Alright. Yeah sorry you guys had to witness a biiiiiig mental breakdown on my end. Though I feel rather silly for it since it’s a forum, I have a psychological attachment to this thread and the ultimate section, which is nice for community and not feeling lonely but pretty bad when I have a altered or exaggerated perception when I get emotional, including happiness and anger. Or so it seems apparently.
I’m not gonna lie, even though I said quite a few knives at people I did kinda mean some of it. Like, ignore the more unnecessarily aggressive words and just take the substance and that was what I feel and felt. It was a super rough night for me and it even doubled up on the fact that I’m too embarrassed to tell anyone about it, including my therapist.
This is a great community for sure but now and for the last week or so I’ve been left with a feeling of not being able to help, or say anything, cause I’m scared someone’s going to indirectly talk about what I said, some other mod or something is gonna quote it, and then a bajillion likes are shared between the two posts- and in my head, it looked like everyone was agreeing that what I had to say wasn’t worth it.
That just hurts y’all. Like, I have leadership values, I feel like I can make decent judgement calls, I feel like I can help but the last few months culminating up to that point, and I’m sorry
Cyn
you had to deal with my messages, but somehow, someway, i felt like the most useless person on this website
I don’t think it’s something I’ll easily get over
Maybe this would be easier if I wasn’t afraid of eviction or losing my car or the time crunch on having my student loans disputed or affording food or to pay my late bills
Or, maybe I wouldn’t be in this situation without my mental illnesses to begin with.
But that’s irrelevant because I’m here, right now, coming off the tail end of a major emotional breakdown because of an Internet forum
I’m really not okay in general, In real life, and when I feel like I got stabbed through the heart by a place I was coming to feel emotionally safe when other options weren’t available, that... well, it sucked.
The fanfare thing I said? That was just petty because I was feeling bad about everything and so I let that get to me.
Overall I just... I don’t know man.
I want to help and belong but I don’t feel like I do...
But ah, I’m over the breakdown so hopefully I’ll return to normal in about an hour or so. I’m sorry again you guys had to go through several pages of that