factors during a match. Common johns include cell phone distractions, controller “malfunctions”, coughing, talking, itching, and in game suicides.

So yeah, technically Novice had the right idea sorta-kinda.

 

[Ergendirekt]

yell i said i need a job but thats crazy

 

[Xona]

Big Blue was banned entirely because of Johns

Some of the worst ones I've ever heard are "Big Blue is a ban-worthy stage" or "Big Blue gives games by luck" (it doesn't). And let's not forget the scrubbiest of them all, "distracting from gameplay". Yet the tourneys listened to those scrubs and banned it!! Those cruddy johns banned Big Blue! (And lets not even start talking about the Japanese tournaments as far as that goes)

 

[MattNF]

Some of the worst ones I've ever heard are "Big Blue is a ban-worthy stage" or "Big Blue gives games by luck" (it doesn't). And let's not forget the scrubbiest of them all, "distracting from gameplay". Yet the tourneys listened to those scrubs and banned it!! Those cruddy johns banned Big Blue! (And lets not even start talking about the Japanese tournaments as far as that goes)

Actually, Big Blue DOES distract from gameplay because you're forced to always jump around to survive instead of actually fighting the opponent.

 

[MikeHaggarTHAKJB]

^^That's a PART of the gameplay.

 

[Yuna-Maria]

Bowser beats Captain Falcon! Bowser for top tier!

OMGTTLYRITE?!
But that kid johned in every game we played. Smash, Street Fighter, CvS2, even Mortal Kombat Armageddon. He said he was the best player alive and I did the Moloch infinite on him.

 

[Xona]

Actually, Big Blue DOES distract from gameplay because you're forced to always jump around to survive instead of actually fighting the opponent.

But that's the problem, I could say anything distracts from gameplay, also I never get distracted by it, I use it to my advantage. (The entire point of the game, using the stage to your advantage) I fight my opponent by using the track, I will jump onto it on purpose!! It doesn't distract me, also, define "gameplay". I can say fd "distracts from gameplay" because then it's all about projectile spamming and unfortunately Bowser has none and I use him. And as far as "distracting from gameplay" goes, what about the black orb on the bottom of fd? (not a valid arguement) I can say anything does, and what if hazards are a part of the gameplay (they are). Some people have said platforms "distract from gameplay" as their john. (scrubs) I could say anything I want for that, and that's why ________ "distracts from gameplay" isn't a valid reason to ban _______.

 

[KirbyKaze]

"You flashed me!"

 

[Ice Climbers P and N]

Chaingrabbing noobs.

 

[Amide]

The worst john I've ever heard? Definitely came from this little kid who I used to babysit.
"If Peach didn't have all those butt attacks you wouldn't win!"
Me: *fourstocks him with Captain Falcon*
Him: WHAT! That knee attack he does is so cheap! Anyone could land that!
Me: Alright then, let's put your theory to the test. Pick Captain Falcon.
Him: *picks Captain Falcon*
Me: *fourstocks him with Bowser*
Him: You know, I KNOW what you're doing. You tried to make me think I'm wrong by picking Bowser. Everyone knows he's the best character in the game. You're just cheap.

That's freaking hilarious. But be nice to kids you baby sit.

 

[Yuna-Maria]

That's freaking hilarious. But be nice to kids you baby sit.

The hell with that. I didn't even sandbag with that kid, I just tore him up for hours on end and ratted him out to his parents when he cried and tried to hit me. Watching them beat his butt was outright hysterical.

 

[MikeHaggarTHAKJB]

^^You're a ****ing *******.

 

[Ojanya]

The hell with that. I didn't even sandbag with that kid, I just tore him up for hours on end and ratted him out to his parents when he cried and tried to hit me. Watching them beat his butt was outright hysterical.

Easy money.

 

[ja_ov]

"You took my second jump!"
"You only won because you're better than me."
and my personal favorite
"Yeah, well, you're just overcompensating . . ."

 

[freedompilot]

"I died on purpose, I bet you weren't expecting that. MIND GAMES!"

 

[RaynEX]

"I've never played this game before."

"I was sleeping."

 

[VA]

"I got cocky and went fox"

after professor pro gets 2 stocked on YS by my peach. then he lost on FD with peach anyway lolooloooooool.

 

[BrawlLover]

I train with Hannah Montana.

 

[MikeHaggarTHAKJB]

"I was sleeping."

Best john ever

 

[Semmick]

"I let you combo me"

 

[HolyKnight]

"Dr. mario is broken"

This came from a fox main.

 

[Semmick]

"Dr. mario is broken"

This came from a fox main.

Oh wow lol

 

[HolyKnight]

Oh wow lol

Yeah i couldn't help but feel the need to make him look bad in the second round...

 

[Strong Badam]

^^You're a ****ing *******.

Serves the little brat right for being a douchebag.

My brother manages to come up with hilarious ones.
"STOP MOVING. CAN YOU EVER NOT MOVE"

Him: "God stop jumping!!"
Me: "And limit myself to Marth's least effective moves?"
Him: "er wel er etc. imanidiot"

"That's all you know how to do!" etc. typical bull****.

 

[daisey]

"i went blind" and "only cause i blinked" wtf